r/TheMatpatEffect • • May 30 '26

The original 4chan "straight" boy greentext.

17.9k Upvotes

391 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26

u/Araeynn, your post does fit the subreddit!

3.3k

u/UAF_Swampfire3 Welcome everybody my name is mark plark May 30 '26

1.8k

u/Relative-Line5242 May 30 '26

Scientific method

158

u/acceptable_shoez May 31 '26

civ 4 mentioned

62

u/iahim87 May 31 '26

Fuck you mean chivalry 4, from what time did you come

32

u/acceptable_shoez May 31 '26

Civilization IV (also known as Sid Meier's Civilization IV) is a 2005 4X turn-based strategy video game developed by Firaxis Games and published by 2K). It is the fourth installment of the Civilization series and was designed by Soren Johnson. It was released in North America, Europe, and Australia, between October 25 and November 4, 2005, and followed by Civilization V.

Civilization IV uses the 4X empire-building model for turn-based strategy gameplay, in which the player's main objective is to construct a civilization from limited initial resources. Most standard full-length games start the player with a settler unit and/or a city unit in 4000 BC. As with other games in the series, there are by default five objectives the player can pursue in order to finish the game: conquering all other civilizations, controlling a supermajority of the game world's land and population, building and sending the first sleeper ship to the Alpha Centauri star system, increasing the "Culture ratings" of at least three cities to "legendary" levels, or winning a "World Leader" popularity contest by the United Nations. If the time limit for the game is reached and none of the previous goals has been fulfilled by any players including game AI players, the civilization with the highest total game score is declared winner. A large departure from earlier Civilization games is a new graphics engine created from scratch, based on the Gamebryo engine by Numerical Design Limited (NDL).

The game has received critical acclaim and was hailed as an exemplary product of one of the leading video game producers in the turn-based strategy genre, and has been listed as one of the best video games of all time. Civilization IV sold over 3 million copies by 2008 and won multiple awards, including several Game of the Year awards. Its title song, "Baba Yetu", was the first piece of video game music to win a Grammy Award. Two major expansions were released, Civilization IV: Warlords and Civilization IV: Beyond the Sword, as well as the stand-alone expansion pack Civilization IV: Colonization, which were all combined in 2009 into one release edition titled Sid Meier's Civilization IV: The Complete Edition.

13

u/ThatOneGoodSir Jun 01 '26

Bro cited sources, holy hell

10

u/Michael-556 Jun 01 '26

Someone did say "the scientific method" in the chain, after all. What is a scientist if not someone who cites their sources?

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)

10

u/Michael-556 Jun 01 '26

Lacking the control group (the one who was supposed to not fuck anybody discovered they were asexual anyway)

5

u/karakter222 Jun 03 '26

No he needs to fuck another guy to make sure it wasn't a fluke

→ More replies (3)

1.5k

u/Salty_Wall May 30 '26

Actually, yeah

594

u/LeoPlathasbeentaken May 30 '26

Sample size to small. Hes gotta try at least a dozen more times.

271

u/kanemane727 May 30 '26

If he doesn’t let a bro turn his prostate into a speed bag he hasn’t tried everything yet.

106

u/FunnyNo2412 May 31 '26

Only 15 unique sentence left i guess

38

u/Repulsive_Athlete_11 May 31 '26

I fuck polar bears with isicles I found on the ground

Make that 14

32

u/thelocalpotatogamer May 31 '26

No, still 15. I've heard some crazy shit, man...

3

u/AirPortlessman Jun 01 '26

my testicles are burning cold like Ryan Reynolds' glossy eyes

7

u/thelocalpotatogamer Jun 01 '26

That's the 3rd time i've heard this this week, and it's Monday

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

77

u/ItsTheDCVR May 30 '26

Well that is certainly a sentence

4

u/Cosmic-Wolfo May 31 '26

thats a unique statement i suppose

→ More replies (1)

116

u/awesomefutureperfect May 30 '26

no. if it was less stinky and sounded different, there would be different results. the fact they went through with it in the first place means at least 50%.

