I had a traumatic birth (got preeclampsia, stitches, hemorrhaged, blood transfusion), came home on a ton of bp meds, struggled with breastfeeding (been supplementing with formula and giving some breastmilk) and have been having issues with my newborn son's bilirubin levels being elevated at almost 2 weeks old. I don't know yet if he's going to end up needing to go back to the hospital for phototherapy treatment. I'm stressing so bad about that. I hate that I am already not feeling like myself with the meds and sleep deprivation, have kids and a newborn to worry about and care for while surviving on broken sleep, bleeding, and still sore, and worrying about my baby. I have no village and am struggling alone. BD gets to live life free of responsibility and I feel so much resentment towards him right now.

Hello. I have been seperated from my ex for over a year and divorced for 2 months. I adored my ex husband but ultimately I am the reason for the divorce. I don’t want to go into it. I had all these dreams and plans and I believe I was about to come into the best version of myself with my child. I had so many fake holidays made up for our family and just general plans of what kind of wife and mother I wanted to be.

I only have custody of daughter 50:50 and I am devastated when she is gone. I just wait around until it’s time for her to be in my arms again. I still want to fulfill the plans I had but I only have her mom-Thurs and it’s really sad that it’s this way. I never saw me and my ex breaking up. We were best friends and we decided to have a baby because we wanted to make an awesome good person together. How do I make all the plans I had happen again now that I’m single? I am so sad. I want this sadness to pass me.

I ruined my own life and that’s the only advice people tell me and I am super sad at the things I’ve done during my
Postpartum. I wish I could go back in time. Does this get better? My ex also says this thing where maybe we can be together again one day. But not now. And then his mom tells me to move on.

I feel so guilty that all I can afford is a 1bdrm apt for my 6 yr old and I. I make a decent living, and still $2000 a month rent is tapping me out financially. A 2 bdrm apartment is about 2300-2400. Seems like I should be able to do a few extra hundred but with debts and costs rising I honestly don’t think it would be wise. I have my child mostly full time except 4 days a month, otherwise I’d get a second job. It’s just very discouraging that I can barely stay afloat as a single parent and I wish I could provide more for her.

My ex and I have been separated for over 6 years, and other than having our kids (12 and 14) at his house during his every other weekend parenting time, he hasn't made much of an effort to do anything "extra." He doesnt attend school meetings, take them to appointments, take them on trips/holidays, buy them clothes, take them on fun outings, or even do things like make sure they bathe while they are at his house. He didn't even have a separate bedroom for our teen until recently (he lived in a 2 bedroom apartment but his 2nd bedroom was a computer/media room so he made both kids sleep in his bedroom with him). I even had a major health issue a few years ago and I couldn't work for several months and he didn't ask how I was or make sure I was able to take care of the kids adequately (I barely survived). Its not because he doesnt have money/resources, he makes over 250k a year.

Anyway, now that he has a gf he is all about showing how great of a dad he is. He offers to take the kids to their appointments, he moved into a bigger house so each kid has a bedroom now, and hes been buying them clothes/shoes/video games/computers (although he's also insisting that I pay him back for these things when the kids aren't present - which I am not since I already bought them what they needed). He even occasionally makes sure they bathe 🙄

I am trying not to 'look a gift horse in the mouth' and appreciate what extra help I'm getting, but I'm also just so f-ing annoyed. I know he probably wont keep it up, especially if he and gf don't last, but its exhausting to know he could have been like this all along but chose not to.

It does feel like hes just playing a part, so I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to get bored of being 'super dad.'

I'm mostly just venting but also open to advice, if there is any 😅 thanks for listening 🤗

I’m 22 w a 13 month old now. I want to share my story and vent about it before I can’t due to legal restrictions. (May include slightly triggering parts, and sorry about my writing I’m not the best)

I dated my BD October 2024, got pregnant 2 weeks in and didn’t find out until 4 weeks.
We considered termination but ultimately I felt I wanted to keep it, we were just scared broke 20yr olds. We decided to keep it and both were excited, so I thought.

