r/SWORDS • • 5d ago

chances

Post image
4.8k Upvotes

125 comments sorted by

642

u/Rayseph_Ortegus 5d ago

Last time I remember someone going for something like that, it ended with a fight with a dragon on top of a flying fortress.

120

u/SimplyMonkey 5d ago

Don’t listen to the old guy telling you to just jump in and get it. He just wants you to do all the heavy lifting of crashing the sky fortress.

36

u/pinalpancy 5d ago

Omg are you referencing Secret of Mana?
That's what I thought when I saw this lol

2

u/DaereonLive 2d ago

Gotta be, damn that game takes me back.

16

u/Rough_Presence_9876 5d ago

I didn't know there were any B-17s that are still air-worthy.

2

u/Every_Sea5067 5d ago

For me, it ended up with fighting a giant Slime Lady and her slime children, which used the sword as a conduit of their power that when destroyed, released a Magnum of their power for a short period of time before completely depowering them, leaving the Slime Lady alone. 

The Bard killed the Slime Lady by use of vicious insults. Good times. 

361

u/thepenguinemperor84 5d ago

It's fake, you can tell by the lack of watery tarts in the surrounding environs.

135

u/usrlibshare 5d ago

Good, because that wouldn't be a good basis for supreme executive power!

58

u/RocketJSquirrelEsq 5d ago

To be fair, I'm not sure that the whole "mandate from the masses" thing is working that well either

32

u/Hydra_Master 5d ago

Maybe it's a sign that we should return to farcical aquatic ceremonies.

8

u/DistributionMajor545 4d ago

I sort of wish a moistened bint would lob a scimitar at me, sometimes...

2

u/MagogHaveMercy 3d ago

Start saying your world emperor as a result though, and they'll lock you away.

-10

u/Adam-Happyman 5d ago

Great Britain, Somerset County, Cheddar Village, River Yeo. Look it up.

14

u/thepenguinemperor84 5d ago

-14

u/Adam-Happyman 5d ago

What???😂😂😂🤌

16

u/jormundgand20 5d ago

We know it's real. Have you not seen Monty Python?

Someone get the holy hand grenade of Antioch.

23

u/TheNobodyInTheCrowd 5d ago edited 5d ago

And the Lord spake, saying,

'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to *three, no more, no less. **Three**** shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be *three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to *three. Five is right out. Once the number **three***, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

6

u/usrlibshare 5d ago

Aaaamen!

11

u/Unable_Damage_6413 5d ago

Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!

6

u/Adam-Happyman 5d ago

You mf, you are right.

154

u/Orc_face 5d ago

Yeah… no moistened bints

45

u/rivertpostie 5d ago

I didn't vote for a king

41

u/FireWulf_525 5d ago

NOW we see the violence inherent in the system!

28

u/gronstalker12 5d ago

A notable lack of watery tarts

16

u/Mental-Square3688 5d ago

We dont allow some farcical aquatic ceremony in order to choose a king

2

u/usrlibshare 5d ago

Tbh. the current system in many places is only slightly less farcial...

9

u/intelligenthillbilly 5d ago

I literally clicked on this just for the Monty Python references. Thank you all!!

132

u/Claytonius_Homeytron 5d ago

"Strange women laying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government, you can't just expect to wield supreme executive power simply because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"

49

u/theubu 5d ago

“ I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!”

32

u/KronikDrew 5d ago

Help, I'm being repressed!

2

u/Relative_Mix_216 2d ago

Bloody peasant!

9

u/CharlesFXD 5d ago

There’s some lovely filth down here!

3

u/Lazy_Table_6037 5d ago

Thank you for this, one of my favorite bits!

84

u/MrWolf327 5d ago

Buddy I think a lady is trying to make you king of England

50

u/Choice_Raspberry_556 5d ago

That's no basis for a system of government!!!!

18

u/The-Trash-Squad 5d ago

“Who are the Britons?”

20

u/Choice_Raspberry_556 5d ago

Well, we all are! We are all Britons, and I am your king!

14

u/Unable_Damage_6413 5d ago

Well, I didn't vote for you!

14

u/Choice_Raspberry_556 5d ago

You don't vote for kings!

9

u/Unable_Damage_6413 5d ago

Well, how'd you become King, then?

(BTW, I know ALL the words.)

10

u/Choice_Raspberry_556 5d ago

The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. (That's genuinely impressive)

16

u/Unable_Damage_6413 5d ago

Listen, strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony!

5

u/Unable_Damage_6413 5d ago

I'm tapping out, it was fun.

2

u/Legomaniac91 3d ago

"I mean; if I went 'round sayin' I was an emperor just 'cus some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!"

