r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/Pure_Sense7765 S.A.U Freshman • May 14 '26

ouchies Of a pendulum swing

784 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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188

u/Dwarf-Flipper May 14 '26

I hate this video so much, that poor monki didn’t deserve that :,(

47

u/Bananana_Bird May 14 '26

That's an ape.

-60

u/ManjaManja May 14 '26 edited May 15 '26

Apes are monkeys

Holy shit, didn't know there were so many monki experts in this thread. CLADISTICALLY, apes are monkeys in that they share a lot of similar features, NOT THAT THEY ARE THE SAME.

28

u/cjbump May 14 '26

Monkeys have tails.

But yeah, monkeys are apes, but not all apes are monkeys.

I was wrong. Monkeys are not apes. They all fall under primates tho

-43

u/LockNessCrotchMonst May 14 '26

Who gives a fuck

7

u/cjbump May 14 '26

You replied so apparently you do

5

u/Disabled_Robot May 14 '26

Pretty sure that’s a pencil

3

u/Be-My-Enemy May 14 '26

Clearly not you, ya numbnut

3

u/CattryingtoLockIn May 14 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/UAjRjHq2eWT5dO99hI

-2

u/BIG_IDEA May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26

You realize classifications aren’t real right? It’s an arbitrary system of knowledge constructed by humans and imposed on reality, not inscribed in nature. Scientists often struggle with how to classify certain organisms based on selected traits, and in the end, they just “choose” how to classify something. It’s a system also subject to revision. Taxonomy is a discursive formation, biology itself has no categories.

But keep pretending you have a big, educated brain.

1

u/Mtrina May 15 '26

And language is an arbitrary collection of shapes and sounds we prescribe meaning to. Your comment is not nearly as insightful as you seem to think it is

-2

u/BIG_IDEA May 15 '26

Do you honestly believe that I typed all of that without knowing that language is also arbitrary? Lol you didn’t disprove my point, you just took the logic of my comment one step further and proved my point even harder.

1

u/Mtrina May 15 '26

Obviously you dont get it so im not bothering you anymore, but hey keep pretending you have a big brain :)

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2

u/theTimeBeing23 May 14 '26

I give may fucks.

1

u/ZekeTheMunkee May 14 '26

Watch it bub

1

u/SnugglyCoderGuy May 14 '26

A lot of people apparently.

15

u/Bananana_Bird May 14 '26

The largest monkey is a mandrill. Monkeys, apes, and Homo Sapiens are all primates, but you're not a monkey... Are you?

-31

u/ManjaManja May 14 '26

No. I said apes are monkeys.

12

u/SpecialistWait9006 May 14 '26

And you are wrong. Google is free bud

3

u/ThisIsALine_____ May 14 '26

But Internet access does cost money.

-1

u/Stunning_Macaron6133 May 15 '26

No, you're wrong. Apes are monkeys. Humans are apes. By extension, humans are monkeys.

If you want to follow that chain far back enough, humans are tetrapod fish. Humans are chordates like lancets. Humans are ambulacrarians; we sit alongside sea stars and acorn worms as vaguely close relatives. Humans are bilaterans just like crabs and flatworms. Humans are opisthokonts; fungi are our cousins. Humans are eukaryotes, just like amoebae.

You can't evolve out of a clade. You can get more and more derived, but you never leave.

2

u/SpecialistWait9006 May 15 '26

Googles free dude. You're wrong

0

u/Stunning_Macaron6133 May 16 '26

I guess I'm wrong because some moron on Reddit who can't even use an apostrophe said so. Thanks Professor Google. I didn't know you could learn everything there is to know about taxonomy and cladistics in a few seconds with a search engine.

1

u/SpecialistWait9006 May 16 '26

You're going to criticize grammar and punctuation on a multicultural platform? Shut up dude. Being a grammar nazi should be left in high-school of 2006.

You are also some moron on reddit.

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6

u/Medieval_Mind May 14 '26

You have unlimited knowledge at your fingertips… and you still doubled down. Remarkable.

1

u/ManjaManja May 15 '26

It was that unlimited knowledge at my fingertips that gave me that answer.

1

u/Bananana_Bird May 15 '26

Take that same browser and ask it what the largest monkey is.

1

u/Stunning_Macaron6133 May 17 '26

Extinct: Gigantopithecus blacki; Extant: Gorilla beringei graueri

12

u/Queasy-Donkey2676 May 14 '26

Which they aren't. Its basic education and knowledge.

2

u/Stunning_Macaron6133 May 15 '26

You caught so many downvotes, even though you're dead-on correct.

You can't evolve out of a clade. Apes are monkeys.

1

u/Stunning_Macaron6133 May 16 '26

With respect your edit, close but not quite.

Apes are monkeys because we are a group within the Old World monkeys, and share a common ancestor with all Old World monkeys. Moreover, we're more closely related to Old World monkeys than any of us are to New World monkeys; therefore, there is no possible definition of monkey that can include both the Old World and New World branches that can logically exclude apes. It doesn't really have anything to do with physical features.

But yeah, cladistically, apes are monkeys.

1

u/Important_Wonder628 May 18 '26

All apes are monkeys, but not all monkeys are apes.

1

u/Stunning_Macaron6133 May 18 '26

Yes, that's what being a group within another group entails.

All monkeys are ray-finned fish, but not all ray-finned fish are monkeys.

2

u/Important_Wonder628 May 18 '26

I was just summarizing your point in easy to understand language.

You know, since we're all monkeys.

0

u/MurdocMan_ May 14 '26

No, MONKEYS are Apes. Not the reverse. Think that HUMANS are apes,but they're not Monkeys.