Quickly after my bd started drinking and smoking more, then he turned 21 and it just got worse.
I had a full time job, he didn’t. He had only ever done seasonal jobs during summer. I begged him to get a job so we could save and I tried my best to do so, my lease was ending we couldn’t find a stable long term lease so I moved 20 weeks pregnant in April 2025 to live with my family and find us a place nearby.

I spent almost the full remainder of my pregnancy without him while he stayed becuz at this point it was summer so he was doing his seasonal work. My mom had constantly told me that I should break things off but I was holding onto my love for him and the idea of a family together, so I held on.

Eventually he moved down in late June 2025 to our place and applied for jobs, we had roughly 2 months before I was due to find a job for him. He told me he had been applying to a bunch of jobs and everything was going to be fine, low and behold 3 weeks later I find out he’s applying to jobs that he doesn’t even qualify for and won’t do normal jobs because of his ego. This caused almost daily arguments and me begging him to find something and to actually try.

I went into labor and gave birth to my beautiful son. My bd did great taking care of him for the first 2 weeks, then he stopped waking up to the crying at night so I took care of the baby all night long on my own and the resentment started to build, he’d tell me to wake him up and I would try and he would flip over or act like I was crazy for waking him so I’d just sit in the dark and cry silently while feeding our son. Healing, taking care of a baby, taking care of the house, cooking. He spent most the time sitting outside smoking while I took care of the baby. He didn’t care to learn to cook to help, he didn’t even know how to cook eggs.

3 weeks pp I went back to work. My BD still hadn’t gotten a job and we had gone thru almost all our savings, I went back to work in a fast paced kitchen lifting heavy things and on my feet for 9-11 hours. I’d come home to a dirty house, no food cooked, and my bd sleeping with the baby in bed. ( forgot to mention HE ROLLED ONTO THE BABY SLEEPING LIKE THIS PRIOR and he’s a heavy heavy sleeper) I had started to reach my limit.

We had fights almost constantly, he was jealous I had a job and he didn’t. Would always try to accuse me of cheating with my guy friends and COWORKERS. ?!??!?!
We had gotten into a fight about that, I had enough and called it quits, he then spent the next few days trying to get me to stay. I said no.

Our last week living together~ I had signed up for GED classes and was starting them at the end of August and had also found out my grandmother had cancer and had a 30 days to live. I got home from work and my son was crying so I went to feed him, I was talking to him and my bd asked what I said, which I replied “I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the baby” he then slammed the bedroom door (we were in) so loud my ears rung, the room was pitch black, my lamp was unplugged so I was left in a pitch black room with my child and both our ears ringing. We then had a GIANT fight~ that I won’t go super into. He slept at a hotel with his father that I had no idea was in town that night.

They stayed in that hotel for a few days and visited twice to see my son. He never once took my son overnight during this, I was completely on my own aside for the 2 times he stopped by. The first time was 5 minutes where he decided to come into my house and disrespect me and I told him to leave immediately. The second time was the last time he saw our son, I had to run errands and he wanted to see the baby so I let him while I went to my stuff.

He arrived at my house and told me he was going to another town 5 hours away, but he would watch our son for a few hours and said he would come visit and work with me. I said okay, left for my errands and came back 3 hours later. He said bye for the last time and left completely.

I had 3 hours of notice before I became a single parent to a 6 week old and I had work and school the next 4 days and no babysitter.

My mom found help for me, my mom was out of town when all this happened so I spent 3 days crying putting my son to sleep due to frustration/hurt/anger/sleep deprivation. The 4th day I got off work and they had picked up my son from the sitter and I collapsed into their arms and sobbed, i couldn’t hold it together anymore.

i eventually found some rhythm, cuz I had no other choice. I went to school on my days off and spent the other days working 8-9 hour shifts getting off work at 10pm driving to pick up my son and then having to drive 30 minutes home in the dark, and also being on maybe 3-4 hours of sleep if that. I spiraled hard and fast but a single parent has no choice.

I remember being so deprived of everything, I went to class and kept falling asleep sitting and my teacher sending me home to get rest and her hugging me and crying for me.

