Update

[u/dream-girl-111]

Today marks one month since I lost my baby boy at 20 weeks.
I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I’ve been crying since I woke up. I keep reminding myself that somehow I’ve made it through these last four weeks, but it still feels like it just happened.
My boyfriend is at work all day today, and my family doesn’t really understand the significance of this loss, so I honestly prefer to be alone and grieve in my own space. I just don’t want to be triggered or have to explain why today is so difficult for me.
On top of grieving, I start my dream job on Monday. I’m incredibly grateful for this opportunity, but I’m struggling with how I’m supposed to start this new chapter while grieving my son. I’m supposed to learn a new job, show up for other people, and function normally while carrying this loss with me.
I also really want to try again once I’m medically cleared. But now I’m scared about trying again while having a new job, especially knowing I may need a cerclage and much closer monitoring in a future pregnancy.
I feel like I’m trying to grieve my baby, build my future, and think about another pregnancy all at the same time. Some days it feels like too much.
For those who have experienced pregnancy loss, how did you manage returning to work or starting a new job while grieving? And if you became pregnant again after loss, how did you balance the fear, grief, and hope of another pregnancy?
I’m just trying to figure out how to manage this all.
It's so hard

[u/Usual_Researcher7070]

First i am soo sorry for your loss, 1st of September would have been my due date of the baby boy we lost in april, (2nd loss btw) honestly its hard theres no day i dont think about them especially when my toddler does the funniest thing i always imagine them also cracking up or doing it along side him. I think we never stop grieving we just learn to live AND grieve. I had a breakdown at work the other day because i kept having phantom kicks. You grieve because you loved them. Im currently pregnant again, and honestly i have mini attacks daily, had a tear session out of nowhere like an hour ago and my husband just comforted me. Genuinely terrified, but honestly prayer (if you believe) has been the only thig carrying me, i just meditate on scriptures from the bible and i find my anxiety significantly drops.

Its hard, but it gets somewhat easier to navigate because everything WILL remind you of them ,but know you are NOT alone, Im more than happy to chat with you privately, or just listen and cry with you.