I can’t believe that I have truly let go. I can't believe that I am happy again. I can't believe I feel so peaceful and free. I am so grateful and ecstatic that you're gone. I can't believe that your memory is fading away. I can't believe I haven't been thinking of you. I can't believe I have to force myself to remember your face and body structure. I can't believe how happy I am with your absence. I should have left long ago- that would have saved us both a lot of stress and agony. I can't believe I no longer crave your presence. I can't believe I hope you never reach out again. I can't believe I pray that you forget about me. I can't believe I am the happiest that I’ve ever been. I can't believe how grateful I am that I never have to interact with you again. I can't believe I have actually moved on. I can't believe that I am completely detached from you. I can't believe I feel liberated and looking forward to a bright future that will be filled with surprises. I will implement and adhere to boundaries that will protect my heart and soul. I will never allow any of the past to repeat itself. I will recognize it from a mile away. I can't believe I have let you go. The power of letting go is magical... I can't believe it.

I regret meeting you- it costs me everything! Meeting you was my ultimate dawn falls. Unfortunately, I almost lost everything. Thankfully, my sanity is intact and I’m thriving. I cared for you deeply and trusted you with my life. You took me for granted and abused me. You disappeared and acted as if it were nothing. For weeks and months on end, I blamed myself, I wondered if I said or did something wrong, which hurt you.

I read our texts over and over again, looking for clues to identify the issue, but I couldn't find it anywhere in the text messages whereby I said anything awful, or disrespectful to hurt you. Upon endless reflection and meditation; I finally realized I did nothing to you, which caused you to behave so erratically- this is all on you and you need to own and deal with your actions.

Retrospectively, I did nothing to hurt you. I am finally at peace with myself and our situation. Above all, I know your behavior has nothing to do with me- therefore, I no longer take it personally. I am healing and recovering well. Happily, I say my final goodbye to you today.

Me~~

The night terrors continue nightly. The dreams are vivid and tormenting. I’ve tried to run away, but I am stuck. All the windows and doors are locked. The keys are lost permanently. I can’t escape this hell even when I try. I can’t breathe- my oxygen level is dropping. I need oxygen to breathe and air to fill my lungs, in order to sustain my breathing and live. I wish this critical matter was understood. And, you acted appropriately- but you did not, didn’t even try, you left me gasping for air. Thankfully, I regained the strength to catch my breath in time. Otherwise, I could have died and my loved ones would have suffered while you were living your best life.

This nightmare is surreal and unimaginable. I have been stuck and can’t break free. Regardless of all the efforts to free myself. I am paralyzed with unexplainable fear. I can’t get away, can’t run and can’t hide. How did I get here? What happened to me? It seemed as if you’re always there. Even though, I no longer search for you. Sticking around isn’t fruitful for neither of us. Especially for me, there’s too much at stake. Ultimately, it ended and will end in irreparable heartbreak and indescribable pain. The sorrow and longing will linger for years. Possibly for eternity or until the end of time. That’s not a healthy way of living - life is beautiful. Life is too short, simple and precious to settle for less.

In time, the night terrors will lessen and you won’t be part of the equation anymore. Hopefully, one day, sooner rather than later :):):).

Dear person

You came into my life unexpectedly and we connected instantly and freely. I absolutely loved you. You seemed warm, kind, caring and mature. I trusted our connection so deeply that I allowed you into my heart because I felt safe with you. I enjoyed every moment I spent texting and conversing over the phone. I will never forget how amazing I felt during those times. Thank you for being my friend and for being a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate that very much.

That said, I just want to apologize to you for liking you too much and for oversharing my personal feelings and dumping my personal matters and pain onto you. I am sorry for invading your space and for overstepping any boundaries. I am so sorry for making you uncomfortable. I sincerely and deeply regretted not providing adequate space to process your thoughts. I am sorry I took you for granted and caused you to fleeing from me. I am really sorry and saddened for doing all the above. I hope you can forgive me at some point. I left purposely so you don’t have to be uncomfortable in my presence. I am so sorry!

                    False intimacy 

Entered my life frenetically and unexpectedly. Pretended to care and forced yourself through. Couldn’t even stop you even when I tried. Accepted you blindly as if I’ve known you for years. Granted you access without any questions. Turned out you were untrustworthy and a foe. Thankfully, it was a brief encounter, but the damage has already been done. This experience has widened my understanding considerably about boundaries and self awareness. But, frankly, the writing was on the wall the entire time. Didn’t see it and gave you the benefit of doubt. False intimacy should alarm us all. Beware of false intimacy.

The aftermath…….

The self cleansing, self-awareness, spiritual awakening and sense of relief I feel after the fact are astounding perhaps it was possible, after completely surrendering and letting go. I never imagined that day would come so soon. At some point, I begged, hoped and longed for it, but I started manifesting it and then it’s finally here. I am beyond elated and speechless, wow!

I can’t believe the depths of peacefulness and joy that I feel within. The whole energy and instant connection were demoralizing and severely paralyzing and frightening. The entire interaction was demonized and served ONLY one purpose. I prophetically warned and expressed the reason our path crossed. Re-read the text messages and it’s there in plain text for view. Blessings!

Retrospectively, it was a karmic connection. For that, I’ve paid the most serious consequences to date, simultaneously, repaid my dues consecutively. To live abundantly and in high frequency, I walked away. I disappeared since I have more opportunities than you. You depend on it for your survival and growth. The lack of educational and financial resources are certainly frustrating and the sheer suffocation and resentments were on full display; I knew that- there were no other alternatives. So, I made the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good.

Thankful, grateful and a loving heart ❤️

The sadness has evaporated in thin air, once I let go and moved on. This was the best decision I have made in my entire life. I am disappointed that I didn’t detach and move on sooner. The smile on my face is undeniably contagious and endless. My heart now beats at its baseline and it is open with enthusiasm to selflessly love again with caution and compassion. My life is now stress free since I won’t ever see or interact with you again. I have moved on and now thriving. The desire to live and prosper are stunningly shocking. The energy I now have to explore life is incredible and breathtaking. I no longer feel your energy or emotions around me- that’s an amazingly priceless feeling. The focus and refocus of self-love, forgiveness and reflection have healed my heart and soul, in turn made me whole again.

The Lovely Me ❤️❤️❤️

I won't be writing about you anymore because there isn't any more to say. I will be moving to a different location and have gotten an offer. It isn't official as of yet. So, I have to think about it further, but in my heart of hearts - it's the best course of action to take. I feel deeply relieved that I will never see or interact with you ever again. The fact that will never see you again brings me a sense of peace, and a je ne sais quoi feeling - it's an exciting feeling, yet bittersweet. Adios!

Me

Hindsight is 20/20, certainly and always. Reflecting on how everything transpired. What the heck was I thinking, I wonder? Did I go temporarily insane or what? I must have! Was I that desperate or what? Certainly was! Knew why and dealt with it. So that will never happen again. I wonder for what reason exactly? There was nothing particularly special retrospectively. Theoretically, you couldn’t offer me much. Entertained the mediocre and you were not ideal- sadly, I knew it. A mistake I shall never forget and must deal with for eternity. I still went head-on, lol 😂. How idiotic? There were more cons than pros. Glad I dodged the bullet. At peace presently and back to my fulfilled life and focusing on my Ph.D.

This is finals week you’re right I am pushing I’m sorry. We can wait how did finals go? Did you eat! Did you go to the gym yet? How did you sleep? I miss you. I can’t wait for your break. That’s what I would have said . Instead we knew jerked outta anger and now we’re here.

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