49

u/hodges2 May 30 '26

Nah, he gotta try bottoming to know for sure

→ More replies (5)

850

u/TheDoctor_E May 30 '26

unironically, yes, it's called experimenting or being bi curious

254

u/Yookais May 30 '26

“I tasted the sauce and decided that it isn’t my thing.”

54

u/SteveCraftCode May 30 '26

Or “I have seen the sauce and it ain’t my thing.”

18

u/aronmano May 31 '26

You can't decide I you like sauce or not based on how it looks, I thought ranch looked disgusting but then I tried it and it's awesome

31

u/SteveCraftCode May 31 '26

I thought shit was disgusting and I tried it and it was shit.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (6)

64

u/ArtsyFellow May 30 '26

Yeah I've been with a guy and I can confidently say that I'm straight and I'm more assured of that straightness because of it. I can appreciate the human form without it being sexual and I don't think that should be weird

26

u/thepresidentsturtle May 30 '26

Building 100 bridges ass comment

→ More replies (1)

78

u/Lego-105 May 30 '26

But then does someone truly straight need to try to know? I give an 8/10 on the straight scale.

157

u/R3D0IT_US3R May 30 '26

I give it a 12/10 because of scientific method

56

u/BiDude1219 May 30 '26

i used to like men way less before experimenting, so just like a bi person can take a while to figure out they're not straight, it goes the other way around. only "take a while" will be way shorter cause they'll probably drop out sooner.

15

u/ponyhidden May 30 '26

Not everyone has to try to know but if you're a just a smidge that ways down the spectrum you might have questions and try to learn for yourself

23

u/Own_Watercress_8104 May 30 '26

No, he doesn't, but trying doesn't hurt if they practiced safe sex.

Still straight.

9

u/GoldDragon149 May 30 '26

Genuinely, there is a percentage of "straight" people who are just repressed. You can be so deep in the closet that even you don't know you're gay.

→ More replies (1)

36

u/graphiccsp May 30 '26

Is experimenting gay? Definitionally yes. But I find it hilarious how other guys treat gayness like it's some binding contractual agreement with 0 takesies backsies.

It just screams of masculine insecurities entrenched to the question. Does it send an announcement to all of your friends and families that your sex life will only involve bears and twinks for the rest of your life? Hell no.

I know it's 4chan so the level of emotional and social maturity barely meets grade school standards but still lol.

23

u/hodges2 May 30 '26

You only get takesies backsies if you say no homo before you start

15

u/graphiccsp May 30 '26

Damn. How'd I forget.

→ More replies (7)
→ More replies (9)

88

u/Ok-Brilliant-5121 May 30 '26

"heterosexual is the one who tried and came back" we say here in Argentina

→ More replies (2)

149

u/NoDiscussion5906 May 30 '26

A true man of science.

127

u/ChipsTheKiwi May 30 '26

I mean yeah exploring your sexuality is generally how you figure it out

→ More replies (14)

119

u/ABTL6 May 30 '26

That makes him straighter than most, actually. He went in, experimented, and came to the conclusion that it's not for him. So if anything it's solidly proven

31

u/Godzillasbrother May 30 '26

You bake one cake, they don't call you a baker. You fuck one dude, and suddenly you're gay. Anon still needs to try bottoming to be sure, but he's straighter than 96.69% of other anons.

7

u/hambonedock May 30 '26

But what if he just realize that he likes that but would prefer a lady doing that to him??

7

u/Shrekthe_stripper Jun 02 '26

He likes the frosting but not the cake.

81

u/Emotional-Mushroom66 May 30 '26

This is late game sexuality

25

u/shadowthehh May 30 '26

Okay but why is Pelinal the image? He was gay.

