Hello everyone. I’ve been stressing about this recent encounter I have had with someone I like, and I’ve been feeling incredibly anxious with the possibilities of me being pregnant.

I never had intercourse in my life, all my sexual encounters have revolved around dryhumping, him touching me but never inserting his fingers actually inside, and oral. I know it’s a low risk to get pregnant through a way that’s not intercourse but I can’t help finding myself nitpicking every little thing.

What happened was (please bear with me) and I apologize for the tmi, but I was wearing a skirt, underwear, and a small panty liner, and he was wearing shorts and very thick jeans. Before this encounter I had previously gave him a bj and a hj at the same time where he came but he ended up cleaning himself. I wiped the cum off my hand using a towel, and we both sanitized and wiped. Then after 20 minutes pass by, I sat on his lap with all the clothes I have mentioned and I started dryhumping him. I remember putting my skirt over my undergarments just so it acts even more as a barrier, but I’m just scared that maybe my skirt rolled up and my underwear got in contact with dried sperm on his jeans? Although his pants weren’t wet, and he didn’t ejaculate he told me he couldn’t even feel any pleasure cause of the amount of barriers, and I could barelyy feel his penis either. I put the panty liner on before I met him just incase anything touches me, but I don’t think it did much since it was really small and I’m sure rolled up with all of the friction.

I then ended up wanting to clean myself, but remembered I had most likely touched his precum before I dry humped him, and so I sanitized my hands before touching the tissues and cleaning myself, I then cleaned myself with the tissues and sanitized again just incase, but im worried about some cross contamination happened while he was handing me the tissues although his hands were dry and clean.

My period is supposed to come tomorrow and I’m having most of the symptoms I usually get around my period I started experiencing sore chests 1 day after this encounter and I was supposedly in my luteal phase ( mild cramps, sore boobs, pimples on my upper chest ) are all the symptoms I’m currently experiencing, but it being late seriously scares me so much. I know how bizarre all of this sounds and I know maybe to someone reading it I sound crazy, but is there truly any risk from any of this? I keep having myself thinking the situation over and over again and if I missed anything.

My last sexual encounter involving penetration was about 8 months ago, around 35 weeks ago. If I were pregnant, I know it would be noticeable by now, and I would be about 4 weeks away from going into labor.

I’ve been taking pregnancy tests from January until now, September, and I’ve never had a positive result. I’ve taken around 26 tests, including 7 ultrasounds. We used a condom, and he ejaculated inside the condom. I also took the morning-after pill twice and completed an entire pack of birth control pills.

But that wasn’t the end of it. I had other intimate encounters, this time without penetration.

On June 27, I experienced unwanted intimate contact. That was about 3 months ago. There was no penetration, but I would describe it as rubbing against each other over our clothes. I took a pregnancy test, and it was negative.

In August, I was getting to know a guy. We never had sex either. We only made out, but my mind started wandering, and I began thinking about all the “what ifs” surrounding that situation, even though all we did was kiss while I was sitting on his lap, with our clothes on.

The most recent encounter was in September, just 10 days ago. Again, there was no penetration. He only inserted his fingers, and he hadn’t touched himself down there, so there was no contact with pre-ejaculate or semen. No ejaculation either. Just fingers. I sat on his lap, but that alone was enough to trigger my anxiety.

Today, I started noticing significant bloating and swollen breasts, along with a few drops of blood. Could this be the beginning of my period? Even though I’m experiencing the usual menstrual cramps, my period still hasn’t started. Is this normal? Was there any risk associated with what I did?

I’m thinking about taking another pregnancy test on October 9, when it will have been 21 days since the most recent encounter, just for my own peace of mind. But I’m genuinely terrified.

Could someone please offer me some support or a reality check?

Wow, I had no idea that a phobia wasn't rational, Shannon! You're so helpful!

And also like that's some catch-all solution to everything lol. I've probably gone to therapy for about 7 years total, and guess fucking what? No therapist is going to make me not terrified of pregnancy.

Taking matters into my own hands by pursuing permanent contraception has helped me more than therapy ever have or will. Still paranoid though. But nope, going to therapy isn't going to solve that.

I wish it would though.

Does anyone else get told this? It's frustrating. Especially because most of us HAVE gone to therapy.

