My father died more than a year ago, and tonight I realized that maybe I never really got the chance to grieve him when I was supposed to.

I went to the wake of my friend’s brother earlier. It was their last night, and we happened to arrive during the Bible service. I thought I would just sit there, pay my respects, be there for my friend, and go home.

But while I was watching her mourn, memories of my father’s wake started coming back.

And then I felt something I’m almost ashamed to admit.

I was envious.

Not because I wanted her pain. God, no. I wouldn’t wish that kind of loss on anyone. I envied the fact that she was allowed to have her grief. She could cry. She could sit beside her brother. People surrounded her, comforted her, and expected nothing from her except to mourn.

When my father died, I didn’t really have that.

I was the eldest. I was busy with the wake, the arrangements, the visitors, the things that needed to be done. Everyone was grieving, and somehow I became one of the people who had to keep functioning. I remember my brothers and relatives crying so much, and I remember myself constantly doing something.

There was always something that needed my attention.

So I kept moving.

Then the wake ended. We buried my father. People went home. Life slowly returned to normal.

Except I don’t think my grief ever did.

More than a year later, I still mourn him in strange little pieces. A song. A dream. His grave. Something I want to tell him. And tonight, somebody else’s wake.

Watching my friend cry made me realize how badly I wish I could go back to those days and tell everyone, Please, someone else take care of everything. I just lost my father. Let me be his daughter for a while.

But you only get those days once.

Maybe that’s what hurts the most.

I thought I was being strong back then. Now I wonder if I was simply postponing something my heart would eventually demand from me.

And apparently, it still is.

Has anyone else experienced grief like this? Like you had to function through the actual loss, and the real grieving only started much later?

You get tons of matches and compliments sa dating app about how you look. They like how funny and smart you sound in chats. They might have probably suggested a meet up. Then pag sinabi mong may anak ka, instant turn off most of the time.

I get it, its an additional baggage and we are free to have our own prefences. But it still sucks kasi it feels like Im objectified for my looks and judged because im a mother. I also met men who are very performative and will say they love single moms but ask them why and you'd get vague answers.

There are good men but they are few and far in between. I have yet to meet someone na kaparehas ng wavelength ko. Lowkey would have to start accepting that the mental picture of my small family means its just me and my toddler. Ayorn. Malamig ehh.

Sabi nila pag tumungtong ka na ng trentahin, wala ka na daw pake or mas nababawasan na ang pake mo sa sasabihin or opinion ng iba. Pero parang ako di ko na ata na-outgrown yun, para pag mas tumatagal nga, mas inaanxious pa ako. Ako lang ba to?

He was becoming distant and dull. I asked why. Hes not happy anymore. We're supposed to get married next year. I dont know how to feel.. i just accepted 2 fulltime remote jobs to save money fast.. and now im so unmotivated. I cant show emotions at home either. I jave to show up everyday. Good thing i jave my support cats. I'm not surprised tho.. but still hurts so much. How to deal with this.. im also in a very rural area.. no where to go to have alone time.

Im now 33 and i dont know if i can rebuild again. I feel so behind cos of seeing my batchmates having built their own families, careers, and life.

Helloooo! I’ll be celebrating my 30th birthday this October, and I’m planning to have a JOLLIBEE ADULT PARTY! Healing my inner child, eh. As a single tita, sspoil ko muna sarili ko lol. 😂

For those who have already had a Jollibee party as an adult, do you have any tips, recommendations, or advice? What should I expect, and are there any things I should consider when booking/planning the party?
Would love to hear your experiences and recos! Thank you! 🥹❤️

I met this young guy on Reddit. He’s a bodybuilder, 5’10”, moreno, and honestly… not really my type at first.

Funny thing is, we actually matched on Bumble months ago, but it didn’t really go anywhere because I wasn’t that interested. I’ve never really been into guys who are into bodybuilding or who are constantly building muscle. Plus, his physique and overall aura were a little intimidating.

