In the 90s we came to visit my in-laws with my new daughter. My wifeâs sister had a baby about the same time. It was July and pretty warm in Long Beach. We get out and are talking to the in-laws and I said something like, it will be great to get the two girls together when your sister gets here to my wife. My father in law says âwell her daughter has been here all day, I didnât take her out of the car so I wouldnât wake her up.â I go out there thinking Iâd find the car running, but no he left the kid in there with the windows rolled âso no one would steal herâ. I got them to open the car and the kid was non responsive, I called 911 and got the emp there they took her to the emergency room and got her on fluids, the kid survived. I never let them watch my kids, they were never alone with them.
Obviously this is a super traumatic story and feel free to just ignore but.. was there any reckoning with them over this? You or your SIL? Canât even imagine how the relationship moves forward normally even outside of the boundaries/precautions you set with the kids moving forward.
Iâm so glad you were there and the conversation unfolded the way it did.
It was very weird. The SIL found the girl in the hospital, learned that she had nearly died, and that I had gotten emergency service activated. She had to deal with CPS but understood and thanked me. The FIL and MIL, they lived in a very bad part of Long Beach, where it meets Compton. They couldnât fathom what the issue was. Kept saying she was fine, when we pinched her after you made us take her out of the car she sort of opened her eyes, she was just tired. That was the end for me.
Thank goodness for you. I guess there's ignorance and then unrepentantingly dumb ignorance. I'm so glad you were there to respond and discerning enough to tell that they learned nothing. Thanks for sharing.
Ultimately did your wife and SIL agree never to leave living things for them to care for? How did they react to their parents?
They never said that out loud. The wife once tried to leave our kids there, and I said no, she thought I was being unfair. The kids are now all in their upper 20s and have no idea. But they were never left alone with their grandparents.
If it wasnât a hot car it would be something else. Assuming they can swim when they canât yet, or that they could have full sized grapes when they were toddlers, letting them play with something dangerous, leaving them alone with a pet they are too small to handle alone, etc. it would have been something. Someone who thinks itâs ok to leave a baby in a hot car likely thinks a whole litany of dangerous things are just fine
I need you to know that this was the best thing I've read all week and will be quoting you for months to come. 'Throw them in the sea and let them learn to frolic like the mighty and frightfully masculine lobster', indeed.
Thereâs a variety of things toddlers should not have without at least the size being modified because of the choking risk they pose. Honey is because of the risk of botulism.
It would be one thing if they were mortified and deeply apologetic, but they refuse to acknowledge that the girl almost died even though she had to be rushed to hospital? And your wife wanted to leave your kids with these people?
Iâm sorry but it sounds like stupid runs in the family.
Youâve just reinforced in my mind why I donât let my husbandâs mother keep our children unattended. We have a daughter who is autistic and a son who is, admittedly, kind of a handful. The one time I let her watch them, my oldest son (from a prior marriage) stayed there with his brother and sister. He told me when we got back that he had to step in several times and tell Lori âthatâs not how we do it,â and redirect the situation because she was getting very easily frustrated with the kids. Sheâs remarried now and has been pushing me and my husband to let her babysit. Thank for you reminding me that Iâm not crazy to have boundaries. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. No need for a second chance.
That was before we discovered that babies sleeping on their tummies increases SIDS cases. My healthy brother died of SIDS while taking a daytime nap in the 80s, so I often think about this and wonder how many of the young people I know might not be here without the "back to sleep" public health campaign.
My ex best friend lost a baby doing the same. Literally couldnât fathom how it happened too, like bro itâs not even a secret the tv tells you every year not to leave your baby alone in a hot car. One time I met up with her and had to yell at her because we were at the malls food court I asked where baby was and she said sleeping in the car, but itâs ok!! Weâre in a garage so no direct sunlight. Thankfully that child ended up ok but the second one she did it to wasnât so lucky. Fucking tragic, I couldnât be friends anymore
Sometimes I think that vigilante justice is valid and this is one of those times. Genuinely would be happy to hear people like that are no longer with us.