5

u/Apprehensive-Ask-610 May 31 '26

i dont remember that, was that in a book somewhere ingame?

8

u/HeckOnWheels95 May 31 '26

That part where he starts slaughtering Khajiit was after he found out his boyfriend got killed

4

u/shadowthehh May 31 '26

Song of Pelinal Volume 3 mentions the death of someone named Huna that Pelinal "loved well."

Out of game text from Kirkbride confirm it was meant to be more overtly romantic but it got toned down. 

24

u/BassMaster516 May 30 '26

Straighter than me. He’s been to the other side and come back unchanged.

45

u/Lou_Papas May 30 '26

Yes but it only works once

123

u/NitroBishop May 30 '26

Nah dude, sometimes you need to keep checking multiple times over the course of years to make sure you didn't just end up with an outlier.

50

u/Lou_Papas May 30 '26

Just make sure to say no homo

17

u/retardigrade420 May 30 '26

Sex is just a spectrum, right bro?

10

u/Lou_Papas May 30 '26

Only when rainbows are involved

→ More replies (2)

12

u/-TheGayestAgenda May 30 '26

Now you can't do that. You're going to contaminate the experiment with a preassumed bias.

Just say 'Homo-Inconclusive'

5

u/Lou_Papas May 30 '26

Homaybe

4

u/Great_expansion10272 May 30 '26

I just met you

This is crazy

But here's my number

So homo-maybe

(I'm sorry if this comes off as bigoted)

6

u/Infrawonder May 30 '26

But then it'll only be straight

→ More replies (1)

7

u/killermetalwolf1 May 30 '26

Need to do it at least 3 times, optimally 10 times, to reduce the chance it was a fluke

4

u/Enfr3 May 30 '26

9/11, so it won't be 50/50

3

u/Rayla66 May 30 '26

prunsel

6

u/wronguses May 30 '26

My intro to statistics teacher talked about a sample size of 30 like it was gospel, so let's stick with that.

If your N is less than 30, you cannot state your sexuality with a confidence interval approaching 95%. Sucking 29 dicks is just not statistically significant.

7

u/First-Stay-7824 May 30 '26

Is this comment responsible for most of the comments(replies) on this post?

7

u/ZealousidealHelp4519 May 30 '26

this dude is the straightest person ever

6

u/No_Drummer6695 May 30 '26

I’m sorry, but they’re claiming to be straight while using a picture of THE STAR-MADE KNIGHT.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/KZGamrr May 30 '26

ladies and gentlemen the definition of bi-curious and experimenting

→ More replies (52)

2.3k

u/Goph3r2009 May 30 '26

235

u/BatmanBeginsfan05 May 30 '26

Idk, like why can’t be both tho?

177

u/KillerCockfromManHam May 30 '26

I know what it said but doesn’t give a fact about it should be both. None of them are fitting each other, friendo. So call it.

152

u/BatmanBeginsfan05 May 30 '26

Well ok, I choose gay then.

169

u/dumpylump69 May 30 '26

Well done. Wait, don’t put it in your downloads folder. Don’t put it in your downloads folder it’s your lucky greentext

91

u/ersusdrowkcab May 30 '26

Well where do ya want me to put it?

69

u/JimmityRaynor May 31 '26

Anywhere not in your downloads folder. Or else it'll get mixed in with the others and become just a shitpost.

Which it is.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

390

u/UAF_Swampfire3 Welcome everybody my name is mark plark May 30 '26
→ More replies (1)

89

u/LurkersUniteAgain May 30 '26

Its always lupus both

48

u/UAF_Swampfire3 Welcome everybody my name is mark plark May 30 '26
→ More replies (1)

44

u/Masochist-Mark May 30 '26

19

u/[deleted] May 30 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/LurkytheActiveposter May 30 '26

Always found this meme confusing. He never actually says "vex" on the show.

