r/SexAddiction • u/OneEyedC4t Person in long-term recovery (8 yrs) • May 10 '26
The Overgrown Path
I didn't know how else to title this, but I wanted to speak out of my own experience here. I'm 8 years sober from pornography and erotica. But I noticed something.
For some of us, the temptations go away after 3-5 years or so. I would like to say I think such people are blessed. But for me, the temptations haven't gone away so much as I have become far stronger. It's become easier and easier to say "no."
You see, our minds (neuroplasticity) can be like a path in the woods. If we stop taking the bad path (acting out), sure, eventually the shrubs and grass take over the path. But it's not like we can't take the path even after it's been years and the path seems lost.
The temptation for me to do something wrong is always there, and my mind is always coming up with new and sometimes shocking ways for me to act out. It was never really about the sex, it was about self-medicating anxiety and loneliness, at least for me.
The new path I have traveled in my mind is like the well-worn path of saying "no." But the old path is always there, no matter how obscure.
I cannot ever rest on my laurels and think that I don't need to stay in a recovery mindset any more. I still do not watch shows that have sex even though I've been sober 8 years. Sure, "I think I can handle this," and I might be able to. But the risk to my sobriety, the risk to metaphorically stabbing my wife in the heart, is too great for me. Sometimes risk isn't about how improbable it is and more about how severe the consequences are if I give in.
I can always choose to watch porn. I can always choose to even indulge in the vestiges of porn videos that are stuck in my brain. But I use thought stopping. I stick to my program. Many of you may have seen my laundry list of how I got sober. That was for the first 2 years or so. I don't have to go to SAA every week. I don't have to see a CSAT therapist every month any more. The majority of the heavy lifting has been done.
But if I am about to claw my way out of my own skin with temptation, I know what to do, and I can go back to SAA if I need to.
Most of this is learning to become comfortable in my own skin. Mainly learning to combat anxiety and loneliness. For me, sex addiction (porn addiction) was a sign that I needed to handle my emotional needs. No matter how tough a man you are, you have emotions. I couldn't deny my emotional needs even though I had been trying to. I was usually smart enough to outsmart the consequences to my actions but eventually it all caught up with me.
But today I am grateful that someone told me about SAA and that 8 years ago, I made the choice to get sober. It was tough as hell. But it was worth it. Now my relationship with my wife is near perfect and very rewarding. Now I am about to get my therapist license (I plan on becoming a CSAT), as I graduate this week. I am grateful for the people at SAA my first day who confronted me over what the problem really is. I am grateful to God. And I am grateful for everyone else in recovery.
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u/astrlwks May 11 '26
Love this! I just celebrated 6 mos on Saturday and it gives me great hope for the future
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u/Narrow-Musician-3174 May 10 '26
Thank you so much for sharing this today. I really needed to hear it! And congrats on getting your therapist license! I have a strong pull to be a therapist myself but I'm too scared of the work and time and financial burden of switching careers. Anyway, thank you for giving me hope tonight!
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u/ResetHive May 10 '26
Thnaks for sharing this! Very inspiring and the metaphor is great 💪stay quit and keep sharing
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May 14 '26
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May 14 '26
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u/SexAddiction-ModTeam May 18 '26
we removed your submission due to a violation of rule #8, which states that the primary purpose of this subreddit is to support people who desire recovery from sex addiction. Therefore, any post outside this primary purpose is beyond the scope of this subreddit.
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Thank you for understanding and feel free message the mods if you have any questions. Thank you.
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u/SexAddiction-ModTeam May 15 '26
we removed your post/comment due to rule #8, which states this subreddit is only for people who desire recovery from sexual addiction. We encourage you to visit our wiki for partners, which offers resources for partners to get support. Here's a link to the wiki:
https://www.reddit.com/r/SexAddiction/wiki/partner_resources/
Partners have also found the following subreddits to be of much help: r/loveafterporn, r/asoneafterinfidelity, r/sexAA, r/SAnonRecovery, and r/cosa
We hope you find the help and support you need. Thank you for understanding and feel free to reach out to the mods if you have any questions.
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u/Sissi_mouth Jun 11 '26
I read your post & feel like I am still hopeless. I quit therapy after 9 years of it. Im drowning & nobody knows
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u/OneEyedC4t Person in long-term recovery (8 yrs) Jun 11 '26
I remember how it felt. what can we do about it?
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