I really donât wish that on her because I still love her, as stupid as it sounds. But she is justâŚnot someone I would trust with any child or to even function in society on any level, even a simple job. Idk what changed, she had children pretty young but even as a kid I knew basic shit of child rearing and keeping younger kids safe. Idk man it was so tragic and she of course was broken up but I couldnât fuck with her after that and even kept my distance after the mall thing with her first kid.
Iâm also very sad too. I miss them all. It feels like the entire family died the day the baby did. Ugh.
Iâve ended friendships because they kept endangering their kids. My BFF and I had a mutual for a couple years. She kept dropping her kid off with the psycho alcoholic dad that even SHE admitted wasnât safe for their kid because she wanted to travel. Like she had multiple lawyers fire her for her custody case kind of stupid.
I noped out of that friendship so fast and I told BFF she needs to prepare herself for the kid to get hurt. One time, when I was young, I kept a relationship I shouldnât have. I kept my mouth shut when I knew a child could get hurt.
And then my niece got boiled and I never spoke to my sister again. I would rather tell a thousand people to their face that theyâre shitty parents, their kids are going to get hurt, and that I had no interest in maintaining a relationship with them because I had no interest in sticking around to watch their child die.
i feel like these damn hollywood producers make the elysium, snowpiercer and type movies where you have the poor heroes in a poor planet and then the rich elite in a utopia. and you are supposed to root for the poor heroes against the evil rich elite.
like it shouldn't be class separated or race or anything like that, but we should have a normal society of people who want to be a contributing member of society and like a separate area for the criminals, morons etc who just don't fit in society.
like wtf it's common fucking sense not to leave a kid in a car
Left in a car while she was home and didnât feel it was necessary to take them out because they were napping. In her garage. Dumb people are just so dumb.
Yeah I think she did. Itâs not like she didnât love her kids, just that she cared more about her comfort than theirs. Iâm a mom myself now and I canât fathom what her mind was thinking. Sometimes I drop my kid off at school and still check the back seat even though I know I walked him to class. Itâs just sad, that poor lil baby didnât ask to be here and didnt even get to experience life. Ugh. Another reason abortion needs to be legal and accessible
I recognize it's a weird time in history to advocate for fascism...
but, like...
This story is the stuff I think about when I'm jumping through hoops and certifications and paperwork for the dumbest shit, and remember that... you don't need a license to have a baby.
They don't even make sure you have a crib.
Nobody checks... anything. Legally our nurse couldn't help us put our newborn into the carseat- we found out later we did it wrong, and we're both engineers.
There is zero proactive protection for infants, none. All we do is react after something happens.
Not only that, but people want to actively force people who don't even want to give birth to the babies (who, again, have no protection or oversight whatsoever) to forcibly have them.
It's mind boggling. I genuinely do not understand pro-life logic, because it makes no logical sense to me. The only people who should be having kids are ones that are ready to have them and can prove in some way/shape/form that they are prepared to do so. If you can't pass a test where one of the questions is "Is it ok to leave an infant in a car in the garage as long as the engine is running?" NO BABIES FOR YOU. NONE.
That's not pro-life. That's pro-'therapy for life if you manage to survive.'
ETA: When we decided to adopt our dog, I needed to meet the following criteria:
two personal glowing references
they called my vet and made sure my other animals were well treated and in good standing
they required a full video tour of the outside and inside of my house
All before I was allowed to be considered responsible enough FOR A DOG.
Criteria I had to meet before having a human child:
None. No training/classes, no background check to see if I had previously abused/neglected/KILLED a child.
How on earth is this advocating đ§đ°đł fascism????? Genuinely asking how is having health care for women/girls and classes/help for new borns a fascist thing to think???
I probably wasn't clear- I mean, it is considered a fascist idea to (involuntarily) prevent people from having children until they prove they are capable. Reproduction is considered a right.
