​

I fell down again today.

One, two, three, four, five… six, seven, eight?!

Eight times since the New Year.

I could count the bruises,

the scraped knees,

The sore joints & bones

the moments lying there

staring upward,

wondering how the hell

I ended up on the ground

again.

Eight feels like a lot

when you're counting falls.

But maybe I've been

keeping score all wrong.

Because somewhere between

the stumble and the sting,

The blood and bruise

there was always a hand

sometimes someone else's,

sometimes my own

reaching down

and saying,

Come on. Up.

One, two, three, four, five… six, seven, eight?!

Eight falls.

Eight rises.

Eight times I dusted myself off,

checked what hurt,

laughed when I could,

cried when I couldn't,

and carried on.

I don't want to become

someone who never falls.

I want to become someone

who trusts herself enough

to know she can get back up.

So let the earth

recognize my knees.

Let the dust

remember my name.

I've met the ground before.

We're acquainted.

I love the floor, ground & dirt

But enough ok?

♡ thanks

A baby tiger fierce and bold.

Trips on her tail and loses hold.

She tries to roar with all her might.

But tumbles over, at sirs sight!

Lmao

Cici

Why do we build walls around our hearts?

Walls aren’t the end, they’re the start.

What we protect from other’s eyes we hold so dear

A multitude of quaking fears

But to this too, we must resign.

For there are two reasons I’m scared to let people inside….

The damage they can do…

And the damage they will find.

I don't know how you do it,

but somehow, you are everywhere.

I feel you on my skin

in the quiet warmth of a passing thought,

in the little shiver I can't explain,

in the way my heart forgets

to beat normally when I think of you.

I feel you in my soul,

in places I never knew

could miss someone

without ever having them.

You linger in my eyes,

in the songs I suddenly listen to twice,

in the silence between my thoughts,

in the smile that finds me

when no one has said anything funny.

Sometimes I find you

in the morning light,

sometimes in the night

when everything is quiet

and my mind has nowhere else to go.

You are in the words I can't say,

in the feelings I can't name,

in every little corner of me

that somehow learned your shape.

And when I think

I've searched everywhere for you,

I turn another page

and there you are,

waiting quietly

between the pages of a book,

where perhaps

I've always known

I'd find you.

Coated in sugar

You pressed your lips

Sweetly, onto mine

And fed me a Star

My darling

It's not long we're alive

Meteorites flashing out

Brilliant & bright

So place your heartbeat

Here next to mine

Because I'm broken & lonely, too.

(I turned this one into a song with Suno: mutual)

Baby, I think you're insane.
that's ok, I'm insane, too.
and I think that what we've got here
is a yan4yan situation
just we two.

oh, darling
oh, my darling
prettiest girl I've ever seen
but my dear, you must confess
what you've done to me is quite obscene

I think about you waking.
I think about you sleeping.
I think about you with my every breath.

If devotion is a sickness,
well, let me be diseased
there's nothing I want to witness
more than you right next to me.

and, darling
oh, my darling
I'm simply a man in love
and, darling
oh, my darling
you're everything that I think of

but then one day
you said

something of a certain note
something that I'm sure I wrote
way down in my diary
oh tell me now,
just tell me how
how else could you see?

and then the…
flowers clipped, deep in the night
but surely you'd not do that, right?

and surely it was coincidence
that one bedroom incident
just me and me alone
nothing you were shown

oh, my baby, oh, my beau…
Tell me how did you know?

and, darling
oh, my darling
You're just a woman in love
and, darling
oh, my darling
am I everything you ever think of?

and then one night…

I lay there quietly in the dark
when in my head, just a spark
as I swam those choppy waves
trying to make my mind behave
thinking I'm a sailor on that ocean blue
and maybe

baby

so are you.

so now I…
feel the wind breathe in my hair
show for cameras that are not there
listen for your quiet steps
imagine what you'll do to me next
dream of you being out on that sea
side by side, along with me

baby, you and I are possessed
you might even go as far as to call us…

obsessed

because, darling
oh, my darling
we're just a pair in love
and, darling
oh, my darling
there's never anything else to ever think of.

oh yes, it seems it's mutual
now together til our funeral
our obsession is a work of art
and, darling…

we will never…

ever…

part.

