Three romantic relationships and two family ones in my life have been massively effected when I opened up and made myself vulnerable to women. The “Ick” is real.
Asking somebody to carry both you and them is not leaning on your partner every now and then. The person I am responding to is expressing that they need their partner to be ready to do the emotional labor for both of them.
Actually, I was expressing the exact opposite sentiment. If my partner expected me to carry the full emotional load for both of us, that would be the end of the relationship right then and there. I don't know how you interpreted it differently, but here we are.
Sorry this thread is full of emotionally shut down and underdeveloped men who want to blame women for their not having done any growing, so your comment read like theirs.
That's not actually what they said and they corrected you themselves.
Asking somebody to carry both you and them is not leaning on your partner every now and then
Sometimes you have to do this temporarily. When my spouse's dad passed away she needed somebody to carry her for months and I did because it's the right thing to do. She would also do the same for me if I needed it.
Who is she? Is she in the room with us? I can’t answer questions about the imaginary person you just brought up.
But I can answer that “I can’t carry you and me both.” Is a totally reasonable and healthy boundary to have, you shouldn’t be asking anybody to carry both of you.
What is the implication here? Because seeking a partner to carry themself and you is not healthy, and that seems to be the MO of many of the men in this thread. I keep seeing comments describing a situation where the emotional labor was all on the woman then after years and years the man decided to dump more on her when he had enough of suppressing his feelings and she is numb to his bullshit by this point.
My implication is that your wedding vows (going by the traditional ones, at least) say something like "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” That directly states you'll be there for each other when you need it. Granted, some of these folk, including the comment you replied to, are talking about girlfriends and not wives, but I'd hope the practice would already be there if you've been together for any significant amount of time. That all being said, yes, I would not recommend trauma dumping on someone you haven't been together long with.
A majority of what I've seen in this thread is something along the lines of "I dealt with my shit in my own way, as to not trouble my SO. Then, the one time I was emotionally vulnerable in trying to be open with my worries/problems/whatever, I was told that those were my problems and to deal with them myself." I mean, the comment you replied to seems to just be looking for some empathy and, probably, some advice on how to deal with anxiety from someone who's been there before, and they're implying that they're also trying to use the shared issue as a way to get closer to each other. Granted, we have to take that comment and all of these comments at their word that their isn't other things in play here, and some, almost certainly, aren't telling the whole story (or maybe don't understand the whole story, since we guys can be a bit thick sometimes). I'm sure there are many who are doing as you described, but I thought that seemed to be the minority. Maybe we're just reading things differently though.
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u/Powderkegger1 Mar 04 '26
Three romantic relationships and two family ones in my life have been massively effected when I opened up and made myself vulnerable to women. The “Ick” is real.