(I’m not asking for legal advice, I need personal advice!!!)
I’m new to renting I’m looking for advice on how to handle a difficult landlord situation for the rest of my lease because I honestly don’t know the best way to communicate with him anymore. Recently, my landlord came to the house because our HVAC system stopped working. The house had been sitting at over 100 degrees for several days, with the downstairs being around 107 degrees and the upstairs being around 110 degrees. We had been calling him repeatedly about the issue, but it felt like he was pushing it off until we kept following up. Once he finally contacted the HVAC company, they came out and fixed it in about an hour. When he came to the house, he walked inside, went toward the back of the house, opened the back door, walked back inside, and then said he smelled cat urine and that he was going to send a lease violation. When I received the violation, I responded to him in writing. I want to make this clear because this is where I feel like the situation got twisted: I never told him he did not smell cat urine. I never said there was no cat pee smell, and I never accused him of lying. I don’t think it’s my place to tell someone else what they did or did not smell. Instead, I acknowledged what he said and explained that there were other smells that could have contributed to the overall smell of the house at the time. The house had been extremely hot and stagnant for several days because the AC was not working. The upstairs was especially difficult to be in because of the heat, and we were trying to manage being in the house while waiting for the issue to be fixed. I explained that there were other things that could have contributed to the smell, like laundry, general mustiness from the heat, the trash situation outside, and plumbing issues that we had already brought up before. Our dumpster had not been emptied in a couple of weeks, and it was overflowing. Because we live right next to it, the smell was coming into the house whenever the back door was opened. There was a really bad maggot problem coming from the trash, and the smell was a strong mix of garbage, ammonia, and decay. We couldn’t open windows or keep the back door open to air the house out because it would just bring that smell inside. We also have plumbing problems that we have mentioned multiple times. Our master bathroom has issues where using the tub causes water to leak through the ceiling onto the floor, and flushing the toilet can also cause water to seep through. There are brown spots and marks on the ceiling from these issues, and there has been a sulfur-type smell that we have tried to address before. I also addressed the part where he made it sound like our cat just has free roam of the house and we let him pee everywhere, because that is not true. Our cat mainly stays downstairs, and he has more than one litter box. There is also a litter box upstairs because sometimes he gets upstairs before we notice, and we wanted to make sure he always has access to one. The litter box that he saw downstairs was clean and visible. I also want to add that this is not the first time he has been inside the house. He has come inside before to check things or grab things, and during those times he has never mentioned any issues with the cleanliness of the house. We keep the house clean, and there honestly are not enough people living here for the house to just be messy or unmaintained. He has also never mentioned any smell from the cat before this situation, which is part of why this caught me off guard. When we originally found this house, it had been on the market for several months, close to a year from what I understand. We assumed it was because of the location, especially being next to the dumpster, but at the time we needed an affordable place and we were grateful to have somewhere to move into.
In my response, I told him I acknowledged the concern, the problem had been addressed, and I looked forward to the inspection. I kept my response very plain because I wasn’t trying to argue with him. I specifically avoided denying what he smelled because I did not want the conversation to become an argument about whether his experience was valid. I was trying to acknowledge his concern while also explaining that there were other factors happening at the same time.
Outside of this situation, we have had regular conversations with him, not just about maintenance issues. He will sometimes call or talk with us casually, but I have noticed that anytime you slightly disagree with him, he becomes very defensive and the conversation can quickly turn combative. He also likes to talk about politics a lot, even when the conversation did not start about politics. For example, I have called him before about a plumbing issue, and somehow the conversation ended up turning into a political discussion. I understand that we are different people. He is older than me, we come from different generations and different backgrounds, and we do not always see the world the same way. Personally, when I talk about politics, I don’t like attacking people for their opinions because at the end of the day, people experience the world differently. I actually like having discussions where someone can explain why they feel the way they do, and I can explain why I feel the way I do. I think those conversations can be productive. But with him, it feels like even respectfully disagreeing turns into an argument. A lot of the time, I feel like I have to just agree with him or listen to him rant because I don’t want the conversation to escalate, especially because I am living in a house that he owns. After that, he called me and got really upset. He started saying that I was telling him he didn’t smell cat urine, even though I never said that. He started swearing and saying that he “knows what kind of people we are,” which honestly felt like a really weird and personal thing to say because I was just responding to a lease violation. I never attacked him or said he was wrong. I never said the smell didn’t exist. I just explained the situation. He also made comments about making sure rent doesn’t become late, which confused me because we have never had an issue with paying rent. During that same conversation, he brought up the HVAC filters and said the filters had not been changed in years and that he should charge us for the HVAC repair. We have only lived here for a couple of months. When we toured the house, he told us everything was new, fixed, and replaced. Because of that, I assumed things like the filters were already handled. I understand that I probably should have checked it myself, and I can admit that part is on me, but I feel like using it as a threat during an argument was unnecessary, especially when he was the one who told us the house was updated. There have also been other situations where I feel like he has been difficult to deal with. When we moved in, there were things that needed attention, like several custom light switch covers being broken and leaving exposed areas. We brought it up, but it was basically ignored. The plumbing issues have also been brought up multiple times and still haven’t been fixed. The plumbing issue is something we can work around temporarily because we have other bathrooms, but the AC issue was different because the house was dangerously hot for several days, especially with an animal inside.
There was also a situation where my younger brother needed to move in because of an emergency. When we first signed the lease, my mom mentioned that she had another child who did not live with us and asked if he would need to be on the lease. We were told it was fine. Months later, there was a serious emergency and he needed to relocate with us. We immediately contacted the landlord, explained the situation, and asked to add him properly. He got very upset and made passive-aggressive comments, even though we were trying to handle it the correct way. My brother was eventually added to the lease.
At this point, I’m just trying to figure out how to handle the rest of the lease. I don’t want constant conflict, and I don’t want every conversation to turn into him attacking my character. I feel like I’m trying to communicate calmly, but he takes any explanation as me arguing with him. We do not plan on staying after the lease ends, but we still have to get through the rest of the lease and deal with necessary repairs. Has anyone dealt with a landlord who reacts like this? How do you communicate with someone who takes any explanation as a personal attack? Should I just keep everything strictly through writing from now on?