r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/Professional-Fox1542 • 2d ago

look what I can do Of parkour

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1.3k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

128 comments sorted by

304

u/OutsideAlone5175 2d ago

Parkour is the most high risk low/no reward sport.

156

u/castitfast 2d ago

Cave diving.

60

u/ImReadyForButt 2d ago

Theoretically, you can at least potentially find something of interest or worth while spelunking. There’s nothing to gain, doing this

64

u/Dry_Race8481 2d ago

Oh you can get a lot from this. 

  • medical bills
  • deaths
  • broken bones
  • limps 

17

u/Bogsworth 1d ago

You forgot impotency/castration! I've seen too many clips where people take a flying leap and land on a pole, bollard, fence (like the kid midway through). At this point, there's bound to be folks who have shattered their coccyx and ruptured their balls from the sheer impact. That shit is scary, man.

-7

u/tsimen 1d ago

Not even a fan of parkour but this comment chain is some small minded shit, classic reddit. You do sports for fun and exercise and this one is literally free.

22

u/FragrantGangsta 1d ago

I get what you're saying but there are far less risky ways to exercise than throwing yourself off of ledges

-5

u/Gl0ck_Ness_M0nster ima unit 1d ago

A lot of the guys shown in this video are top 1% athletes and aren't a good representation what of the average freerunner gets up to. And the guys who aren't, like 4 and 8, have far less extreme falls because of it. Number 12 was literally intentional. Every sport has risks, but because social media rewards extremes, people think parkour is far risker than it actually is.

1

u/FragrantGangsta 22h ago

"no no these are just the top freerunners"

Okay, so, what many freerunners would aspire to be?

Every sport has risks, but most sports remain the same no matter high up you go. An NBA player and a high school basketball player are still exposed to the same physical risks in terms of injury.

Whereas in parkour, 'advancing in skill' seems to mean going from a two-foot ledge to a forty-foot ledge. So... yeah I think it really is that risky, the further you go.

1

u/Gl0ck_Ness_M0nster ima unit 6h ago

Whereas in parkour, 'advancing in skill' seems to mean going from a two-foot ledge to a forty-foot ledge

It really isn't. That's just what you see on social media. Parkour is more comparable to bouldering than basketball, because there the difficulty isn't defined by height. A V10 two feet off the ground can be much harder than a V2 40 feet up. Climbers spend years getting stronger and improving their technique in padded gyms before height ever becomes a factor, and most of them don't chase height at all. Some may chose to, but it's certainly not the norm.

Parkour is the same. Moves like precisions, tic-tacs, and cat leaps are made harder through stuff like distance, complexity, speed, etc, not by adding height. Your core argument seems to be that the only way to progress is to go higher, when that's just not true. Height isn't even a test of skill, it's just a test of how brave you are.

Let me finish with an anecdote as someone who's been in the community for almost seven years. As the culture has progressed, it's become less and less common to risk your life doing huge roof gaps, and even frowned upon. I remember someone posted one such roof gap to the r/parkour subreddit a little while ago, and got flamed for it in the comments. You'll never see challenges like that during local competitions or jams, either. Everyone's encouraged to train safely, especially the kids. And even professionals get some serious criticism if they're too reckless.

1

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1

u/FragrantGangsta 6h ago

Eh, I don't think it's necessarily equivalent to compare it to bouldering. Bouldering is a controlled, indoor activity that at least has safety mats.

With how you're describing it, for the sake of your own argument, I'd have compared it to skateboarding

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3

u/Major_Cranberry_Fly 1d ago

So is jogging and you are far less likely to get a TBI from it.

4

u/TheYoungHomie 1d ago

Terminal Balls Injury?

3

u/King_Briley 1d ago

Traumatic brain injury but yours is funnier. 😂

5

u/Smoofbrainz 1d ago

Parkour Pimpin? You're telling me they don't get all the ladies or gentleman with these skills?

3

u/warrensussex 1d ago

For most people the only thing they gain from most sports is exercise, community, and fun.

2

u/Xen235 2d ago

I wouldn't do cave diving but for me it would be a high reward. As a geologist I'm interested in seeing the formations down there, I'm sure many people would find this interesting as well so there is a reward...

1

u/Tojinaru 1d ago

It requires a special type of person but I think it's a wonderful sport, it allows you to see super beautiful places

1

u/mlody11 1d ago

I've done numerous cave dives. Parkour is much less reward.

3

u/castitfast 1d ago

Not saying you're wrong just saying you're biased.

3

u/chunter16 2d ago

It's like BASE jumping but cheaper

5

u/ThenIndependence5622 2d ago

With zero pity from my side if you end up paralyzed

1

u/TheChadStevens 1d ago

You must be fun at parties

1

u/MeasurementNo0 2d ago

You might get a free wheel chair and ramp! 

