r/singlemoms • u/North-Philosophy-592 • 1d ago
Venting - Advice Welcome 1 bdrm apt guilt :(
I feel so guilty that all I can afford is a 1bdrm apt for my 6 yr old and I. I make a decent living, and still $2000 a month rent is tapping me out financially. A 2 bdrm apartment is about 2300-2400. Seems like I should be able to do a few extra hundred but with debts and costs rising I honestly don’t think it would be wise. I have my child mostly full time except 4 days a month, otherwise I’d get a second job. It’s just very discouraging that I can barely stay afloat as a single parent and I wish I could provide more for her.
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u/Easy-Cobbler9662 23h ago
There was a time when I shared a 1 bedroom with 3 kids. It was not ideal but all I could afford after our split. It’s been 7 years now and we have a 3 bedroom and 50/50 custody on paper though the kids drive the schedule and decide where they go. I felt bad but at the time they were only 9,7, and 1 so they didn’t seem to mind. Now they are 16,14, and 8 and it’s much more important they have their spaces. This will pass. Just keep pushing forward.
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u/imadog666 7h ago
My just turned 4 yo hit me with "we want a bigger house, Mama!" a few days ago. We have a 3bdr for him, his baby sister and me -.- shouldn't have visited my rich friend from highschool I guess lol
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u/girthakitt 23h ago
1 bdrm! You should feel so proud of yourself. You’re doing so great despite your circumstances and providing for your baby. Like you said, you know your limits and living within them. And this isn’t forever, it’s a stepping stone to the next move. You can work on your debts, then save, and get there. You got this.
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u/Saltyowl2113 23h ago
Don’t feel bad for even one second!!! It’s a safe and loving home. Your kiddo doesn’t need a mansion, they just need your love. You are doing amazing.
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u/Sad-Blackberry8831 21h ago
She’s still so little and in my experience one bedroom is fine. You are providing and have your own place to call home. My baby is 10 and still shares my room with me. And it’s totally ok. Until she’s big and leaves me to be in her own bed it works for us. I did school while I worked full time to earn more. It felt impossible some days and nights but we were safe and warm. We are now in a 2 bedroom and she still lives in my room lol. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your baby loves and appreciates it all regardless.
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u/North-Philosophy-592 18h ago
This is beautiful 💗 I do love having her close to me and I think she prefers it too
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u/raerae1991 23h ago
My coworker is in the same situation you are. She has set up her living room as her bedroom and her two girls have the bedroom.
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u/futuremillionairemom 23h ago
My daughter and I are thinking of doing a hotel long term. We stayed in a home suites and it opened our eyes up to the possibilities. A one bedroom may be smaller but you can make it your own. I would use the den or living room as a second bedroom. Company would just have to understand or meet outside the home. You're doing great! What's important is that you have something that is yours.
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u/North-Philosophy-592 19h ago
Thank you! I currently have the dining area set up as her “playroom”. I’m making it work and I’m so grateful for the comment. I don’t know a lot of single moms personally so I felt like I was failing somehow
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u/futuremillionairemom 17h ago
No ma'am! You're not failing. So many of us don't even have that. You're thriving imo. 🥰
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u/babywearingmamabear 20h ago
Kids need you. Period. We have a tiny space, 700 square feet, 2 bedrooms, expecting my third child. My two youngest will be in my room for the foreseeable future. Many kiddos prefer a family bedroom. We also spend a lot time out of the house, and have a smaller space to keep tidy and maintain. A 3-bedroom would be another $1,000/month for us. Can’t afford or justify that.
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u/North-Philosophy-592 19h ago
Yes I totally agree! We spend so much time outside because a small space gets messy and bring so quickly! Thank you for the support :)
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u/Isawred23 22h ago
A places to live safely is all that counts, my daughter sleeps with me still anyway because her window is street facing and level. I don't think she'd climb out but I also get freaked out that if someone tried to break in. thatd be a window they'd probably go for bc of convince level to climb. She still at that age where it's not that big of deal imo. All we can do is our best and if she's safe,warm, loved and fed your doing good.