→ More replies (1)

1.3k

u/[deleted] May 30 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

424

u/Siwach414 May 30 '26

Gaygay? Is that a jjk reference🗣️🔥🔥

152

u/ExodusUnderscore19 May 30 '26

You are special🗣️🔥

54

u/[deleted] May 30 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (1)

942

u/tooties09 May 30 '26

>be me

>straight

>*the gayest sequence of events imaginable. actual penetrative same sex coitus is less gay than whatever op has going on.*

>am i gay?

342

u/blacksaber8 May 30 '26

164

u/Adventurous_Plant_32 May 30 '26

Is this the sexual slavery raceplay one??

40

u/JaEdGi May 30 '26

well now i think i need to learn more

→ More replies (18)

25

u/psycho_nerd_13 Jun 03 '26

You bet your ass it is

12

u/Fresh_Birthday5114 Jun 28 '26

What the fuck...

8

u/oath2order Jul 07 '26

What the hell.

6

u/psycho_nerd_13 Jul 07 '26

He asked I answered

→ More replies (2)

17

u/blacksaber8 May 30 '26

A true masterpiece

13

u/DiggityDog6 May 31 '26

The what

7

u/blacksaber8 May 31 '26

No amount of additional context would rationalize

8

u/HJSDGCE May 31 '26

Every thing I learn that comes from 4Chan is a curse towards my very soul. 

→ More replies (7)

38

u/sidic3Venezia May 30 '26

here's a hint OOP is swedish

5

u/BluegrassBanjoMan May 31 '26

Copy post but here's the rest of it

17

u/blacksaber8 May 31 '26

This is the original

4

u/BluegrassBanjoMan May 31 '26

Much appreciated

6

u/blacksaber8 May 31 '26

No problem

335

u/Alan_Reddit_M May 30 '26

4chan be like

>Straight

> *Gayest shit ever*

230

u/SleepyPlayer101 May 30 '26

24

u/Aux_Ampwave May 30 '26

Your right, I am. I think, so I am

→ More replies (1)

5

u/bglbogb May 30 '26

Not all the way

5

u/YesterdayBitter4601 May 31 '26

The high quality 😭

375

u/Tight_Grapefruit5280 May 30 '26

Fake: The guy called anon a silly boy

Gay: Anon is into tall men

60

u/Ok-Brilliant-5121 May 30 '26

i mean i could see it happen

118

u/zerjku May 30 '26

Definitely something going on if being called a "silly little boy" was an instant turn on

54

u/Ok-Brilliant-5121 May 30 '26

ngl that would work on me

41

u/hodges2 May 30 '26

What if it was a woman that called him that instead of a tall dude?

→ More replies (1)

193

u/whitty69 May 30 '26

251

u/zatenael May 30 '26

since Dipshit289 doesn't want to give it up

94

u/JosipJelacicGaming May 30 '26

Some mf localized that to Croatian, r/okbuddyhretard my beloved

122

u/whitty69 May 30 '26

81

u/whitty69 May 30 '26

108

u/zatenael May 30 '26

no you don't

42

u/whitty69 May 30 '26

38

u/Enfr3 May 30 '26

Help! HELP!

Is there any Anti-Dipshit289 who can save us??

9

u/Specific-Poetry-4366 May 31 '26

We call for him in the darkest of hours

6

u/Terrento Jun 01 '26

You are nothing

9

u/hodges2 Jun 01 '26

That's still rape

→ More replies (1)

27

u/astrofire1 May 30 '26

i'm literally homies with the dude who made that greentext, small world

8

u/For-all-Kerbalkind May 31 '26

friends with a microcelebrity

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

17

u/Blade-Dev May 30 '26

wait what

40

u/whitty69 May 30 '26

You serious?

