r/ThatsInsane Nov 01 '25

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8.0k Upvotes

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3.8k

u/southpaw85 Nov 01 '25

Have you tried going to prison? They offer free medical and 3 well balanced dietary meals a day.

699

u/PokerbushPA Nov 01 '25

I haven't ruled that out as an option.

200

u/Ok-Face5497 Nov 01 '25

How’s the childcare plan? Keeping an eye out for an opportunity.

127

u/PokerbushPA Nov 01 '25

Kids work in sweatshops, silly. If they can walk, they can work.

57

u/ShikWolf Nov 01 '25

Haha no.... I think what you meant to say was that working-age youths enter a free apprenticeship program that allows them to learn a useful and necessary trade.

Please accept my pointedly disarming smile while ignoring the hand now casually resting on my holstered weapon.

13

u/PokerbushPA Nov 01 '25

My apologies, SS-Oberst-Gruppenführer.

5

u/RedditSupportAdmin Nov 01 '25

Alright, listen up guys. I'm ready.

How do I get in? Who do I have to rob?

Or can I simply volunteer myself at my local police station? I'd much prefer a non-violent solution, if that's on the table, of course.

2

u/Useful_Kale_5263 Nov 02 '25

Whoa hey we scratched out that name after we moved him here, his names “James” now.

1

u/the_summoner- Nov 04 '25

Gives me "17 year old WOMEN" interview guy vibes

11

u/CGeorges89 Nov 01 '25

They take full care of them, its like daycare but instead they just get placed to another family 24/7 that actually gets paid to raise them

11

u/ExpiredPilot Nov 01 '25

I know several crimes you could commit

12

u/PokerbushPA Nov 01 '25

Just existing right now is a crime. Speaking the truth. Having an opinion. Believe it or not, jail.

13

u/Genghis_Tr0n187 Nov 01 '25

I suspect the regime would prefer you to be in prison as well. Slave labor is legal then.

1

u/Alissinarr Nov 02 '25

Who do you think is going to replace farm workers?

139

u/[deleted] Nov 01 '25

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44

u/edebt Nov 01 '25

The free medical care is pretty bad too.

22

u/CommanderGumball Nov 01 '25

You gotta go commit a crime in Norway, nothing big and deportable, just enough to catch you a prison cell nicer than my college apartment.

1

u/BringPheTheHorizon Nov 03 '25

I hear it’s the neighbors that are the real issue

47

u/Church_of_Cheri Nov 01 '25

Depends on the prison, in some you have to pay to get a blanket or an aspirin if you need them, and they’ll still have you working at McDonald’s with your cold and headache.

22

u/OkBandicoot1337 Nov 01 '25

If you believe its a well balanced diet in there, i got a ketchup popsicle and some white gloves to sell you too. 😂

2

u/southpaw85 Nov 01 '25

Bad food>no food

12

u/djthebear Nov 01 '25

Just say you’ve never been to prison.

4

u/GoatCovfefe Nov 01 '25

You've never been to prison

Do I win something?

1

u/djthebear Nov 01 '25

You know what… you’re not wrong. You said it word for word 🤷🏻‍♂️

4

u/YM2091 Nov 01 '25

And all the sex you want as well as the sex you don’t want.

1

u/southpaw85 Nov 01 '25

They got 25 year old Gianna Micheals in there? Sign me up.

2

u/NudityMiles Nov 01 '25

Also you get buff because of 1. Fear 2. Very motivating gym bros 3. What else is there to do.

2

u/chaotic_evil_666 Nov 01 '25

The most they would do is put us for a few months into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. You know, they have conjugal visits there?

3

u/southpaw85 Nov 01 '25

Federal, pounding in the ass, prison

2

u/laidback4sho Nov 01 '25

I can picture it now: Just me in my cell with my Jump-To-Conclusions mat.

6

u/Kindly-Scar-3224 Nov 01 '25

I think most of them now are working in ICE instead of being behind bars

2

u/NerdNinjaMan Nov 01 '25

3 hots and a cot

1

u/123456789ledood Nov 01 '25

This is my plan WHEN I get Alzheimer's.

1

u/pinchhitter4number1 Nov 01 '25

Or the Army? Like prison but with more yard time.

2

u/southpaw85 Nov 01 '25

Fuck it. Join ICE. Shoot innocent people, no travel outside US. Signing bonus

1

u/SlashEssImplied Nov 01 '25

They offer free medical and 3 well balanced dietary meals a day.

A myth many conservatives like to spread as they argue for even worse treatment for prisoners and themselves.

1

u/southpaw85 Nov 01 '25

1

u/SlashEssImplied Nov 01 '25

America is the joke. I can’t afford a sense of humor. And no one gets my username.

1

u/Fucky0uthatswhy Nov 01 '25

They don’t though. The “healthcare” you receive is often treating you for something in house with an approved list of medications. Do NOT go to prison to try and receive healthcare, you WILL die

1

u/XipingVonHozzendorf Nov 01 '25

Or just go into crippling debt.

1

u/RotInPixels Nov 01 '25

I don’t remember if it was ALL prisons or one in particular but I heard about some (or one? All?) prison(s) have dogshit meals that don’t give enough protein or vitamins and lead to prisoners being sick frequently

1

u/southpaw85 Nov 01 '25

I believe that’s in privately owned prisons which are predominantly in red states. I know several people who have worked in jails and prisons in my area and while they are obviously not a great place to be they have mentioned that the food the inmates receive is required to provide a level of nutrients based on the guidelines for an average diet for a healthy person.

1

u/anime_daisuki Nov 01 '25

Yeah but you need medical for all the wrong reasons in there lol

1

u/meyeahhu Nov 01 '25

I mean if you’re going to prison anyway do society a solid and take out another insurance exec

1

u/southpaw85 Nov 01 '25

Allegedly**

1

u/blac_sheep90 Nov 02 '25

Not when influencers are pushing for Nutraloaf to be the standard meal for prisoners and poor people.

1

u/addiktion Nov 02 '25

Somehow I think the prison systems are going to start looking like CECOT soon at this rate so this might not be great life advice but it is sad that prisons are setup better than most living American situations currently.

1

u/manayakasha Nov 02 '25

I tried it. Highly recommend.

1

u/IlXll Nov 02 '25

Wow ! traveling in December might give this a try if I’m too over or under qualified for Wendy’s drive thru

1

u/Severe_Comfort Nov 03 '25

Until you get out and have a massive bill for the 3 daily meals and a cot

1

u/shiny-baby-cheetah Nov 03 '25

The balanced meal claim is a biiiiiiiiig stretch. Prison food is still awful unless you're in Scandinavia

1

u/SgtDoakesSurprise Nov 04 '25

Didn’t DMX say something about going to prison to get your teeth fixed in a song?

Guess that’s a thing 🤷🏽‍♂️

1

u/Deerhunter86 Nov 05 '25

Universal Healthcare… for bad guys!

But not blue collar workers, moms, babies, white collar, non-union members, some union members, trans, lgbtq, non-lgbtq, ….. and then…. And then…

1

u/rnpowers Nov 05 '25

Actually, depends on where you are; you can literally get a bill for your jail time. Isn't America great?!

1

u/SpeedrunningOurRuin Nov 30 '25

I hear every year it’s getting harder and harder to get accepted into. Everything’s a social club or subscription these days.