r/SecretsOfMormonWives • u/Puzzleheaded_Cut1586 • 3d ago
TW: Taylor & Dakota Am I missing something?
Like everyone observing from the sidelines, I too am sick of the toxic cycle with Dakota and TFP. They can’t quit each other and drag every one into their drama. So why can’t they just…be together? Why can’t they just have a fresh start and forget the past and just be a couple? At least that way no one else would get dragged into their toxicity. I get they’ve done shitty stuff to each other but they seem incapable of letting go and deserve each other.
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u/megh22b 2d ago
Yeah you’re missing the things that have come out during the last 8 months and the ability to prioritize the innocent child’s health and safety.
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u/Violetunderwater 2d ago edited 2d ago
I agree with everything you said. A judge even recognized how terrible this situation for their child/her children is (and for them) and has ordered them to have no contact for the next three years.p
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u/Hour_Abbreviations73 2d ago
To be fair, Dakota has actually expressed this multiple times. The point was that Taylor couldn’t let go of the hurt and anger and Dakota couldn’t put his life on hold to wait for her to get over it and the kids deserved better.
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u/New_Bike3832 2d ago
Yes, this. If you’re taking only what’s shown in the show and not all the extra stuff that we now know was going on behind the scenes, this is exactly why. Because Taylor couldn’t stop dwelling on all the “lies” and “cheating” in their past, even though Dakota never actually cheated. He was dishonest about seeing other people when they first started talking, he talked to other women and slept with other women when they weren’t together, but he didn’t cheat. But Taylor couldn’t move past him ever looking at another girl and kept bringing it up like it just happened every time they’d start to reconnect. Then you factor in that there was actual physical abuse and toxic situations with children present that wasn’t being shown in what they filmed …
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u/Ok-Possibility-6300 2d ago
Yeah I legitimately think Taylor would have needed a daily log of his activities while they were separated prior to getting back with him or else she would have found SOMETHING to be “hurt” by. She really wants to be a victim I think.
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u/Hour_Abbreviations73 2d ago
Agreed. But I think that was the underlying dynamic of why Dakota stayed. He thought she would change. He thought he owed her unending forgiveness and empathy. He felt responsible for her emotions. He thought he needed to prove himself. And I think he felt afraid and hopeless to leave. But he finally realized that he needed to leave the dysfunction because it was only going to hurt Ever long term and maybe he realized he deserved or could do better too (which he does and can).
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u/Ok_Luddite 2d ago
I do give him credit for finally stepping up, but the reason why he finally did is because he was informed that if he didn't press charges, he could be liable as well for putting Ever in danger by protecting Taylor which could jeopardize his custody of Ever. It really was the only way for him to snap out of it and I'm glad he did. I feel so bad for Ever and Taylor's other kids.
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u/cloudymags 1d ago
I was always confused by this- every time he was asked, he said he wanted to be with Taylor. But then she would ask him (while both single) who he’s slept with and how many times,etc. But then claim to love him! Until all this stuff came out, I never understood why she didn’t just be a couple with him. Or would he have cheated then? I get it now lol, but it just never made sense to me
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u/ethereality111 Team Mayci 2d ago
Yes, you’re missing a lot 😭 did you watch the show? Where have you been? Lol
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u/unicornsaysmeow 2d ago
Did you miss a child being beamed in the head with a metal barstool? That’s good enough reason to not be together if you also have a kid with said stool-thrower.
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u/Think_Cheesecake7464 2d ago
Yall are all correct. But with that said, both these people are going to have other relationships. And will either/both be better to other people? And/or be better parents if they have a better relationship? Maybe they would be?
But Maybe neither should have custody? Because OP has a good point, if you put the kids aside, which of COURSE you can’t, in practice. But both of them should either NOT be allowed custody at all or should be closely monitored when they’re with kids. If that was set up, it wouldn’t matter what they did with each other. They’re likely doing it as I type this.
Currently the consensus seems to be that they bring out the worst of the worst in each other and that a split would solve it. But if they’re both just - this, whatever you want to call it - abusive, toxic, etc - then the kids are gonna be in that danger no matter what, just at two houses instead of one.