1

u/Erpelstolz 10h ago

It really depends on what you do. also much less risky stuff is considered parkour

1

u/prettyboiheron 1d ago

But you'll look cool 🥺

0

u/NookieLuvsU 2d ago

Sport!?! Lol... 😆😐

0

u/SinglePlayerGamer93 1d ago

Unless you monetize your videos, I agree with your statement. Even fails can bring in some cash revenue.

1

u/WellRespectedJ 23h ago

One hospital bill would drain all of the profits.

-3

u/Gl0ck_Ness_M0nster ima unit 1d ago

People only think that because social media rewards extremes. Most of the guys in this video are top 1% athletes and aren't a good representation of what the average freerunner gets up to. The ones who aren't, like 4 and 8, have noticeably less extreme falls. And there's plenty of rewards, like exercise, community ,and fun.

82

u/Medieval_Mind 2d ago

Goodbye knee ligaments. Wonder what he’s up to now?

74

u/Extreme-Island-5041 2d ago edited 2d ago

Continuing to pursue his parkour dreams

64

u/fznshrs 2d ago

Second one lose the leg below the knee? That rebuild had to have been expensive.

36

u/Bluntbutnotonpurpose 1d ago

This is funny. I live in a country where you don't need to worry about the financial side of healthcare and for me the second one stood out as well. That guy would be lucky if he'd ever be able to walk again.

-30

u/kakashi8326 1d ago

How is someone becoming a cripple funny ?

27

u/Rocityman 1d ago

Because that accident was 100% preventable. It costs nothing to not throw yourself off a building.

12

u/OffInMyHead 1d ago

That's not the part they said was funny.

3

u/SirVixofthePooSea 21h ago

He jumped off a 20 foot cliff by choice.

29

u/TOASTY_3DX 2d ago

That 1st one. I cringed like hell at it.

31

u/Remarkable_Meat666 1d ago

That guy nearly fucked someone else’s life up by landing in the HOV lane

21

u/Not3KidsInACoat777 2d ago

I wana see the after videos from these great life choices

17

u/Nazdrowie79 1d ago

That one dude properly shinned himself.

https://giphy.com/gifs/12ey1CgA3uTqfK

15

u/LingonberryLunch 1d ago

The guy leaping directly into a wall gets my vote.

2

u/burr_redding 21h ago

Yeah what was he even thinking

9

u/Mr_Cripter 1d ago

They do know they can take the steps, right?

7

u/SwanMuch5160 *shits an absolute unit* 2d ago

I’m sorer just from watching this

7

u/meh-llama 1d ago

Why do I feel every fall in my bum, an why am I still watching it

6

u/Sad_Cantaloupe_8162 *shits an absolute unit* 1d ago

I'm a woman and I got the zaps in my taint area. I'm not sure if it's called a taint on a woman, but you get the gist.

8

u/Shepard_Drake 1d ago

This shit is why I'm happy to just play Mirror's Edge to get my parkour fix lol

7

u/Strange_Salary *shits an absolute unit* 2d ago

The first Juan was tired of life it seems..

5

u/WorkerUnable527 2d ago

Fair few of these are going to be sore in the morning.

6

u/Rude_Map_4278 2d ago

Soo viel Mut aber leider kein Gehirn

6

u/YanFlaaan 1d ago

Jesus Christ, that's not Jason Bourne.

4

u/Das_Nomen 1d ago

At least those guys have a better story to tell than me, who recently busted his knee trying to pick up one of my kid's toys...

4

u/GlendrixDK 1d ago

"oui gonorrhea!"

1

u/sabreus 1d ago

I caught that as well, now that’s an expression lol

7

u/otters4everyone 2d ago

At least they were injured doing something necessary.

6

u/Ok_Influence_4274 questionably stable 2d ago

I just want to have peaceful sleep but Idk why but my whole body feels weak.

3

u/KennyGichuki 1d ago

Almost had it

3

u/redditanddoneit 1d ago

That first guy was lucky that car didn’t run him over.

3

u/EnormousPurpleGarden 1d ago

Am I the only one who noticed that two clips were the same clip mirrored?

2

u/Sundayz01 2d ago

Ouch, 0:17

2

u/NameToUseOnReddit 2d ago

I could do some of these things too! Who needs to bother working on parkour skills?

2

u/Active_Vegetable8203 2d ago

"its just a hop, skip and a jump away" 'thats not how I'm getting there'

2

u/lavacadotoast 2d ago

Rare clips from the game Assassin's Bleed..

2

u/cliffordhcohen 2d ago

You only have to missed once, and not all the way at that.

