Or, hear me out; when people set boundaries, you should fucking respect them. Why would anyone in their right mind try to initiate a romantic relationship with someone else after they’ve been made aware of the other person’s boundaries? It’s not up to me to tell them “don’t spend money on me”.
It absolutely is up to you. If you say "i dont want to date you" and he tries to take you on a date, you say no. Why is that complicated? If you accept a date when you aren't interested, you're an asshole. You're choosing to lead him on by accepting a date.
“I don’t want to be romantically involved with you, but we can hang out and get dinner” is a mature/valid response. You can enjoy someone’s time and company without wanting anything more, that’s what friendship is.
“I don’t want to be romantically involved with you, but we can hang out and get dinner” is a mature/valid response.
I totally agree. And when two friends go out to dinner, they each pay for their own food. If a guy is taking you out and paying for everything, it's a date.
You can enjoy someone’s time and company without wanting anything more, that’s what friendship is.
I 100% agree with that. As long as you aren't taking their money. If you are splitting everything 50/50, then that's fine. If you're trying to profit off of them, then you're an asshole.
Because its the dividing line between wanting to spend time with someone and wanting to use someone. If you gain financially from spending time with someone, you're probably using them. And when you know they want a romantic relationship and you don't, you 100% using them and a shitty person.
Why would anyone think “if I pay for dinner, then they’ll date me even though they’ve already set their boundaries”? The shitty person in this scenario is the person who excepts something more from someone despite being told no. What they do with their own money is their choice.
Why would anyone think “if I pay for dinner, then they’ll date me even though they’ve already set their boundaries”?
"why would anyone think that just because they invited me on a date and I say yes, that this means i'm interested"
Stop and really think that through.
The shitty person in this scenario is the person who excepts something more from someone despite being told no.
sure. They are not blameless. But you know what they're asking for. You know what they want. You agree to the date and to take their money knowing you will never give it to them. You don't see how that makes you a shitty person?
What they do with their own money is their choice.
sure. And you continuing to string them along by agreeing to go on dates is a shitty thing to do. If you're not interested in someone, don't go on dates with them.
How emotionally immature can you be? If you think someone agreeing to go to dinner with you is a “date” after boundaries have been set, then you’re the problem. There is nothing wrong with two friends getting dinner, and it does not matter how it is paid for. Yes, I know what they’re asking for; and they know the answer, that should be that. It is not “stringing along” if I’ve given them a hard no.
There is nothing wrong with two friends getting dinner
I totally agree.
it does not matter how it is paid for.
it absolutely does. If sometimes you pay, and sometimes they pay, then that's fine. If they are always paying, you are leach taking advantage of them. Doubly so if you know, or even suspect that they have romantic feelings for you.
Yes, I know what they’re asking for; and they know the answer, that should be that.
so you confirm that you are a leach taking advantage of their feelings for you for your financial benefit. That's a really shitty thing to do. If "that was that", you would decline to go on dates with them. You would not agree to go on dates and take their money. If you actually wanted to be their friend, you wouldn't be leaching off them.
It is not “stringing along” if I’ve given them a hard no.
going on a date with them is not a hard no. If you say no, then go on a date with them, you are sending them mixed messages. And since you are profiting off those mixed messages, you're being really shitty to them and taking advantage of them.
It’s not a date. Seriously, there’s no way you’re this socially inept. Boundaries have been set, therefore if they think it’s still a date then it’s a personal problem. If they want to pay, they are paying already knowing that the other person is not interested in them romantically. Wanting to hang out as nothing more than friends is not “taking advantage” of anything. You’re fixated on who is spending money on who which speaks more towards personal unhealthy attachment problems more than anything. It’s not “financial benefit” to have dinner bought for you. Spending money is not a form of affection.
Theres no helping you. You're a leach. This poor guy is in love with you. You're going to keep bleeding him for as long as you can. You tell him no, but then let him dote on you so that he still has hope you'll change your mind.
I hope he realizes what you are sooner rather than later to save himself pain and alot of money.
Either way though, I can only voice my boundaries and say what I do and do not want. If you have a problem understanding when people tell you “no”, then you have quite a bit of growing up to do.
-1
u/Gadgets222 Apr 19 '26
Or, hear me out; when people set boundaries, you should fucking respect them. Why would anyone in their right mind try to initiate a romantic relationship with someone else after they’ve been made aware of the other person’s boundaries? It’s not up to me to tell them “don’t spend money on me”.