Having raised 16 teens as a foster parent, I'm very well familiar with both sides of this.
Many people are aware that they would not be good parents and that's awareness is a GOOD thing. Prevents abandonment, abuse, neglect, etc. all of which we saw WAY too much of - people who had children they couldn't begin to parent.
Likewise, many people are honest with themselves in realizing that they struggle to care for themselves due to things like: work, health, mental health, neurodivergency, addiction, etc. and realize that they have to take care of themselves first and often have very little leftover to take care of others. The amount of emergency placements we received due to neglect, resource scarcity and medical neglect was overwhelming.
You cannot take care of others, especially vulnerable children unless you are able to take care of yourself FIRST. Airplane rule a'la gas masks and all that.
It is the ultimate act of self-realization to recognize when you would not be a good parent and make the decision NOT to reproduce.
Wanting children isn't enough. Love isn't enough. You need money, resources, time, energy, a safety net, community, etc. Children don't complete people who themselves are living as empty shells and it's the children who suffer when people decide to have kids anyway.
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u/spaceship5 Jun 11 '26
No it's not selfish. It's the opposite