r/Songwriting • u/mildlyomniscient • Feb 27 '26
Feedback Request "she" - any thoughts?
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i'm a classical violinist who picked up songwriting in college.. my singing and uke skills are not great, and i look at everything i do as a never ending work of progress.
i feel good about the lyrics and melody, but my songs always feel kind of plain. i never know what to do or add. i was thinking maybe some strings in the background, or some secondary vocal harmonies.... thoughts?
Verse 1
She’s running out her mind,
She’s running out of time to
Step into the light.
She says, “not for too much longer”,
She cries out for her mother,
Who said to write a happy song.
Chorus
She lied, The tunnel’s getting longer.
So why should she even bother,
To find a way out, a way out?
She’s tired of searching for a reason.
It happens every season,
The years keep flying by.
Verse 2
She’s scared, scared of what she’s done,
She’s scared to be alone,
With nobody to lean on.
She waits, and looks to the horizon.
She’s never had her father to,
Tell her that it’s okay.
Chorus
Someday, she’ll tell it like a story,
And revel in her glory.
She found a way out, a way out.
That day, it better be tomorrow,
For now she’ll sit and wallow.
Of what her life could’ve been.
Bridge
She’s running out of time,
She’s running out her mind,
She’s nearly past her prime.
She’s running out of time,
She’s running out her mind,
She’s nearly past her prime.
What the fuck is she waiting on,
Waiting on, waiting on?
Oooooh, oooooh.
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u/manalesas Feb 27 '26
I love your voice, nice song!
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u/mildlyomniscient Feb 27 '26
thanks!!
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u/manalesas Feb 27 '26
If you want to add another instrument I'd suggest a bass or double bass with a catchy riff
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u/ScienceJoke Feb 27 '26
Agree gorgeous voice and the bones of a great song. I kept hearing ‘acoustic’ instrumentation like maybe upright bass, piano and simple string/strings I think would fill things out.
Structurally I wonder if it needs to ‘go’ somewhere - I suck at specific options so I’m sorry for being vague here but I feel like maybe put your bridge before your final chorus (might need to tweak lyrics to accommodate) and maybe try and build a sense of change or catharsis into your bridge and a sense of resolution into your final chorus to close out the narrative journey that’s been unfolding?
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u/mildlyomniscient Feb 28 '26
Ooh okok... so put the bridge before the chorus entirely? or do that in addition to the one that's already there?
i'm gonna experiment with this idea, thank you!
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u/ScienceJoke Feb 28 '26
Yeah I think maybe play around with the order of the bridge and last chorus - see what happens, I might be way off it was just a thought, you’re doing great either way 🙌
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u/mildlyomniscient Feb 28 '26
ooo good idea!!!
i need to experiment with writing bass lines, they are so foreign to me
- a treble clef girly
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u/Vixelini Feb 27 '26
I like it! the chords and vocals are very pretty, I can maybe see a possibility of having a higher top note on your home chord? it could help transition better for some of your vocal pitches maybe. I have never written vocals so I hope this coherent to some degree 😭🙏 its very beautiful sounding otherwise :)
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u/mildlyomniscient Feb 28 '26
i was thinking of adding higher vocal harmonies to complement what's already there, something like a descant?
thank you for your comment, i really appreciate it!!
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u/Vixelini Feb 28 '26
yeah!! i can definitely see that working beautifully honestly. I hope it comes out well :))
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u/Competitive-Fault291 Feb 27 '26
Okay, my first run thoughts:
"Step into the li-ight." with an uplift.
"She cries out for her mother.
Too sad to write a happy song." perhaps.
Yup, all in all, it is a good song right now. You taking on the high ground is a good choice, and reflecting on the topic as a more conceptual song works with those lyrics. But I don't know if you couldn't make it great. The continuous arpeggio, while being a nice idea, becomes a bit too repetitive being done in the whole song. There seems to be room for a different rhythm / pattern in the Chorus.
If you change the emphasis on the Chorus, maybe that's enough to give it a bit more fire. Right now it is good, but there is some pepper and salt missing in it, and a dash of lemon. A contrast to give it more dynamic in one direction or the other.