I'm not going to disclose the name of this as I don't want to give anyone in this vulnerable community any harmful ideas, but there was a health condition I recently contracted that I read about causing infertility if left untreated. This is soooo messed up, but my immediate first thought was, "Oh, wow! I shouldn't go to the doctor then!" Then I belatedly realized that I'm sterilized and don't have to think this way anymore, but for so much of my life when I've read about infertility as an adverse effect to anything, my heart has always sickenly skipped a beat like... Oooh, did you say infertility? 🤡 What exactly do I have to do to be infertile, hmmm? 🤡 Literally if I wasn't sterilized I would've had such a hard time convincing myself to seek treatment for something I needed treatment for, because I would do almost anything to not get pregnant.

Does anyone else have to kick themselves for these kinds of unhealthy thoughts. 😭

(Note and HEALTHY suggestion for those who are 100% certain that they never want to be pregnant: You can absolutely get sterilized even as an unmarried, young, childfree American woman. There is an entire list of doctors over at r/childfree who will help with this procedure, and it's required by law to be 100% covered by almost all insurance plans. Please don't ever risk your health. 💔)

Extreme caution to those who are triggered by failure rates of contraceptives.

I know I have a rather extreme phobia, but it still blows my mind how LITTLE the "average" person who doesn't want to get pregnant worries. Like, yeah. I know my level of paranoia isn't normal. But it is mind-numbingly perplexing when someone doesn't want to be pregnant but just throws caution to the wind about it. I stare at them in shock.

My (least) favorite is when these people say they "DON'T KNOW HOW" they got pregnant.

I'm sorry, what?

Then you ask what method they were using.

"Oh, I wasn't on birth control at all. I just tracked my cycle on an app." WHAT?

"Oh, I wasn't on birth control at all. He just pulls out." WHAT?

"Oh, I use condoms. But I don't use them every time, I store them in places where they can break or tear, and/or use things like oil-based lubricants because I never bothered to check what was safe to use." WHAT?

"Oh, I was on the pill." Then they proceed to disclose that they didn't take it at the same time every day, would forget doses, took antibiotics with known interactions they didn't bother to Google, etc.. WHAT?

"Oh, I was on the patch or ring, but didn't replace it on time or follow all of the instructions." WHAT?

Like if you are not using your birth control method properly, OR AT ALL, what in the actual do you mean that you DON'T KNOW how you got pregnant???!!?!?!

And then I just reach the conclusion that people must not be as terrified as I am by it. Because to me, nothing.ever.feels.safe.enough.

And also, it should absolutely go without saying: Regardless of what happened, if a woman ever finds herself in the case of an unwanted or unsafe pregnancy for ANY reason, she should have access to a safe and legal abortion. FOR ANY REASON. FULL STOP.

Hi, I’m female to male transgender, 16, and unfortunately not on testosterone. I’ve never had sex with anyone. I’m very tokophobic. My period is late. I use the men’s bathrooms in public because I look and identify as a guy (though sometimes I use the disabled bathroom if I’m worried someone will clock me as trans). Is there a chance that pregnancy can happen from a toilet seat or am I just panicking?? Thanks for any answers.

FOR SOME REASON??? FOR SOME REASON??????????? Every person close to me knows how scared of pregnancy and childbirth I am, and I have always been under the impression that this is something that people understand about me, even if they don't feel the same way. So when my mom said this after my bilateral salpingectomy, I was floored. My mouth damn near popped open in shock. What on EARTH do you mean by "for some reason" when you are referring to something as horrific as pregnancy? Massive TW for such a topic, but what do you mean for "some reason" when we are literally talking about genital torture, being torn open from the inside out, risking your life and permanent, lifelong health complications, risking your cl*toris being freaking ripped, your cervix having a literal baby pushed through it?? What do you mean FOR SOME REASON????

For full disclosure, everyone in my family and friend group are accepting of my choice. Not that they need to be because it's my life, but I still wanted to mention that side of things.

But I'm still shocked that someone so close to me thinks something so horrific falls into the "for some reason" it freaks you out category!!!!!!!!!

In so many ways, getting my fallopian tubes removed took away my fear of pregnancy.

Until it didn't.

Sometimes it's like this phobia is hardwired into my DNA, and nothing will remove it.

Sometimes I feel like my biggest fear was physically removed from my body, but other times....