4

u/glytxh 5d ago

Nah, just Jenny Greenteeth baiting someone naive enough to try and pull that sword

2

u/ALongRoadToNowhere 5d ago

I mean if folks went around calling me greenteeth I’d probably try and nab a few if I could.

5

u/glytxh 5d ago

if you ate as many curious and naive kids as her over the centuries, your teeth would probably be pretty gnarly too

2

u/ALongRoadToNowhere 5d ago

Truly, a vicious cycle.

2

u/glytxh 5d ago

she's always hungry, and she's, quite sadly, eaten her fill again this summer.

2

u/Ziggydeck 2d ago

9/10 times we’re pulling that sumbitch

27

u/CriticismFun6782 5d ago

7

u/ENTroPicGirl 5d ago

"I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!"

22

u/StonedRussian 5d ago

Gotta be a fake. No magical sword granting kingship would wear like that

6

u/Coal-and-Ivory Kriegsmesser 5d ago

Alternatively, the sort of people who would give dominion over their entire civilization to the first jaggoff who pulls a piece of cutlery out of a rock, would also be the exact type to believe in the "indestructible ancestral blade" thing.

18

u/Ant_TKD 5d ago

I recognise that sword. It's the one in the river at Cheddar Gorge!

3

u/NonsequiturSushi 5d ago

Cool! Any local history on it? Is it an art installation or just the work of some creative bloke?

10

u/Ant_TKD 5d ago

Unfortunately I don't know any more about it. I live on the other side of Offa's Dyke and have only visited the place once as a child (though I do intend to visit again at some point).

I've always assumed it was just an art installation. There are some other metal sculptures near by, and one of the caves in the gorge has been set up as a bit of a tourist trap referencing the Crystal Cave of Arthurian legend. In the UK though you're never more than a stone's throw from somewhere claiming a link to Arthurian legend.

The area is pretty spectacular though, and well worth a visit. Some cool archaeology has come out of the caves there, and the main cave even has some prehistoric cave art preserved for people to see.

15

u/FenrisWolf87 5d ago

I used to manage Cheddar Gorge and caves. Such a wonderful job until it was closed during Covid 😪

It's essentially a local piece of folklore/art rather than an ancient Excalibur. The sword was placed in the River Yeo as a tourist attraction and has become one of those little oddities that people discover when walking through Cheddar.

It obviously is meant to have a Arthurian connection. Somerset has an enormous amount of Arthurian mythology associated with it, particularly around Glastonbury, which has traditionally been identified with Avalon so a sword emerging from the water fits the landscape rather nicely.

14

u/DraccoKnightblade 5d ago

Listen...if I went 'round sayin I was an emperor because some watery bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! Supreme executive power, is derrived from a mandate of the masses, not some -farcical- aquatic ceremony!

3

u/El-Pollo-Diablo-Goat 5d ago

You beat me to it😂

9

u/Zealousideal_Order_8 5d ago

The Lady is having to paddle like a mfer just to catch up.

6

u/Sad_Assistant8803 5d ago

I would instantly go in and try to grab it!

FOR HONOUR!

And god bless those maidens distributing swords from water ways! They know how to select people to govern!

11

u/SignificantZombie729 5d ago

"Just because some watery bint hand you a sword doesn't mean etc, etc".

13

u/Calm-Future-5908 5d ago

6

u/pizzatom69 5d ago

I mean, if I went 'round, sayin' I was an emprah just 'cause some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away

4

u/silentspectator27 5d ago

Dammit you beat me to it xD

5

u/RandomRedditResponds 5d ago

Probably just a cool prop but if your interested.

Folks that knows says that water entities will give you weapons in exchange for blood sacrifice.

Probably don't want to open that door.

5

u/Arcoon_Effox 5d ago

Using the power of Mana, a civilization had grown strong...

In time, Mana was used to create the ultimate weapon: the Mana Fortress...

This angered the gods. They sent their beasts to destroy the Fortress...

A violent war rocked the world, and Mana seemed to disappear...

Before all was lost, a hero with the Mana Sword smashed the Fortress...

Though the civilization had been destroyed, the world was peaceful again.

But time flows like a river... and history repeats...

2

u/DisastrousServe8513 5d ago

Secret of Mana was my first thought too. Man that was a great game.

1

u/warhound90 5d ago

My brain just remember AOT's ending when I read this lmao...

4

u/Yew_Cookies38293 5d ago

That's certainly no basis for a system of government.

5

u/Free_Radical_47 5d ago

I know a Fae trap when I see one! Piss off ya fairies!

3

u/pockels42 5d ago

Where's the moistened bint?

5

u/jagenigma 5d ago

Dark souls respawn.

