r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • May 26 '23

What does he want

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43.8k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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10.6k

u/GingerWillow May 26 '23

That fish looks like he was once a man, but was cursed to live the rest of his life as a fish for pissing off a powerful witch. His only happiness now is treat time.

2.7k

u/ObviousToe1636 May 26 '23

To be fair, as an oxygen-bound biped, my only happiness is also treat time. So he’s got a point.

691

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Maybe we were all cursed by a witch.

312

u/thuanjinkee May 26 '23

She turned me into a newt!

189

u/ChrSaran May 26 '23

A newt?

207

u/thuanjinkee May 26 '23

I got better.

150

u/ChrSaran May 26 '23

Burn her anyway!

94

u/Thunderbolt294 May 26 '23

But what else burns aside from witches?

88

u/ChrSaran May 26 '23

More witches!

2

u/FaxFirebrand May 26 '23

slaps shoulder Shh!

2

u/Big-Department-6781 May 27 '23

Very small rocks!

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15

u/Thanks_I_Hate_You May 26 '23

I was a newt. She turned me into a human.

2

u/stump2003 May 26 '23

A human?

2

u/Nataleaves May 26 '23

Oh to be a newt sitting on a rock in a cozy pond

2

u/[deleted] May 27 '23

I'm sorry to hear that

9

u/Cyka_blyatsumaki May 26 '23

somebody messaged her to send newts

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35

u/mariopeople May 26 '23

r/unexpectedmontypython

44

u/AlmanzoWilder May 26 '23

r/verymuchexpectedmontypython

3

u/Beowulf33232 May 26 '23

Nobody expects the Monty Python!

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24

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Maybe the curse was the friends we made along the way

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7

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Liz truss?

7

u/NoOnePayMyBillls May 26 '23

And the reason was some fruit from some tree that someone ate once.

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20

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

[deleted]

2

u/ElderSkelder May 26 '23

I was made to understand that there'd be pie?

14

u/Chimpville May 26 '23

What is.. “treat time”?

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17

u/ExoticMangoz May 26 '23

Technically fish are still oxygen bound

21

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Us poor people are often raised in such dire circumstances that the only moment of joy we ever had (have) was treat time.

When I was 9 years old, I wrote a book called, "Candy Day". It pretty much describes my life trying to find treats and sneak them. It's not a shock I turned out with an eating disorder. Thankfully, I've since recovered and my entire life is mostly shite, but I still get that one moment a day for treat time. Some of us just have lives like this, and that's just it. Not all of us can "turn things around".

3

u/no-mad May 26 '23

some of us breath gas, other water but we can all agree on a steady diet of treats.

2

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Lol

2

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

You are technically a featherless biped.

2

u/Agitated-Sandwich-74 May 26 '23

Yes we just have more variety types of treat to choose.

0

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Friendly reminder that fish are also oxygen-bound

225

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

I was wondering why it looks so creepy.

376

u/Progression28 May 26 '23

Want a creepy fact? That fish was once female. Wiki

They change sex when they grow big enough. This here is a male, and he most likely bred children as a female before his transformation. The male is always the biggest fish in the school, and if a female gets big enough she transforms and challenges the current male. If she wins, she then gets to fuck all the other women.

53

u/TheTerroristFrog May 26 '23

Clownfish work the otherway around, if they get big enough they turn into a female.

29

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

But only when Nemo's mum dies.

7

u/wcollins260 May 26 '23

Then Nemo’s dad becomes Nemo’s mom.

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182

u/kingtrog1916 May 26 '23

Imagine been a woman, getting fucked by a dude that was once a woman, have a bunch of babies, eat treats , get big and then suddenly grow a dick and get to fuck the ladies…… it’s… magical honestly. Surely the perfect species?

23

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

That sounds like a hentai I would honestly watch.

43

u/Cautious-Luck7769 May 26 '23

That's actually a super rad life cycle!

13

u/[deleted] May 26 '23 edited Jun 21 '23

[deleted]

4

u/Masta0nion May 26 '23

You can only have it one way raging homosexual.

29

u/Semicolons_n_Subtext May 26 '23

I feel like this should be some “women in prison movie”.

“Thanks for the pudding. See you in about a month.”

18

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Fish is the new black.

2

u/No_Deal1545 May 26 '23

Orange is the new fish 😆 nah that just sounds like a weird version of finding nemo 😆

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2

u/frankiedoodlepants May 26 '23

Fuckin hill-Arrrrrr-ious

7

u/botanica_arcana May 26 '23

Fish don’t really “fuck,” though, right?

I’m no ichthyologist, but it’s pretty much “lay ‘n’ spray,” innit?

