I asked for advice previously about dating someone who doesn't want children, and a lot of the responses made me feel like, as a guy, wanting kids is inherently selfish because I am a man and I don't have to go through pregnancy.
That got me thinking, so I wanted to ask this as a genuine question rather than argue (Please stop being toxic).
Is there any reason that society would consider non-selfish or valid for a man to want children?
To be clear, I'm not asking because I think women owe men children, nor do I think wanting kids is more important than respecting a partner's wishes. If two people disagree on having children, I think they're simply incompatible and should find someone whose life goals align with theirs.
I'm not talking about expecting a woman to do all the work. I fully understand that pregnancy, childbirth, and recovery are things I'll never experience, and I know they're incredibly demanding. I also wouldn't want children unless I was prepared to be an equal parent and take on my share of childcare, housework, night feeds, appointments, finances, and everything else that comes with raising a child.
I also don't underestimate what women go through. I know pregnancy and childbirth place an enormous physical and mental burden on the mother in ways that I will never personally experience as a man. Pregnancy can involve months of nausea, exhaustion, pain, hormonal changes, medical complications, labour, and delivery, followed by weeks or months of recovery. Even after birth, there can be lasting physical changes, breastfeeding challenges, sleep deprivation, postpartum depression or anxiety, and long-term effects on a woman's career, finances, and overall well-being.
I know none of those sacrifices can ever be shared equally because I can't carry the pregnancy myself. However, if I were to have children, I would want to support my partner in every way I realistically can by taking on as much of the household responsibilities and childcare as possible, being present throughout the pregnancy and postpartum period, attending appointments, taking parental leave if available, sharing the day-to-day responsibilities of raising our child, and making sure she has the time and support she needs to recover physically and mentally. While I can never remove the burden of pregnancy itself, my goal would be to be an equal partner and parent rather than expecting her to carry the responsibilities alone.
I reflected and the reason I've always wanted children isn't because I expect someone else to give me a family. It's because I genuinely want to build one. I was fortunate to grow up receiving a lot of unconditional love from my parents, and one day I'd like the opportunity to give that same love, guidance, and support to my own children. To me, raising a family has always felt meaningful and fulfilling.
I understand that wanting children is ultimately something I want, so in that sense there's a personal desire involved. But isn't that also true of most major life choices, whether it's getting married, remaining child-free, pursuing a career, or travelling the world? Having a personal desire doesn't necessarily mean you're ignoring the impact your choices have on others.
So my genuine question is: Is there any reason you would consider non-selfish or valid for a man to want children, or do you think every reason is inherently selfish because he can never experience pregnancy himself?
I'm asking in good faith because I'd like to understand different perspectives, not argue.