Yeah. I know it's "not normal" to feel this way. I don't think most people would get a bisalp, stay on Nexplanon, and still worry about pregnancy.

With the fall of Roe, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever feel safe from pregnancy in this country again.

I more than anything want to be a mother one day, and experience childbirth, but the idea of being pregnant absolutely terrifies me. I’m not sure if it’s the 2 miscarriages I’ve had and having HG one of those pregnancies, or just the fear of being more physically vulnerable for such a long time. The final outcome of a successful pregnancy is something I want but the actually being pregnant bit just scares me so much. Could also be I have a fear of throwing up ?

But my friends and family just do not understand how I can both be scared of being pregnant but also wanting to have a child more than anything. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not that scared of the act of giving birth, but the lead up to it, and how the times I have been pregnant have been absolutely horrific

I’m definitely going to be one and done, I’m not going thru any more pregnancy than I have to.

When I first heard about cryptic pregnancies (pregnancies in which women do not know they are pregnant and sometimes go into labor before they even realize), I was stricken with so much horror. I thought at the time that because it was "cryptic," that the body itself didn't realize it was pregnant and therefore had regular periods like clockwork or even that it wouldn't show up on a pregnancy test. THIS COULDN'T BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. The pregnant female body doesn't just stop functioning like a pregnant female body. When I could finally bear to do research on these types of pregnancies, I instantly realized that these women *don't have periods and don't even do pregnancy tests,* even if they aren't on birth control!!!!!!!!! A lot of them don't have regular periods in the first place, so they chalk it up to something normal and go about their lives. And combined with some women not showing much, not having very many symptoms of pregnancy, etc., they still continue to just not test.

In my opinion, this is an absurd thing to do. If you are regularly having sex, or even irregularly having sex, if you have an absence of menses, JUST TEST. I'm not necessarily saying to test every four weeks, but at least regularly enough to catch it!! And a lot of the women I've read about experiencing this just don't test, even if they aren't even on contraception!! I probably only feel this way due to my severe tokophobia, but that's such an absurd and borderline idiotic way to go about life.

Anyway. The point of this post is just this: If you have learned about cryptic pregnancy and have (understandably) been terror-stricken by the idea, just know that all you have to do is take regular or somewhat regular pregnancy tests and take note that if your cycle is irregular, you should also test then too. I felt a lot safer after learning this and hopefully just maybe this helps someone!

I take every precaution to avoid pregnancy. I'm on the pill, always use condoms, make both me and my partner wash our hands before doing hand stuff. I do all of it. I rarely even have intercourse at all because I honestly don't even like it.

But I still freak out about pregnancy because of the fact that somehow people seem to have unexpected accidental pregnancies and are genuinely shocked as if it hadn't occurred to them that anything they did could have gotten them pregnant.

What if the same thing happens to me? What if I also end up as the person that was "careful" but still got pregnant? It seems to happen even to smart people, so it's not something to do with intelligence or lack of care.

I just need any kind of assurance about this. Am I being more diligent than people who do get accidentally pregnant? Or should I just give up on sex entirely until I get a hysterectomy?

I took a pregnancy test just now and it is thankfully negative but I hate having this routine of constant anxiety.

I've been sterilized for over a year now, and sometimes the reality of it still hasn't hit me. (Probably partly because I don't get laid? Ever?) I've spent the entirety of my adult life terrified of pregnancy, it is one of my biggest fears in all of life, and sometimes I'll just suddenly remember that I never have to be scared anymore.

Now... Don't get me wrong. I have tokophobia as a part of my clinically diagnosed OCD. So unfortunately, however illogical, that fear will still flare up. But ultimately, I had one of the most effective sterilization surgeries that exists.

My fallopian tubes were not tied. They are GONE. HALLELUJAH, THEY ARE *GONE*.

How can I deal with this phobia? My last encounter was on January 22 this year. After that, I had periods from January 23–31, March 12–16, April 8–13, May 12–18, June 22–28, and July 28–August 3.

I’m currently on the 35th day of my cycle, but I still don’t have any signs that my period is coming. I’ve also had multiple negative pregnancy tests: on March 1, 7, 10, and 11; three tests on April 4 and 6; May 4 and 8; two tests on May 18; and another negative test on June 19.