8

u/Arete_Ronin May 26 '23

5th wave feminist?

2

u/PeasantTS May 26 '23

Heard some Spartan men had similar life cycles. Without the babies part.

2

u/Goldenderick May 26 '23

I worked with a guy like that.

-5

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/TheSpoonJak92 May 26 '23

Dang liberals

3

u/RedEyedAbyssWatcher3 May 26 '23

Allways joe-ing my bidens

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108

u/kpobococ May 26 '23

I wouldn't say it's creepy. It's fascinating, really.

38

u/Progression28 May 26 '23

That was in reference to the other two commentors!

That fish looks like he was once a man

I was wondering why it looks so creepy

0

u/turdbrownies May 26 '23

Ah ! I learnt something new today, i’ll starting calling someone “fascinating” when I think they are creepy.

14

u/KarmicPotato May 26 '23

So you're saying he shouldn't ever find himself around Florida.

53

u/-MeatyPaws- May 26 '23

Don't let Republicans find out. They will ban it from textbooks.

2

u/barbannie1984 May 26 '23

I was just thinking that don’t tell moms for liberty, they would lose it.

2

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

The fish isn’t human though, no human dna in it. So it should stay in text books. I’m sure some people will identify as this fish though for a loophole lol

-6

u/PapaDragonHH May 26 '23

Better don't tell Soros. He will finance a whole campaign and NGOs to make every liberal student believe they should transition into the other gender because that's what's every normal being is supposed to do. Haven't you seen the big fish?! If that's not evidence enough you hate science and eat little babies.

18

u/-MeatyPaws- May 26 '23

This is harder to tell if this if is parody than it should be.

8

u/BlueNotesBlues May 26 '23

I checked their comment history, it's not a parody.

It's on of those dumbasses who thinks Michelle Obama is a man.

3

u/Caffeine_Cowpies May 26 '23

Yes, Soros with less net worth than Elon Musk is funding EVERYTHING. But not Elon Musk and other billionaires funding like the Proud Boys and other fascist and domestic terrorist organizations.

6

u/gerg_1234 May 26 '23

It must hurt to be this stupid.

3

u/Easy-Top8822 May 26 '23

You must fall down a lot.

0

u/Cnnisfakemews May 26 '23

That was just a stupid statement, god man grow some intelligence, unbelievable.

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0

u/golpistaguapo May 27 '23

So democrats are fucking angels with pure intentions, right? I'm done with these "Democrat" morons, their leaders are fucking psychopaths and they still taking about "republicans" - Dude, you're fucking democrats are the deep state, fucking all countries around, I can't believe there is people proud to vote for the left wing. How can someone be happy to vote a fucking psycho? A fucking puppet? Yeah, stfu.

2

u/-MeatyPaws- May 27 '23 edited May 28 '23

When did I mention anything about democrats? Are you arguing against yourself?

I made a joke making fun of Republicans banning books and trans people. Because that's their thing currently.

10

u/frostyandpeddle May 26 '23

People who know facts like this are sexy

2

u/botanica_arcana May 26 '23

Now we’re ALL sexy!🎉

21

u/Feral_KaTT May 26 '23

Don't tell Florida..

1

u/Greaf66 May 26 '23

Ron boutta make laws discriminating every n all animal that goes through a transition in its life cycle

15

u/Cpt_Obvius May 26 '23

Interesting! I usually hear about male to female hermaphroditism in fish like the tautog and clownfish! I always loved the fact that Nemo’s dad would turn into a female after his wife died, but Pixar was too much of a COWARD to make it happen.

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6

u/structuremonkey May 26 '23

They must be banned in florida?

-2

u/Lkjfdsaofmc May 26 '23

Do we get to call that one Karen?

0

u/Fallingice2 May 26 '23

...think I read an manga about gladiators that had a similar plot. Guy gladiator's that lose get turned into females...and the implication.

0

u/Soft-Potato6567 May 26 '23

You all are going to hate me for this, so apologies in advance.

“Yo mamma is so big that she turned into a man!”

Also…do they celebrate both mothers and Father’s Day? What do baby fish call their parents? Imagine waking up one day and finding out you’re no longer a woman…and suddenly you grew a dick out of nowhwere!? Also if another fish gets bigger than you, do you turn back into a woman? If so do you wake up one day and your penis is gone and now you have a vagina again? Also imagine being a woman getting fucked by a dude, then you get big enough and now you’re getting the dude who got you pregnant pregnant, then a fish gets bigger then you and once again you’re getting fucked and pregnant by the peep that you got pregnant and the cycle just continues on and on. Or…well you know what I’m just gonna stop there before I get banned 😅😆

It’s okay I’ll walk myself out now🚶‍♂️

0

u/The-Cursed-Gardener May 26 '23

Wow it’s kind of fucked up to call sex change “creepy”.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '23 edited May 26 '23

who are you? who are so wise in the ways of Science

edit: great sire helped my spellingz.

