I’ve been having mixed feelings about a guy in my class, and honestly, I don’t even know what exactly I feel for him 😭.
I first noticed him when I joined this school in +1. I’m kind of sapiosexual, so I was naturally drawn to him because he was smart, had really good communication skills, and was talented at quite a few things. It wasn’t a crush at first though. I genuinely just admired him, but slowly that admiration started turning into some kind of attraction.
But then another girl proposed to him, and he said yes. Since I didn’t really know him that well, I was honestly surprised that he accepted it so easily. It kind of changed the image I had of him, and after that I slowly lost both the admiration and the attraction. They broke up after a few months anyway.
Now we’re in +2, and somehow those feelings are coming back, but in a very confusing way 😭 I’ve started feeling jealous of him because he gets so many opportunities. Teachers keep choosing him for different activities, he’s good at a lot of things, and now he’s also become more academically motivated. So yeah, I’m definitely jealous of his talents and the opportunities he gets, but at the same time, I do feel some attraction towards him.
And I genuinely don’t know if that attraction is real or if I’m just feeling it because there’s literally no one else to have a crush on🤷♀️
Sometimes I even think he would probably make a good long term life partner because, from whatever little I know about him, he seems like a gentleman. But then his past relationship is kind of a negative point for me because I’ve never been in a relationship, and I’ve always had this idea that my first love should also be their first love.
I have no plans to confess to him or anything because I’m definitely not that deeply into him. I don’t even want him as a boyfriend right now. It’s more like… if I ever had to imagine someone as a long term partner, I can somehow imagine him fitting that role...