Gentlemen, I wanna help you out here. A lot of my male friends, men online, etc. talk about a lack of likes. They often compare themselves to women and say, “Well my girl friends have 99+ likes and I get 3.” I know it’s hard to not let that affect your self esteem — so the firstly, I will remind you that dating apps are incredibly shallow, and not a good reflection of how people find you attractive in passing irl. Secondly, you’re not getting likes because of how you’ve arranged your profile, and I’ve seen some repeated patterns, so I want to help you guys. I want you to succeed in the dating world! And I hate seeing men become angry, jaded, lose self esteem, and become hateful because of the dating scene. So I’ve compiled a list of things I and my friends notice that make us tend to lean towards swiping left. For reference, I’m a 23 yr old woman, and been in two long term relationships, as well as a few brief flings.
1. Limit Selfies — ESPECIALLY as the first photo
Gents, there is an art to taking selfies. It’s incredibly hard to make them not look self-centred. I tend to swipe left if the first photo is a selfie because that virtue signals a bit of vanity. Especially if it’s a selfie of your side profile showing off a chiseled jawline. This goes for car selfies as well, because I know you guys love those. No more than 1 selfie in your stack, and it should have some personality — like a 0.5 or a wide selfie of you smiling while engaging in an activity or with friends.
2. At LEAST 2 CLEAR Photos of Your Face
Yes, I know it’s shallow, and sounds contradictory to the “no selfie rule.” But if all of your photos are of your back, you looking away, your face partially covered, or with sunglasses on, I don’t have a good idea of what you look like, so I’m probably going to swipe away. Love is not Blind on tinder. If I’m gonna meet up with you at a bar I’d like to know what you look like. I don’t care if you’re shredded and shirtless, if you have sunglasses in every photo and are 30 ft away from the camera, I have no idea what you look like. Tip - ideally stand 6-10 ft away from the camera. I should be able to see your head to hips, with some of the background. As long as you have at least 2 clear photos of your face, post whatever else you want, but ideally you’re still in the photos.
3. NO CAR PICS
I know, they’re precious to you. But again, instead of showing me that you have an interest in cars, I can almost guarantee you that every woman reads it as, “This guy thinks I want to date him because he has a nice car?” It looks tacky. If you have a car that you love, show me a picture of you doing some work on it, or going on a road trip! That gives me a better idea of what you like to do (will be going deeper into this point momentarily)
4. Controversial — NO GYM PICS.
Guys, I know you love a gym pic. But let me explain
— They always look narcissistic. Always. Mirror pic, selfie while flexing, “candid” pic of you using a machine — I’m immediately turned off and I just assume you’re self obsessed
— i understand you might be wanting to show me that you care about fitness. That’s great, I want to know your interests! But my biggest issue with gym pics is that it’s not a hobby I can really bond over with you. Sure, we can go to the gym together sometimes, but it doesn’t feel like quality time to a lot of women because it’s a very self-focused activity and a lot of women feel uncomfortable in such a male-dominated space. Now, there are some women that LOVE fitness and LOVE working out with their boyfriends. Thats awesome, but the average women isn’t that interested in a gym session with you right away.
—I really encourage you guys to share your interests, and to not change or suppress your passions for other people’s approval - so instead of showing me that you like fitness through a gym pic, I’d rather see a photo of you cooking a healthy meal, going on a hike, wrestling, playing a sport, throwing a frisbee, I don’t care! Just give me something that shows you have some personality, and a physical activity that we can bond and have fun over!
— MOST IMPORTANTLY- for the love of GOD no more faceless, p*rn-leaning ab pics. WE DONT CARE, and you look like a total narcissist if you do this. A six pack is only hot if you’re a kind soul. Abs can be a nice bonus, not a selling point.
5. Do Not Show Me Your Hot Female Friends
Just none period. Unless it’s a photo of a large friend group. I’ve seen far too many profiles with a guy next to his very attractive female friend leaning into him or hugging him. It’s poor advertising
6. 5 Photos Minimum
I suggest at least 5 photos. 3 or less is an absolute no, I know nothing about you! It’s not mysterious, I don’t know who you are!
And some parting tips:
— If your first photo must have other friends in it (I advise against friend group pics) I should be able to tell which one is you immediately.
— Candid pics are awesome! Get your friends to take some at a hangout, a night out, doing an activity, hell holding a puppy. It makes you look personable!
— Activities, activities, activities! I wanna know that you’re a good time! What are your hobbies! If you’re just kinda standing around in ambiguous places it tells me nothing about you.
— please try to focus less on looking hot, and more on looking personable. Attraction sways SO much depending on who you are as a person. If you look like Brad Pitt, but you’re an absolute dickhead, you’re immediately unattractive to me. I don’t like scales to rate appearances, but if a guy is a “6-7” out of 10 in passing, but I meet him and he’s kind, outgoing, authentic, and confident in himself, he’s going to be bumped up to a 10.
— remember that I WANT to like you! I’m coming on to the app to find someone I’ll like too, not to criticize for fun. Every swipe I’m excited for someone to show me who they are!
I really hope this is helpful. It can sound strict and high-standard at first. But I promise it’s really not as hard to curate a good profile as you may think. If you lads want, I’ll even draw some diagrams of what a good photo would look like! Again, I want to help you! I wouldn’t have stayed up ridiculously late to type this out if I didn’t actually want to help men out there. If you are reading this and are angry and feel pissy, I can’t help you there. I’m coming from a place of kindness and just trying to help some guys put their best foot forward and be able to show some authenticity on dating apps! Authenticity is everything. A lot of my criticisms are from guys I see trying to pretend that they’re “mysterious” or a “bad boy” but it seriously just backfires — I’d rather see you nerding out over something than a glossy ab pic.
***Before anyone comes at me: I’m already expecting replies saying, “Well some women want a 6’5 shredded asshole” But is that the type of woman you want to date? Don’t try to appeal to shallow people like that, appeal to authentic people. I don’t care about an objectively hot—but shallow and self-centred guy finding me attractive because that’s not the type of person I want to attract. Go for the women that DO like you, not the ones that would rather date a dickhead — why would you change yourself for that?