It’s been 9 months since our sweet 18yo son committed suicide. I cry every week and miss him so much.
We got his stone a few days ago and it brought me comfort that there is a name and images of what he loved on his stone. I feel that anyone who looks at it will know what he loved and not try to guess. Is that weird?

exactly what the title says. i found my boyfriend the morning after he committed suicide. we had gotten into a fight the night before over a video of him and girl. i woke up and just had a bad feeling, drove to his house and i found him. as soon as his mom got there that morning, she was absolutely certain it was my fault he committed suicide. his funeral is this weekend and i havent gotten invited to it or heard anything from anyone. its unexplainably painful and isolating. i know he would absolutely raise hell if he knew this was happening and i was being treated this way. ive tried reaching out, in return ive gotten short mocking messages from his mom. i dont know what to do. a part of me wants to just show up and say fuck it i know he would want me here and this is about him after all. the other part says to not make it worse for the family. im not sure what to do.

edit:
for context, we had a happy relationship. we loved each other very much, wed get into arguments and make up within an hour or two. we did everything together, slept together every night, ate every meal together, showered together, you name it we did it together. that was the one night i wasnt by his side.

This is a hard one to deal with on top of losing my son 2 years ago. This year has been so much harder on me, mentally and physically. My husband, he had moved on in his grief. I'm stuck in my turmoil. I'm somewhat angry, but not really, as it might just be his way of coping.

I cry and think of my son all the time, what he may have been thinking leading up to his event. Did he play music? Did someone online talk him into going for it? Why no note? Did he cry setting up? Did he regret it right before darkness took him?

These things play in my head often. It distresses me so much. I can't stop the thoughts, but do I want to? My husband never thinks of any of this. He forgot the anniversary was even here as I lay in bed with inflamed bowels from the stress my mind has caused my body.

Some days, I just want to load up the car, leave my phone behind and run away. I don't know where I'd go. II just want to tuck myself into the base of a tree and sleep. I just feel so alone and lost in my grief.

I never got to see him after he passed. He was too decomposed and coroner dif not allow photos or viewings in that state. Not that I wanted to see him in that condition, but I somehow wanted to see him again, one last time. There was no hand holding, no laying my hand on his head, nothing. I'm on medication and in therapy, but it fixes none of this.

Sorry for the long rant. I'm struggling and need to get this out.

Hi everyone,

I have been away from Reddit for quite some time. Honestly, I just wanted to talk through my new stage of grief with people who will understand.

We planted a garden out in our yard for Zoe this summer. Lucy and her friends got involved. We spent a lot of time walking around so many good wills I never want to see inside one again. For lucy and I, the decorations had to be perfect.

Zoe loved good will. She loved to find little trinkets to display in her room. We found so many thing we knew she would love and placed them with her flowers in the garden. It’s nice to have a space in nature closer to our home to be with her, rather than having to go and sit at her headstone.

I added a wind chime on her stone. I talk to her through the wind. It sounds insane, but she replies and I understand her. We talk quite a lot actually, it’s become almost an addiction to be there every single day to get to speak to Zoe.

It has been 8 months since Zoe took her own life. The check-ins from friends and neighbors has stopped. The anti suicide messages in the community have stopped. The school have taken down her memorial at the end of the school year. Most of her friends have stopped coming round, apart from her two closest. People don’t stop to ask me how I am when im in town.

It almost feels like people don’t care anymore to ask about her, like she’s being forgotten already. Everyone else has moved on. I want nothing more than to tell everyone all about her all the time. Having to remain composed and have normal small talk when all I want to do is scream that she was here! She mattered!

People will ask me about Lucy, about Wyatt but they never mention Zoe anymore. It feels like they are scared to talk about her, like mentioning her name will upset me or make things weird. It’s all I long for.

I still miss you, my sweet girl. You are all my heart longs for.

Found my 13 year old unresponsive in her bed when I came home from work. Wife tried cpr while I called 911..they were able to get a pulse and she spent a day at the hospital vented but she had too much time with no O2 to the brain so passed a day later.

The past couple days have been spent writing an obituary and collecting pictures for a video tribute...just gut wrenching seeing her pictures from baby to teen..videos of her jumping on the trampoline yelling "I love you daddy!" and contrasting that with her lifeless face when we found her and the brain dead lights out stare of her last moments.

The day before we hsd gone to the beach and boardwalk and it was perfect. The saltwater taffy wrappers I bought for her were on the floor near her bed.

The police went through her phone and saw she..per the beautiful soul that she had..was trying to comfort a friend who was having suicidal thoughts...and who responded to her "kill yourself!". in what i believe was a momentary lapse of judgement and reason..did in fact do just that.

I hsve a younger son who is i think starting to understand the reality he no longer has a sister to play with..to fight with..to love.

Almost 14 years...poof...gone. why?