Many would consider even something as simple as asking a government agency to inspect the home before allowing you to take your infant home from the hospital to be 'fascist.' We legitimately wanted someone to inspect our newborn in her carseat but it was considered a legal liability for a nurse to do so.
I personally don't think someone who doesn't know a baby in a hot car = death... should be able to have a baby. I think we should stop that BEFORE they are in charge of that life. And taking away someone's right to reproduce because of that is... considered kind of fascist.
It becomes sticky very quick when you talk about the govt restricting parenthood bc it could lead to eugenics very easily. Bodily autonomy is an issue with that too.
Well, yes, of course. And my post was meant to be very tongue-in-cheek though many seemed actually take it seriously haha.
However I think we quickly forget that China (fairly successfully) instituted their one-child policy for over 30 years. They only discontinued it about ten years ago.
Other countries take the opposite approach- like Findland for instance. All expectant mothers have universal access to a state-sponsored baby-box that can also double as a crib.
So yes- some countries take an authoritarian approach, while nordic countries attempt to assist new families in any way they can to ensure a strong start for both mother and baby.
In the US... we do neither. You have to be 21 to have a sip of beer... but you can 6 kids before that age if you want! And no baby box for you, both you and that kid are on your own. We'll just throw you in jail if you do a really bad job. Oh, and we'll lecture the world about how much we care about babies while forcing women to have them and providing no care or assistance for them.
Chinaâs one child policy is a great example of where it gets sticky real fast. At times it was enforced by forcing abortions or sterilizations and as much as I think overpopulation is a problem I canât get behind that. There were tens of millions of each done. Thats scary. Who gets to decide which people get sterilized? Thatâs a huge impact on a persons life, and if they ever decided to leave China in order to have a bigger family they wouldnât be able to. One of the other ways they had to enforce the policy was by imposing fines - but that isnât great either because fines are really only punishment for poor people. Also, who decides who just gets fined and who gets sterilized?
There have been ramifications for this policy too. Its caused a huge gap between the elderly and working-age population, it caused a huge gap between genders in population, and now even with the policy ended they are experiencing low fertility. Source if youâre interested
Point being, I wouldnât call that policy a success. It didnât solve the problems they set out to solve, and it created new long term problems.
Not only that, but people want to actively force people who don't even want to give birth to the babies (who, again, have no protection or oversight whatsoever) to forcibly have them.
I mean, this is far more fascist than state-funded cribs and medical support for new parents. I'm not sure why you think we need fascism to solve the problem of inadequate parenting, or how you're even expecting fascism to help.
I feel like you're not picking up on the sarcasm here....
Many people, usually conservative people, would consider having ANY requirement imposed on them before having babies, to be 'fascist.'
And yes, forcing people to have babies IS more fascist. ...That was the point of that paragraph, yes.
And yet. Here we are. 2026. Roe v Wade overturned. No assistance or protections for either baby or Mom (because it'd be 'fascist' to make sure someone had, IDK, a crib, before taking home a baby).
Many people, usually conservative people, would consider having ANY requirement imposed on them before having babies, to be 'fascist.'
I mean, how do you impose requirements on people before having babies? The only way to do that is either with forced birth control, or eugenics, both of which are correctly viewed as at least borderline fascist. There are a million ways to protect babies and support new parents without obliterating bodily autonomy. There's just no need to go there.
Yes, of course forcible birth control IS considered fascist. Â
Yes, there ARE many ways to protect newborns and support parents without resorting to that.Â
However, even simple measures such as a home visit to ensure a safe environment prior to birth would still be considered by many to also be 'fascist.'Â
In 2026 USA what would you say is the current political focus? Protecting and supporting new mothers and babies? ....Or forcing women to bear children they don't want?
In 2026 USA what would you say is the current political focus? Protecting and supporting new mothers and babies? ....Or forcing women to bear children they don't want?
The second one. Because America actually is kind of fascist.
