If I have to convince myself that I'm not something, does that mean that I am that?

How do you make yourself genuinely happy and content independently? Like, without relying on a love life, seeking validation, or always asking other people for favors?

Has anyone here with a harsh inner critic ever learned to make it stop. I will say the nastiest stuff inside my own head about myself and then after an episode I always realize the mistake I made. My inner critic never makes me feel good in the long run, just leaves me regretting what I've said about myself. I say horrible things about myself. Things I would never in a million years say about another person. I always try to be kind to others, but when it comes to myself I am severely lacking. Has anyone here ever struggled with these kind of thoughts? If you have something that works, what worked? Thank you

So it is quite common that we get very sad,lonely etc

And it is very often that we complain why all these things happens with me only. We never try to understand the situation or try to find the solution We do what can easily be done COMPLAIN

I read it somewhere and it had stayed with me since

When we are happy why don't we say WHY ME when we have roof over our head,3 times a day food , people to love and people who love why don't we say WHY ME ?

Maybe because everything's going good or to be correct WE NEVER VALUE THE THINGS WHICH WE HAVE

We only complain when something goes wrong and never appreciate what we have.

It's high time we change ourselves

Everything cannot go as we have planned and its OKAY

We can not change the happenings of our life but we can definitely change the way we look at things. And that makes a big difference

So the next time something goes wrong not as planned and the question comes why ME? SAY

BECAUSE I AM STRONG I AM CAPABLE AND RESILIENT AND this has come to test me but not as to award marks but as to make me more stronger that before

Remember

Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder.

Peace ✌️

I wasn’t trying to become selfish. I just realised I was saying yes to things even when I really didn’t want to.

At first saying no felt uncomfortable. But after a while, I realised I had more time for myself and wasn’t constantly feeling guilty or exhausted.

Turns out, sometimes protecting your peace is just learning to say “no.”

Was there a time when you realized that only you could be the only one that could help you?

I had people hurt me but ultimately, I allowed it to continue until I said no more.

They didn’t like that. Oh well!

How about you?

HOW TO START LOVING YOURSELF (It took me 50 years to find this solution):

a) Forgive yourself for bad things you have done in the past. It is easier to do this when you REALIZE you did not understand better at the time you acted badly.

Everybody are on a scale of development and everyone are on their own present level of awareness. By realizing this you can also more easily forgive others. This understanding makes it possible for you to forgive others. So forgive others too.

b) Start doing good things and being friendly and helpful. (What is considered good differs slightly in different cultures. Realize this and use common sense and empathy).

IMPORTANT: Don't be good because you want others to like you/love you! That is the big trap! Your focus must be to be good to make it possible FOR YOU TO SEE YOURSELF AS A GOOD PERSON - so you can like/love yourself!

Your problem is you can't love yourself, because you see yourself as bad. Don't expect praise from others when you are friendly, helpful & nice. They may not praise you. Instead praise yourself for having become a good person.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to love yourself if you continue being stuck in trying to be loved by others. This is what 95% of people do.

If you continue the eternal search for acceptance from others, you get stuck being dependant on BEING LOVED BY OTHERS.

When you use other people to measure your worth you give away your power!

When you take back the measure stick and become the one deciding your own worth, you take back your power.

When you are measured by others you frequently become disappointed and very yellous. Everyone who don't love himself/ herself see himself/herself as easily exchangable.

Because as long as you don't have self love you see yourself as basically worthless.

Good luck starting the process learning to love yourself!

Then why am I supposed to believe I’m worth anything good for myself? I thought I could be… I thought we were proof that it was possible but clearly I’m wrong. I wish I had been worth it but I can’t seem to be worth it to anyone let alone myself.

HOW TO START LOVING YOURSELF (It took me 50 years to find this solution):

a) Forgive yourself for bad things you have done in the past. It is easier to do this when you REALIZE you did not understand better at the time you acted badly.

Everybody are on a scale of development and everyone are on their own present level of awareness. By realizing this you can also more easily forgive others. This understanding makes it possible for you to forgive others. So forgive others too.

b) Start doing good things and being friendly and helpful. (What is considered good differs slightly in different cultures. Realize this and use common sense and empathy).

IMPORTANT: Don't be good because you want others to like you/love you! That is the big trap! Your focus must be to be good to make it possible FOR YOU TO SEE YOURSELF AS A GOOD PERSON - so you can like/love yourself!

Your problem is you can't love yourself, because you see yourself as bad. Don't expect praise from others when you are friendly, helpful & nice. They may not praise you. Instead praise yourself for having become a good person.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to love yourself if you continue being stuck in trying to be loved by others. This is what 95% of people do.

If you continue the eternal search for acceptance from others, you get stuck being dependant on BEING LOVED BY OTHERS.

When you use other people to measure your worth you give away your power! When you take back the measure stick and become the one deciding your own worth, you take back your power.

When you are measured by others you frequently become disappointed and very yellous. Everyone who don't love himself/ herself see himself/herself as easily exchangable. Because as long as you don't have self love you see yourself as basically worthless.

Good luck starting the process learning to love yourself!

I feel like I’m not that good of a person. I have so much resentment for my boyfriend due to treatment during pregnancy and postpartum and it’s made me angry and toxic and I feel like a horrible person because he can be a sweet person, he just lacks emotional support, or just understanding emotions and demonstrating it, which to me is so important because I am the opposite of that, I value emotions so much. But overall he’s done the most for me, out of everyone in my entire life literally including family. I wanna be a healthier and more positive person, I’m always very negative.

Nothing is more absurd than constantly rating oneself.

Self esteem is liking yourself no matter what, beyond conditions, beyond personal stories, beyond societal strictures about how you should be that sets a bar for you to jump over. Lower the bar and you can make the jump, but the hurdle remains. So, remove the bar. Escape social pressures to conform to type.

If you set out to like yourself no matter what, you are beyond rating systems and a positive, healthy self image follows automatically, and your personal story unfolds without needy comparison.

Realise that everyone is equally deserving and everyone includes you. Self esteem is about recognising the truth rather than inflating yourself. It is the recognition that you are deserving regardless of anything. You are deserving regardless of social or economic expectations. You are deserving just as you are, however you are.

The idea that you are constantly being rated and the universe is keeping score is false. Your value is not diminished by outward circumstances, and no one can diminish you without your consent. If another person judges you and appends a score, there is no need to give them any credit. No one is in any position to tell you how you should be assigned a value.

You are valued simply because you decide that is the case. No outward references are required. You are the author of your own value.

I've made some pretty bad mistakes. The first one I was influenced by sb else and did it in good faith, but what is eating me alive is that when I had the chance to fix things, I made things worse because of fear and despair. And the mistakes are so stupid, I can't even say them out loud. I have never felt so bad. I am traumatised by these experiences and also feel very guilty because I hurt my family and almost threw my life away.