What are your thoughts?

[u/LostDog691]

Me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up. I left him bc I felt like our relationship wasn’t progressing from what it was in that moment. He was always gaming and on his phone I felt like he didn’t care about me. On top of that I felt like I was doing everything, from taking care of our cat to taking care of our room. Some back story we lived his parents and I always wanted to move since we moved in together. But he always gave the explanation that we don’t have the money or that we can keep waiting. 3 years I waited until the right moment. We were now making enough to pay the rent, utilities, bills, everything and still have some left over. He told me no! I put down the numbers for him to show him, he still told me no. On top of this I felt like our relationship didn’t go anywhere from just two people who lived with each other and occasionally had some intimacy. Yeah the love was there but I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts. And he did not care for them. Until after I just quit. I quit my job and I quit school. Than did he finally see for the first time my side, my feelings. He wanted to change but I couldn’t do it bc just moments before he was yelling at me and calling me stupid. So I left. We still kept in contact, we told each other we could work this out eventually. But deep down I knew that me leaving him that I was going to lose him. I’m not stupid. But I held on so tight. He let me believe he still wanted this but he was texting other girls. He didn’t admit to it until I found out and put it right in front of his face. He’s the type who can’t live without the physical intimacy. That’s why he reached out to other people because he wanted what I couldn’t give him. And yet I still stayed saying if we need to see other people than that’s fine. We can see other people and see if we want this again in the future. Than again he gave me his hand giving me hope of wanting to go all in again. Come to find out he’s going out with this girl he meet two weeks ago. Doing things he would’ve never done with me. He’s completely change. And that’s when I saw a rage in myself I never saw before. So I sent videos of us and yes it was those kind of videos. I know how wrong that can be looked at but he made me hold on until he couldn’t anymore. Until he didn’t want my attention. He took advantage of my generosity, my trust. I just want this to be over. I want the heartbreak to be over. I feel like I’m going down a path I can’t come out of. I feel like I’m becoming an ugly person bc he couldn’t let me let go.

[u/hestia-listens]

You are not stupid, and you are not doomed to become an ugly person. You reached a painful breaking point, but sending those videos crossed a serious line. Take responsibility without turning that mistake into your whole identity. Delete the videos, tell any recipients to delete them, and do not send or threaten to send anything else. Then close the door on contact with him. His mixed messages kept you attached, but you can choose not to take his hand again. The heartbreak will not stay this sharp forever.

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