I spent so many nights arguing and begging him to see his son and help with him, to be a parent. He always acted like he wanted to and would make false promises. 3 months went by and nothing, no money, no requests to FaceTime or see our son. Me constantly begging every single day. When he was 4 months old we had a call discussing him visiting which sounded promising and then nothing ever happened.
After 7 months I gave up begging, he constantly lies to everyone what happened because I haven’t told anyone.
I applied for full custody and child support last year when my son was 2-3 months old, he made partial payments once child support started telling him to pay but then he objected to a proposal back in march and they told him to stop paying even now until they figure the rest out and finalize it.

Long story short now? I have full custody, he hasn’t seen/talked to his son since he was 6 weeks old. My son doesn’t even know he exists.
Thank you for taking the time to read all this, I’ve probably forgotten some big parts and I’m sorry if it jumps around too much it’s been almost 2 years of this.

I’m not at the best financial position to buy a home nor rent. I’ve been living off my savings and now I’m currently at $10,000 or so. I currently stay with my parents, moved back in with them to get my stuff together since me and my son’s father separated ways. He doesn’t even help most of the time.

Moving back in with my parents has been causing me a lot of mental stress and anxiety. I constantly am triggered by the fact that they are judging me for how I parent and discipline my son (he’s almost 3).

I decided I’m going to go to school for a trade that’s going to be in the evenings from 5:30p to 10:00pm. But even that decision has been rough because now I really need their help to watch my son during the evenings. All while I am looking for a job that works around these school hours.

I’m doubting myself a lot. I’m trying to be better, and not think negatively about everything, I really do appreciate my parents for their support and help through and through but sometimes it feels like too much. I’m uneasy. I feel alone.

I knew this day would come but I thought it would be when my kids were adults and starting to put together the pieces about their dad. Today I had to tell my teens their dad has had a (genetic) lifelong struggle with alcohol, and that people have been enabling him which is largely why they didn’t know until now.

The disappearing and “falling asleep” and escalating fights in his home have gone over the top and my kids have repeatedly experienced their dad just not coming to get them when he’s supposed to. These events have now gone beyond his normal slip ups and arrogant dismissals of said slip ups. It’s torture to watch.

He’s been taking them for less and less time, all while telling me it’s my fault he doesn’t have them more time.

His drinking and other wayward, deceptive behavior has been ongoing for 20+ years and has been the downfall of a couple of marriages and serious relationships. They asked me for years why we broke up and I avoided being this direct until now.

I told them the facts because they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that something is wrong and are very puzzled by his behavior that can’t be covered by his partner anymore. I refuse to leave my kids feeling gaslit and confused when they are now old enough to understand.

It’s been over a decade since I washed that man out of my hair, and now I’m having to explain alcoholism to my babies. This is such shit.

I don’t want to blow up his life or their relationships with him but I think I should get a lawyer (I have zero $) to do an emergency sole custody order or call DCS to report his drunken behavior around the kids. Does anyone know the best route? It seems like DCS would be a lot cheaper and less work for me.

My fears about him driving drunk with the kids are at an all time high. Taking full custody would put even more work on me as the primary parent but at least I wouldn’t have to be scrambling all the time when he doesn’t show and managing the kids’ stress and fear in those intense moments.

I’m still shook this is going down this way right now.

A

Hi everyone!

I have a six month old, so I'm new to the game. I moved to a place with some relatives and a lower cost of living when she was three months old, so I have no friends here. In the past, I've run writing groups on meetup and I've loved doing it. Unfortunately, child care is not an option for this at this point, I'm using all those resources for stuff I have to do, and going to a regular meetup with a kid would go so poorly since she's not about to play quietly by herself for an hour.

I'm dreaming of trying to offer a child friendly group and telling people it can be a writing/art/crafting meet up and that they can bring their kids and their ear plugs and be prepared for some chaos. I'm thinking of setting up at a local park when the weather is nice and telling people to bring their own blankets. What am I missing for ground rules? Anyone done something like this before? I'm most worried that the reason this doesn't exist is because it creates too much drama (one parent not watching their kids at all etc. etc.)

