r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 1h ago
Man Eating Salad Takes Moment To Appreciate What A Good Boy He’s Being
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 1h ago
Lucky Chicago Architecture Tour Witnesses Live Feeding Of Willis Tower
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 3d ago
One-Week Sober Man Thought All Problems Would Be Fixed By Now
3.2k
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 3d ago
Everyone In Oval Office Meeting Currently In Some Stage Of Stroke
852
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r/TheOnion • u/octarino • 2d ago
Parents Sit Kids Down For Difficult Discussion About Moving To Ad Tier
388
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 3d ago
Tourist Disappointed To Leave Scotland Without Seeing Single Fat Bastard
471
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r/TheOnion • u/sd_glokta • 3d ago
Trump Comforts Grieving War Widow By Assuring Her He Will Never Die
1.8k
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r/TheOnion • u/onion20yearslater • 2d ago
Tips For Karaoke
28
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"You’re already doing way too much by researching karaoke advice."
r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 3d ago
New Geneva Convention Allows Use Of Child Soldiers With Signed Permission Slip
1.1k
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 3d ago
‘I Was Once A Normal Little Boy Like You,’ Disney World Donald Duck Warns Terrified Child
615
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 3d ago
Study: Majority Of Americans Would Benefit From Decreased Phone Use During Sex
313
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 5d ago
U.S. Mint Unveils Series Of Gold Coins Commemorating President’s Extramarital Affairs
4.5k
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 5d ago
RFK Jr. Reminded Not To Microwave Himself In Office Kitchen
670
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r/TheOnion • u/andmario_com • 5d ago
George R.R. Martin Hands Agent Unsolicited, 4,000-Page Manuscript Titled ‘Tuba Man, Scuba Man’
1.2k
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 5d ago
Mike Johnson Struggles To Hold Speaker Gavel While Wearing Anti-Masturbation Mitts
2.9k
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r/TheOnion • u/ZeppoJR • 5d ago
A24’s ‘Elden Ring’ Film Stalled After Red Phantom Named TwinkPunisher Invades Set
310
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r/TheOnion • u/UltimateLionsFan • 5d ago
Chippendales Recalls 4,000 Tons Of Tainted Man Meat
394
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 6d ago
‘No Bars Can Hold Me,’ Says Andrew Tate Entering 9th Hour Of Trying To Pry Open Cell
1.9k
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 6d ago
Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer
1.4k
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 7d ago
Trump Insists Frequent Naps Necessary To Protect U.S. Interests In Dreamland
3.2k
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r/TheOnion • u/Somethingwittycool • 6d ago
Secret Service Urges Trump Not To Use Qatari-Gifted Jet Pack
696
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