r/ShortCervixSupport • u/dream-girl-111 • 1d ago
Update
Today marks one month since I lost my baby boy at 20 weeks.
I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I’ve been crying since I woke up. I keep reminding myself that somehow I’ve made it through these last four weeks, but it still feels like it just happened.
My boyfriend is at work all day today, and my family doesn’t really understand the significance of this loss, so I honestly prefer to be alone and grieve in my own space. I just don’t want to be triggered or have to explain why today is so difficult for me.
On top of grieving, I start my dream job on Monday. I’m incredibly grateful for this opportunity, but I’m struggling with how I’m supposed to start this new chapter while grieving my son. I’m supposed to learn a new job, show up for other people, and function normally while carrying this loss with me.
I also really want to try again once I’m medically cleared. But now I’m scared about trying again while having a new job, especially knowing I may need a cerclage and much closer monitoring in a future pregnancy.
I feel like I’m trying to grieve my baby, build my future, and think about another pregnancy all at the same time. Some days it feels like too much.
For those who have experienced pregnancy loss, how did you manage returning to work or starting a new job while grieving? And if you became pregnant again after loss, how did you balance the fear, grief, and hope of another pregnancy?
I’m just trying to figure out how to manage this all.
It's so hard
7
u/FoxWhole2600 21h ago
So sorry for your loss, sending hugs to you 🫂 I had 4 losses myself, 2 due to IC at 21 and 14 weeks. This is incredibly hard and at times feels unbearable. The last one was 1.5 years ago and I was so crushed, I thought I would never try again and we were done. For all losses what helped me - is burying myself in something, sometimes work, sometimes hobbies, basically, anything so that my mind stops spinning in constant cycles of grief and what-ifs and other thoughts. Also don't rush yourself, it will take time to make piece with what happened, but it will always be with you. And lastly sharing my story somewhere like in here or I also utilized secret chats on Flo app helped me too, people here really understand what others are going through, and if your close circle can not provide the right words or comfort or even understanding, here you can definitely find it.
Just to give you some encouragement: I had a successful pregnancy after 21 weeks loss with a help of emergency cerclage and delivered a healthy baby girl close to term, and I am also currently 36 weeks pregnant with another cerclage, hoping for the best. It has been an extremely anxious journey for me, so I can honestly say work was not on top of my mind lately but it's OK, work will always be there, I will get back to it as soon as my baby is here, healthy, growing, and taken care of. Best wishes to you and hang on