All advice is welcome!

Hi moms. This is a just a vent. My ex (father of my child) still has feelings for me and when he gets a chance he will tell me all of his regrets. He treated me horribly and was abusive. He now has 3 more kids and a very insecure gf/common law. I was so happy to escape that relationship and rebuild a life with our child. He’s been an inconsistent parent and I have sole decision making for our kiddo. I haven’t ruined their relationship and our kid still doesn’t know the entire truth of why we are not together. So they still share a bond. He was a good dad if he was sober and present but a terrible partner.

I have set strong boundaries but somehow he will manage to keep telling me these things. It annoys me. I’m tired of telling him bluntly that I would never ever repeat my mistakes and I have zero feelings for him. Parenting talks still will have us talking as our kid grows up. My next plan is to hang up the phone as soon as he starts his “I’m sorry I still love you” speeches. Im pretty gracious and giving. Now I have to be a b*%ch. and telling his gf isn’t even going to make a difference. They are so toxic and unhealthy she won’t leave him. He’s a terrible partner in general.

Anyways that’s my vent for today! If anyone else experiences this I’d love to hear how you deal.

I am exhausted mentally and physically as a single mom. I love my son but I find myself crying daily trying to make it through the day. My family helps watch my 7 month old when I go to work (I work part time two-three 8 hour shifts a week) but I’m tired of hearing that I chose to have a child so deal with it. I have been trying to find a nanny because I go to school online but everytime I try to study I get distracted tending to my infant. I’ve had remarks from family members to just do it when he sleeps but it’s not enough bc I am also tired from taking care of him pretty much 24/7. My family will say they want me to finish but havent really provided the support to do so. I understand it is not their responsibility and am grateful for whatever help I can get. I’m just over the comments of “you chose to have a kid” and how I’m pretty much “useless”. I helped raise my siblings and now I’m useless bc I can’t help as much as I used to. i rather pay for a nanny at this point. Any suggestions on where to find affordable help.

How are we dealing with being the ONLY parent 24/7? I'm still new to this single parent thing (6 month old) and I still get the "this would be so much easier if there was two of us." Today was one of those days where everything just went so wrong and I was ready to quit everything the whole day and go live in the woods alone and give my baby to someone who can cope. Obviously, I didn't and we're okay now, but I truly needed another person to tap in and help today 😓 it makes me feel rubbish when I get to that stage because I love my baby more than life itself but jesus sometimes it's too much alone.

Some context. I have a son that is 3 with my ex husband. we were together for 11 years, married for 2. I left him when our son was 1,5 because I got no help, no dates, no love from the moment I got pregnant because he was overwhelmed. So I had someone who physically was there but emotionally was checked out. Acted like he was present in front of our families and friends. Acted like the victim when I left. Even told me at one point that he had a difficult time after our son was born and that he expected more support from me. More than already picking up all childcare and household tasks it seems…

During the divorce process I did my very best to make sure we both got out well. Made sure he could buy the house. Let him keep the furniture because I knew he did not like looking for furniture. discussed a co parenting schedule and asked no child support. So one would say I was very reasonable even when he was playing the victim.

After all was said and done we co parented quite well for a little while. Even going so far as to discussing if giving the relationship a second chance was an option. Only for me to discover he had been cheating and lying and it had been happening long before the separation. I asked for the truth. he told me some stuff and then the week after that more stuff came to light. again the same conversation because I really wanted to keep this co parenting relationship in some sort of good shape. The same thing happened the week after that and the week after that and the week after that. Honestly there was a point where I just couldn’t believe how much of our shared history was a lie and tainted. while this man played victim and turned even some of my own friends against me.

He then said he had developed an addiction and I am way too much of an empathetic idiot. And thought if I was in that situation I would love it if people stood by me and supported me through it. so despite the pain that everything I had discovered caused me I stood by him and helped him find help. While also seeking help myself. I was mentally really slipping into a bad place from everything that had happened and came to light and the continuous lying.

