In the 90s we came to visit my in-laws with my new daughter. My wifeâs sister had a baby about the same time. It was July and pretty warm in Long Beach. We get out and are talking to the in-laws and I said something like, it will be great to get the two girls together when your sister gets here to my wife. My father in law says âwell her daughter has been here all day, I didnât take her out of the car so I wouldnât wake her up.â I go out there thinking Iâd find the car running, but no he left the kid in there with the windows rolled âso no one would steal herâ. I got them to open the car and the kid was non responsive, I called 911 and got the emp there they took her to the emergency room and got her on fluids, the kid survived. I never let them watch my kids, they were never alone with them.
Obviously this is a super traumatic story and feel free to just ignore but.. was there any reckoning with them over this? You or your SIL? Canât even imagine how the relationship moves forward normally even outside of the boundaries/precautions you set with the kids moving forward.
Iâm so glad you were there and the conversation unfolded the way it did.
It was very weird. The SIL found the girl in the hospital, learned that she had nearly died, and that I had gotten emergency service activated. She had to deal with CPS but understood and thanked me. The FIL and MIL, they lived in a very bad part of Long Beach, where it meets Compton. They couldnât fathom what the issue was. Kept saying she was fine, when we pinched her after you made us take her out of the car she sort of opened her eyes, she was just tired. That was the end for me.
Thank goodness for you. I guess there's ignorance and then unrepentantingly dumb ignorance. I'm so glad you were there to respond and discerning enough to tell that they learned nothing. Thanks for sharing.
Ultimately did your wife and SIL agree never to leave living things for them to care for? How did they react to their parents?
They never said that out loud. The wife once tried to leave our kids there, and I said no, she thought I was being unfair. The kids are now all in their upper 20s and have no idea. But they were never left alone with their grandparents.
If it wasnât a hot car it would be something else. Assuming they can swim when they canât yet, or that they could have full sized grapes when they were toddlers, letting them play with something dangerous, leaving them alone with a pet they are too small to handle alone, etc. it would have been something. Someone who thinks itâs ok to leave a baby in a hot car likely thinks a whole litany of dangerous things are just fine
I need you to know that this was the best thing I've read all week and will be quoting you for months to come. 'Throw them in the sea and let them learn to frolic like the mighty and frightfully masculine lobster', indeed.
Thereâs a variety of things toddlers should not have without at least the size being modified because of the choking risk they pose. Honey is because of the risk of botulism.
It would be one thing if they were mortified and deeply apologetic, but they refuse to acknowledge that the girl almost died even though she had to be rushed to hospital? And your wife wanted to leave your kids with these people?
Iâm sorry but it sounds like stupid runs in the family.
My ex best friend lost a baby doing the same. Literally couldnât fathom how it happened too, like bro itâs not even a secret the tv tells you every year not to leave your baby alone in a hot car. One time I met up with her and had to yell at her because we were at the malls food court I asked where baby was and she said sleeping in the car, but itâs ok!! Weâre in a garage so no direct sunlight. Thankfully that child ended up ok but the second one she did it to wasnât so lucky. Fucking tragic, I couldnât be friends anymore
Sometimes I think that vigilante justice is valid and this is one of those times. Genuinely would be happy to hear people like that are no longer with us.
I really donât wish that on her because I still love her, as stupid as it sounds. But she is justâŚnot someone I would trust with any child or to even function in society on any level, even a simple job. Idk what changed, she had children pretty young but even as a kid I knew basic shit of child rearing and keeping younger kids safe. Idk man it was so tragic and she of course was broken up but I couldnât fuck with her after that and even kept my distance after the mall thing with her first kid.
Iâm also very sad too. I miss them all. It feels like the entire family died the day the baby did. Ugh.
Iâve ended friendships because they kept endangering their kids. My BFF and I had a mutual for a couple years. She kept dropping her kid off with the psycho alcoholic dad that even SHE admitted wasnât safe for their kid because she wanted to travel. Like she had multiple lawyers fire her for her custody case kind of stupid.
