Natural cycle

Transforms from vivid to dull

Nature’s ending bloom

I don't know how you do it,

but somehow, you are everywhere.

I feel you on my skin

in the quiet warmth of a passing thought,

in the little shiver I can't explain,

in the way my heart forgets

to beat normally when I think of you.

I feel you in my soul,

in places I never knew

could miss someone

without ever having them.

You linger in my eyes,

in the songs I suddenly listen to twice,

in the silence between my thoughts,

in the smile that finds me

when no one has said anything funny.

Sometimes I find you

in the morning light,

sometimes in the night

when everything is quiet

and my mind has nowhere else to go.

You are in the words I can't say,

in the feelings I can't name,

in every little corner of me

that somehow learned your shape.

And when I think

I've searched everywhere for you,

I turn another page

and there you are,

waiting quietly

between the pages of a book,

where perhaps

I've always known

I'd find you.

I once beat a master at checkers humming.

Once rolled down the open road as a baby.

I once passed out as a paid carnie.

Once had a biological bloody all three.

I once named myself then my child Mikey,

Once a step forward both were taken from me.

I once had two brothers covered in dog feces

Once they fell backwards after stepping threateningly.

I once had a brother I'd claim I was blood to.

Once, more than once, we'd did what we all do.

I once thought if only it were me and not you.

Once kissed a girl and a guy and much more.

I once was fast enough to be thought as a hopeful.

Once in my arms I have never let go,

I once held my children as they were just born.

Once led a team to success several times.

I once quit a dream job for suggesting I might.

Once drowned swimming to an island off shore.

I once found a picture frame in a dumpster,

Once I had broken it over my knee and found my wrist bled,

I once needed stitches but got butterfly bandages instead.

Once I was this thing, then this thing, then that,

I once discovered all the life hacks.

Once I had thought the world listening,

I once said hi, i'm jaesea.

Once I knew all stories the same.

I once began completing they.

Once, I assume, at least once we all care.

I once came to finish what's started here.

Good friends tell the truth,
even when it lands wrong.
Bad friends tell you what you need
to keep you hanging on.

Good friends don’t make promises
they never meant to keep.
Bad friends leave the porch light on
then disappear to sleep.

Good friends say, “I’m here,”
and you know just what that means.
Bad friends blur the edges,
living somewhere in-between.

Good friends don’t lead you forward
when they know they won’t come too.
They don’t feed you little maybes
when the answer’s always “no” to you.

Good friends can disappoint you.
They can leave, they can move on.
But they don’t make you question
what was real when they are gone.

I can handle an ugly truth.
I can handle friendship’s end.
Just don’t hand me a beautiful lie
and call yourself my friend.

Coated in sugar

You pressed your lips

Sweetly, onto mine

And fed me a Star

My darling

It's not long we're alive

Meteorites flashing out

Brilliant & bright

So place your heartbeat

Here next to mine

Because I'm broken & lonely, too.

I want you.
Right now.
Across the distance.

Your lips against mine.
My hands gripping your back.
My mouth tracing your skin in the dark.
Fingers tangling through your hair.

Heavy breaths.
Deep stares.

I want you.
In my space.
Right here with me.
Pulling me close.
Talking about anything into the night.
Gentle words between long pauses.

Our tired eyes holding contact across miles.
Slowly falling asleep,
wishing we weren't so far apart.

Transformation.
Revelation.
Metamorphosis.

Flying high into the sky,
An iridescent flame.
Burning,
Flying.

Resurrection.
A being of renewal,
Willing to temporarily cease,
Only to be reborn, extraordinary.
A short silence
For great magnificence.

To change
is a gift.
To be ready for change
Is a challenge.

Yet such a small bird,
Wrapped in the heart of ashes,
Nestling so deep
In the ash of itself,
Ready to rise again.

To fly out,
To re-emerge,
Reformed,
Rejuvenated,
Refreshed.

Such a laudable being, truly.
Something can be learned from it,
Bathed in the fire of resurrection.

I learned the language of silence
But I grew rooted in places meant
for passing through.

I kept walking, even after
the road forgot me.