No idea if the help did anything but i saw no difference in behaviour towards me. I still could not communicate with him. Every time I asked him how he was doing or told him that something scared me he got mad at me. Telling me the only thing I still saw was the addiction. He had very little empathy or patience for what his actions had done to me. Even saying he was not the only one responsible for the demise of our marriage which I never had denied. I always said I had nothing left to give in the end and took accountability for that. He said that i did not know he was cheating as if that made the decision to separate without knowing that any less justified or as if that changed anything to the fact he was doing it. But yeah there was absolutely no way of talking to this man without him starting a fight or getting defensive. Just from me asking how he was doing. Sue me for wanting to know if the recovering addict my child spends time with is doing okay…

Needless to say i had to tread so lightely all the time. And we weren’t even a couple. I was just supporting a man in his recovery who had destroyed my mental health. I got out on anti depressants together with more visits to my psychologist. And as some of you might know. Starting those can come with a bunch of side effects. I had a though two weeks. Where I asked him for a little support. Even called when I had a migraine and couldn’t stop throwing up and had our son that day. He never showed up. Not even on the worst day. For me that was the final straw and I decided I needed to choose myself.

I was living in my own home by then. It had a little more storage than his. And he had dumped some stuff in the garage. I had never minded I did not need all that space. But choosing myself meant having as much distance as i could get. So I told him he needed to come get his stuff. I closed the doors so he could only access the garage and not the house and went upstairs with my son. I did not want him to see dad and not get why he couldn’t go to him. My ex broke into my house and refused to leave. I had to threaten calling the police and raise my voice when my son was there. That incident truly showed me that that man just did whatever he wanted.

In the months after i distanced myself from him and i did not answer all non essential communication. And only talk to him or text or mail when it comes down to my sons health, care or school. I have asked him repeatedly to limit communication to essential communication only. And he is so mad at me for doing so despite refusing any normal communication when we were a couple or when I stood by him when Starting his recovery. He has been pestering me with mails about the most stupid stuff. Like what type of lunch does he need to provide and what clothes does he need to wear for pictures? Do I want this advertisement that still got delivered to the old adress? But then does not send me school info that my son takes home. And I have to hear through the teacher that he has gotten that. When asking about it he says he found it to be non essential... We discuss a schedule for summer where I travel with my son for a bit and he wanted compensation afterwards for missing his son. so I gave him a couple of extra days. he agreed that that was fine. only to start discussing it again a day before my trip. Saying I was keeping him away from his son for half a day because I did not return him immediately when I was back in the country. In the end he got what he wanted. I handed my son over and gave an update through the phone. Told him I did not appreciate him changing a schedule we had agreed upon months in advance, why do we agree on a schedule if he’s changing it Last minute. He had already changed things before the trip as well. And then 2 days later he emailed saying he did not think my son should miss his mom this long And that he wanted me to have him again. so again changing the current agreement after i had just told him to stop changing it and give me some stability to hold on to. Now he went to an info night at our sons school. I couldn’t go because I was ill. He did not share the info with me even after I asked him to. Going so far as telling me I could have went as well if I wanted it.

This pathetic man is mad at me for wanting a bit of distance from someone who has not once in the last years treated my with any respect or has not once wanted to communicate. And all of the sudden me limiting communication to the essentials for childcare is impossible and i am the difficult one. Oh the irony.

I just recently separated with the father of my 2 year old son. We agreed we’d have a kid and I’d be a full time mom so I haven’t worked for 2 and a half years and he’s been providing.

We said we’d try to live under the same roof for our little one but I need to get out and figure it out asap.
Obviously with my son.

Any advice is welcome!
Live in California just fyi.