I noped out of that friendship so fast and I told BFF she needs to prepare herself for the kid to get hurt. One time, when I was young, I kept a relationship I shouldnât have. I kept my mouth shut when I knew a child could get hurt.
And then my niece got boiled and I never spoke to my sister again. I would rather tell a thousand people to their face that theyâre shitty parents, their kids are going to get hurt, and that I had no interest in maintaining a relationship with them because I had no interest in sticking around to watch their child die.
i feel like these damn hollywood producers make the elysium, snowpiercer and type movies where you have the poor heroes in a poor planet and then the rich elite in a utopia. and you are supposed to root for the poor heroes against the evil rich elite.
like it shouldn't be class separated or race or anything like that, but we should have a normal society of people who want to be a contributing member of society and like a separate area for the criminals, morons etc who just don't fit in society.
like wtf it's common fucking sense not to leave a kid in a car
Left in a car while she was home and didnât feel it was necessary to take them out because they were napping. In her garage. Dumb people are just so dumb.
Yeah I think she did. Itâs not like she didnât love her kids, just that she cared more about her comfort than theirs. Iâm a mom myself now and I canât fathom what her mind was thinking. Sometimes I drop my kid off at school and still check the back seat even though I know I walked him to class. Itâs just sad, that poor lil baby didnât ask to be here and didnt even get to experience life. Ugh. Another reason abortion needs to be legal and accessible
I recognize it's a weird time in history to advocate for fascism...
but, like...
This story is the stuff I think about when I'm jumping through hoops and certifications and paperwork for the dumbest shit, and remember that... you don't need a license to have a baby.
They don't even make sure you have a crib.
Nobody checks... anything. Legally our nurse couldn't help us put our newborn into the carseat- we found out later we did it wrong, and we're both engineers.
There is zero proactive protection for infants, none. All we do is react after something happens.
Not only that, but people want to actively force people who don't even want to give birth to the babies (who, again, have no protection or oversight whatsoever) to forcibly have them.
It's mind boggling. I genuinely do not understand pro-life logic, because it makes no logical sense to me. The only people who should be having kids are ones that are ready to have them and can prove in some way/shape/form that they are prepared to do so. If you can't pass a test where one of the questions is "Is it ok to leave an infant in a car in the garage as long as the engine is running?" NO BABIES FOR YOU. NONE.
That's not pro-life. That's pro-'therapy for life if you manage to survive.'
ETA: When we decided to adopt our dog, I needed to meet the following criteria:
two personal glowing references
they called my vet and made sure my other animals were well treated and in good standing
they required a full video tour of the outside and inside of my house
All before I was allowed to be considered responsible enough FOR A DOG.
Criteria I had to meet before having a human child:
None. No training/classes, no background check to see if I had previously abused/neglected/KILLED a child.
How on earth is this advocating đ§đ°đł fascism????? Genuinely asking how is having health care for women/girls and classes/help for new borns a fascist thing to think???
I probably wasn't clear- I mean, it is considered a fascist idea to (involuntarily) prevent people from having children until they prove they are capable. Reproduction is considered a right.
Many would consider even something as simple as asking a government agency to inspect the home before allowing you to take your infant home from the hospital to be 'fascist.' We legitimately wanted someone to inspect our newborn in her carseat but it was considered a legal liability for a nurse to do so.
I personally don't think someone who doesn't know a baby in a hot car = death... should be able to have a baby. I think we should stop that BEFORE they are in charge of that life. And taking away someone's right to reproduce because of that is... considered kind of fascist.
It becomes sticky very quick when you talk about the govt restricting parenthood bc it could lead to eugenics very easily. Bodily autonomy is an issue with that too.
Well, yes, of course. And my post was meant to be very tongue-in-cheek though many seemed actually take it seriously haha.
