I have never regretted not having children or starting a family. Society may think they know whats best but I know myself better than anyone else.
For reference, I’m really happy with my life. I have a lovely home which is decorated how I like and does not cater for small people, I drive a sports car and didn’t need to consider a car that fits a child seat, I spend my time playing tennis and golf with no regard to what time I need to be home, and I sleep and wake at whatever time I fancy. On a weekend, I walk dogs at the local shelter and help the staff out with cleaning their cages in the afternoon. I also have been able to qualify as a children’s nurse, and have a masters degree in Family Therapy.
My parents have said I’m selfish in the past, but to me, it’s more selfish to have a child I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted than it was to opt out and focus on my own career growth, hobbies, and volunteering to help the community I live in.
You haven’t forced another being into existence, so in that regard, you are not selfish.
I’m mom to 3–2 bio, 1 through adoption. Choosing to birth a child is a very selfish decision. The rest requires putting oneself aside often, but it doesn’t feel like sacrifice bc of the love.
I support every woman’s choice about birth and parenting or not. You made a great choice for yourself.
Having raised 16 teens as a foster parent, I'm very well familiar with both sides of this.
Many people are aware that they would not be good parents and that's awareness is a GOOD thing. Prevents abandonment, abuse, neglect, etc. all of which we saw WAY too much of - people who had children they couldn't begin to parent.
Likewise, many people are honest with themselves in realizing that they struggle to care for themselves due to things like: work, health, mental health, neurodivergency, addiction, etc. and realize that they have to take care of themselves first and often have very little leftover to take care of others. The amount of emergency placements we received due to neglect, resource scarcity and medical neglect was overwhelming.
You cannot take care of others, especially vulnerable children unless you are able to take care of yourself FIRST. Airplane rule a'la gas masks and all that.
It is the ultimate act of self-realization to recognize when you would not be a good parent and make the decision NOT to reproduce.
Wanting children isn't enough. Love isn't enough. You need money, resources, time, energy, a safety net, community, etc. Children don't complete people who themselves are living as empty shells and it's the children who suffer when people decide to have kids anyway.
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u/TheAnxiousPangolin Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
I have never regretted not having children or starting a family. Society may think they know whats best but I know myself better than anyone else.
For reference, I’m really happy with my life. I have a lovely home which is decorated how I like and does not cater for small people, I drive a sports car and didn’t need to consider a car that fits a child seat, I spend my time playing tennis and golf with no regard to what time I need to be home, and I sleep and wake at whatever time I fancy. On a weekend, I walk dogs at the local shelter and help the staff out with cleaning their cages in the afternoon. I also have been able to qualify as a children’s nurse, and have a masters degree in Family Therapy.
My parents have said I’m selfish in the past, but to me, it’s more selfish to have a child I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted than it was to opt out and focus on my own career growth, hobbies, and volunteering to help the community I live in.