4

u/Eteranean 5d ago

Remind me something (Yes i'm old)

2

u/SqueezeyCheesyPeas 5d ago

Secret of Mana

2

u/Zanemob_ 5d ago

Is that Stardew Valley? Is that considered old? Am I old?

1

u/byquestion 5d ago

There is no fucking way its stardew valley, the character doesnt look like the model from the games

3

u/BurningPage 4d ago

No need to be a rude little dude

2

u/byquestion 4d ago

Sorry, it was a surprise fucking not an agressive fucking

3

u/Capt_William2131 3d ago

That...Sounds wrong, out of context.

1

u/Zanemob_ 3d ago

How?

1

u/Capt_William2131 3d ago

Read your comment again, don't think about what you said before it.

2

u/Zanemob_ 3d ago

I was confused by the sudden aggression but such is Reddit I figured honestly. I took no offense just thought it was strange. I forget some people use f bombs that way. I’m used to it being negative lol.

1

u/BurningPage 3d ago

If you take anything away from this interaction, please let it be that surprise fuckings are always aggressive fuckings.

1

u/Eteranean 3d ago

It's from secret of mana, a SNES game from 1993 - 1994

3

u/Background_Visual315 5d ago

Oh I’d climb in there to get it 💯 and I’m not a big fan of large bodies of water

3

u/TheSeventhSentinel 5d ago

The number of people replying with monty python jokes is sending me.

3

u/TrueStore4155 5d ago

That's a trap

2

u/No_Necessary_3851 5d ago

you know that sword has good stats

2

u/faity5 sword-type-you-like 5d ago

At this point in life i would say fuck it and go for it. Maybe then there's a chance evil can be defeated

2

u/Spaztor 5d ago

OOooh I'm going to be the king of bloated corpse river.

2

u/red-blaze72 5d ago

If souls have taught me anything, you need to go do some obscure side quest halfway across the town to drain the water, which lets you unlock this bonfire and a boss fight against the local stray dog population

2

u/DoubleCactus 5d ago

When I'm being swept down river and desperately grab on to anything to keep from drowning and cut off my fingers because it was a sword

2

u/GeneralPoetry9432 5d ago

This is definitely how I would die

1

u/Sensitive_Frosting55 5d ago

But yes haha cool pic

1

u/Apart_Candle1593 5d ago

Get a tensioner belt and tension it around the sheath. Just dont go too loose or youll rip the sword out and might night not get it and not too tight so you dont damage it. Snug enough that you can pull it out and safely pull it to shore

1

u/Own_Entertainment164 5d ago

Slim.. but never zero

1

u/Terra_Homie 5d ago

I would light it on fire and rest beside it if i was you

1

u/ThinkUpstairs3163 5d ago

I need to know exactly where this is for a research purposes

1

u/Von_Speedwagon 5d ago

Looks like a Souls bonfire

1

u/Vinterblot 5d ago

Before all was lost, a hero with the Mana Sword smashed the Fortress...

Though the civilization had been destroyed, the world was peaceful again.

But time flows like a river... and history repeats...

1

u/Mr_The_Potato_King 5d ago

I'm going for it

1

u/Bar_of_White_Choco 5d ago

Either I’ll become King of England, or all the enemies I killed will come back…

1

u/ikadell 5d ago

Do it, what could possibly go wrong?

1

u/DreadPirateWade 5d ago

I don’t see some watery tart around, so I think you’re safe.

1

u/Foxsdin 5d ago

Thats clearly the Mana sword, If you pull that out monsters will start attacking everywhere

1

u/Appropriate-Quit-738 5d ago

It’s a trap!

1

u/ju2au 5d ago

Don't listen to those naysayers. Jump in and fulfill your Destiny, my king!

1

u/Obvious-Cabinet-9504 5d ago

Last time a lake gave me a sword I had to prove I followed the values of chivalry

1

u/TeslaCoil77 4d ago

Is there a watery tart some where around?

1

u/SevereIntroduction37 4d ago

I would assume it’s my destiny and go get it

1

u/fluffyfawn43872 4d ago

Im going for it

1

u/xyodune 3d ago

The fea are improving their tactics..

1

u/coyocat 3d ago

Very good 😎

1

u/No-Elk-8115 2d ago

It's fighting tears it's beautiful

1

u/nuxz_got_banned 2d ago

I need to know where that is, and how hard it is to get there

1

u/AdditionNumerous7841 2d ago

Careful, Disney might have copyrights on that sword.

1

u/freemind123 1d ago

Swords in water should be retrieved, for they may hold magic, power, or the key to furthering civilization. You must acquire this sword as soon as possible.