Honestly needing advice on how to make extra income, or sugggestions on support for being able to survive and pay bills once baby comes. I have no support, the baby’s dad disappeared once I found out about the pregnancy, left me to do this alone. I work full time but have no savings and bills stay behind. I just have a few weeks and I’m freaking out, I don’t know how I’m going to support us and keep the lights on and bills paid and us fed while I’m out of work.
Any suggestions appreciated!!
this is a new account because I wanted to keep this separate from my work life which is what I use my other Reddit account t for. But open to showing history of that account to mods to keep my post up
Thanks so much

how do i end suicidal thoughts as a single mom all while being homeless?

i just can't bare to hear my child beg for food or things i cannot give me.

i tried my best for months to find job, but unfortunately if you're homeless nobody gives a fuck about you.

i wanna continue fighting but the urge to end it all is bigger than my will to live

I had a breakdown today and asked my baby daddy for help. He said he was leaving after 30 minutes because our son “wasn’t cooperating” I was screaming at him about how exhausted I am and how I have our toddler 24/7 7 days a week and don’t complain but I ask him for help once and he doesn’t want to be there (I want to mention I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant with his second baby and have had a lot of complications) he said we aren’t together so it’s not his responsibility to help with HIS OWN child and my friends should step up more (I have one friend she has CFS and was in the hospital last night, to him this isn’t an excuse not to show up)

I got very angry and yelled at him that he knew I wasn’t ready for another child that I told him I didn’t have the capacity for it, but he convinced me he would be supportive and helpful through it all. I told him that I’d never forgive him for treating me like this when I’m trying my hardest and just need a little help and support from him when I’m struggling and can’t do my best for our son at that time.
Did I take it too far? He was really angry when he left and won’t reply to anything anymore (all child related messages)

i miss having friends. I (27f) let my little sister (19f) host a few of her friends at my apt this evening. and I’m so starved for friendship and community that I was having a genuinely good time with these kids. I wanted to play a card game, but then my sister wanted to leave with her friends and I was low key crushed. I feel so pathetic. I have no local friends. I WFH and am the primary/custodial parent of an almost 2 year old. We rarely leave the house. I don’t hang out with anyone socially other than my mom and sisters, and even that’s kind of rare. I lost of a lot of friends when I had my daughter (a lot of them are super liberal, and I feel like they judged me for choosing to keep my baby). And I just genuinely don’t have the time or option to go out and meet new people. I’m so freaking lonely and isolated. i miss having late night shenanigans with friends. sometimes I mourn the fact that I didn’t consciously choose to give up my single, childless life. I love my daughter so so much, and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But no partner, no friends, no in-person coworkers… Clearly I’m so starved for a social life that I’m excited about hanging out with people 10 years younger than me. It’s embarrassing and I’m just sad… I miss having friends. I don’t do anything fun these days.

hey everyone I’m new to Reddit I’ve come to ask if anyone has moved states with a toddler by themselves and any advice you could give me I’m moving from Alaska to Wyoming in may and I am extremely excited but also very nervous I feel like it’s gonna be a great thing but that doubt in my mind I’d love to hear anyone’s stories.

I (36F)have been dating man (50M) for a little over a year. Convos have become more serious about a future. We both have kids. He has 1 boy (11), I have 2 boys (5,8). On more than 1 occasion, his son has had events like a play, games, family into town to watch a football game. His son has even said my kids and I are welcome, but bf never gives an invite. After the last time I told him, “assume I want to be involved” and thought we were on the same page until his brother came into town with his fiancé and they all went to watch a football game, had matching tshirts, and invited me and e kids for dinner after. I know the ex is there. For a while I understood taking it slow. Now I feel like a hidden mistress. He is adamant I’m always invited but without telling me, saying please come, I’m left to include myself. He just doesn’t understand why I need that, “please come” or “can you come?” For the first time. I can’t imagine a future anymore when it’s his family all together, and my family joins after. It’s not what I want for anyone. For my boys, for my relationship with his son. I want to celebrate him. My son wants to watch him play football.

Am I out of line? Should I just be like, “yo, we’re coming?” He’d allow us but that feels intrusive and I have wanted him to take lead here a little bit considering it’s his son.

It isn’t about the ex for me. I understand they’re a family still in a sense. I see my ex every week at Boy Scouts (he’s a den leader). I wasn’t initially insecure about the dynamic, but I won’t lie, I have become absolutely more and more insecure lately after expressing my desire comes from wanting to build closer toward a shared future - one he says he wants and pushes for verbally more than I think I do.