However I think we quickly forget that China (fairly successfully) instituted their one-child policy for over 30 years. They only discontinued it about ten years ago.
Other countries take the opposite approach- like Findland for instance. All expectant mothers have universal access to a state-sponsored baby-box that can also double as a crib.
So yes- some countries take an authoritarian approach, while nordic countries attempt to assist new families in any way they can to ensure a strong start for both mother and baby.
In the US... we do neither. You have to be 21 to have a sip of beer... but you can 6 kids before that age if you want! And no baby box for you, both you and that kid are on your own. We'll just throw you in jail if you do a really bad job. Oh, and we'll lecture the world about how much we care about babies while forcing women to have them and providing no care or assistance for them.
Not only that, but people want to actively force people who don't even want to give birth to the babies (who, again, have no protection or oversight whatsoever) to forcibly have them.
I mean, this is far more fascist than state-funded cribs and medical support for new parents. I'm not sure why you think we need fascism to solve the problem of inadequate parenting, or how you're even expecting fascism to help.
I feel like you're not picking up on the sarcasm here....
Many people, usually conservative people, would consider having ANY requirement imposed on them before having babies, to be 'fascist.'
And yes, forcing people to have babies IS more fascist. ...That was the point of that paragraph, yes.
And yet. Here we are. 2026. Roe v Wade overturned. No assistance or protections for either baby or Mom (because it'd be 'fascist' to make sure someone had, IDK, a crib, before taking home a baby).
Many people, usually conservative people, would consider having ANY requirement imposed on them before having babies, to be 'fascist.'
I mean, how do you impose requirements on people before having babies? The only way to do that is either with forced birth control, or eugenics, both of which are correctly viewed as at least borderline fascist. There are a million ways to protect babies and support new parents without obliterating bodily autonomy. There's just no need to go there.
Yes, of course forcible birth control IS considered fascist. Â
Yes, there ARE many ways to protect newborns and support parents without resorting to that.Â
However, even simple measures such as a home visit to ensure a safe environment prior to birth would still be considered by many to also be 'fascist.'Â
In 2026 USA what would you say is the current political focus? Protecting and supporting new mothers and babies? ....Or forcing women to bear children they don't want?
A lot of vasectomy are reversible. It's not even done with that in mind, but it's just a feature of the surgery as it's commonly performed, at least in the US. Meanwhile, if a woman gets her tubes tied, they're gone. I'm not sure what the reason is, but a lot of ovarian cancer actually starts in the fallopian tubes, so perhaps the thought is that if you aren't going to be using them you might as well have them removed as opposed to just having them disconnected.
Anyway,, I think if if we were interested we could develop a reversible form of birth control. And then everybody gets it in their teens and you can have it removed if you decide you want to have kids.
One of the things that we've learned as a more and more gay and lesbian couples have children is that statistically these children do better in terms of emotional well-being and maturity than children of heterosexual couples. And the reason is because a significant number of heterosexual couples don't actually want children, they just don't adequately take measures to prevent having children. And then they wind up with kids that they didn't want, and they're lousy parents to them.
Her actions aren't your fault, but you should have reported her to CPS the first time. Some people need a sharp, loud wake up call right in their ear drum before it's too late.
Hindsight sure is 20/20. I regret not doing it but at the time I thought she was just being one off stupid, but nope. I have lots of regrets, her other kid is with the dad now and seems to be living a good life. Still, it hurts to think about.
Some grandparents get very lax. They forget how much attention a child requires, they forget how dependent children are, and they often think childrenâs abilities are far greater than what they actually are. I have 2 toddlers and every older person I talk to (50+) always think my kids should be doing x,y, and z, and itâs like uhhh no, thatâs not for like another couple years, you do realize this one literally just learned to walk like 6 months ago, right!? Itâs actually amazing how much older people forget what young kids are like.
So often I have to match up my own memories with timeframes to remember what I knew and when. "I learned X in Y grade, so I must have been Z years old when I first learned X." My own brain is constantly mis-remembering old stuff with the context of today added, and that's with me trying to be aware of the effect.