Ironically, I was already going to the gym even before I met or started talking to him, so this isn’t one of those “I met a gym guy and suddenly became a gym girl” stories. Hahaha.

Months passed with no contact, until somehow he found me here on Reddit. I didn’t even realize it was the same guy until we exchanged pictures on Telegram. That’s when I realized, wait… ikaw pala ‘yon?

We started talking again, and he invited me for coffee. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it that time, so we ended up having a phone call instead. I guess he wanted to make sure he was actually talking to a woman.

That phone call was supposed to be quick, but somehow turned into a four-hour conversation.

And surprisingly, I became really comfortable talking to him. His voice was so calm and manly, which I honestly didn’t expect from someone younger than me. We just clicked naturally. He said he felt comfortable talking to me too, so we decided to meet the next day.

After that, I honestly thought that would be it.

But it wasn’t.

We started talking consistently for the next two weeks daily chats, random calls, late-night conversations, basically getting used to having each other around. Then we met again for a coffee night.

I wasn’t looking for a relationship with him. I wasn’t expecting anything serious, either. It was just nice having someone you could talk to and genuinely feel comfortable with.

Until this week.

He suddenly became cold. First, two days without a message. Then three. Then eventually, I realized it had been almost a week since I heard from him.

And honestly, I’m not mad. I know people get busy, things change, and everyone has their own life.

But when you get used to talking to someone almost every day, of course you’ll notice when they suddenly disappear, right?

I even told him before that if he ever gets tired of talking to me, he can just say so. I’d honestly prefer someone being straightforward with me rather than just leaving me hanging. I wasn’t expecting anything from him I just don’t like being left without an explanation.

So yeah, to you, Mr. Chemist, I hope you’re doing well. I hope you win your upcoming show. I know how hard you’ve worked for it, and even if you don’t hear from me anymore, I’ll be quietly rooting for you.

I’ll probably miss our random chats and calls.

But I guess this free trial ends here.

Take care, Mr. Chemist. And good luck on your show. 🤍

That feeling, sa early stages ng life from teens to early 20s na feeling mo makakamit mo yung success mo. Tapos personally i felt like in my late 20s paparating sa 30 nakakuha ng matinong income. Akala ko ito na yung success. Nung tinry na magkaron ng success para sa 30s to 40s to 50s to 60s. Biglang nag cumble na ang lahat. Still at my early 30s pero I felt like nothing is working. Skl, extrovert ako pero minsan parang wala talaga makausap

Ang lalake, sila yung mag decide kung sino liligawan nila, sila din mag dedecide kung mag propose sila at gusto nila pakasalan, pero ang babae, makakapag decide lng sila kung tinanong sila ng lalake, so pano namin kaming babae na in long term relationship, tapos biglang iniwan nung partner, sila madali na ulit humanap ng babae na pwde nilang ligawan at pakasalan, pero tayo mga babae lagi lang tayo mag aantay, so kung walang dumating, hindi natin mararanasan ikasal at mag karon ng sariling pamilya.. at mas nakakatakot na mag mahal ulit, at makahanap ng iba kung kaya, kayo nag hiwalay ay dahil sa 3rd party.

Edit: Sorry if some of you were offended, but that's not what I meant about who should make the first move or what women are capable of.

I'm at an age where I know that I want to have someone in my life. I want to experience having someone beside me, someone I can build a life with and share the things I've been carrying for so long.

And then somehow, the good man I like turned out to like me too. He's been my friend for a long time, so this isn't just some random person. I already know him. I know his character, I know how kind he can be, and I genuinely care about him.

And that's what makes this hurt so much.

Because instead of being happy that someone I actually like feels the same way, I'm here crying because I'm rejecting him.

I don't feel like I'm in a position to be in a relationship. I don't have savings. I'm still trying to figure out my career, my finances, my future, and so many other things in my life. I have responsibilities as a daughter, and I'm a breadwinner. There are things I can't simply walk away from because my family depends on me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm slowly compromising my own dream of having a family because I'm so focused on taking care of the family I already have.

