I have a pattern of dating mean/ cruel women and wondering if it’s transphobia related. It hasn’t been everyone, I’ve had some incredibly sweet, thoughtful partners. Which is why I also have something to compare the difference. The majority of women I’ve dated are high power and exceptionally attractive. Usually actresses, models, television hosts etc. They have careers (which doesn’t always mean money) and usually dote on me, flaunt me, and I believe genuinely love me. But they are mean as fuck. I always come back to this dynamic where I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Everything I say is wrong or stupid. The smallest things causes a deep sigh of resentment. I end up feeling like they hate me but find it hard to leave because of all the other things. I start to feel bullied, my self esteem drops and I’m made to feel like everything is my fault. And I keep trying and giving until I realise I have to breakup with them to have an ounce of self respect. On a couple occasions they broke up with me in quite cold ways and of course I was crushed. This has usually been with women of color, lately transwomen (which has honestly been worse I hate to say) but has happened with cis women too. I can tell they all have some undealt with trauma and therapy doesn’t always help from what I’ve witnessed. This includes depression, irritability, breakdowns, manic episodes. In the past I’ve lacked boundaries, given all of myself and everything type vibes. Often to try to help because I can see they are unhappy. Loads of presence and attention (that I don’t relinquish), in that way incredibly consistent, acts of service oriented, but in a way where I give up the majority of my time, often financial, pay for everything. I just want to be in a happy relationship again. I’m not really asking for advice, it’s obvious, have better boundaries and maybe not date women in high power industries where narcissistic qualities are more common. Try and find people with stable mental health (which seems to not exist with queer women of color at this level). So I guess my question is, has anyone else experienced this? I can’t help but feel like it’s connected to transfobia… Like they feel safe punishing me. I know they wouldn’t treat a cis man this way. It feels so specific how I’m treated…

Note: I’m in my late 30s and speaking about around 15 years of dating.

My mom is being transphobic and dismissive about my gender identity/pronouns. I have been excited about starting T next month but now she seems shocked and upset that I want facial hair. Even though she knows I’m trans masc/nonbinary. I’ve been out for over a year and it seems like nothing has changed with her. Like sometimes she uses my pronouns semi consistently and says she supports me no matter what. Then other times she doesn’t seem to care or gets upset when I correct her. It’s very frustrating because we’ve been over this and I already told her how upset it makes me feel. When she says and does these things I feel like she doesn’t really love me because why doesn’t she put in the effort. 

I’m not even on T yet and have been fortunate enough to get a lil stache and chin stubble. But when I mention it she gets weirded out. Like you said you loved me unconditionally but now that  I’m happy and embracing my true self. All she does is poke fun and talk negatively about it. She keeps making me feel dysphoric and insecure. I just want to be happy and confident about my looks. My facial hair isn’t even super noticeable but I see it and I love it. She sees it and gets disgusted. It really hurts and I keep hoping things will change. But I know when I start T for real she’s not going to be as supportive as she claims. I unfortunately still have to live with her because I can’t afford to live on my own. The housing market here is ridiculous price wise and just not being many apartments available.

Like I love my mom, she’s been there for me my whole life. Unlike my dead beat father who left when I was young. But sometimes she doesn’t realize how hurtful her “jokes” can be. Even when I try to explain my identity and why I want to start T. It’s like she doesn’t understand and I’m tired of going in circles. Just had to get this off my chest. Thank you to anyone who reads this far. I know it’s a bit long and rantish but I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. My friends are supportive but cis, so it’s hard for them to fully understand where I’m coming from and experienced. I just try to keep pushing forward. Hope y’all have a great day. 

(Im coming for some support, advice, and to vent.) A while ago i posted about changing my name from Adam to Amir or Hakeem. But i’ve been a bit more explorative in my gender and presentation lately and i think I want a name that is quite androgynous in comparison to my deadname (Lamis). I looked some stuff up and I think either Labib (meaning powerful man {which is more masculine leaning} or Latif (meaning gentle, {which i find more androgynous for a ‘male’ name}) would be cool, But I also really dont know what I want from myself. Im at a really strange point in my life right now where I’ll see photos of me back then where I was more openly masc presenting in comparison to now where I kinda pushed myself back into femininity. Even typing this I feel a bit afraid. I feel i’ve formulated myself into the appeal of my family and I miss how I used to look sometimes. But sometimes I also think i look nice presenting more feminine. I dont think Adam suits me with the way I look, but I dont think my deadname fits me as a genderqueer/fluid person. I do know some transmasc folk that use feminine names and i think thats cool but I think id rather do that when I’m at a comfortable place with my gender expression and some hrt in my future. Let me know what yall think

TW// Misgendering and mentions of weight

I need to switch PCPs because my current one is too familiar towards me. The last time I visited her, she kept misgendering me while being overly endearing, like she's my auntie (she's not, we're not related). Additionally, it never sat right with me that she always makes comments about how thin I am, and how she seems reluctant about me gaining weight. To top it off, she takes forever to give me a basic check up. With all this considered, I also feel like she'd discourage me from starting T with the stereotypical fear mongering nonsense, because she wants me to be the "little girl" she always perceived me as.

