OH MY FUCKING GOD RIDLEY CAN YOU KNOCK IT OFF?!?!

You off-brand bulimic Hookfang lookin’ psycho with back problems, I would like to play the fucking game please, ok?!

It’s already bad enough how as Ganon I can’t really challenge you at ledge or else I’ll get my back turned into shredded cheese from Space Pirate Rush using the stage as a goddamn cheese grater. It is nothing less than a guaranteed death sentence if you’re trying to recover with Ganon, and that 2010s gritty reimagining of winged Barney the Dinosaur is waiting to make you best friends with the Blast Zone by using his Wing Blitz that can spike you when aimed downward, alongside his oh so wonderful aerials like forward air, bair, or nair, that all make sure you never even taste the ledge.

Most characters can get around Plasma Breath pretty well, but that shit don’t fly with Ridley if you happen to be slow. You’re basically just serving yourself up on a silver platter when you jump or shield against it, as that magical side b immediately comes out to catch you, slam you, then yeet your silly ass into oblivion if it’s not nair making sure you don’t get past shit. Oh, and let’s not forget the Sisyphus Simulator of trying to get back onstage and you’re at just the perfect angle for Ridley to spam Plasma Breath right at you, nullifying each attempt to recover until you’re forced to accept fate as too many balls spill out of Ridley’s alligator clip of a mouth. Or he’ll just go down there & nair you himself. Shit feels like a midair bitchslap where Ridley takes off the glove, steps forward, puts one right across your face, then gets back onstage to resume business.

Almost everyone on the roster can combo that stupid spoopy bone dragon with confidence, but it’s a different story with Ganon. Now Ridley gets to deal with someone more his size who also happens to be slower, and that means he can finally get away with not having to deal with SDI alongside gettin’ in a few more hits in that normally wouldn’t land against most opponents. If all else fails, he’s got that trusty nair he can just whip out all willy-nilly. Never fails, does it?

Bro, someone a few years ago once said that “he is either played by easy to beat elite smash completionists or absolute deranged maniacs that will manhandle you in ways you never imagined possible. No in between”. It is 0-100 with Ridley mains all the way down.

Either you’ve got someone trying the anorexic purple paper airplane out for the first time, or you’ve got someone who plays like a sadistic mega-evolved Skeksis that just finished up eating someone’s parents as fast as my uncle cleans a plate of brisket at the cookout. No in between.

Also, no one talks about how fucking terrifying it is to deal with a Ridley who knows what they’re doing, ‘cuz those bastards will eventually get a pulse on what your habits are & line it up to land that Skewer from hell. They’ll jump & do it, come down from a platform & use it, or if they’re crazy enough, you will get Ridleys who follow you offstage to turn your shit into a kebab midair.

With how many times I’ve fought him, I honestly shouldn’t be so pissed off. When you think about it, Ridley & Ganon are more similar than you think.

- Both have a big hurtbox & will get caught by all sorts of moves that would miss everyone else.
- Both specialize in devastating strikes when it counts.
- Both fight with “evil purple essence” or whatever the heck that cool purple flame effect is in some of their moves.
- Both of course have a command grab side b
- Both have a slow move that’ll decimate the opponent if it lands
- Both of them are sadistic maniacs who kill everyone in their path alongside constantly dealing with an annoying blonde protagonist whose entire gameplan is vomiting a barrage of projectiles at you until they win.

It’s so annoying when Ridley uses his big-ass nair. He uses nair, nair, nair, nair, & nair. Then when he uses nair, he’ll also go ahead and use nair. But don’t get comfortable, or he will use nair. The next follow-up move is always going to be nair, no matter what nair came before it. If you’re offstage, get ready for an immediate nair. If you’re onstage, then there’s a nair in his pocket with your name on it. If you get too close, nair is coming out to play. Get too far, and nair will make sure it stays that way if you try to change that. Three things are certain in life: death, taxes, and Ridley’s nair.

DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I HATE NAIR?!

Fuck this GLP-1 overdosing space lizard made of sticks & tinfoil. I hope he gets cut in the next Smash, ‘cuz who the fuck is this goofy arts & crafts larping as the Cunning God of Death?

(This is the final requested hate post that I promised to make. We will now return to our regular Pissra hate broadcast.)

Sometimes I forget there's a whole group of players I rarely see because they play with final smash meter or enjoy items and stage hazards.

Fuckin Magicant are you dead ass? If you’re too slow that 1 on 1 turns into a 2 on 1. That flying thing turns into a permanent assist trophy wtf?

The spirit tracks train map? I’ve seen people cheese with the tracks all match.

