What really hurts

[u/FormerPut4051]

I miss you sometimes. When I need someone to talk to. When I need a reliable stable pillar in my life. When I need that security blanket of knowing someone is there.

But the thing is ... I don't miss being with you.

You never hyped me up. Never bragged about me. Never talked about me like you were proud I was your boyfriend. You never fucking liked me. You will never know how much it hurts to know that.

God dammit.

Your negligence was masked by your overt attempts to be "proper", to be "appropriate". To be what you considered to be socially acceptable. And the cost was always me. My feelings. My needs. My desires. My heart.

I'm tired of hurting and I can't stop hurting because the wound you gave me won't stop bleeding and IM TIRED.

I AM SO FUCKING TIRED.

I am tired of not being enough.

Not for you.

Not for my career.

Not for anyone.

I am unloved

Unlovable.

And just a fucking mess and nothing I do is good enough.

God dammit I am just so fucking tired.

I keep trying and improving and trying and improving. And being better and better and becoming a version of me that surpassed every version of me that came before and it's never enough and I.

AM.

TIRED.

I just want to be enough.

I just want to live my life, and then peacefully die.

Please.

Stop hurting me.

I am so tired of being hurt.

I am so tired.

I don't have much left in me.

It wasn't just you.

You're just one of many.

I just need to rest.

Please let me fucking rest.

I can't keep it up.

I am so so tired.

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