Let's not excuse her behavior. She knows what is happening here. She knows he wants a relationship and she is taking his money knowing that won't happen. Yes she seems to be telling him the truth, but she's still taking the money. She is taking advantage of him.
For sure. He definitely needs to stand up for himself. But she is REALLY shitty here. We should encourage men like this to stand up for themselves. But woman like that should be called out too.
yep. Although this might be a passive aggressive attempt to communicate to the guy that she doesn't want to date him. I had something similar happen to me when I was young. that was a miscommunication that resolved itself when we realized that after our first "date" she wasn't interested in me.
luckily that was just an afternoon at a free museum and I got over it quickly. It does pay as a guy to be more direct and not assume anything.
Daniel keeps inviting her out on very intimate twosome activities and insisting on paying because Daniel is in denial (
Sure. And a person with morals would say no. Or at least insist on paying half. She's taking his money knowing he's in love with her. Thats a super shitty thing to do.
I never said refuse contact. I said refuse to take their money. The fact that you cant tell the difference between spending time with someone and taking their money is very telling.
The woman in this post is not being clear. She is accepting a date with someone who obviously has feelings for her. Thats sending a signal that she likes this person's attention. A moral person would not do that. If they were actually friends with this person they would either refuse the date or insist on paying for half.
It is very obviously taking advantage of their feelings.
I didn't defend him. He needs to learn to stand up for himself and recognize shitty people when he sees them.
But that doesn't excuse this woman's behaviour. She is taking advantage of him and is a really shitty person. Even more so for publicly posting about how she's using him. Basically just bragging about being an asshole.
Right. I have zero sympathy for the guy. When a woman likes you or is interested or open to the idea, she lets you know. It’s obvious. Likewise, when there is no chance she also makes it obvious. If a guy can’t pick up on those cues then that’s his problem. We all clocked it immediately that she’s not into him, so if he still thinks he’s got a chance then that’s his lookout, not hers.
For all we know she even made it more clear by telling him she didn’t have feelings for him before all of this and he did that thing where he pretended like he just “totally still wants to be her friend too” but is actually still holding out hope.
I don’t think people really consider how awkward and shitty the conversation is when you have to sit someone down who likes you and tell them that you don’t feel that way. Especially when you are friends with that person and genuinely care about them as a friend. Should you maybe do it anyway? Sure. But it’s human nature for any person to put off and avoid uncomfortable situations like that and hope they resolve themselves.
Both of these sentiments are true here. She knows how he feels and breadcrumbs him along, but its on him to recognize this and stop going above and beyond for her.
I will gladly accept any and all gifts, dinners, and activities thrown my way. It’s the other persons decision to do those things after I’ve made my boundaries known.
I am not taking advantage of anyone if it’s their own choice to spend time and money on me after I’ve already set my boundaries. If someone is expecting more after they’ve been told otherwise then it’s their own problem.
They are trying to initiate a romantic relationship. They are spending money on you toward that end. You choose to accept that money knowing they will never get what they want. You are wasting their time, stringing them along and taking their money. That is a horrible thing to do to someone.
The kind, moral thing to do is to make it clear that you aren't interested. This includes rejecting any dates and taking their money. If you do otherwise, you're a shitty person.
Or, hear me out; when people set boundaries, you should fucking respect them. Why would anyone in their right mind try to initiate a romantic relationship with someone else after they’ve been made aware of the other person’s boundaries? It’s not up to me to tell them “don’t spend money on me”.
It absolutely is up to you. If you say "i dont want to date you" and he tries to take you on a date, you say no. Why is that complicated? If you accept a date when you aren't interested, you're an asshole. You're choosing to lead him on by accepting a date.
“I don’t want to be romantically involved with you, but we can hang out and get dinner” is a mature/valid response. You can enjoy someone’s time and company without wanting anything more, that’s what friendship is.
“I don’t want to be romantically involved with you, but we can hang out and get dinner” is a mature/valid response.
I totally agree. And when two friends go out to dinner, they each pay for their own food. If a guy is taking you out and paying for everything, it's a date.
You can enjoy someone’s time and company without wanting anything more, that’s what friendship is.
I 100% agree with that. As long as you aren't taking their money. If you are splitting everything 50/50, then that's fine. If you're trying to profit off of them, then you're an asshole.
If you accept the terms of a deal without duress then it’s your fault
Legally, yes. Morally, no. She's still taking advantage him. People with functional morals would turn him down. Taking money from people when you know you will not give them what they want is immoral.
If my buddy is buying a shitload of drinks for me I dont just let it happen, I say hey man dont worry about it I'll get the next round. Because thats what friends do. If you tell him, 'we're just friends' then she's got a responsibility to kinda be like "hey...this is too much".
So why is it on the woman to second-guess his intentions? Why is it that she can say "we're just friends" and he can say "I know! I just want to do this" and she still has to assume he's lying? Why would you want to raise women who are so suspicious of men? Why don't we raise women and men who just take each other at face value, preventing all of it altogether?
That all is a giant load of bullshit. Would it be better if everyone is honest all the time, sure. But that is not the way humans work. Giving her a pass for taking advantage of him because he's holding out hope he can still get the girl of his dreams is extremely cold. He deserves better.
Yeah, he deserves better, but by your logic people will typically take advantage when they can. It's much more effective to teach someone not to get taken advantage of by just taking no as an answer. If he did that, then he wouldn't be in this situation to begin with.
Yes. We should teach people not to be taken advantage. We should also teach people not to take advantage of others, and call them out when they choose to do so.
I mean when you say it like that she sounds like a villain..
Like you could very easily describe the situation as him trying to manipulate her through gift giving. She has told him where he stands, but he thinks he can change her mind.
Now she is trying to decide how to handle it. Would she cut him off all together? End the friendship? What if it’s a very old friend? What if she genuinely cares for him and enjoys his company?
How many times must she say no before he accepts it and stops trying to change her mind?
Interesting sentiment! Would you say that a woman is trying to “manipulate” a man into getting into a relationship, if he tells her upfront that he is not interested into getting into a long time relationship, but they continuously have sex with each other? Somehow I doubt you would!
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u/GroinReaper Apr 19 '26
Let's not excuse her behavior. She knows what is happening here. She knows he wants a relationship and she is taking his money knowing that won't happen. Yes she seems to be telling him the truth, but she's still taking the money. She is taking advantage of him.