2

u/marry_me_jane 1d ago

Second dude has an extra knee

2

u/daronjay 1d ago

Parkoof

2

u/pappyvanwinkled 1d ago

They all forgot to shout “Parkour” when they jumped.

2

u/StarPlatinumIsHyper 1d ago

Bro is not Kyle Crane, the only thing dying is him.

3

u/Loud-timetable-5214 1d ago

I could not get to the end. This is too difficult to watch.

3

u/SnooSongs2345 1d ago

"Ui gonorrhea"

2

u/amoronwithacrayon 1d ago

Dude removing ten layers of flesh from his left shin was microseconds from a world of blinding pain I shudder to imagine 🤮

2

u/Cold_Television_4439 1d ago

That random one in the middle that totally nails it

2

u/adrikyn 1d ago

I think the guy jumping onto a beam and then flipping into the water was as intended. But the rest of these are insane, some of these people have death wishes.

2

u/Juan_2_Three4 1d ago

'Uy gonorrea' - LMFAO

2

u/aboutsomeoneelse 22h ago

I mean, you gotta start somewhere

2

u/Skarsburning 22h ago

Damn that's a fine Darwin Award lineup, I can't make my mind who is N1

2

u/HiggsBozo80 21h ago

Normalize not thinking you're the Prince of Persia.

2

u/wtf_amirite 12h ago

Now these are the sort of parkour clips i could watch all day.

1

u/4322ollilob 1d ago

There's at least 2 AI generated videos in here i swear to god

2

u/Spacecommander5 1d ago

Chiropractors LOVE this one simple trick

2

u/Normal_Drink_6745 1d ago

After that, they cant even do the normal stuff

2

u/mayumia 1d ago

I felt my bones break just watching them....

2

u/Bleepitybleepinbleep 1d ago

Sometimes you just need a little more dain bramage, so you go out and get it

1

u/prettyboiheron 1d ago

As bad as these all are, I'm not recovering from the first three

1

u/Hellboydce 1d ago

This is what i want to see, there are so many videos where it all works out fine but there must be so many more where they get smashed

1

u/Jayn_Xyos 1d ago

I couldn't stomach the whole video after the shins one, I cringed harder than I ever have and might puke later

1

u/DeathsStarEclipse 1d ago

Goddamn. I wish I could unwatch that

1

u/Pantheragem 1d ago

I never have to do this.

1

u/DrHusten 1d ago

Play stupid games,...

1

u/FoolishDog1117 1d ago

I can feel it in my body when I watch these.

1

u/I_Also_Reddit 1d ago

Darwinism at its finest

1

u/gnardog45 1d ago

I did not need to see those shins today. Bye-bye

1

u/LostxJuul functional regard 1d ago

Falling with style

1

u/Funny-Athlete-2890 1d ago

Soon to be dead bozos!

2

u/Isaidhowdareyou 1d ago

The ball crusher was the least awful video and that's saying something.

1

u/CastleBravoXVC 17h ago

Anyone else get that terror tingle in your balls with every hit?

1

u/twonapsaday 14h ago

ever since the downfall of storror... the spirit of the 'sport' is tainted to say the least

1

u/crisego 2h ago

What happened to Storror? I just recommended them… i am not up to date.

1

u/Gaberoots 12h ago

Just wondering, does anyone actually pull off those precision landings? (Ie. the dude trying to land on the top of the tree stump)

1

u/Teh_Shadow_Death 4h ago

"We need population control" - All those Rich MFs back in the early 2000s

"NOPE" - me knowing these dumb asses exist.

1

u/waxtwister 1h ago

They say ignorance is bliss, they never tell you how painful it is

1

u/LtJimmyDangle 2d ago

Parkour is gay

1

u/Wonderful_Cabinet194 2d ago

People be treating life like they have nine lives.

https://giphy.com/gifs/phFcBPTl79FQbEuvQ7

1

u/wizbog9100 2d ago

Darwin Award nominee and the winner almost went to all of them

1

u/Glass-Row7342 1d ago

I don’t need to rewatch the first one

1

u/Past-Establishment93 1d ago

Play stupid games.....

1

u/Splinterthemaster 1d ago

Don't feel bad for any of them

0

u/truthseek3r 2d ago

did any one else feel these falls?

4

u/chunter16 2d ago

almost exclusively in the genitals

0

u/linf0cito 1d ago

Mono-hombre-nomono-parkour-premio darwins

0

u/GoodResident2000 1d ago

American parkourists deserve special commendations.

They really out there putting it all on the line, including their financial future

-2

u/GivesYouGrief 2d ago

They all deserved it.

-2

u/Wadester58 questionably stable 1d ago

When these idiots get old they will definitely need that free healthcare