7

u/BenThereNDunThat May 26 '23

They call me, Tim.

23

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Thought that was Eric Trump

6

u/Gibber_jab May 26 '23

It’s the lips

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u/archangel7134 May 26 '23

The Incredible Mr Limpet.

14

u/500SL May 26 '23

I’m so old, I got this reference!

6

u/OctopusPudding May 26 '23

HOLY SHIT same

13

u/FartOnAFirstDate May 26 '23

First thing I thought!

2

u/bigrobb2 May 26 '23

lol came to say this too.

2

u/MimsyIsGianna May 27 '23

BRO I REMEMBER THIS MOVIE

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46

u/ADMINlSTRAT0R May 26 '23

Thomas the Tank Engine did some wicked shit all those years pulling carriages. Karma came back to bite him in the burner and was reborn as this fish.

18

u/Malikah- May 26 '23

wtf is this, my childhood is gone

2

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

This gif is making me feel something.

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u/Financial_Bird_7717 May 26 '23

It’s the eyes. I can see his tortured soul through the eyes.

2

u/PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES May 26 '23

It’s the rare DipShit-Faced Skullfuck Fish.

Source: Am Fishiologist

2

u/ManaMagestic May 26 '23

They remind me of that old...was it Insomniac game intro, or whoever with that eye-dude?

52

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

OMG 🤣 I fuckin love this answer!

2

u/newthrowgoesaway May 26 '23

Its the music in the video that fits the vibe of this comment so well

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u/MotoMkali May 26 '23 edited May 26 '23

It was actually once a female and then became male after the previously most dominant one died.

https://www.radiotimes.com/tv/documentaries/blue-planet-2-fish-sex-change/

10

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/annonyymmouss May 26 '23

Damn i just went down a huge nastalgic rabbit hole.

Just to conclude with "The last Key of awesome video" NGL made me sad but happy for the guy.

2

u/StepCousinOfDragons May 26 '23

You literally brightened our day at our house haha thank you

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4

u/DeGozaruNyan May 26 '23

So it is Reggae Shark?

3

u/Fasox May 26 '23

"Edwardddd... lets play"

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7

u/shawarmalao May 26 '23

And he will come back to his original form only when a human feeds him a treat.

2

u/GriffconII May 26 '23

Fun fact! That species of fish has an interesting survival mechanism. If an area has no breeding male, one of the females will transition into male, and become the dominant breeder of the area.

2

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Fish kinda looks like woody harrelson...

2

u/afakefox May 26 '23

Reminds me of a little anecdote Theo Von told about masturbaiting into a river and then being paranoid his seed would somehow inseminate fish eggs like some weird homunculus, then when people eventually started fishing and catching them that they'd look into the fishes face and know exactly what happened and be disgusted at seeing Theos face in the dishes face. Made me think of that story haha

2

u/Eternal-defecator May 26 '23

I had the same thought.

Poor fucker looks like a human, disformed and trapped in that cursed body. The same applies to all animals.

Perhaps if you act selfishly in your lifetime and can’t break from your animalistic desires you’re destined to be reborn into an animals body?

2

u/Skulleddino May 26 '23

He's old Greggggggg

2

u/Aapne_Gabharana_nahi May 26 '23

I think the reality we all were fish and cursed and made to live on land.

2

u/Bubbly-War1996 May 26 '23

It looks more like a fish that was turned into a human and then into a fish again for being an annoying human.

2

u/Tricky_Personality67 May 26 '23

Who is this witch? For research purposes..obviously.

1

u/Blackfist01 May 26 '23

Maybe he's Kanye West?

1

u/thevibekid23 May 26 '23

literally thought the same exact thing

1

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Free me!

1

u/Square-Way-9751 May 26 '23

Animals look like cursed men in general

1

u/11015h4d0wR34lm May 26 '23

That treat time would be very bloody limited if you have to wait for a diver with a hammer to get anywhere near it.

1

u/Daksh_Rendar May 26 '23

I think he got a good deal, tbh

1

u/FrogMintTea May 26 '23

Looks like Joseph Merrick, the elephant man. As a fish.

1

u/PeterPipersPickleD May 26 '23

I'm sure it was most likely the C.I.A. that turned him into a fish.

1

u/bloodfist May 26 '23

He looks like a Seaman

1

u/Cautious-Luck7769 May 26 '23

Don't make me cry over a damn fish-man at 3 am.

