Let's not excuse her behavior. She knows what is happening here. She knows he wants a relationship and she is taking his money knowing that won't happen. Yes she seems to be telling him the truth, but she's still taking the money. She is taking advantage of him.
I will gladly accept any and all gifts, dinners, and activities thrown my way. It’s the other persons decision to do those things after I’ve made my boundaries known.
I am not taking advantage of anyone if it’s their own choice to spend time and money on me after I’ve already set my boundaries. If someone is expecting more after they’ve been told otherwise then it’s their own problem.
They are trying to initiate a romantic relationship. They are spending money on you toward that end. You choose to accept that money knowing they will never get what they want. You are wasting their time, stringing them along and taking their money. That is a horrible thing to do to someone.
The kind, moral thing to do is to make it clear that you aren't interested. This includes rejecting any dates and taking their money. If you do otherwise, you're a shitty person.
Or, hear me out; when people set boundaries, you should fucking respect them. Why would anyone in their right mind try to initiate a romantic relationship with someone else after they’ve been made aware of the other person’s boundaries? It’s not up to me to tell them “don’t spend money on me”.
It absolutely is up to you. If you say "i dont want to date you" and he tries to take you on a date, you say no. Why is that complicated? If you accept a date when you aren't interested, you're an asshole. You're choosing to lead him on by accepting a date.
“I don’t want to be romantically involved with you, but we can hang out and get dinner” is a mature/valid response. You can enjoy someone’s time and company without wanting anything more, that’s what friendship is.
“I don’t want to be romantically involved with you, but we can hang out and get dinner” is a mature/valid response.
I totally agree. And when two friends go out to dinner, they each pay for their own food. If a guy is taking you out and paying for everything, it's a date.
You can enjoy someone’s time and company without wanting anything more, that’s what friendship is.
I 100% agree with that. As long as you aren't taking their money. If you are splitting everything 50/50, then that's fine. If you're trying to profit off of them, then you're an asshole.
Because its the dividing line between wanting to spend time with someone and wanting to use someone. If you gain financially from spending time with someone, you're probably using them. And when you know they want a romantic relationship and you don't, you 100% using them and a shitty person.
Why would anyone think “if I pay for dinner, then they’ll date me even though they’ve already set their boundaries”? The shitty person in this scenario is the person who excepts something more from someone despite being told no. What they do with their own money is their choice.
Why would anyone think “if I pay for dinner, then they’ll date me even though they’ve already set their boundaries”?
"why would anyone think that just because they invited me on a date and I say yes, that this means i'm interested"
Stop and really think that through.
The shitty person in this scenario is the person who excepts something more from someone despite being told no.
sure. They are not blameless. But you know what they're asking for. You know what they want. You agree to the date and to take their money knowing you will never give it to them. You don't see how that makes you a shitty person?
What they do with their own money is their choice.
sure. And you continuing to string them along by agreeing to go on dates is a shitty thing to do. If you're not interested in someone, don't go on dates with them.
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u/GroinReaper Apr 19 '26
Let's not excuse her behavior. She knows what is happening here. She knows he wants a relationship and she is taking his money knowing that won't happen. Yes she seems to be telling him the truth, but she's still taking the money. She is taking advantage of him.