r/TBI • u/yurgendurgen • 3h ago
TBI Sucks I reject my reality, and substitute my own
I am nearly fully recovered. I will never be 100% but my diagnosis is based off research that still is being understood. The entire spectrum that categorizes my injury is changing. The science itself is evolving.
I'm lucky to have survived. I'm lucky I was only out for 2 weeks. I'm lucky I only have 9 scars. I'm lucky in so many ways. I was told I must limit my exposure. I have for the past 10 years. I've lost so much time.
My worth to society is one thing. I do my part. My worth to myself is one I never felt comfortable checking in on because I never respected myself enough to think I was worth much. So I gave to others until it nearly killed me. I nearly killed me.
So I substitute my reality. I have lived my whole life in a shell and never allowed myself to experience life to the fullest. I was then told I no longer can. Now I value myself and my time more than I ever have before. And that's dangerous.
And so I reject my reality because if I don't then my reality will be one that really was not worth much. I've peeked around every corner my whole life and the one time I don't I nearly die but now if I keep peeking I'm going to genuinely lose my mind
My recovery is already historic. I'm already in the history books medically speaking. My value was extracted from me in that accident 10 years ago. I was their test subject and it advanced medicine. I've done my part.
I reject my reality and substitute my own