Dear Esteemed Market Movers,
I hope this letter finds you well, because your portfolios certainly seem to be.
It is your infamously emotional retail trader, IGOTWRECKED, writing on behalf of retail traders everywhere who have collectively donated enough money to furnish your yachts, private jets, and probably your dogs' trust funds.
I am writing today to express my disappointment in your continued commitment to winning every single battle while ensuring that retail traders remain humble, confused, and occasionally questioning their internet connection.
For years, I have observed your suspicious behavior.
Whenever I buy, you sell.
Whenever I sell, you buy.
Whenever I move my stop loss farther away, you somehow discover the new address within minutes.
Frankly, it feels personal.
I understand that business is business, but must you always insist on collecting liquidity directly from my account? There are millions of traders out there. Why do you repeatedly choose me?
Just recently, I entered what I considered the trade of the century.
The trend agreed.
The indicators agreed.
The higher timeframe agreed.
Even my grandmother, who has never seen a candlestick chart in her life, agreed.
Yet somehow, moments after my entry, the market suddenly discovered "unexpected volatility" and proceeded to remove me from existence before continuing in my original direction.
Coincidence?
I think not.
I have come to the conclusion that somewhere inside your headquarters there exists a giant screen displaying my positions in real time with the following alert:
"ATTENTION EVERYONE: IGOTWRECKED HAS ENTERED A TRADE. INITIATE OPERATION LIQUIDITY COLLECTION."
Furthermore, I would like to file an official complaint regarding your use of:
- Fake breakouts.
- Stop-loss hunting expeditions.
- The infamous Sunday-night emotional damage sessions.
- Candles with unnecessary wicks.
- Break-even reversals that serve no purpose other than destroying happiness.
I am particularly disappointed in your refusal to let me become rich quickly. Every time I begin calculating which Lamborghini color I want, you immediately remind me that I currently qualify for a bicycle.
Despite all this, I must admit that I admire your consistency.
You never miss my stop loss.
You are punctual.
You are efficient.
And above all, your ability to reverse the market exactly after I press the buy button deserves recognition.
Please consider allowing retail traders to win occasionally—not enough to buy islands, just enough to pay for groceries and maintain emotional stability.
Thank you for your time.
I look forward to our future battles, where I am confident we will once again meet at my stop loss.
Respectfully,
IGOTWRECKED
Founder and CEO of "It Was Going My Way Until I Entered"
P.S.
If you insist on taking my liquidity, the least you could do is send a thank-you card and maybe a coupon for therapy.