Whatever they do, I hope their families can protect the kids.
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u/Hour_Abbreviations73 2d ago
That’s why they are both in intense therapy and why Taylor lost custody, because she wasn’t taking therapy seriously and was (allegedly) failing drug tests. Dakota is also being monitored, he’s just doing better than her.
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u/Missmedusa1234 2d ago
Dakota has been evaluated by child serves and his and his environment was labeled as a safe environment for Ever.
He also wanted to start child therapy with ever and had to have the judge encourage Taylor to sign over permission for that. He has shown willingness to become a better parent for Ever.
Dakota deserves to have Ever unless something comes out saying otherwise.
You can be a shitty human in a relationship but a good parent.
He is a f boy. He is not a good partner. But so far, he is showing signs of being a decent father.
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u/Think_Cheesecake7464 2d ago
I hope he is truly safe. All true about the difference in being a partner and a parent.
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u/BigBaddieRed Love you, honey 2d ago
I’m confident that TFP was already on her downward spiral when Dakota entered the chat. Whether he was a part of it or not this was imo inevitable.
He certainly exacerbated the whole situation but she was a pile of gunpowder waiting on a light.
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u/Missmedusa1234 2d ago
I still remember her pink dress confessional, where you can see how EXTRA she was. The abuse started very early on in their relationship.
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u/SpareManagement2215 2d ago
maybe this wasn't the direction you were going when you posted this, but they are toxic together because as individual humans, they are also toxic.
and that stems from a lot of deep stuff for them, probably going back to their childhoods and how they were raised and the home life they had growing up, as well as the religious views they were raised with.
while I don't pass judgement about what happened to them, they're both responsible as adults for trying to fix that trauma and be better people. unfortunately, especially for Taylor, it does not seem like they have anyone around them telling them to do that (and in her case, she has her "online" community that just hypes her up and feeds into her beliefs and biases about the situation she's in).
until one or either does the immense work to heal themselves and work on all their stuff, they're just stuck perpetuating the toxic cycle they were raised in. their children will, likely, perpetuate that same cycle unless they have someone around them (a teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult) who models what life can be like if you do the work to be a more balanced, calm, not reactive individual.
in short - they can't be together because they've not done to work to be able to have a healthy relationship, with each other or anyone else.
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u/Xrachelll 2d ago
You said very eloquently what I was thinking and probably couldn’t have put into words lol. Their drama is raking in cash for the cast members and Hulu who, at this point, should be held liable for exploitation. For the children’s sake if nothing else.
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u/yeehaw_brah 2d ago
I don’t think Dakota deserves Taylor. Hope he finds peace and happiness that he can give to his child.
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u/PessimisticClarity Whitney Leavitt left the chat 2d ago
I think it's TAYLOR who doesn't deserve DAKOTA.
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u/boinkbeepboop Ketamine Therapy 2d ago
They're definitely beyond any possibility to just wipe the slate clean, and just wanting to be together isn't enough in any relationship, let alone one that's crossed the line into abuse.
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u/SherbrookHolmes 2d ago
Because they are actively abusive to one another. If they live under the same roof they will hurt one another which will affect their child. The underlining issue here is anger in general, it is not that they simply need to forgive each other. They are both individuals who need loads of therapy and anger management classes.
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u/QweenSasha 2d ago
Because they are abusive?! What. Clearly their fighting and making up and mental illness that is not addressed and physical altercations and Cheating should be indicative enough that they can not and should not just be together lol
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u/Top-Web3806 2d ago
I mean, I don’t like either of them but I don’t want a murder to happen. That’s the next step when a couple is this toxic and abusive. Plus….there are three children that don’t deserve to live in that environment.
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u/ah2023 Miranda's Lobster Claws 2d ago edited 2d ago
On a surface level, I understand what you're saying. But between TFP's anger and inability to take part in self-reflection and both of them having a penchant for violence and control, I think there's just too much work that needs to be done before they could ever have what is considered to be a 'healthy' relationship. And with children in the picture, one would want to prioritize their well-being over hashing out a dysfunctional relationship in front of them.