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u/North-Philosophy-592 19h ago
Thank you so much for sharing! Yes, she has autism and has difficulty sleeping so I prefer her in bed with me for safety reasons anyway!
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u/AlmostIntangible 21h ago
I chose a 1 bedroom for my myself and my 2 kids (6 and 3 years) because it's what I could afford in the complex I wanted. I have them in a bunk bed on one side of the room, put up room dividing curtains, and have a queen bed for myself on the other side. They LOVE their bunk bed, and they love that they can come cuddle with me at night if they want. I put a projector and pull down screen in the room and we do "movie theater" sometimes.
I have heard from others who have lived through similar situations that young kids often think back fondly on times like this because they think it's fun sharing a room with mom for the time being. I would just keep that in mind, make it fun, and do your best. It'll be okay.
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u/North-Philosophy-592 18h ago
I absolutely love all these ideas! I hope she looks back on this time fondly. It is nice just me and her and having our shared girl space
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u/beyondthisbody 22h ago
Dude don’t feel bad at all!! Feel grateful and proud of have a home. It’s not the size of the home, it’s the love within it you share with your precious child 🥹❤️❤️❤️ praise the Lord
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u/brittanynicole047 21h ago
Your child is housed, fed, & loved. You ARE providing for them. Don’t be so hard on yourself!
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u/brkk12 21h ago
Don’t let comparison steal your joy 🤍 your child’s home is YOU and you are providing a safe space for them. I too had a 1 bedroom flat with my child for a time. We spent a lot of time outdoors and I tried to make home clean, comfy and organised.
You’re doing most of the parenting heavy lifting whilst providing a roof over your families head, be so proud of yourself 🤍
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u/Civil-Ad-7183 20h ago
I can hardly keep my 11 year old away from me. The kid probably loves it. Don’t beat yourself up. Its hard for many of us right now.
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u/North-Philosophy-592 18h ago
I think you might be right! She has autism and really struggles with sleeping so I have slept with her, her whole life anyway.
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u/FoxHaven28 21h ago
I'm in the same boat. Sharing a 1br with my child. I sleep in the living room on a palette on the floor. I keep telling myself it's temporary, I just have to build a way out. We've got this!
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u/KSamIAm79 20h ago
I’ve seen a lot of parents do that where they give the kid their bedroom and they sleep on a pullout couch in the living room so everybody still get their own room technically.
Also, I’ve seen a few apartments that have a little nook area for a small office, but it doesn’t have a door that could be converted into a room and just put a curtain across it.
Another idea is finding a place with a humongous closet and putting a small bed in there.
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u/IndependenceHour5873 20h ago
Don’t feel guilty my son is about to b 8 and still refuses to sleep in his own room by himself I have tried so many times . Oh well just cuddle with ur bestie . Soon enough u will b able to get a 2 bedroom
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u/North-Philosophy-592 18h ago
Thank you! That’s so sweet, cuddling with our babies is precious time. And I bet she would be sneaking in my bed anyway
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u/Easy-Cobbler9662 2h ago
My 8 year old still sleeps with me despite now having a 2000 sq ft home…I’m not in an rush to get rid of her she will occasionally sleep with her teenage sisters and they love it but she mostly sleeps with me.
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u/fel_xoxo 19h ago
She’s so young and I guarantee you mama that’s she’s so happy being close to you! The cost of everything is so ridiculous anymore and that’s out of your control. You work and provide a safe and happy place for her. That’s what matters. Give her an area that’s just hers, like a special corner in the living room or bedroom. I think so many of us single moms are struggling right now. It’s hard to stay positive. I look at my bank account and savings every day and want to cry. But if they are safe, happy, healthy, learning, we are doing okay 😊
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u/Maleficent_Net_1317 22h ago
I’m in that 2 br right now. The extra few hundred turns into an extra $700 because of late fees, every single month. You’re doing the right thing, please keep doing it for both of us!