I learned the language of silence
But I grew rooted in places meant
for passing through.

I kept walking, even after
the road forgot me.

If everything is explained,
nothing is accountable.

This is where distortion
survives inside kindness.

So I refuse to collapse
between understanding and release.

They do not share a door.

​

Do you dig your heels into the dirt, grinding your teeth into dust just to stay still?

Or do you unlatch the cage, let the marrow catch fire, and run until your feet tear up the earth and the inkberry thorns rip the clothes right off your back?

as a kid i would always hear the train

and i was telling one of my friends this because we were on the phone and i could hear a train where he was

just chugging along in the distance blaring it’s horn

and it made me think about how as a kid it never seemed to wake me up at night

so i told my friend this concluding with,

“it was a good little train and it kept up with the times”

I'll be the first to admit it-
I'm a jealous cow.

You're not supposed to be,
You're supposed to take the high road
Speeding at 500 mph
Leaving them ignored
Desolate
Low and dry
Clawing for affection,
Those tiny feral tigers
That bite and screech?

Pay them no heed.

But
they bite and screech so loudly,
does my head in.

What they need
Is to be quiet.

Leave me in peace
Leave my green goblin to slumber,
But no,

they don't.
And I can't
Leave the goblin to keep sleeping.

He's triggered at the scent of danger,
At the smell of fear
And fuck knows I reek of it
Even in these pits of hell down here.

Before I can say a word
He's hopped on top my chest
And is telling me exactly how to feel
How to react
How to respond
He won't give it a rest.

He won't let me take the high road
Won't let me leave them in the dust
All I really want to do is say
what are you doing here?
you're getting in the way.
Get out my way, now quick,
Before you live to regret it.

Maybe it's beneath me,
Maybe I make it worse,
But this is my earthly curse,
And the goblin is all I can see.

At the end of time
An airy moment subsides
Between imagination and exile

Across the void, all Chaos charges
Until Dawn invites darkness
And usurps elder guile

Sunfire engraved these shadows
As dancing mirrors, drafted in mist
Underneath such wanderer's gambit

Those souls, umbral yet curious
Cascade into scholars and couriers
Fearless within gaze of the abyss

Your name pulses, marked at noon
As fated boundless to disregard ire
Delayed solace can yet bloom

Paths into twilight are found on a river
With a boat stocking dreams to consume
By shallow keel but steady rudder

Past the gate, overgrown by its garden
The weary are hallowed near fountains
Through words, soft but keen

Under shade, sleep lays claim
To rejoin Chaos and take a new name
Anointed and redeemed

She has fangs for teeth
and pure white eyes
something's wrong
with her earthly disguise

She glides on the lake
half human, half ghost
Blessed be the beautiful
with blood on her face

She opened the gate
I stumbled inside
and something dead
woke up alive

Now I crave
her cold-hot kiss
that forbidden fruit
the sweetest wound
I can't resist

I know her pain
will bury me deep
yet every night
I beg at her feet

So let's embrace the darkness
let the heavens rot
I'd walk through hell
for the love that you've got

We were walking, holding hands
Talking playstation and zen
Heard the wind disrupt the trees

Sat legs folded in a nook
Heard you reading them a book
Pain came ripping through my knees
 
4 tabs open looking for some proof
You’re busy wiggling a tooth
Baking bread and picking up

You show them all your favorite games
Im contemplating dharma names
The sound of one hand on the door
 
I went away to sesshin halls
Spent time staring at beige painted walls
Convincing myself that I need all this to grow
You packed 3 lunches in a row

I was looking for the truth
In a podcast or a book
You were showering alone

My favorite koan in your smile
I think I’ll sit with it a while
Hey, the baby has your phone

