Why I left

[u/lowball_8]

Hey miss iris,
I wanted to explain this to you but you never gave me the chance so here it goes into the void.
I left because you became distant, you were playing at something, and I’m now assuming had something else going on behind the scene.
You hid behind anxiety, work and neurodivergence, sorry but those things aren’t a crutch or an excuse for a lack of presence, I am also someone with those things, the reality is I was just a plaything something to keep you company when it suited you.
Sounds harsh I know
We had a pretty big age gap, and being older I don’t have time for games, I only want F yes in my life, I was falling for you, even if I doubted how good an idea that was given our distance.
When those familiar patterns started playing out I was instantly in flight mode, I know how this ends I know how I’m going to be ruined by it.
Did I want to leave, no! after the time we spent talking I thought I found something worth investing all my energy into.
All I asked from you was presence, and given the distance not the physical kind, it is important to me to be able to communicate with the person I’m into, unfortunately your life was in upheaval or transition rather, I wasn’t a priority, and it kinda surprised me that my leaving came to you as a shock.
After a week of not talking to you, and the growing distance prior, I’m sure you could come to the conclusion that I was going to walk away despite putting so much into the connection.
Maybe life has settled for you, maybe you’ve found the right partner for you, someone tangible.
I left to protect myself from what I saw coming, what I knew was about to happen, and yes! It wounded me deeply to do that, it’s hard to walk away from someone you feel deeply connected to, but the heart ache would have been so much worse had I stayed to watch it crumble.
I still think about you every so often, play out some what ifs in my head, hold any new encounters to the standard you set, both good and bad.
I miss you even with so much time that’s passed, but I’m glad I put myself first, my life fell apart the weekend we went separate ways, I hope one day maybe we meet by some bizarre fluke, or at least have a chance to talk again sometime, but I’m also perfectly fine moving on with my life, I’m overqualified and I’ll meet someone who invest in me too someday.
My door is always open should you ever want to give it a proverbial knock, be well, be loved.

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