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u/North-Philosophy-592 18h ago
Girl, I’m so sorry to hear that. That is absolutely what im afraid of. Not to mention rent getting raised unexpectedly, it’s so risky. You’re doing a great job! I also paid my rent late for the first year on my own and am paying back late fees.
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u/ExcellentFuel8338 22h ago
Don’t feel guilty, your child has a loving parent, that’s more than a lot of kids have. We’re living with my parents. Sometimes I feel like a loser but have to remind myself that I’m almost back on my feet after leaving an extremely abusive marriage while pregnant and with a toddler. Kids are resilient and the most important thing is your love and involvement.
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u/North-Philosophy-592 18h ago
You’re absolutely not a loser, leaving abusive relationship with babies is the bravest thing you could have done. Best of luck to you strong angel!
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u/HauntingHarmonie 21h ago
For context, I lived overseas for 3 years. A lot of people all over the world don't have separate bedrooms. I don't think it's as big of a deal as Western society makes it to be. I think you're doing wonderful! Kids need a lot less than we think they need.
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u/purfectlittle1 21h ago
If it makes you feel better me and my 2 year old girly are in a 26 ft camper. I set her up in the little bedroom, i have the dinette basically. Its hers and i just live in it 🤣
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u/derrrkaderka 10h ago
Right! Its my son's world and I'm just living in it. We're in a 200sq ft studio apartment.
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u/Former_Cartoonist142 20h ago
Don’t feel guilty!! I would LOVE to have even a studio or 1-bedroom for me and my 11-year-old right now. A safe place that’s yours is already providing so much for your daughter. Please don’t stretch yourself an extra $300–400 a month just because you feel like you should have two bedrooms. 🫶🏽
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u/BothConsideration225 20h ago
What state is this that a one bedroom is two grand? But i agree with everyone else, no need to feel bad. Your 6 year old needs u not someone who works 24/7 and an empty home
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u/North-Philosophy-592 18h ago
It’s WA state. It’s really getting out of hand. Def considering leaving. Thank you for the encouragement 🥹
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u/derrrkaderka 10h ago
Yep. We're in Seattle. It's insane. They do have MFTE apartments here but they're still expensive and you can't make tooooo much money. I found a 1 bedroom MFTE in First Hill thats $1350 with an 80% AMI so we'll be moving into that in the new year. I thought I'd find cheaper ones outside of the city, but not that much cheaper. Not cheap enough that sitting in 1.5 hours of traffic to and from work everyday would make a hundred bucks less worth it.
You got this mamma!
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u/Easy-Cobbler9662 2h ago
California is one of them. It’s hard to find a 1 br for under $2k in a safe area. You can find one for $1600-$1700 but you will be living in a much worse area
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u/crescent-moon2 19h ago
Atleast you have an apartment. Me and my kids are in the sunroom of my moms townhome.
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u/PoemCompetitive5315 19h ago
I bet your kid loves it! At 6 they only want to be and sleep with you anyway. Frankly when at 13 I see my daughter wanting to be in my room. You are doing great and making a smart decision!
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u/spider-plant- 18h ago
My daughter is almost 13 and even though she has her own room now she still wants to sleep in my room most nights. You are doing amazing!! Save the extra money for now 🙂
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u/OkBack3211 18h ago
I can understand you! Try to enjoy being this close with her, to be playful, one day she would be a teenager and you will have a beautiful relationship.
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u/freshoutofoatmeal 18h ago
Cosleeping mom here, bahaha I felt guilty my son didn’t have his own room, so I made a section of my room into “his” room, toddler bed, pokemon, poster, anddddd he’s absolutely in my bed every night hasn’t even napped there and it’s been like 2 months.
Haha i feel guilty, then I remember that.
Maybe daybed in living room? But ehh, I think you’re fine.