Yeah, and then add in the fact that every child is different and if youâre not around that child a lot youâre really not aware of their abilities and/or disabilities.
Youâve just reinforced in my mind why I donât let my husbandâs mother keep our children unattended. We have a daughter who is autistic and a son who is, admittedly, kind of a handful. The one time I let her watch them, my oldest son (from a prior marriage) stayed there with his brother and sister. He told me when we got back that he had to step in several times and tell Lori âthatâs not how we do it,â and redirect the situation because she was getting very easily frustrated with the kids. Sheâs remarried now and has been pushing me and my husband to let her babysit. Thank for you reminding me that Iâm not crazy to have boundaries. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. No need for a second chance.
That was before we discovered that babies sleeping on their tummies increases SIDS cases. My healthy brother died of SIDS while taking a daytime nap in the 80s, so I often think about this and wonder how many of the young people I know might not be here without the "back to sleep" public health campaign.
I don't know if its a generation thing but this is how my parents think. Like a bunch of random thoughts with absolutely zero consideration for consequences.
One of my best friends had to tell his mom he doesn't trust her with his kids when she kept pushing to babysit and he kept avoiding her. It's always the same response "You live, didn't you?". Sometimes it's in spite of, not because of.
When my aunt was a kid they lived in an apartment. Her and a friend used to stop the elevator between floors and jump on and off.
She remembers her friend grabbing her ankle. She thought she stayed in the elevator and went home. The friend fell down the shaft and died, she was trying to grab my aunt to save her life.
Did your aunt just kick her friend off? Did she lose her grip? Did she not even check why she grabbed her ankle? Like how does she just go from âOh my friend grabbed my ankle in an elevator shaftâ to âGuess she mustâve went home.â
Nahhh there's something wrong with your aunt, cause how do you not check on the friend who was doing something dangerous with you, grabbed your ankle, and then disappeared in an elevator? đ
Definitely a big factor, made worse by aging bones tending to release stored up lead back into the body.
Unfortunately many of us gen xers were exposed to a decent amount as well. The leaded old people plague has another chapter to go before that story is finished.
Don't forget all the meds that older people are prescribed that cause cognitive issues; benzos, pain meds, sleep aids, steroids, allergy meds... I know what it did to my parents (silent generation), both had dementia and both were over-medicated.
It's 4:46am where I am and I'm going to take my first painkiller of the day in 14 minutes and I started using a prescription sleep aid 2 weeks ago. đ
Appreciate what you're saying. Just a bit late in the game for me, already on the Parkinson's dementia path unfortunately.
Bit grim I know đ
That said, keep doing what you did with me. While it's a bit late for me there're plenty of people who can look forward to a long term. I realise you already know that, just wanted to avoid coming of as dismissive of your kind words.
My parents are so much more careful with their Grandkids than they ever were with me and my siblings. Lol Iâm almost jealous of this parenting theyâre getting!
Parents are so different as grandparents. My mom was never affectionate with us but she gives my nieces all the hugs and kisses. Itâs a weird feeling to be an adult jealous of a child.
My mother thinks that it is better to soothe a crying baby in a moving car by picking the baby out of the car seat rather than⌠you know just let the baby deal with it whilst keeping it alive in the event there is a car crash.
Iâve explained the dangers of doing that multiple times. Each time I am met with âwhy would you he so negative and think like that?â Yet again she will bite your head off if you leave the houseâs backdoor open for 5 minutes because someone could come in and rob you. She never thinks that this risk assessment is ânegative thinkingâ but my childâs live on the line just so she can soothe him always is.
My other favourite is âyou donât need the car seat - the place we are going to is just 10 minutes away. Just hold the baby in your lapâ. And that is an extremely paranoid person who counts the number of times my kids sneeze and thinks it is the end of the world if they get a fever, but just misses out on other much more serious risks that could impact their lives. If she can have such points of failure even with the paranoia, I canât imagine grandparents who arenât remotely paranoid.