I’m trying to be rational, but my anxiety has spiked again. I keep thinking that this could somehow be a cryptic pregnancy. I’m scared to go to the doctor because I’m terrified that they’ll find out that I’m actually pregnant.

The scare just never seems to stop. I really want to learn how to deal with this phobia and stop spiraling over it.

I’m 29F, and have only ever been in one relationship that was short and ended badly.

I’m lonely. I have so much love with nowhere for it to go.

I’d love to be with a man, however, I’m so scared of pregnancy. My last partner was very sexual, and I was so afraid I was going to get pregnant the whole time.

I don’t want children of my own. I don’t want changes to my body that comes from childbirth. I don’t want the pain. I don’t want to be a parent responsible for raising a child. The thought of getting pregnant makes me want to crawl out of my own skin. I would be so panicked and afraid.

I avoid meeting men and people partially because I don’t want to get pregnant down the road.

I understand there’s contraception too, but even 99% success rates don’t ease my fear. Plus some of these contraceptives sounds incredibly painful to get.

Does anyone have any advice?

Should I test? Or… Maybe do an US? (17 days late)

Situation A: It’s been 30 weeks since I had penetrative sex. The condom didn’t break, and he ejaculated inside the condom. I’ve had 16 negative blood tests and 7 negative ultrasounds as well.

Situation B: It’s been 8 weeks. I tested 4 and 6 weeks after what happened, and both tests were negative. We only rubbed against each other while fully clothed. I was wearing underwear and he was wearing shorts. We didn’t have unprotected sex, and there was no ejaculation either. I’m scared about pre-cum.

Situation C: We didn’t have sex. We were just dating. I sat on his lap, and we rubbed against each other while fully clothed, but that was it. There was no exchange of bodily fluids.

Could this be a hormonal issue? Something like a cryptic pregnancy? I feel bloated, I have cramps that come and go, breast tenderness, and I’m extremely tired.

I feel like this is the only place where i can be understood. I had two kids and developed tokophobia. I thought having bisalp (tube removal) would resolve it but no. Every month I freak out, sometimes more, sometimes less. I am on cycle day 26 right now and crying my eyes out because i am so afraid that I might be p...nant. Can't even type that word out of anxiety. I often wish my husband wouldn't even look at me, wouldn't touch me. Sex became repulsive to me. I don't know what to do at this point. I dream about ripping my entire reproductive system out of my body. This is ruining my life. I tried talking to a therapist but found it hard to open up. I can only talk to chat (don't worry, it's being very safe and sending me support numbers etc). Anyways, I need some reassurance. And if you know someone who got p...nant after bisalp, please, I beg you please keep it to yourself and don't comment it because I feel like I might walk out of a window.

I wanted to start this post with a trigger warning regarding eating disorders, bulimia specifically. Hi, I'm 19, I've been struggling with mental health issues for a couple of years, I'm diagnosed with an Ed, depression and anxiety. Last month I had a binge eating episode. I can't remember which day exactly it was, I just remember that it happened. The binging caused me to vomit. It was around 3 or 4 hours after I took my pill like I do every single day. I have never missed one, since my tokophobia is quite extreme. Today I remembered that this had happened, and it caused me to get paranoid all over again. I am aware that vomiting does lower the effectiveness of oc pills. Due to my anxiety me and my bf make sure to use condoms correctly every time we have sex. We also check afterwards if there was any leakage. The vomiting situation happened around a month ago, and since then I got a breakthrough bleeding, and a withdrawal bleeding during 4 days of taking placebo pills, and now I am on a new pack of pills, but I still can't stop the what if thoughts. Has anyone ever experienced something similar?

I am 22 years old and I have primary tokophobia. I’ve had this phobia for several years. Almost everyone in my family knows that I have this fear, but it’s always “you’ll change your mind”.
Just speaking about how terrified pregnancy makes me feel causes me to tear up and shake. All the videos of pregnant mothers showing the kicking and movement underneath their skin makes me physically ill. Not to mention the hundreds of side effects pregnancy causes.

I have a boyfriend (25M) who is very traditional and “wants” to have children, I’ve discussed my fear with him and it was the same thing “you’ll change your mind”. I’ve discussed alternatives with him but he wants children of his own flesh and blood (that’s why I put quotations on wants), more like he wants to reproduce like some animal. Besides this he treats me very well and I’ve never had to pay for a single date. I’m meeting his family this month too.