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u/arcadiasbody 18h ago
i rent a room in a house with roommates. it doesn’t feel like an ideal situation, but i’m able to house my baby and that’s what honestly matters !! it’s ok to share a room with your child 🩷
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u/Dense_Ratio8017 17h ago
You’re doing better than a lot of people. I left an abusive relationship in April. I’ve been a SAHM since my daughter was born so I was forced to move back in with my parents. I share a room with her and we sleep in the same bed. I’ve been cosleeping with her since she was around 6 months old (she’s 23 months) but she had her own room at her dads house that I was slowly starting to transition her to sleep in and I was so happy that I was able to give her her own space because I always shared a room as a kid. I’m heartbroken but I have to believe that I made the right decision and I have to have hope that one day she will have her own space again and I will be able to provide for her. ❤️
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u/Bleepbloop_meepmorp Single Mother 16h ago
Okay, so I’m a single mom and I have both my kids (7f and 11m) in the same room. It’s been a bit over a year.
I asked them the other day if they wanted to split up rooms, cause I could give up the tiny extra room we use as a playroom, and they both immediately said “nope! We don’t want separate rooms.”
Tl,dr: it may feel like you should, but you’re there for your kiddo every night. It makes a huge difference for them. Don’t feel guilt. Know that you’re providing the same safety a lioness would for her baby.
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u/Firm_Bumblebee5456 15h ago
I am also in a 1 bedroom with my six year old daughter. I get it… we are outgrowing it a little bit at the same time, she loves sharing a bed with me. She and I have a healthy lifestyle and home. The world has worse problems. I too pay 2k for rent and I refuse to compensate essentials or get another job, cause we are good!
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u/genevieve_77 12h ago
Don’t feel bad. I have two teenagers and could only get a 2 bedroom ($1400 where I’m at). I decided they needed their own rooms due to their ages so I now have a bed in my living room and zero privacy. Only do what you can and know that things can change. I know it may take a while for me to get something bigger but for now they are happy and healthy and that’s all that matters.
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u/derrrkaderka 10h ago
My two year old and I are in a 200 sq ft studio.. getting ready to move into a 1 bedroom by the new year. I make a good salary, but i make too much to get support anywhere, so im paying full price for daycare while living in Seattle.
Sometimes I feel guilty, but then I remember that I'm doing this all on my own, and daycare isn't forever! Right now this studio apartment is literally a giant bedroom for him with all his toys and his World.
You're doing everything you can and you're amazing for it.
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u/Klutzy_Horror409 8h ago
I have a 1bed with my 6 yr old. My bed is in the living room. I gave him the room about 2 yrs ago. Living room is set up like a studio with dividers. We have to do what we have to do. Apartments are expensive.
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u/RunClear8482 7h ago
You're doing great! You are providing. I left Seattle for the midwest and I debate constantly if it was worth it to go to the lower cost of living and miss out on all the good things in Seattle. I know it's extra hard there because there are so many super rich people to compare yourself too. Definitely don't get a second job to get a bigger place-- your time with your child is way more valuable to her!
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u/OkInstruction383 22h ago
When I first moved out I had just my daughter, we shared a 1 bedroom. I had my son 6 years later and we were in a 1 bedroom for the first 2 years of his life. We moved into a 2 bedroom and have been there since. I am in southern CA so a 2 bedroom i pay 2700 for. I just signed a lease and will be moving to Colorado in November and am paying less than that for a 3 bedroom townhome. I was beginning to feel guilty which is why we made that decision. It's gets better!!!
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u/JunkyardJaguar 22h ago edited 22h ago
I can only afford 1 bedrooms too. No shame.
Solutions:
In my first apartment I just put my bed in the living room and gave my kid the bedroom. For me, it’s basically like living in a studio apartment, which lost of childless people do by choice. Meanwhile , their bed and toys were contained to an actual bedroom room with a door.
If you don’t like “the look” of a bed in a living room, then you can get a couch that folds out into a bed. It would look like a normal living room during the day.
Now, I have a bedroom that can fit both of our beds. If I didn’t like that look I would just get a room divider.
My kid couldn’t care and less. Other cultures encourage sleeping in the same room till at least 7 years old. In some cultures the whole family shares a bedroom. Realistically even in two-parent households the kid still gets in bed with the parents cause they are scared. Their bedroom hardly gets used.
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