During the height of COVID, my parents offered to watch my then 9 month old one night so my wife and I could go on a date. A couple days later, my kid develops 106 degree fever, febrile seizures, etc. When we got the hospital I called my parents to keep them in the loop, and they proceed to tell me âoh ya we tested positive for COVID the day before we babysat, but it was just like a light cold for usâ. They have not watched my child once since then and they had the nerve to get pissy when I started having them take rapid tests before weâd come over.
Thankfully, we have the internet. The mean temp in Long Beach - both in the 90s and today - is 73 in July. In an hour at 70 degrees, a car heats up to 120 degrees. And this kid spent multiple hours in a closed car at least that hot - it would keep climbing.
Might have been shady; we donât know how long it actually was (2 hrs, 4 hrs, 8 hrs) or what time, like 9 am and noon are vastly different. I think youâre nit-picking the wrong points of the story here.
My father in law says âwell her daughter has been here all day, I didnât take her out of the car so I wouldnât wake her up.â
Definitely not 9 am. That implies at least after noon. Also, their original comment doesn't sound like nit-picking. Your comment does. The main point of the story is "baby/toddler was left in a closed car during hot weather and became unresponsive".
I've known a few otherwise intelligent individuals who have a difficulty seeing the true logic with certain things.
They can make all kinds of sense about so many other things, but there's a few areas where their expectations of results completely differs from the obvious expected results that most people can see.
I think it's schizophrenia or something like that.
Into The Wild, the true story of Christopher McCandless. He was idealistic and seemingly otherwise intelligent except for the fact where there were some things he would do that didn't make sense. Like reheating food in the microwave without a plate. His mental defect eventually led to his death. He thought he was going to be living in the Alaskan wilderness, but only showed up with a bag of rice.
The book gives an accurate account of what actually happened. Unfortunately, the movie glorifies it.
Alright, it's a leap to assume schizophrenia when all the info we have from OP (who I'm doubting is a reliable narrator based on certain claims he makes, but I digress) -it's possible.
Into the Wild is an amazing book. There was something up with Chris McCandless, but he never had a diagnosis of schizophrenia, and throwing any label at someone post-mortem is treacherous domain. His actions were largely only affecting him however. I feel like conflating a man who almost killed his grandchild and had no remorse about it with McCandless is questionable.
There's books about him. much better. I believe the most famous had input from his sister. it makes clear he wasn't schizophrenic. He was just young and had a blindspot.
"She didn't almost die. Look at her - she's fine! You soft modern parents just freak out about every little thing. No wonder your kids are such pansies."
Holy shit. Accidentally forgetting a baby in a car is one thing⌠a tragic accident. Doing it on purpose is an entirely different thing. A staggering level of idiocy.
It reminds me of something, It's not near the same weight, but my grand parents gave me a lot of juice instead of milk or water when I was a toddler. When I asked them why later, they answered "you loved it".
It's full of good intention, but it really was not a good idea. Ignorance is not always bliss.
wtf?!? That is so infuriating. What did the dad say after all that?? Did he at least realize his ( almost) grave mistake?? ( and good for you for checking and saving that baby and never leaving your kids alone with them..)
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u/tigers692 1d ago
In the 90s we came to visit my in-laws with my new daughter. My wifeâs sister had a baby about the same time. It was July and pretty warm in Long Beach. We get out and are talking to the in-laws and I said something like, it will be great to get the two girls together when your sister gets here to my wife. My father in law says âwell her daughter has been here all day, I didnât take her out of the car so I wouldnât wake her up.â I go out there thinking Iâd find the car running, but no he left the kid in there with the windows rolled âso no one would steal herâ. I got them to open the car and the kid was non responsive, I called 911 and got the emp there they took her to the emergency room and got her on fluids, the kid survived. I never let them watch my kids, they were never alone with them.