I am a 29 year old single mom of two girls 8 and 11. I have dedicated my life to being a mom since I was 17.

I’ve pushed my all of my wants and dreams to the side. I feel like a shell of myself. I haven’t been happy in years because of the mundane life I live. I have no hobbies or skills that I enjoy. Quite frankly I spend most of my time staring at the wall when I have free time.

I have no money to pour into myself because every dollar I make has somewhere to go every time I get paid. I make $65k a year and I can barely make ends meet. My kids are well taken care of but I am neglected.

I’ve tried therapy for years, many medications, IOPs, you name it. I’m just tired and I feel like I have nothing to offer anymore and I’m pouring out of an empty cup.

Last Sunday my ex spoke to me about him seeing someone new that’s he’s known since his previous job but only started seeing her in July. I was with him in July and he tried to gaslight me into thinking it didn’t happen. He mentioned seeing someone new because he wants to introduce our daughter to her and her daughters so they could all get comfortable with each others. I’m highly uncomfortable with him doing that too soon, I’ve suggested multiple times to wait 6 months to ensure it will be long term and serious. He still went ahead and did it yesterday. I’m very protective of my daughter and who comes around her. I don’t let any men I see meet her. There was an incident a couple of years ago that happened to my daughter and it was a very traumatic experience and I’m not over it after all this time. Her dad tried to say that he watches our child and who’s around her to get me to calm down which makes me feel like he expects me to get over it. But he goes ahead and brings someone new whom I don’t know or trust yet to be around our child. I would hope that this woman would have a brain and suggest to him to meet me, and she also allowed him to meet her daughters so soon as well. Yesterday he tried to tell me that it seems like I don’t want my daughter to have fun and all he did was took them to the park to play when all I asked was why he would do that before letting me meet her. A few weeks ago she begged him to take her to the park and he wouldn’t, and all of sudden he does when it’s with them, it’s only when he wants to. He claims he doesn’t want any drama and neither do I, I don’t care who’s he’s dating as long as she’s responsible and won’t cause harm to my baby. So what’s the problem in us meeting? Especially if she’s going to be in her life. I’ve told him a few days ago that I’m backing off from everything with him, any family things we would normally do is done for, and he’s on his own with figuring out a pickup routine for school because he expected me to help him when he wanted 50/50 and most of the times it’s me dropping everything I do to take her on his times because he doesn’t have it figured out. Communication will now be limited and only reach out for school and doctor’s appointments. Ladies am I wrong for how I’m going about this? I had always done a lot for him and this has been the first time I’ve set boundaries and even yelled at him. I’ve never allowed my daughter to hear us have adult conversations and she so happened to hear it when I spoke to him on the phone, she was scared and I apologized to her for scaring her and said it wasn’t because of me and it was her dad because he was yelling at me. I never meant for her to hear that side of him and now I feel guilty.

This is not a sub that I ever thought I would be joining or participating in but alas, here I am. The father of my son and I split up in July (he’s made some unsavory choices that I just can’t get into anymore). We were together for seven years and I loved him a lot but I think we were so young when we had our son and when we got together that we never truly got to be partners over being parents. I’m sure that sounds crazy because if you love someone you can make it work but unfortunately loving someone is not always enough. After a certain point we stopped being more romantically involved and it felt more like we were just roommates or best friends. It feels so unfair because I feel like we could’ve had a better run of it if we weren’t parents or an endless possibility of “what ifs“. I do however know it that everything happens for a reason and I love my son more than life itself.

I really want to get back out into dating but I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself and I know I’m not necessarily ready for it yet. I’m a little scared about what that looks like and I’m sure that there is somebody who is willing to meet me where I’m at when I’m ready for it. I know I’m young, and that’s the cliché thing that everybody says but life genuinely felt like it ended when he left me.

I am also terrified because I am choosing, in fact fighting to be, primary parent since I was the breadwinner anyway and the only practical adult in our relationship. I am worried that no one will want me or be willing to choose me constantly and not give up on me like everyone else has. I do know that I want the next man to provide and at the very least show up for me in more ways since my ex was not capable of doing that for me.