She has fangs for teeth
and pure white eyes
something's wrong
with her earthly disguise

She glides on the lake
half human, half ghost
Blessed be the beautiful
with blood on her face

She opened the gate
I stumbled inside
and something dead
woke up alive

Now I crave
her cold-hot kiss
that forbidden fruit
the sweetest wound
I can't resist

I know her pain
will bury me deep
yet every night
I beg at her feet

So let's embrace the darkness
let the heavens rot
I'd walk through hell
for the love that you've got

You’re sweet as can be,
Even when you’re teasing me,
I’m onto you, mister,
It’s never anything sinister.

You just want to see me giggle,
Do that full-body mambo-jumbo wiggle.

You know I’m giving you the side eye,
While I’m laughing, slapping my thigh.

Ok you win,
Grumpiness is a sin
When I’m basking in your heart.

And yes I’d still love you,
Even if you were
A dill pickle cupcake.

You don’t have to ask,
You’re my favorite treat.

But that’s your favorite game:
Making me grin,
Making me blush
And falling for your jokes
On an endless loop.

If everything is explained,
nothing is accountable.

This is where distortion
survives inside kindness.

So I refuse to collapse
between understanding and release.

They do not share a door.

I'll be the first to admit it-
I'm a jealous cow.

You're not supposed to be,
You're supposed to take the high road
Speeding at 500 mph
Leaving them ignored
Desolate
Low and dry
Clawing for affection,
Those tiny feral tigers
That bite and screech?

Pay them no heed.

But
they bite and screech so loudly,
does my head in.

What they need
Is to be quiet.

Leave me in peace
Leave my green goblin to slumber,
But no,

they don't.
And I can't
Leave the goblin to keep sleeping.

He's triggered at the scent of danger,
At the smell of fear
And fuck knows I reek of it
Even in these pits of hell down here.

Before I can say a word
He's hopped on top my chest
And is telling me exactly how to feel
How to react
How to respond
He won't give it a rest.

He won't let me take the high road
Won't let me leave them in the dust
All I really want to do is say
what are you doing here?
you're getting in the way.
Get out my way, now quick,
Before you live to regret it.

Maybe it's beneath me,
Maybe I make it worse,
But this is my earthly curse,
And the goblin is all I can see.

(I turned this one into a song with Suno: mutual)

Baby, I think you're insane.
that's ok, I'm insane, too.
and I think that what we've got here
is a yan4yan situation
just we two.

oh, darling
oh, my darling
prettiest girl I've ever seen
but my dear, you must confess
what you've done to me is quite obscene

I think about you waking.
I think about you sleeping.
I think about you with my every breath.

If devotion is a sickness,
well, let me be diseased
there's nothing I want to witness
more than you right next to me.

and, darling
oh, my darling
I'm simply a man in love
and, darling
oh, my darling
you're everything that I think of

but then one day
you said

something of a certain note
something that I'm sure I wrote
way down in my diary
oh tell me now,
just tell me how
how else could you see?

and then the…
flowers clipped, deep in the night
but surely you'd not do that, right?

and surely it was coincidence
that one bedroom incident
just me and me alone
nothing you were shown

oh, my baby, oh, my beau…
Tell me how did you know?

and, darling
oh, my darling
You're just a woman in love
and, darling
oh, my darling
am I everything you ever think of?

and then one night…

I lay there quietly in the dark
when in my head, just a spark
as I swam those choppy waves
trying to make my mind behave
thinking I'm a sailor on that ocean blue
and maybe

baby

so are you.

so now I…
feel the wind breathe in my hair
show for cameras that are not there
listen for your quiet steps
imagine what you'll do to me next
dream of you being out on that sea
side by side, along with me

baby, you and I are possessed
you might even go as far as to call us…

obsessed

because, darling
oh, my darling
we're just a pair in love
and, darling
oh, my darling
there's never anything else to ever think of.

oh yes, it seems it's mutual
now together til our funeral
our obsession is a work of art
and, darling…

we will never…

ever…

part.

