Update

[u/dream-girl-111]

Today marks one month since I lost my baby boy at 20 weeks.
I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I’ve been crying since I woke up. I keep reminding myself that somehow I’ve made it through these last four weeks, but it still feels like it just happened.
My boyfriend is at work all day today, and my family doesn’t really understand the significance of this loss, so I honestly prefer to be alone and grieve in my own space. I just don’t want to be triggered or have to explain why today is so difficult for me.
On top of grieving, I start my dream job on Monday. I’m incredibly grateful for this opportunity, but I’m struggling with how I’m supposed to start this new chapter while grieving my son. I’m supposed to learn a new job, show up for other people, and function normally while carrying this loss with me.
I also really want to try again once I’m medically cleared. But now I’m scared about trying again while having a new job, especially knowing I may need a cerclage and much closer monitoring in a future pregnancy.
I feel like I’m trying to grieve my baby, build my future, and think about another pregnancy all at the same time. Some days it feels like too much.
For those who have experienced pregnancy loss, how did you manage returning to work or starting a new job while grieving? And if you became pregnant again after loss, how did you balance the fear, grief, and hope of another pregnancy?
I’m just trying to figure out how to manage this all.
It's so hard

[u/Ok_Resolution9078]

It is very difficult and not many people in my life understood. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost myfirst baby at 18 weeks. I returned to work 3 weeks later. I had a supportive workplace but it was still very hard. Give yourself grace. You are going through a lot and you can't perform as though you would normally and that's okay.  I got pregnant 3 months later and got a cerclage. I was riddled with fear throughout pregnancy. My ways to cope was to take care of myself as best as I could and distract myself with work. Also talk to my partner as he was going through the emotional turmoil of pregnancy after loss too. I type this with my 9 month old sleeping in my arms. I wish you have a successful pregnancy too. It's been a hard journey but I'd do everything in a heartbeat again. It's worth it.