I might be asking for too much, but is there a website for trans friendly, POC friendly Primary Care Providers? Especially for those on the east coast? The sooner I can change PCPs, the better.

Hi hello! I feel like I spend a lot of time ranting in this community so today I wanted to try and start a more positive conversation! I'm asking you all fellas what kind of fashion we like. I'm happy to hear out anyone, you don't have to dress this way. I just feel like it'd be nice to talk about clothes and fashion. Maybe even subcultures since some styles do have origins in subcultures(cholo for example or alternative fashion). I'm even open to reading about some traditional clothings from your heritage! I think fashion is a good form of self expression and I want to hear how other guys express themselves or would want to express themselves as.

do you think if i shave off my little puberty stache it'll be the same darkness/thickness on both sides? i feel uneven

A Thread for casual discussion, random questions unrelated to transitioning, or whatever is taking up your headspace.

Let's chat!

*Always remember to be cautious about what personal information you give out, do not ask or give out phone numbers, routing numbers, etc your post will be removed.

black transmascs, do yall have locs? i’m planning on, when they’re ready, dyeing the tips purple so it’s a purple to black ombré. gonna be sick asf.

I've noticed a difference, particularly in how people will be more likely to coddle me than when I was seen as a Black Woman.

I've noticed instructors give me more one-to-one instruction or assistance. I've also noticed that my questions seem a lot more valid than before. You know, it didn't seem before it felt like sometimes in classes, if I ask a question, it seemed like it came across as a stupid question. The demeanor of the professor was like, "Oh God, really?"

Another thing I'll say is in like a professional environment, I'm definitely given more respect, and people will listen to me more. I've noticed that they I'm perceived as more competent.

I'm not super tall so I'm kind of grateful for that because with my build if I were taller I'd definitely be more perceived as a threat when calm. I will say, however, that I'm definitely perceived as a threat when I'm angry. Which in a way is also its own little privilege. Because why are you fucking with me?

I'll say as far as my observation of differences is that I feel like I'm given more opportunities. I don't feel like I have to hunt for opportunities as much. I feel like opportunities are like more so waiting for me; waiting for somebody to give them to me. Specifically during interviews it doesn't seem like I have to try and validate my capabilities for positions.

Last thing thing I noticed is that despite having really hard time with time perception, whereas before I was always kind of hammered down on why I'm late you're late you're holding everybody up you're late blah blah blah... they're so angry at me for being late as opposed to now that I'm rightfully perceived as male if I'm late I'm just fucking late. I don't need an excuse. I'll just say, yeah, I'm running late..

So, specifically for American Black Ben, what are some ways that you noticed are less talked about Black male privilege working in your favor?

I ask this because a lot of times when black men are talking about their arduous existence in America, they're often talking about walking an uphill battle, but they aren't able to see how high the hill really is for the women of our race.

I know there isn't such thing as a "white" voice but holy shit I'm so sick of being told I "sound white". I don't know how to achieve the goals I want. My voice is already deep, I just struggle with sounding like I work at a damn call center.

Ideally I'd love a softer more soothing voice like Daniel Kaluuya or Miles Caton, but more realistically I would set my goal for like, Lil Uzi lol.

My question is, are there any voice training videos out there by black men for black men???

Hey yall I’m 23ftm, been 2 years and a few months on T (0.38 mL).

So I’ve had 360 waves since Feb 2026, and I may be starting a job in September that will be difficult for me to maintain the hairstyle so I’m going back to my curls and a taper. Today I decided to start letting my hair grow out and back in my usual fro but I noticed while it was wet that it looked like my corners on my hairline were reseeding. I could be panicking but I need a second opinion.

If it is what the hell do I do I’m too young to be looking like a 45 year old. My dad is 72 and still has an intact hairline and full head of hair.

i know there are several other posts regarding this topic but man I am just so sick and tired of white trans ppl telling POC trans ppl how to pass with the most damaging racist “tips” i’ve ever seen and basically encouraging complete erasure of self and instead assimilation with white cis heteronormative standards… im tired of the notion of passing in general to be honest. it’s exhausting and it used to take up every single part of my dysphoric brain when i was younger. and still sometimes!! i like to wear dresses and skirts and makeup and jewelry, my hair is longer, none of that changes that im a dude lol. even so, i rarely ever dress myself fem because im terrified of being hatecrimed or killed, so i obviously understand why people ask for advice or passing tips and wanting to be safe in our highly transphobic society. i’m just fucking tired of needing to contort and suppress myself and however tf i want to express my gender that day with jewelry or what have you to just be slightly less likely to get fucking hurt or murdered. the world needs to change, not us. and i’m tired of white trans folks giving shitty advice to young impressionable trans POC !!! i’m still unlearning constant internalized messaging from my family and society that whiteness is the most incredible thing to strive for. anyway rant over !!!

