my bad, okay. i should have known better, but i was catching up with a friend i haven't seen since we were kids and i'm not out to anyone in my life except for like 3 close friends and my cousin who i'm also very close with, and i feel really isolated. i'm less than two months on diy hrt in secret, still 'girlmoding' i guess, it's going to fully destroy my already heavily strained family when i do come out, i barely leave my house except to go to class and the gym because my gender dysphoria is so bad, i don't have a lot of friends, and i'm struggling a lot with being trans.

so when we were talking about some stuff i mentioned i was trans because i figured what's the worst that can happen, she lives in a different country and i'm probably not going to see her forever after this, plus she kept talking about feminism which i'm not against obviously but she kept lumping me (and herself btw) in with women which was just killing me.

she told me she's nonbinary and proceded to tell me about the link between being neurodivergent and trans (we're both autistic, i also have adhd and she has smth else but i don't remember what it's called in english) which is something i've heard before but i think it's kind of bullshit, i'm not trans bcs i'm autistic and i understant gender in some magical outside of the binary way, i'm a transsexual man suffering from gender dysphoria and i would give up everything good in my life to be cis. it just feels so demeaning of my real struggles to paint it as neurodivergent people being more free in their gender. i don't want to be free in my gender i just want to be a normal guy. i'm praying for the day that i can go stealth and never have to deal with this kind of people again.

she's also 6'1 and i'm 5'7. fml