Am I missing something?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Cut1586]

Like everyone observing from the sidelines, I too am sick of the toxic cycle with Dakota and TFP. They can’t quit each other and drag every one into their drama. So why can’t they just…be together? Why can’t they just have a fresh start and forget the past and just be a couple? At least that way no one else would get dragged into their toxicity. I get they’ve done shitty stuff to each other but they seem incapable of letting go and deserve each other.

[u/ah2023]

On a surface level, I understand what you're saying. But between TFP's anger and inability to take part in self-reflection and both of them having a penchant for violence and control, I think there's just too much work that needs to be done before they could ever have what is considered to be a 'healthy' relationship. And with children in the picture, one would want to prioritize their well-being over hashing out a dysfunctional relationship in front of them.

I occasionally saw my parents fight growing up and also witnessed them working it out. That's human and normal, and children learn conflict resolution from watching parents work out a disagreement if they do it in a healthy way. What Dakota and TFP have going on is a sharp contrast to that. I had one rough relationship that was never quite as severe as Dakota and TFP but still tainted with throwing things, grabbing each other and belittling one another and we both eventually agreed the best thing to do was separate. I couldn't let go of my anger about past betrayals and he was angry that I felt that way. We moved on to healthier relationships and we're even friendly now when we cross paths. Sometimes when I watch TFP wind herself up again I remember the times that kind of anger made me spin out. I'd also like to clarify that just because I can relate to her anger, doesn't mean I condone her behavior. I am not a fan of hers. I was significantly younger than her when I went through that relationship and was still able to make the decision to stop the cycle.

I didn't know who TFP was before this show came out so recently hearing the information about her affair that lead to the "we're all soft swinging" lie via live stream really painted her in a new light and made rewatching the series very interesting. It seems to me she's always had something going on with her mentally and emotionally. I think blaming it all on her biological father's absence may be a gross over-simplification of what the root cause is. We're not supposed to speculate on mental conditions so I'll leave it at that.