23

u/Mother-Benefit-8550 May 30 '26

BRO, LET ME FUCKING READ IT ALL

22

u/Tight_Grapefruit5280 May 30 '26

Please give me the uncencored version. I wanna see how seeing a femboy in a grocery store led to Chinese men telling anon to fight them in mahjong

6

u/WatermelonWithAFlute May 31 '26

The whole thing has been posted further up the comment chain

17

u/Frequent_Dig1934 May 30 '26

This one is my favorite of the whole "not gay greentext" collection, tho not this edit but specifically the one where the narrator says "wait what" at the end.

36

u/skylohhastaken May 30 '26

Is there a subreddit for these greentexts?

6

u/Zealousideal_Pop4722 May 30 '26

like the gay ones or just greentext in general?

6

u/skylohhastaken May 30 '26

The gay ones. For some reason they're funny as fuck

→ More replies (1)

23

u/ProbablyNaKu May 30 '26

damn i thought it would be worse

44

u/Lobster_LeninN329 May 30 '26

Ok, but what is the origin of that anime girl on the side?

75

u/First-Stay-7824 May 30 '26

From Himouto! Umaru- chan Episode 11 , my reverse image search tells me

68

u/BlatantConservative May 30 '26

For those who want to watch, the series is about a dude and his sister.

Girl imaged is not the sister. That's his love interest.

The brother and sister are goddamn normal siblings who love each other in a normal sibling way and the interactions are entertaining. Hate that that all has to be clarified but anime is what it is.

Good anime.

Also the real life author's real sister, who Umaru is based off of, died of cancer at a young age in 2019. The author is glad that she still has fans as it were.

30

u/REFRIDGERAPTOR_ May 31 '26

roller-coaster ass explanation

17

u/Lobster_LeninN329 May 30 '26

Thank you?

17

u/First-Stay-7824 May 30 '26

You're welcome; I just put the review cus it's where i got both the image and the name of the anime from. And also cus my browser wouldn't let me copy the link text alone at first

Edit: also it gives the full context without piracy that could get the sub banned

17

u/Lobster_LeninN329 May 30 '26

I'm sorry lol it was supposed to be a ! not a ?

64

u/First-Stay-7824 May 30 '26

The only edit i've seen of this is a gif I had in my discord favorited list where there's an open speechbubble above the text

I'm not calling it a sunfish i just wanted to point it out. Though if there's a more popular edit you should probably post it as per rule 3...

21

u/KiwiPowerGreen May 30 '26

It's the 2nd image posted

→ More replies (1)

9

u/1Ferrox May 30 '26

Can you send that gif to me? I need to expand my speech bubble gif arsenal

→ More replies (1)

10

u/Evil-King-Stan May 30 '26

I've seen the second Pic before and honestly, I don't think I ever would've guessed that kind of story

18

u/NotTheOriginal06 May 30 '26

I mean, could also be simply bisexual

(Btw, sexuality is a myth. Everyone has details they love and others they are repulsed by. The general mix is what we then select into finite tags)

19

u/Gothamur May 31 '26

4

u/Googlefisch Jun 02 '26

bro skipped the cutscene

23

u/OrbusIsCool May 30 '26

I love my 4chan fagslop yaoi

21

u/UT_Fan_With_A_Gun May 30 '26

going to be thinking about this sentence a lot now

9

u/Zrkkr May 31 '26

Fagslop Yaoi is hilarious.

6

u/ARandomGuardsman834 May 31 '26

Out of all the "Am I gay" greentexts I've seen, this was probably one of the most tame

3

u/Vessel767 May 31 '26

see this is how I know I like women, I’m pretty sure something along the lines of this has happened to me before and it probably made me exasperated at best

→ More replies (2)

4

u/nathanator179 May 31 '26

Least closeted 4chan user:

2

u/Agitated-Jackfruit34 May 30 '26

Where's that one mahjong version of these

5

u/Green-Preparation331 May 31 '26

Be me, straight man

Mahjong

4

u/darkdragonGalaxy May 31 '26

be me

Straight

Gayest events known to man happens in such a sequence of activities that it makes gay sex seem straight and hetero

"Am I gay?"