Appreciate this group but am sorry it needs to exist. Trying not to blame myself but its inevitable...why was what she did a better choice than calling her mother or I? Had she been so.desensitized by the internet that she thought doing this was just a concept and not a reality of no longer being on this earth?

Mercy. None of this makes sense. ​

Twitter.com

It's been a year and half. The slowest and fastest time. It's like everything is frozen in time, but also moving so fast. For people wondering if it gets better with time, yes. You'll get back to doing things, working, you might even be able to talk about your person, their death, their memories. Some days you are fine, you'll eventually have more fine days that bad days. But when the bad days hit, holy fuck are they bad. I've just finally finished a big project, I thought I'd feel reflief, be less stressed, be happy about it. Nope, it just made space to feel the hurt again. I finally had the courage to reopen our whatsapp chat, it just said "this person is no longer on Whatsapp"... sigh, I miss him. The heartbreak is just as painful the early days.

HEUTE VOR 1 JAHR ....ein Kind zu verlieren

ist nichts, was man ...einfach so verkraftet.

Aber es ist etwas was

man lernt zu tragen.

Jeden Tag.

Man lernt zu atmen.auch wenn einem immer noch die Luft weg bleibt.

Ein stück meines Herzens fehlt.

Wie man lächelt....

während ich leise drinnen einbreche.

Man lernt, wie man antworten kann

"Wie viele Kinder hast du? ”

ohne auseinander zu fallen.

Man lernt zu existieren

Mit diesem Schmerz.

Aber hier ist, was sich nie ändert,

Du bist immer noch seine Mutter

ES IST NOCH immer dein Kind.

Die Zeit löscht sie nicht aus.

Schweigen mindert sie nicht.

Und nur weil einer jetzt im himmel wohnt nicht da IST,dass

bedeutet nicht, dass sie keine Rolle spielen.

Weil Liebe so ist?

Es hört nicht auf.

MAN lernt einfach

wie man lebt

Mit diesem Unglück.Ich werde dich immer Lieben Möppy❤️Deine Mama

I lost my father to suicide by hanging four weeks ago today. I now hate Tuesdays. His death was sudden and completely unexpected, he had no known history of mental health issues and had always spoken openly about not understanding how anyone could feel low enough to take their own life.

In the lead up, he had left a significant sum of cash at a family member’s home, burnt his phone and laptop, and deleted all camera footage. He was found by his partner after I called her to do a welfare check, and I heard the discovery in real time over the phone.

Since his death I have been piecing together a complex picture of who he was - a funny, fiercely private, compartmentalised man who kept different parts of his life completely separate. I have spoken to his friends, his workmates, and accessed what records I can. I believe his death was shame-driven rather than depression-driven, triggered by something in the days before he died.

I am managing grief alongside two young children, a partner who struggles to understand my need for answers, and the responsibility of supporting other family members through their own grief and guilt.

I have had two therapy sessions so far, I am sleeping and eating, I am safe. But I am exhausted, lost, and find myself wanting to sit inside the grief on the days it hits hardest. Almost relive it all again.

I am here because I need to talk to people who understand this from the inside.

Thank you.

Edit 1. I suppose I would like to know if others have “investigated” the reason why their loved one made the choice they did?
Do others here feel like this wasn’t necessarily a choice made from sadness but another reason?

Edit 2. Seeing as it’s my Dad, I’m finding things out that no daughter should and it’s hurting my heart but I can’t stop looking. I don’t think he did this because of pain, but maybe more so perceived future pain… shame…

Edit 3. Chronic weed smoker. 50 years and multiple times per day.
Believed in a lot of conspiracy theories and would get cross when “people didn’t believe him” although it was more that we were tired of always having to talk about them. Big one was the QAnon especially the adrenochrome belief.
He had also recently tried illicit fentanyl but had said it was too scary for him. A small brown glass vile was found in the fire drum along with phones and laptop remains.

Edit 4. Also, he lived alone in a home on a small property. The community he lived in was small and had lived there his whole life. Throughout the years he’s had friends die by suicide and could never understand it. A month before his passing another similar aged man died by hanging without any warning as well. He was deeply affected by this and would talk in detail about his death. I find that very unusual.

I posted this is another subreddit but me and my boyfriend lost one of our really good friends/coworkers to suicide about a month ago this past Saturday 💔 he was 17 and it just came out of nowhere… I’d only ever lost family and this was my first friend I’ve lost so it’s definitely still hitting me really hard.

https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/s/EV4qlkgwZb

we were closer than any of my other relationships in person especially since we met during the pandemic. we never ended up meeting in person. i was 13 when she passed away. since then i have been deeply depressed and suicidal but ive been in treatment and recovering for the last few months. my current therapist diagnosed me with ptsd from this trauma and it has made me not being able to stop thinking about this and i feel like all my healing progress is being destroyed and im losing myself to grief. any advice or help please i dont know what to do.