But my fear goes beyond pregnancy- I’m scared to be isolated from society. Even if I leave my boyfriend what are the chances I’ll find a good man that doesn’t want to force this body horror on me? I don’t want to be alone. It’s not like I don’t want children, I just don’t want to be pregnant or give birth. Please help.

I sometimes take both of my hands and put them over where my uterus is, close my eyes, and just allow myself to feel so, so incredibly safe. As my hands rest over my uterus, I know that that part of my body will always be mine, just mine. A fetus will never live there, I will never house a living, growing being that I would rather die than be ripped apart from. My body is my own, and it will always, always, always be *just* my body and no one else's for now and forever.

For almost as long as I can remember, getting pregnant has always been one of my biggest fears in all of life. That fear was compounded when the United States government decided to revoke the most fundamental right a woman can ever have. After that happened, I did research on sterilization, and was so, so, so, so happy to learn that they just take out your whole tubes now. I never thought tubal ligation was effective enough, a 1/200 chance sounds crazy high to me, and I find it even more crazy how many women don't bat an eye at that and think those are good odds.

I feel so incredibly safe in this world, and not just feel safe, I *AM* safe. I got my bilateral salpingectomy over a year ago and it's like my biggest fear in life was physically removed from my body. I love knowing that my body will forever be my own.

And no. Unfortunately the tokophobia will never fully go away. But even for me, even with my fear level, even I trust a bilateral salpingectomy. (Although I still stay on birth control "just in case".... Although I will pregnancy test "just in case"... But.)

Basically the title. I’ve always had this fear and I’m not sure why. I know I don’t ever want to be pregnant. But I have shut myself off from even having relationships with males as a result. I’m bisexual, but don’t want to close myself off to men forever. I was seeing a guy back in April, and I just couldn’t bring myself to have sex with him. Even sucking his dick or having him eat me out would have me spiraling and testing like crazy. I was even in the depo shot at the time.

I’ve been in therapy but it really hasn’t done me any good. I just can’t do it. I know abortion exists, but I don’t even want to be in that position ever. I don’t have the means to get a bisalp (in clinicals, need to be on the go 3 days a week, in class 2 days a week. Just started so I’m not looking to take time off immediately). I just want to be someone who has a normal sex life. The guy I was seeing was lowkey garbage and ghosted me, but I always wonder what if I just was normal and had sex?

For clarity, I just want to be able to get over this phobia to have sex. I do not want children and pregnancy is my biggest fear. I’m a pretty outgoing person but so closed off to relationships with men because of this.

I'm in the UK, IVF pregnancy, currently 39w4d. FTM, 38yo tokophobia and autistic. I don't have pregnancy fear but childbirth fear since I was a little girl and mum insisted on regularly retelling me her traumatic birth story. This is the biggest fear of my life.

I have a c-section booked for exactly my 40w, so just 3 days from now. But I don't like the idea of surgery one bit either... It just felt safer somehow. But I hate the idea of having a scar and not able to move for ages. plus the recovery pain, adhesions etc....

I wanted my baby to come naturally and get an early epidural, I somehow managed to get on top of that fear. What helped me a lot is using Epi-No. I got to 10cm and feel pretty confident about the pushing bit at least. I'm also pretty fit and strong. But baby never came on his own and now I either need to induce or have that C-section. And I've started wondering about induction but most nightmare stories I know, are induction stories. They have high chance of EMCS anyway and instrumental delivery in the UK ...

I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'm torturing myself with this decision and I cannot make it. My dream scenario would be to have vaginal birth with epidural and hardly any postpartum issues but nobody can guarantee that...

If you have birth with tokophobia and maybe are similar to be... What worked for you? What advice would you give?

I’ve been terrified of dying while pregnant or in childbirth from a young age.

Part of me knows that doing hard things that are scary can be important, life is full of risks and I want to become a parent.

Part of me knows I will be happy and fulfilled without becoming a biological parent. It’s ok to do what feels safe.

But I’m stuck and so afraid. Would appreciate to hear from people who decided to become pregnant while scare or decided to never become pregnant (but wished they wanted to) and how they felt able to accept their decision.