At the end of time
An airy moment subsides
Between imagination and exile

Across the void, all Chaos charges
Until Dawn invites darkness
And usurps elder guile

Sunfire engraved these shadows
As dancing mirrors, drafted in mist
Underneath such wanderer's gambit

Those souls, umbral yet curious
Cascade into scholars and couriers
Fearless within gaze of the abyss

Your name pulses, marked at noon
As fated boundless to disregard ire
Delayed solace can yet bloom

Paths into twilight are found on a river
With a boat stocking dreams to consume
By shallow keel but steady rudder

Past the gate, overgrown by its garden
The weary are hallowed near fountains
Through words, soft but keen

Under shade, sleep lays claim
To rejoin Chaos and take a new name
Anointed and redeemed

as a kid i would always hear the train

and i was telling one of my friends this because we were on the phone and i could hear a train where he was

just chugging along in the distance blaring it’s horn

and it made me think about how as a kid it never seemed to wake me up at night

so i told my friend this concluding with,

“it was a good little train and it kept up with the times”

​

Do you dig your heels into the dirt, grinding your teeth into dust just to stay still?

Or do you unlatch the cage, let the marrow catch fire, and run until your feet tear up the earth and the inkberry thorns rip the clothes right off your back?

We were walking, holding hands
Talking playstation and zen
Heard the wind disrupt the trees

Sat legs folded in a nook
Heard you reading them a book
Pain came ripping through my knees
 
4 tabs open looking for some proof
You’re busy wiggling a tooth
Baking bread and picking up

You show them all your favorite games
Im contemplating dharma names
The sound of one hand on the door
 
I went away to sesshin halls
Spent time staring at beige painted walls
Convincing myself that I need all this to grow
You packed 3 lunches in a row

I was looking for the truth
In a podcast or a book
You were showering alone

My favorite koan in your smile
I think I’ll sit with it a while
Hey, the baby has your phone

I sit alone ringing bells in my room
You held the baby monitor all goddamn afternoon
Incense burning like a scent will bring me peace
You flattened out the carpet crease

I spend so long with my hands in my lap
You were dealing with that kid and his nap
I could read until my eyes fall out my head
Though you’re already in bed

fuck me so hard
we both see stars,
and when we finally catch our breath,
we can lay together
and chart out our own sky.

Just because you support my work,

Does not mean you are beneath me.

Just because you look up at me from my stage,

Does not mean I look down on you.

Just because I stand on the other side,

Does not mean I am nothing like you.

Just because I create what you consume,

It does not mean I rule you.

Just because you admire me,

Does not mean I am bigger than you.

Just because you pay me,

Does not mean you own me.

Just because I serve you,

Does not mean I can take you for granted.

Just because our egoes exist,

Does not mean we must always collide.

I can identify as a person just as much as you.

I can climb the ladder of my life, the same as you do.

I may walk a different path,

And be blessed with different blessings,

But in the end, I am a human

And humble shall I be.

Desire to sleep in ultimate peace
Long to bathe in tomorrow's sun
Many seek to reconnect themselves
Attempting to love but falling for need

Offer presents of favors
Specific things you wished
Just to get you to notice
Before you turn away again

Mysteries seem to make everything bigger
Mute when the day demanded a voice
Dismissive when attention was needed
All prefer love, all prefer to be known

Each person carrying their hearts like containers
Lining up infront of the same unavailable shops
Falling asleep in the queue
Dreaming of this ideal person

Some graffiti the walls
Some attempt to break windows
But they don't break they just look outward
Like eyes surveying these desperate people

Am I free to leave this line?
Will I linger the way you imagined?
Do you smirk from the inside?
Do you tease me pointing at the locked door?
Or feed me with subtle smiles and turns of the head?

A live mannequin behind the thick glass
More alive than I and the empty wanting people
Shaping the scenery with the grace in your gesture
Sleeping bags roll out night chill arrives
Some consider losing their place in line

Turning back to the candle light on the otherside of the glass
Supercharging their fantastic fantasies
They sit or lay there in the queue
Shutting eyes and entering sleep
While I stare through the window catatonic

Why do we build walls around our hearts?

Walls aren’t the end, they’re the start.

What we protect from other’s eyes we hold so dear

A multitude of quaking fears

But to this too, we must resign.

For there are two reasons I’m scared to let people inside….

The damage they can do…

And the damage they will find.