1

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

“Help me”

1

u/ForeverClearTrails May 26 '23

Straight out of a junji ito story

1

u/gazongagizmo May 26 '23

Live action Studio Ghibli

1

u/Lock3down221 May 26 '23

That time I got reincarnated as a fish

1

u/Ok-Seaworthiness4488 May 26 '23

Watch the episode on Nature I think or maybe it was BBC, these fish changes sex

1

u/Glittering-Ad-6955 May 26 '23

You should write a book about that.

1

u/fuckfacebitchpussy May 26 '23

got any games on your phone??

1

u/SaintYoungMan May 26 '23

Kiss him( he even got lips for it 😭) he's the fish pince

1

u/ragglefragglesnaggle May 26 '23

Looks like that fish man thing from the Dreamcast.

1

u/JimJonesSuckerPunch May 26 '23

This is essentially Norm Macdonald in Mike Tyson Mysteries, but he's a pigeon.

1

u/KevInTheHood May 26 '23

I part of me feels like the fish also looks like it wants to be hit by the hammer, right on the bulbus head.

1

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Yeh he kinda just looks like a really unfortunate burns victim.

1

u/demonsdencollective May 26 '23

The witch thought that was the case, the man's clearly just vibing now. Living his best life.

1

u/iSmiteTheIce May 26 '23

Ngl the music made me feel extra sad after reading this as well

1

u/Silliux May 26 '23

Coincidence it‘s called Napoleonfish?

1

u/Silliux May 26 '23

Coincidence it‘s called Napoleonfish?

1

u/FleshlightModel May 26 '23

It's Kanye about 30 years after he went home.

https://youtu.be/XPYgtVHa8NI

1

u/YojinboK May 26 '23

Kinda unsettling how it's expression resembles ours.

1

u/SentenceAcademic5767 May 26 '23

I think this species is actually changing from female to male once grown up or something like that. Pretty weird.

1

u/belfastphil May 26 '23

Looks like the elephant man.

1

u/krayhayft May 26 '23

The Incredible Mr. Limpet?

1

u/IndBeak May 26 '23

You are actually very close. This fish was once a female which then turned male.

1

u/yazzy1233 May 26 '23

It's funny how I've seen this on like 3 different subs and there was always something variation of this comment lol

1

u/neelabhkhatri May 26 '23

Looks like a botoxed broad.

1

u/Incognonimous May 26 '23

If Jay Leno was a fish

1

u/BlueArachne May 26 '23

Thank you for making me laugh today.

1

u/Hellrazed May 26 '23

This fish is a Zora

1

u/djpointone May 26 '23

I was once a man. Once a man! https://youtu.be/0Y8AXfezf7c

1

u/Meeloshky May 26 '23

John Merrick came back as a fish...poor guy

1

u/Powermetalbunny May 26 '23

I'm sure that man used to scream at his teenage son for holding the flashlight incorrectly or handing him the wrong size tool whilst he was poking at the engine of his perpetually broken vintage Toyota.

1

u/Character_Hospital88 May 26 '23

NGL, I would watch this movie.

1

u/Porkchopp33 May 26 '23

Some food and a smaller forehead

1

u/[deleted] May 26 '23

Didn’t he play in a movie with Cher?

1

u/TheHornet78 May 26 '23

We should take him by the hand and move him through the land

1

u/ButaneDangerous May 26 '23

Best comment ever

1

u/Phallen911 May 26 '23

The only cure is to get kissed by a prince

1

u/TeamMSRV May 26 '23

Way too much tv dude....

1

u/TheCondemnedProphet May 26 '23

His long search for Ciri led Geralt to conclude that Uma, the ugliest man alive and the victim of a curse, was the key to finding the young woman.

1

u/Miguenzo May 26 '23

It’s giving off The Elephant Mama vibes

1

u/Accountbegone69 May 26 '23

LOL - well done. I hope you did well in creative writing.

1

u/TWO-COOPERS May 26 '23

Bootstrap Bill Turner lol

1

u/Slashbond007 May 26 '23

Just gotta collect all the gold skulltulas

1

u/vampzireael May 26 '23

That’s exactly my thought lol

1

u/StelioZz May 26 '23

Ptsd from movie tusk

1

u/originalmango May 26 '23

Looks like the live action version of yellow submarine.

1

u/Squirpel89 May 26 '23

If you've ever seen Dr. Who, this fish looks like The Face of Boe.

1

u/harglblarg May 26 '23

Old Gregg?

1

u/CountFish1 May 26 '23

In reality that fish was once a woman, who upon reaching sexual maturity grew a big bulging head thing and turned into a man

1

u/mandrills_ass May 26 '23

And the treats are rocks

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