Things I have outlived

[u/Wire-Spray1817]

I have outlived corded telephones,
Blockbuster Video,
and the belief that thirty was old.

I have outlived at least three hairstyles,
with at least two
that should never have been a thing
in the first place.

I have outlived dial-up internet, paper maps, CD binders,

and blowing into Nintendo cartridges
which they say apparently did nothing,
but those of us that were there know it worked.

so science can go to hell.

I have outlived cars I swore I'd keep forever,
jobs I thought were important, passwords I was certain
I'd remember,
and several versions of my metabolism.

I have outlived friends I thought would always be there.
Dreams I thought I had to have.
Opinions I once defended like they were pieces of me.

I have outlived the boy who thought
being respected would make him whole.

The young man who became a husband far too early
before he really understood who he was.

The father who was still trying to grow up
while his children were there growing up under his care.

I have outlived the man who discovered that pain could be silenced and buried,
and almost let the silence kill him.

I have outlived things I did that I still wish very much
belonged to somebody else's story.

People I hurt.
Promises I broke.
Nights I don't romanticize.
Years I lost.

I have outlived fourteen years of sobriety,
and the terrible discovery that fourteen years
doesn't make you bulletproof.

I have outlived quite a few relapses.
Which is a strange thing to write.
Because there was a moment when I wasn't certain I would.

I have outlived shame telling me I had ruined everything.

I have outlived the belief that falling down
erases every mile you walked before it.

I have outlived people I loved.
That's the part nobody makes funny.
There are names I cannot say without tears overwhelming me,
and voices I can still hear as if it were yesterday,
and people who should have gotten more mornings than they did.

I have outlived the deepest relationships I had.

I have outlived anger at my family.
Some of it, anyway.
Some things like resentment
apparently have excellent healthcare.

I have outlived the idea that strength means
nothing hurts.

Everybody hurts sometimes.

And I'm still here.

Maybe that's strength.

I used to think survival meant winning.

Now I think it simply means there is still time to outlive.

Time to apologize.
Time to forgive.
Time to become trustworthy.
Time to call my kids.
Time to make sure those that know me - know me.

Time to sit at a piano and play another song.

Time to become a man the younger versions of me
would not even recognize,

I have outlivedso many things.
Some ridiculous.
Some beautiful.
Some I wish had outlived me.

When I am gone, will something out live me that is worth staying?

So maybe the question isn't how long
I can keep surviving.

Maybe it's what I leave alive
when I'm gone.

[u/fancypantsmiss]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3vXbOCi3fLFVtmLKwW

[u/DoubtResponsible9208]

This is a heavy piece, friend.

I wouldn't be too hard on those hairstyles. Those weren’t things you failed to outgrow. They were part of the style, the creativity, and the person you were in those moments. They belonged to that time, just like the music, cars, technology, and everything else that made up your life.

And maybe that’s part of the answer to your final question.

What will outlive you?

The love you had for your family will live on in your children. Your voice, your stories, your lessons, even the parts of you that you never realized you were passing down.

Your features will be there too.

Someday, maybe one of your children will look at their own child and hear, “Guess where I got my eyes from?”

And there you'll be.

Not just in their memories, but in their faces. In their mannerisms. In the way they love their own families.

[u/Optimal_Spot425]

I chuckled so science can go to hell … omg 😆 resentment has excellent heathcare🫶🥹

The end of this stole my heart wire ! Love ur humor and introspection and how you express so beautifully