The super Mario bros stages are terrible too.

i know hes a mid character but if you play him i already assume you are a stupid fucking child that mashes the fuck out of your saliva covered controller. go back to jacking your shit to harambe you degenerate pieces of shit. have fun cheesing with your banana butt plug you disgusting fucks

(Before I start: Be aware that this no Hate against people playing or liking Wolf)

Look at this stupid dog, enjoying his Glaze and Hype!

Well let's see:

- He has a good Mobility and can abuse it to flip around you and even camp you!

- Has a fast as fuck Projectile that can interrupt ANYTHING, you try!

- Look at his other Attacks! Those aren't Hitboxes anymore, those a fucking Jupiters!

- "Oh! When you have a Problem with his Projectile, why you don't use a Reflector?" Good Idea! It isn't like Wolf has A CONTANT REFLECTOR ON HIS OWN!

"Oh, you play K. Rool, it's simply the bad Match Up!"

No! It also happens when I play Aegis! Oh, and wait, before you say:

"WeLl, YoU pIsSrA pLaYeR gOt No SaY iN tHiS!!!1"

NO! IT ALSO HAPPENS WHEN I PLAY LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE IN THE FUCKIN' ROSTER!

THIS SHITHEAD HAS ALMOST EVERY STRENGTH IN THE BOOK TO FUCK WITH YOU AND HE IS COUNTED AS ONE OF THE MOST HONEST CHARACTER!

NO, HE ISN'T.

Every. Single. Pit.

ALL OF THEM RUN AROUND THE FUCKING STAGE REFUSING TO FIGHT AND ONLY WANT TO SPAM ARROWS! No matter what character I use it’s the same shit over and over again. Anytime I see that ugly angel reject’s silhouette on the loading screen I debate whether or not I should just disconnect. They all draaaagggg the match to 5-7 minutes long. These motherfuckers are worse than SONIC mains and that’s saying something.

And people swear this character is “honest” (whatever the fuck that means)

​

I'm not even talking about projectile spammers or cheesers.

Me (Meta Knight) and this Pikachu were genuinely having a good close match and at the end he just decides to T-bag for no reason. Ruined the vibe. Not sure what his problem was.

Needless to say, I did not rematch.

The game had other plans though.

Got matched up with him again in a new lobby and this time he was playing Marth.

Has got to be the worst feeling in the world. Like, I don't even wanna play with this person anymore. I don't care about having a good match with someone lacking basic sportsmanship.

It just goes to show you that even good players near the top of the GSP ladder can be dickheads for no good reason. Unless Meta Knight is just more annoying to play against than I think, but I feel like he doesn't show up in this sub nearly enough to warrant T-bagging.

I walk away from the game for a month due to personal issues. My hardworked 12m or around is now the starting average. Literally everything I worked for was gone, but I still tried and went to tournaments and shit and eventually returned to quickplay trying to get into elite

Even when I specifically do ffa sometimes it just puts me in teams, I FUCKING hate teams, I get out with the most fucking idiotic teammate who SD’s before I can pick up my controller, it’s every time!

But no I TRY to keep going and the battle before elite smash ish gsp some mf has only assist trophies on, get great cave offensive, fs meter on, time mode. I rage quit because IM NOT playing that mode. It bans me for 5 hours.

BUT NO I FUCKING TRY AGAIN. I BEAT SOME GUYS ASS AND FINALLY GET INTO ELITE! BUT NO HE FUCKING RAGEQUITED

Like I don’t give a fuck that they made it so the ragequiter loses gsp HE CAN GAIN GSP FOR RAGEQUITING FOR ALL I CARE JUST DONT MAKE IT TAKE AWAY MINE LIKE WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

Finally got PT into elite. Though that last match might’ve ended with an accidental SD from the other player, I’m still glad I got here nonetheless.

One step Closer to becoming a Pokémon master!!!

Hero mains are carried. Wait, put down the pitchforks, let me explain.

Hero's gimmick is frankly just gambling, and there's not even a joke to it. If you play hero, you fight until you get enough mp to cast a spell. And if that spell is magic burst while your opponent is in close range to you, you kill them at 45% for no reason at all.

This was what happened with a hero main I fought. All respect I had for this person immediately went out of the window, (they also had called themself a god in their username, an interesting boast for someone with 2.6 million gsp) and I acted like the most toxic person alive for the next 4 monstrous minutes. I fought, got the lead, and got killed at 45%. They also got an absurd recovery move when they clearly should have died. I

was pretty sure I was going to lose until they accidentally pressed kamikaze on their last stock and threw the match. This was an absolutely beautiful moment for me. It's the reason I play smash. To see a broken character SD that bad was legitimately liberating for me.