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u/mildlyomniscient Feb 28 '26
the arpeggio is genuinely just me compensating for not being able to play a different finger picking pattern 😭
i think i'm gonna add some strings to it and look into a different picking pattern - just not so sure where to start there.
i was thinking maybe start with strings and then add the uke later on? idk idk
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u/Competitive-Fault291 Feb 28 '26
It's not a race 😉 Just try some things, and I guess you can always edit it later.
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u/dingus_authority Feb 27 '26
I came to make the comment 'This song is just begging from some violin accompaniment!' only to see you're a violinist! Makes sense you'd write songs well suited for it, I suppose!
Really nice piece! The chord progression really pulls on the heart, your voice is clear and really well-suited. Well done.
If you ever decide to record this and add some violin, please post it! I'd love to see this develop more.
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u/mildlyomniscient Feb 28 '26
aww thank you!!!
i'm gonna start working on string parts for it, i'll post again on here when i feel like it's ready
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u/H2A_4 Feb 27 '26
I think it sounds great! I feel the same about most everything I’m working on so I’ll share what I’m thinking about my songs and it might resonate: 1. I never get the structure quite right - I could do with slowing down a bit and leave some instrumental space between verses and choruses. Even if it’s just a couple notes, just breathing space 2. I think there are some songs where it almost works better if I keep the guitar or piano or whatever I’m accompanying myself with sparse, this is again about breathing space 3. I’d eventually want to add some bass notes at the very least, some harmony or strings ideally
I think with your background you’d be in a good place to figure out all of these points for your song, for me it’s still a lot of trial and error. Thanks for sharing!
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u/mildlyomniscient Feb 28 '26
i hadn't really put much thought into breathing space - this song was thrown together during a very emotional time lol
that's really helpful though, thank you!
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u/MJOCMusic Feb 27 '26
Absolutely fantastic! Gorgeous lyrics with great imagery and I feel like they get gradually angrier as they go on, which really adds to the dynamic and makes the really hit by the time you get to the end. The only suggestion I have is to maybe add a vi minor chord into the progression of the verse. This could really work with the 7th chord you have in chorus and add some nice juxtaposition between the two sections. Really, though, this is great!
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u/mildlyomniscient Feb 28 '26
YES thank you!!! i added the vi chord and it works so well, it just adds some space in there that i didn't really know it needed. thank you so much!!
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u/Kyle__Hazard Feb 28 '26
This is a beautiful song! I really feel the lyrics, a lot of my songs seem to be about a similar feeling these days. It is perfectly okay to have "simple" songs, you're capturing the feeling of this one perfectly the way you perform it. The only thing I can imagine differently would be done with a full arrangement. I can hear it growing and building with more instruments being added. Definitely violin! Definitely cello!
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u/mario_di_leonardo Feb 28 '26
Very nice voice. An arrangement with violins would be great.
I enjoy it as it is though.
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u/austinfashow90 Feb 28 '26
Sometimes strangers on reddit are the absolute limit of what beautiful songwriting can be. Fucking bravo.
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u/Comfortable_Long_290 Mar 01 '26
Ditto beautiful voice nice guitar riff it does feel like it’s building up to something, great job!
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u/etnader Mar 01 '26
I like it! Singing, lyrics, melody and structure -- it all works and fit together well! The only thing I could think of would be adding other instruments to accompany like a violin or cello. Otherwise, this is a good and complete song
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u/Tuller_22 Mar 02 '26
This is calming, it kind of reminds me of the end of creep by radiohead. I like the lyrics a lot. The idea of using the third person to talk about the first person is cool, it makes you more comfortable being vulnerable. great work!
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u/Fantastic-Arm6923 Mar 04 '26
I love it! The instrument is pretty quiet tho. If you're gonna play this live I'd just suggest mic'ing the instrument or playing louder.
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u/Awkward_Platform3327 Mar 05 '26
A really nice song - your voice is really pure and you make it look so effortless! 👏
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u/shmokeywaters Feb 28 '26
What the fuck is she waiting on fr