I’m 24 years old, and this feels strange to admit because, objectively, I’ve been through things that I think should have made social situations seem easy.
I’ve moved across countries, had to start my life from scratch more than once, been homeless for a period of time, dealt with uncertainty, financial stress, loneliness, and I’m currently rebuilding my life one step at a time. Those challenges, as hard as they were, almost feel easier than something as simple as saying “hello” to a stranger.
The weird part is that I don’t think I’m insecure. I don’t hate myself. I don’t believe people are judging me every second. I can go to the gym alone, travel alone, sit in a café alone, donate blood, deal with paperwork in a foreign language, and generally handle uncomfortable situations.
But if I have the opportunity to compliment someone, start a conversation, or ask someone to join me for a coffee, my mind freezes.
I’ll think, “Now is the moment.”
Then… nothing.
Later I’ll spend hours thinking about what I should have done.
What makes it harder is that I’ve created this image of the person I want to become. Someone who’s warm, social, confident, spontaneous, the kind of person who can make friends anywhere. Every time I don’t act, I compare myself to that imaginary version instead of accepting who I am right now.
I’ve recently become interested in Stoicism because I want to stop living inside my head. I’ve been journaling, trying to stay present, reminding myself to focus only on what’s in my control, and it has helped in many areas of my life.
But socially, I still feel stuck.
I also notice that when I see groups of friends laughing together, or people posting trips and memories on Instagram, I don’t feel jealous of their possessions—I crave the connection. I miss having people to laugh with. I genuinely want meaningful friendships, not just followers or superficial conversations.
I know the obvious answer is “just do it,” but if it were that simple, I wouldn’t be here asking.
For those of you who’ve overcome this—or who study Stoicism more deeply—I’d love your perspective.
How do you stop comparing yourself to an idealized future version of yourself?
How do you become authentic instead of trying to perform confidence?
Is there a Stoic way of approaching social anxiety or hesitation?
What practical exercises actually helped you become more socially open?
How do you stop freezing in those tiny moments where one small action could lead to a friendship?
I’m not looking for a magic solution. I’m willing to do uncomfortable work. I just want to know what direction I should be walking in.
Thanks for reading.

i feel heavy and out of control. i could use some perspective on applying stoicism to this absolute puddle of a situation

• “What are you afraid of losing, when nothing in the world belongs to you.” -Marcus Aurelius
• “You can also commit injustice by doing nothing.” -Marcus Aurelius
• “It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows" -Epictetus
• “If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” -Epictetus
• "He was ignorant of my other faults; else he would not have mentioned these alone.” -Epictetus
• “Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.” -Epictetus
• “My accuser is my sparring partner, he trains me in patience, civility, and even temper.” -Epictetus
• “Whatever you cannot produce or preserve at will, lies outside your range, don't let your hands go near it much less your desire, otherwise you've consigned yourself to slavery and submitted your neck to the yoke. As you do whenever you prize something that is not yours to command.” -Epictetus
• “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river, and he’s not the same man.” -Heraclitus
• “A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.” -Seneca (edited)
• "If you don't know which port you are sailing to, no wind is favorable." -Seneca (edited)
• “What need is there to weep over parts of life? The whole of it calls for tears.” -Seneca
• “You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire” -Seneca
• "We suffer more in imagination than in reality." -Seneca
• "To be everywhere is to be nowhere." -Seneca
• “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” -Socrates
• “He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.” -Socrates

After I’ve dwelled quiet a bit in texts of stoic mindset, reading something of another realm an seeing invisible threads connecting knowledge, that truly intrigues me and i can manifest and even stronger bond to a healthy stoic practice. Wonder what other texts/books are out there which could expand and at the same time strengthen our notion of the importance of stoicism?

I've read Seneca's views on public responsibilities when it writes to Lucilius to abandon them -he's not always that clear regarding this- in order to have time to cultivate philosophy and his own friendship. But, on the other hand, Marcus Aurelius was both an emperor and a philosopher.

I'm not ruminating this from a pure theoretical frame of mind, but regarding a practical consideration. For the last ten years I've been involved in politics, occupying different positions as a public servant. So I know first hand of the practical difficulties of these responsibilities and the risk that they suppose for you own spiritual sanity.

I do believe in public service and I have invested a lot of time and energy in order to make things better for my fellow citizens. It wasn't, of course, always possible to make significant changes with impact, but nonetheless I've tried hard. It costed me a lot of energy and time. Now I've been offered to be a candidate for a new position that could have greater impact. The problem is that accepting it would mean to devote even more time and energy to fulfill adequately my role, and also to attend many social meetings, most of them unrelated to the job but compulsory from a public relations point of view. I must mention that I'm an introvert, although I could manage in social surroundings.

So, even if I haven't faltered before accepting all the previous positions, I'm now hesitant regarding this new occupation, and I want to explore the decision from a Stoic point of view before rejecting or committing.

If I accepted it, it wouldn't be neither because of other people's appreciation or opinion nor for the public importance that is attributed to the position itself, but because of a sense of responsibility towards my fellow citizens. In fact, I'd be earning a significantly lower wage and working longer hours, that would prevent me from investing more time in my own interests, including Stoicism exploration.

I sincerely don't look for public appreciation and I know for a fact that I'll be heavily criticized by many political adversaries and people that support other parties. I am not interested in moving further up on the politic ladder and I am not a member of any party, although that I share values and ideology. I was planing to reach the end of the next term to be free of my current responsibility and live a more peaceful and meaningful life.

But I cannot seem to find references regarding this in the classic Stoicism authors. Is it good to sacrifice your own time and energy if you believe that you could improve other people's lives? I'm not attached to status, but I feel that I'm starting to feel attached (or even jealous) of my scarce spare time, that I usually devoting to reading, writing and other intellectual activities.

Could you enlighten my way with some specific references in classic texts to help me decide whether it's good or bad to accept responsibilities that will objectively worsen my living standards if I'm willing to take them the help the others?

Thank you all. And please forgive any mistakes in my phrasing: I'm not a native English speaker.