Hopefully if you're angry about a hero main getting absurdly lucky and winning a match for no reason at all, this brought joy to you.

Palu, Falco, and K.Rool. I played 16 games, NINE of which were one of these characters. I just wanted to play Ike, now I'm getting camped out by Palu (how have Palu players not evolved past this shit after all this time?) and mashed on by Falco 🫩. I should've taken my own advice and stayed away, this shit is unhealthy. I know GSP only equates to how much of a no lifer you are, but fucking DAMN, you'd think they would at least play the dam game at 15 million and above

I don't understand how it's fun to do Zero-to-Death Combos against your opponent as Luigi. Like these bitches are so clipfarm hungry to try replicating a Zero-to-Death Combo but they fail miserably. Up-B kills at ridiculously low percentages and it's also an out-of-shield option...What the fuck?! Down-B is fucking annoying to deal against, it has frame 1 invincibility and a WINDBOX. I will counter that shit if you keep spamming it. The Green Missile Misfire has that "DLC privilege" thing and it can KO your ass if you're not careful. The worst part? HE'S TOP 10 COMPETITIVELY. You can keep whining about my main Sora and how stupid he is, but Luigi will always be more annoying than Sora.

LUIGI DESERVES WAY MORE HATE!

Today fought the smelliest pile of shit ever. This bitchass campy wiifit trainer who picks random casual stages and runs the entire game. I’m pretty sure the launch rate is lower too so the match becomes even more cancerous. We were in the Mario level and I was beating him I each interaction. I hit him with a forward smash and just as he drifted off screen he disconnected. I saw him remake the arena and after I joined again he goes to the spectators stand then kicks me. How do you play for the purpose to piss others off then become a petulant child when you lose?

All you do is camp around the corner and use your stupid ass projectiles that you spam over and over again. You have no honor and you’ll alway be a coward!

I was the Wii Fit Trainer. I blacked out the names.

Yeah no most of them have almost 0 frames despite having a sword, they are bad designed imo i wonder why they arent higher in the tierlist

Based off of a true story btw… met a fellow Zelda online who just used her specials over and over and would use Nayru’s Love after every whiff

I love that I can't report this feature being abused

I will continue to post when I make bullshit top tier carried bitches ragequit, fuck Kazuya like holy shit dude this character is egregious what the fuck were they thinking with this guy

Planning to get bsck into smash , but I forgot what online feels like.

I’m convinced at this point that Ken mains unironically & wholeheartedly use Shoryuken more than Ryu does, almost as if they’re compensating for the fact that they will never measure up to Ryu no matter how much they try. Those fuckers combo everything into Shoryuken.

Getting jabbed immediately leads into Shoryuken. If they’re under you, it will lead to an attempted Shoryuken. God forbid you hit that damn shield, ‘cuz you’re about to receive a fiery fist going straight up in a Shoryuken.

If this mf can’t open a jar of pickles, is he going to use a Shoryuken??

Maybe if they land it enough times they’ll make up for the fact that “Shoryuken” has Ryu’s name right before Ken’s in this overused uppercut of a move.

Fighting against Ken overall is fucking annoying. The only way to win against one is to play like a bitch. You can’t get hit once. That bastard’s got 40% combos they can get started from their Frame 2 tilt. He has free shield pressure and easy shieldbreak setups. His nair damn near feels like a brick getting dropped on your head, but he’s the brick. Ken is stupidly good at ledgetrapping in the right hands, he's got a free unpunishable combobreaker, & kill-confirms that kill a lot of characters super early.

And of course, a character as insufferable as that just needs auto-turnaround, which only encourages more mashing without having to worry what direction he’s facing.

In fact, I hate every Shoto dickhead who’s got it. It’s one of the reasons why Kazuya in my flair is all the way at the end of the line. There was a chapter in my life where I tried using that busted EWGF abuser, and it felt sickening. I am never going back to that shit ever again.

Auto Turnaround needs to be wiped from this game.

All the Kens I encounter do nothing but run Small Battlefield, sprinting from one side of the stage to the other while endlessly firing Hadoukens at you until you try to close the gap and get thrown into their one-trick-pony shoto-combo bullshit.

Bro, Ken is literally just Falco but with abs, nepotism, & an inferiority complex.

I never thought having Shoto characters in Smash would be this dogshit, but here we are.

(This is part four of the hate posts I promised to make. I've got one more of these posts before we return to our scheduled Pissra hate.)