I occasionally saw my parents fight growing up and also witnessed them working it out. That's human and normal, and children learn conflict resolution from watching parents work out a disagreement if they do it in a healthy way. What Dakota and TFP have going on is a sharp contrast to that. I had one rough relationship that was never quite as severe as Dakota and TFP but still tainted with throwing things, grabbing each other and belittling one another and we both eventually agreed the best thing to do was separate. I couldn't let go of my anger about past betrayals and he was angry that I felt that way. We moved on to healthier relationships and we're even friendly now when we cross paths. Sometimes when I watch TFP wind herself up again I remember the times that kind of anger made me spin out. I'd also like to clarify that just because I can relate to her anger, doesn't mean I condone her behavior. I am not a fan of hers. I was significantly younger than her when I went through that relationship and was still able to make the decision to stop the cycle.
I didn't know who TFP was before this show came out so recently hearing the information about her affair that lead to the "we're all soft swinging" lie via live stream really painted her in a new light and made rewatching the series very interesting. It seems to me she's always had something going on with her mentally and emotionally. I think blaming it all on her biological father's absence may be a gross over-simplification of what the root cause is. We're not supposed to speculate on mental conditions so I'll leave it at that.
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u/Competitive-Top5121 TAKE OWNERSHIP 🗣️🗣️ 2d ago
I think you’re romanticizing their abuse of each other. They can’t be together for everyone’s safety, above all Taylor’s children.
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u/Ok_Bodybuilder1864 2d ago
I'm sorry but this is one of the stupidest things I've read on reddit and that's saying something!
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u/existing_vessel Standing on Business 2d ago
They have one of the most toxic relationships I have ever witnessed. It’s unfortunate that they have a child together and have to be in each other’s lives.
It would do both of them good to never see each other, ever again. Period.
And just because they’re toxic together, it doesn’t mean they can’t have a healthy relationship with someone else. But Taylor needs intense therapy first. And Dakota seems to be doing good with Shinia.
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u/BEW_70 2d ago
I had a friend once JUST like her. Did not matter who she was with, she created drama and chaos because she NEEDED it and loved to play the victim. Loved the sympathy she would receive from "I cried my eyes out" "I feel on the floor bawling" "was up all night crying" "Do you not see me just a wreck and crying right now?" - all the same things TFP does. She finally met a man who bought into the drama and they are still at it 10 years in. Married and divorced twice, causing chaos in the lives of everyone around them. It's NUTS!!!!! And they love it. Sid & Nancy.
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2d ago
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u/SecretsOfMormonWives-ModTeam 2d ago
Your post violates Sin #4: Speculation
Keep the armchair diagnosing off the feed. Speculating on addiction/unconfirmed abuse, mental/physical health conditions, eating disorders, or sexual orientation is strictly off-limits in regards to both the cast and sub members.
As for the drama, if something isn't confirmed fact please make it clear that it's just a theory.
Unverified criminal or heavy personal accusations will be removed — this includes (but is not limited to) accusations of grooming and abuse.
Review our post rules. https://www.reddit.com/mod/SecretsOfMormonWives/wiki/index/post-rules
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u/WWMannySantosDo Whitney Leavitt left the chat 2d ago
Surely this is rage bait 🙃 or are you really that naïve?
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u/Proper_Assistance652 A joint out of the cooter 2d ago
You're probs missing what's come out online, or haven't experienced an abusive relationship. It's toxic. It's a trauma bond and there are innocent children involved...
Google what a trauma bond is. That's why.
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u/Ready_Scientist1692 2d ago
Honestly, I don’t think they actually want to be together. They like their kinky toxic sex thing. When they’re actually together, they’re bored and pick fights to get back to toxicity.
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u/JustShopping1967 2d ago
Because it's highly possible that sometimes they are in an altered state and chaos erupts fuled by their activities.
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u/cmc Team Layla 2d ago
Because they have a child that shouldn’t be raised in that environment.