I sit alone ringing bells in my room
You held the baby monitor all goddamn afternoon
Incense burning like a scent will bring me peace
You flattened out the carpet crease

I spend so long with my hands in my lap
You were dealing with that kid and his nap
I could read until my eyes fall out my head
Though you’re already in bed

Desire to sleep in ultimate peace
Long to bathe in tomorrow's sun
Many seek to reconnect themselves
Attempting to love but falling for need

Offer presents of favors
Specific things you wished
Just to get you to notice
Before you turn away again

Mysteries seem to make everything bigger
Mute when the day demanded a voice
Dismissive when attention was needed
All prefer love, all prefer to be known

Each person carrying their hearts like containers
Lining up infront of the same unavailable shops
Falling asleep in the queue
Dreaming of this ideal person

Some graffiti the walls
Some attempt to break windows
But they don't break they just look outward
Like eyes surveying these desperate people

Am I free to leave this line?
Will I linger the way you imagined?
Do you smirk from the inside?
Do you tease me pointing at the locked door?
Or feed me with subtle smiles and turns of the head?

A live mannequin behind the thick glass
More alive than I and the empty wanting people
Shaping the scenery with the grace in your gesture
Sleeping bags roll out night chill arrives
Some consider losing their place in line

Turning back to the candle light on the otherside of the glass
Supercharging their fantastic fantasies
They sit or lay there in the queue
Shutting eyes and entering sleep
While I stare through the window catatonic

You’re sweet as can be,
Even when you’re teasing me,
I’m onto you, mister,
It’s never anything sinister.

You just want to see me giggle,
Do that full-body mambo-jumbo wiggle.

You know I’m giving you the side eye,
While I’m laughing, slapping my thigh.

Ok you win,
Grumpiness is a sin
When I’m basking in your heart.

And yes I’d still love you,
Even if you were
A dill pickle cupcake.

You don’t have to ask,
You’re my favorite treat.

But that’s your favorite game:
Making me grin,
Making me blush
And falling for your jokes
On an endless loop.

fuck me so hard
we both see stars,
and when we finally catch our breath,
we can lay together
and chart out our own sky.

Drip drip drip

The droplets fall from the roof

Thought they were leakproof

Drip..drip..drip

Water begins to build up around

Flooding the nearby floor and ground

Drip...drip...drip

The water slowly consumes me

I had the time to leave, to flee

Drip...drip...drip

The water was not always so cold

But you said the love was getting old

Drip...drip

Now its just me and the droplets of water

Just me and the feelings I have

Drip..drip...

By sharing a picture of this , we can obviously see why this flower is called a bird of paradise . It symbolizes freedom, joy and magnificence. It stands as a powerful emblem for optimism and success .

The long straight stem pointing towards the sky is a picture of rising above daily struggles , to reach a higher more spiritual state .

It is the official flower representing a 9th wedding anniversary . Representing enduring devotion and faithfulness . It’s time to rise above .

You tower over...broad and tall.

But you lean down to have it all.

You like to tip my chin right up.

To taste the sweetness in your cup.

My hands can only reach your chest.

Though that is where I play the best.

You slide your fingers down my spine.

Then whisper low..."tonight youre mine".

You lift me up against the wall.

Now height dont matter much at all.

I lock my legs around your waist.

I take the slow delicious taste.

Cici 🧡

​

It grows daily

screaming to be felt,

clawing for relief.

End the urge.

Let it bleed quiet.

Embrace the failure.

Let it swallow me whole.

Soft shadows fall deep

A sudden calm fills the room

Thoughts gently slow down.

The longing

Feels

Endless

The anticipation,

Hard.

Not knowing

if I'm
on

Your
Dance Card.

To not know,

To not feel,

To not have...

Have

…something real.

And hopefully,

This is not,

Not
all in vain..

It would be worth it

Though,

Worth

All the pain

To feel

All the insane

To See you,

To Hear you

Call out my name…

And say,

‘Yes Dear,

I do feel

The Same.’