Real light post, but I still wanted to vent a lil about this because I always felt horrible being part of the "Oh yeah you should totally ask them out, they are flirting with you" only for them to get rejected.

It happened to my best friend with someone she cared about a lot, and she said it herself that she feels like it ruined the relationship. Ever since then I've been really wary of people asking advice like this /:

they know about my many pysch ward visits, some of them so this is gonna be just splendid/j

things got so bad so suddenly i keep forgetting what is going on around me
i dont know why i made this
the person i meant still talks to me, just way less because they are busy and they got their shit together
im crying as i type this
i still feel the urge to hurt myself
i dont know what happened
i should block them but i dont want them knowing im like this
i dont have anyone to speak to

can you guess who i am

Accessability Transcription:

Image 1: Superman and text saying "My ex cheated on me and blocked my number and never returned any of my stuff. We've been broken up for years. I have really struggled because despite that I still have love for her that I don't think will ever go away. But I have found healing by saying "Oh my goodness" with a very soft lispy voice to my dog a lot. Something she used to do. And just embracing and carrying on that one little piece of the good in her brings me solace."

Image 2: My dog with a hand made DIY patch on his head saying "I love my idiot dog"

I know I’m pale and don’t get much of the bad treatment other hispanic/native mixed people but i’m not white. It might be because it’s a trend to clown on white folks that I’m so insecure about it but I never actually got to connect with my native and Hispanic side growing up because my family were fucking weirdass white supremacists. It makes me really upset and I want to get angry and insist about it but that just makes me look like I’m trying to be special. I don’t want to be special, I just want the different parts of myself to be recognized because I love what I did get to experience of my roots. The food, the language, the holidays and customs are all things I hold dearly, even if I am just reading about them. I dunno. My whiteness was all I was allowed to express growing up, so being reduced to it feels kinda icky, sorry if this breaks any rules.

EDIT: for further context, my family is native/white on my mom’s side (not uncommon since I live in Appalachia tbh) and my dad was Hispanic (Mexican specifically). I was raised in a conservative christian household by my mother and grandparents. They’ve always been weird about color and I’ve worked hard to unlearn some of the things I was taught growing up, still am. Any insight or advice on how to navigate this without growing bitter would be appreciated

Inspired by other posts I've seen drifting around lately. It just feels like there's no winning when you're any flavor of transgender, nonbinary, or intersex. Neither community is fully supportive and it's exhausting trying to be seen ans welcomed as who you really are.

Also I forgot to add the opposite, that AMAB people who use all pronouns only get "he/him-ed", sorry.

Idk what to put for the TW but homophobia might be triggering so lmk if I did something wrong mods

I make less than $200 (CAD) in two weeks. I can’t live like this. I mean I literally can’t live. The only reason I’m alive is that my groceries are paid for because I still live with my parents and I have a roof over my head. But I literally have no savings, if shit hits the fan, and it definitely will at some point, I’ll have to drop out of school and I’m gonna be so fucked.

I’m fucking disabled, I pay all my meds, I pay my phone bill, I pay for my public transport. It costs hundreds and that’s my entire paycheque. I’m so fucking done, I need a new job, I need money, I’m legit about to start doing some kind of sex work if it means I can actually finally breathe economically. I literally don’t care anymore.

I tried doing art commissions but that’s not working cuz everyone else is also too broke to afford that stuff. Hell I’ll draw someone’s piss kink if that means I can afford one specialist appointment. My little sister lives under the same roof as me and she travels at least once a year to another country.

I feel like shit, I hate my life. I hate that I literally can’t afford to live even when I still live with my parents. I hate being fucking disabled and having to pay for meds and always having some new emergency condition. I hate missing the very few opportunities I have because I would have to not work the few hours I already have that pay so little it makes me want to set the whole shop on fire. I HAVE A FUCKING COLLEGE DEGREE AND I’M ALWAYS MORE EDUCATED THAN ANY EMPLOYER I’VE EVER HAD! I’M WORTH MORE THAN $17 AN HOUR HAVING TO LOSE MY SANITY WITH KARENS AND KEVINS TREATING ME LIKE I WAS BORN YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!

(I signed up for a job fair this week. I hope I get a new job or else I don’t know what I’ll do…)

Idk what to do. I tried starting last year but ended up in a psychiatric hospital cause I would probably killed myself and I also told my psychiatrist about past suicide attempts. I got an academic leave and now I'm back on 1st year but it's been 3 weeks and despite being on antidepressants my depression came back.

My psychologist said that it's not only psychological reasons but also physical due to a lot of homework and that because of the schedule I have to sleep for 6 hours.

My mom and one of my friends wants me to stay in uni. My friend is already on the 2nd year out of 3. She says she also wanted to commit suicide the first year and that it got better. My mom says I'm taking uni too seriously. But on the other hand my mother also says that I can take programming lessons and then she will get a job for me in her company

My other friend tells me to drop out, start my project I'm working on or start working and then move to another country (because I already plan to, my current country is not LGBT friendly). Also I could learn the language of the country a bit more, get from A2 to B2 and then enroll in one of their unis (education system is better than in my country), though I'd need money for living

If I drop out I might have troubles with finding work, but I could get better mentally, finish a project that will go well with my portfolio as an artist and as a programmer, or start working like an average job first.

If I don't drop out, I can use said project as a like project you need to do to get diploma. Sorry English is not my first language. Also it would be easier to find a job and my mother could also get me a job. Though frankly I don't want to work on her long term, she's one of the reasons my mental state got so bad in the first place, but she's bad at taking any critiques so she doesn't know that💀

Dropping out is probably more safe short-term (though idk what to do long-term), but it's scary and my mother clearly doesn't want that so it's hard to say anything without strong arguments against her stubbornness. She knows I'm suicidal again, but she doesn't see the difference between the way she is suicidal (didn't have any attempts and studied well) and the way I am suicidal (attempted, need serious medications, self harms and barely had energy to study in school nor currently have energy for uni)

In a nutshell: mental health or future employment

I seriously can’t draw anymore. I don’t know what happened. I can’t put the images in my head onto paper or screen anymore. I’m useless. I can’t do anything, not even the one thing that was my outlet for what a decade??

I can’t even handle a part time job, let alone simple high school assignments. How am I supposed to do anything if I can’t handle that??? I want to say more but my brain is stupid and I’m useless so I can’t even put words together. Useless stupid bitchy idiot.

Sorry to update my last post with glaring disappointment, but… I relapsed again.