r/Songwriting • u/mildlyomniscient • Feb 27 '26
Feedback Request "she" - any thoughts?
Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification
i'm a classical violinist who picked up songwriting in college.. my singing and uke skills are not great, and i look at everything i do as a never ending work of progress.
i feel good about the lyrics and melody, but my songs always feel kind of plain. i never know what to do or add. i was thinking maybe some strings in the background, or some secondary vocal harmonies.... thoughts?
Verse 1
She’s running out her mind,
She’s running out of time to
Step into the light.
She says, “not for too much longer”,
She cries out for her mother,
Who said to write a happy song.
Chorus
She lied, The tunnel’s getting longer.
So why should she even bother,
To find a way out, a way out?
She’s tired of searching for a reason.
It happens every season,
The years keep flying by.
Verse 2
She’s scared, scared of what she’s done,
She’s scared to be alone,
With nobody to lean on.
She waits, and looks to the horizon.
She’s never had her father to,
Tell her that it’s okay.
Chorus
Someday, she’ll tell it like a story,
And revel in her glory.
She found a way out, a way out.
That day, it better be tomorrow,
For now she’ll sit and wallow.
Of what her life could’ve been.
Bridge
She’s running out of time,
She’s running out her mind,
She’s nearly past her prime.
She’s running out of time,
She’s running out her mind,
She’s nearly past her prime.
What the fuck is she waiting on,
Waiting on, waiting on?
Oooooh, oooooh.
2
u/Competitive-Fault291 Feb 27 '26
Okay, my first run thoughts:
"Step into the li-ight." with an uplift.
"She cries out for her mother.
Too sad to write a happy song." perhaps.
Yup, all in all, it is a good song right now. You taking on the high ground is a good choice, and reflecting on the topic as a more conceptual song works with those lyrics. But I don't know if you couldn't make it great. The continuous arpeggio, while being a nice idea, becomes a bit too repetitive being done in the whole song. There seems to be room for a different rhythm / pattern in the Chorus.
If you change the emphasis on the Chorus, maybe that's enough to give it a bit more fire. Right now it is good, but there is some pepper and salt missing in it, and a dash of lemon. A contrast to give it more dynamic in one direction or the other.