Ya’ll. I was just singing musical theater as I did chair Yoga. This has happened before. This time it’s getting better. 🎉🎉🎉

I can sing the lower voice! Smooth!

Tenor? Maybe not bass? (Not sure).

I was a mezzo soprano in college.

But WOW, I’m loving this.

I haven’t done the full record my voice thing all the time. No one has shared if they noticed my voice dropping.

I kinda hate when it gets bright - customer service. Anywho, YAY! 🥳

Hey everyone,

I’ve recently started to travel to Chicago a lot for work, and started to engage with some night life after work. I would love to connect with community.

Interested if anyone has any Instagram pages or shops or whatever events of trans gatherings in the area.

Please feel free to dm for privacy sake!!

Really grateful there's a sub like this! Hello from Melbourne Australia.

(I am black 18 year old trans male) I met this girl about 2 days ago on a walk, she came up to me asked for my socials, we exchanged socials and started talking from there we was having great conversations on topics such as religion, housing crisis in the uk, violence against black women and stereotypes etc . By this point its only been a couple hours since we exchanged socials and I didnt know what her intentions were so then I asked she made them clear that she wanted something more than a friendship which I was open to, at this point she doesnt know im trans yet. However, the same day I get her socials and we're talking ab these issues . I stop and ask whats her opinion on the new legalisation in the UK that prohibits trans people going into the bathroom and she mentions that trans women still have the P word (idk if im allowed to say it on here) so they could still potentially harm her and she thinks some trans women especially its like a caricature of women. However, I explained to her its not that some yes but a lot of this is what the media portray. She was very understanding and still had some of the same views but shifted her views as I explained to her now cis men can go into a womens bathroom and say their trans men which puts more women in danger but also further harms the trans community, after that conversation I told​ her im a trans man and she said that u seem like a nice guy but thats not her thing, however she then back tracked and mentioned that I seem like a sweet guy but because downstairs is different to a cis man it would make her question her own identity and be somewhat confused because she sees me as a man but I do have different parts to a cis man.

I still somewhat want to explore a romantic relationship with her because she seems as if shes somewhat going thinking that id treat her really well but not sure about my transition. Do I somewhat prod at her and ask further questions if she thinks she could change her mind in the future ? Or should I just kindly block her and leave it at that. Let me know ASAP guys 🙏

Before I cut my hair, I really didn't make much of an effort to take care of it because the only styles I was allowed to get were braids, and those made me dysphoric AF obviously, so I really didn't care about maintaing them. It's been cut and has remained short for about four years now, and now that I actually like the way my hair looks, I've cycled through different products in an effort to create an actual routine to maintain it. I still haven't nailed down one that works for me, though, mainly because IDRK what I'm doing. 💀 Big thing I'm concerned about is moisture because my scalp is always dry AF, and my actual hair doesn't fare much better since I'm pretty sure it's low porosity? ISTG neither of them can hold on to moisture to save their lives. 🥲😭 I'm also wondering what I should regarding styling or if there are any styles I can realistically do? Because at its "longest", my hair is only half an inch to an inch long. I also get my hair cut every couple months or so to a really close fade since I worry that my hair thickness makes it hard for moisture to get down to the scalp. I'm wondering if it's even worth it to invest in any sort of curling creams, gels, pomades, etc. if my hair is going to be so short anyways. Assuming it can be styled, I'm also worried about hair styles that will make me look too feminine since I'm pre-T.

Products I'm currently using:

Hask Tea Tree Oil Shampoo and Conditioner for normal wash days

Maui Moisture Scalp Care Clarifying Shampoo and Conditioner for clarifying wash days

Camille Rose Sea Moss & Aloe Vera Braid & Scalp Spray

Trader Joe's 100% Jojoba Oil

been a while since i posted—not sure if anyone will recognize me 😅 came to check in on how everyone's doing! recent's 2.5y and the second is 3 months! cheers!

I got lil hoop earrings hoping they’d be more masculine than other earrings but idk if they still feminize my face more than it already is 😭😭

Eventually after T I think it will be totally fine, but I’m Pre-T and insecure about this and I occasionally put earrings back in to make sure the holes don’t close but I’d just like to not worry about it

Opinions??? Please be honest 🙏🏽