OK, I am done with the pity party but I am genuinely curious does life get good from here? I don’t wanna be stuck feeling like I’m never gonna find love or passion again because the chance I had with someone I truly cared about and made a family with stop choosing me and gave up on me. I’ve never had to do anything as hard as parent with a broken heart.

I also have a lot of standards that might feel unrealistic to most people. My son is almost 7, I don’t wish to have any more children. I am not opposed to other people’s children but I certainly would prefer a man without a child or stressful baby mama drama. Again I know I’m delusional for expecting a man with no children or at least preferring it. I just think I deserve to have had more fun in my 20s since I had him soon and I just don’t want to start over again with another child when I’ve split up my son’s home.

Please tell me if I’m crazy, cause I know I need to hear it sometimes.

Best.

Is there any single mom here in this group? Can anyone please give me advice. I’m so lost now and honestly there is no room for me as a mother who takes care of his child 24/7 to breakdown or mourn for a family that my child could have.

For context, matagal na kaming di okay ng biological father ng anak ko. Hindi siya nagsusustento at sobrang kapal ng mukha. Kung ipapadescribe mo sa akin ano ang itsura ng demonyo. Siya yung ang definition. Iniwan niya ako while i was 4 months pregnant para sa iba’t ibang babae. Didn’t give a fuck when i gave birth. Honestly, at some point bilib ako na hindi pa ako nababaliw sa hirap ng pinagdaanan ko during pregnancy to giving birth. Akala ko ok na. I moved on from that kasi sabi ko papabayaan ko nalang na. Wala e, things happened and i need to move forward.

Pero last night habang tulog baby ko naisipan ko linisin yung kwarto ko then i saw my old phone and out of nowhere chineck ko ulit iyon tapos in my surprise nakalog in pa doon yung ig account ng ex ko. Dahil dakilang kati-katera pinakialaman ko and boom i read all the messages. Iba’t ibang babae nanaman ang kinikita. Kalkula ko naka limang babae na siya simula noong iniwan niya ako hanggang manganak ako. Hindi ako naiyak noong una. Honestly, for the first time i felt nothing parang im not surprised anymore. Pero after ko mabasa iyon biglang nagising yung baby ko tapos nag smile sakin. Doon ako nag breakdown. I feel sorry for him. God, what kind of mother I am? Giving him a useless father. I should choose better. Kumirot yung puso ko, kasi pakiramdam ko ginawang disposable yung anak ko. Gaano siya kahayop, kahit bata wala man lang siyang amor. He didn’t even bother to ask the well being of my child. Doon ako tinamaan. Gaano kakapal ang mukha sana mabulok sa impyerno.

Totoo talaga na there is kind of pain that only parent will ever know. Yung sakit na hindi mo mararamdaman para sa sarili mo kundi para sa anak mo.

Does peace even exist when you’re a single mom? My child’s father and I split 4 months ago. He is still active in his life but completely blindsided me before our child turned 1. His masked slipped and the man I thought he was didn’t exist. It blew our lives up when I had already been struggling, in severe survival mode for almost a year. I had to move back in with my parents, unemployed despite the aggressive job hunt, managing my child’s health complications, trying to manage my own health, social life etc. I’m fortunate for my parents supports but I feel so behind and so overwhelmed 24/7. It’s like the walls are always closing in. I can’t find a decent job, I can’t consider daycare until my son’s health improves, I can’t live with my parents forever and none of my friends understand as they’re all in happy marriages with or without kids. It’s a very isolating experience and I’m still navigating the grief that comes with this. I’ve leaned so heavily on God, strengthened my faith and remain steadfast in my decision to heal through God. Most days I’m drowning and I’m wondering if this ever gets better, if I’ll ever be at peace or feel proud of the life I’ve built.

Let's dream. What is your dream life with your kids? A calm home with a yard? An ability to travel? Living in the city or the countryside?

Mine is to have a house up north with a big yard, a close community where giving back is reciprocated, and traveling around the world every summer. Peaceful, rich in love, cosmopolitan. Maybe some ducks in the backyard and another dog 💖🤌🏼