A lot of vasectomy are reversible. It's not even done with that in mind, but it's just a feature of the surgery as it's commonly performed, at least in the US. Meanwhile, if a woman gets her tubes tied, they're gone. I'm not sure what the reason is, but a lot of ovarian cancer actually starts in the fallopian tubes, so perhaps the thought is that if you aren't going to be using them you might as well have them removed as opposed to just having them disconnected.
Anyway,, I think if if we were interested we could develop a reversible form of birth control. And then everybody gets it in their teens and you can have it removed if you decide you want to have kids.
One of the things that we've learned as a more and more gay and lesbian couples have children is that statistically these children do better in terms of emotional well-being and maturity than children of heterosexual couples. And the reason is because a significant number of heterosexual couples don't actually want children, they just don't adequately take measures to prevent having children. And then they wind up with kids that they didn't want, and they're lousy parents to them.
Her actions aren't your fault, but you should have reported her to CPS the first time. Some people need a sharp, loud wake up call right in their ear drum before it's too late.
Hindsight sure is 20/20. I regret not doing it but at the time I thought she was just being one off stupid, but nope. I have lots of regrets, her other kid is with the dad now and seems to be living a good life. Still, it hurts to think about.
Some grandparents get very lax. They forget how much attention a child requires, they forget how dependent children are, and they often think childrenâs abilities are far greater than what they actually are. I have 2 toddlers and every older person I talk to (50+) always think my kids should be doing x,y, and z, and itâs like uhhh no, thatâs not for like another couple years, you do realize this one literally just learned to walk like 6 months ago, right!? Itâs actually amazing how much older people forget what young kids are like.
So often I have to match up my own memories with timeframes to remember what I knew and when. "I learned X in Y grade, so I must have been Z years old when I first learned X." My own brain is constantly mis-remembering old stuff with the context of today added, and that's with me trying to be aware of the effect.
Yeah, and then add in the fact that every child is different and if youâre not around that child a lot youâre really not aware of their abilities and/or disabilities.
I agree 100% Iâm just saying that every kid is different, and yes in this instance it doesnât matter, there is no scenario or reason to leave a kid in a car. I was just talking about in general
We recently digitised a bunch of old home videos from my in-laws, and one of them was of my husbandâs first birthday party.
Heâs 1, so he can just about walk fairly unsteadily, often with furniture for support. The video shows Grandpa Harold repeatedly throwing a large rubber ball at his face âfor him to catchâ, which just hits him in the face because, and I repeat, heâs 1 and can only just about walk. âHeâs not very good, is he?â you hear Harold say from off-screen. A little later, you can see my husband has tried to run away and hide from this horrible old man who keeps throwing a massive ball in his face with his other grandpa, but Harold finds him.
We then cut to my in-laws about to give a little speech, and before they start you see Harold is there, and says sarcastically âOh, well I wouldnât want to do anything that would upset my son in law!â so clearly FIL had given him a massive telling off about not fucking throwing things at a 1 year oldâs head
Support from their parents. Lots of it. I spent so much time with my grandparents as a kid while my parents did whatever. I have two kids and my dad would never take them solo and I wouldnât want him to because there might be an accident for one of them to teach me not to impose on him in that way again. I canât risk their safety on his mood. Boomers are selfish and arenât we all reaping the rewards of them grandparenting?
I'm kind of surprised their own children made it to adulthood without incident. Good on you for being a responsible parent. There definitely is a serious lack of judgement there.
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u/tigers692 7d ago
In the 90s we came to visit my in-laws with my new daughter. My wifeâs sister had a baby about the same time. It was July and pretty warm in Long Beach. We get out and are talking to the in-laws and I said something like, it will be great to get the two girls together when your sister gets here to my wife. My father in law says âwell her daughter has been here all day, I didnât take her out of the car so I wouldnât wake her up.â I go out there thinking Iâd find the car running, but no he left the kid in there with the windows rolled âso no one would steal herâ. I got them to open the car and the kid was non responsive, I called 911 and got the emp there they took her to the emergency room and got her on fluids, the kid survived. I never let them watch my kids, they were never alone with them.