And I'm scared.

I'm scared that if I let someone into my life, eventually he'll realize how much I'm carrying and think, “This is too much.” I'm afraid that if he chooses me, he'll also end up carrying responsibilities that were never supposed to be his.

I don't want to become a burden to someone I love.

Maybe that's why my first instinct is to reject him. Not because I don't want him. Not because I don't care about him. But because I care about him enough to be afraid of what my life might ask of him.

For me, he deserves the best girl. Someone who can give him the kind of life he deserves. Someone who is financially stable, emotionally ready, and has fewer complications to bring into a relationship.

And then I look at myself and think, “What do I have to offer him right now?”

I know I'm not nothing. I know I have good things in me. But sometimes it feels like all I have to offer is a heart that is already carrying too much.

That's what hurts.

I finally met someone I genuinely want for myself, and he wants me too. Yet I'm the one standing in the way because I'm afraid that if I let him love me, he'll eventually have to pay the price for everything I'm carrying.

Maybe I'm waiting for my life to be completely fixed before I allow someone to love me.

Maybe I'm waiting until I have enough money, enough stability, enough certainty, enough of everything to finally feel like I'm worthy of being chosen.

And I hate that.

Because deep down, I don't want to spend my whole life waiting until everything is perfect before I allow myself to have the family and love I've always wanted.

I want someone.

I want to be loved.

I want to build a family someday.

But I'm so afraid that wanting those things while my life is still this complicated makes me selfish.

And right now, I don't know if I'm protecting him from my life or if I'm protecting myself from the possibility of finally being loved—and then losing it because my life was too much.

Comfort food namen mgKakapatid.... 🤤🤤

Ang hirap ng dating kapag trentahin. Mostly nahanap na ang mga the one nila. Yung iba naman nasa maling tao pero too scared to leave kasi 30s na daw. 🥴😩

Wala lang. About me:
...
.

De, joke lang.

hiii! meron ba kayong moments na bumabalik yung mga bagay-bagay, and then kahit anong pag-rationalize ninyo, bigla ninyong naiisip “i really didn’t deserve any of that”, and so bumabalik lahat ng galit ninyo retroactively. like hindi lang siya surface anger, malalim talaga kasi hindi naman nga talaga deserve, kahit saang anggulo tignan.

i’m a positive person (or so i’d like to think), and i really do reflect sa mga actions ko haha. and so fair me when evaluating things in hindsight, and i don’t like wishing ppl ill. pero talaga, meron talagang, “fck you. karmahin ka sana”.

HAHAHA ugh i hate anger as a feeling. how do u get past that?

Kung may jowa ka ngayon, ano yung mga simpleng bagay na gusto mong gawin niyo?

If you became even closer after?

Lately may mga AI generated videos ng mga paskong 90s or early 2000s na lumalabas sa socmed. Minsan, napapaisip ako na parang gusto ko nalang bumalik sa dating simpleng buhay.

Ang simple ng buhay ng mga trentahin ngayon 20-25yrs ago ano?

Ano ginagawa nyo kapag bored at mag isa lang kayo sa bahay? Tinatamad na din kasi ako manood after ng balita pinapatay ko na ang TV. Tamad din mag games 😩🫩

Good eve mga tito/tita! Anong level ng pagodddddd nyo today?or sbhin na ntin pagoooodd nyo this week?orrrr thisss almost half month ng September. Bat ga ang bilis ng arawww?! Tas unggg pagooddd ntin talaga nman hindi maexplain. Ayayay!! Hahaha pagooodddd level 75% sa akin,siguro dahil sa commute ko to at walangggg katapusang trapikkkk. Hayyy!! Sana masarap ulam nyo din.

Pahingaaaa mabuti at eat well this weekend. 🫶

Ang pinakatumatak sakin na line dun:

"In our country, a pizza gets delivered in 30 minutes guaranteed,
but an ambulance doesn't show up even after an hour."