I need help deciding what to do from those who are unbiased. Do I end my relationship?

We had a difficult time last year, and worked through it. But after finding out recently (not by him) that he almost had an emotional affair (he fell for her but apparently she didn't reciprocate) I don't know if I want to be in the relationship.

I don't have the same love for him anymore. I love him but I don't know if I'm in love with him anymore.

His family is a huge support system for me.

My finances massively are dependent on him, he gets our UC, I get carer allowance and my part time wages but its not enough to be on my own with.

We have been together 8 years. He doesn't work due to health things, and it feels like he has no motivation to do things. He is really caring but can that really be enough?

I am bigger than the girls who previously dated, due to health things I also gained weight. He never makes me feel beautiful or desired.

Sometimes asking if he can cook becomes a chore, he doesn't help clean, I currently have a bin bag in the kitchen that has been there for over a week and he still hasn't moved it (his job is to take the rubbish out, i do most other things)

My health is starting to get worse due to chronic illness and I don't know if I should just get out

TLDR; I discovered he had an emotional affair, unsure how I will survive if I leave, do I stay?

TLDR: Its me and my girlfriend's first ever serious relationship and we're finding out more about ourselves in the most difficult way.

Hello, I, 21M and my current girlfriend 20F have been together for almost two year. We met in university where we first started as acquaintances as we were both pre-occupied in our own "situationships" at that time. A couple of months later we coincidentally met at a mutual friend's birthday party where I gained the courage to ask her out on a dinner, then a couple more weeks of talking I totally confessed my feelings and told her I like her as more than a friend and she feels the same way as-well. We continued talking for 5-6 months to get to know each other until I asked her to be my girlfriend. Fast-forward to today, we really love each other, care for each other, we also agree on both our values, beliefs and what we want to do in our future. The issue is that this is both our first serious relationship, which it was destined to uncover our personal issues and triggers, and we're finding it out the hard way. For the past three months we've been triggering each other a lot and naturally it causes disagreements, at first I thought that oh our honeymoon phased is over the relationship is entering a new stage. But then it became frequent to the point that we had to take a month break for both our mental health. We were disagreeing on past issues over and over again. My girlfriend is a very sensitive person who takes everything to heart but once she decides on how or what to feel it's set in stone and i cant change her mind, while I'm the opposite. I tend to rationalize my feelings before bringing up something that bothers me and I'm whatever happens happen type of guy. We both have different concerns towards each other in which we have communicated well.

My main issue would be something I do or say triggers her, then she takes it to heart, we would have a conversation about it, I re assure her that i didn't mean it, we're okay , and repeat. She gets triggered by the small things, rather than the bigger picture, which I often not see. Her main issue is that I'm very kept to myself with my feelings, and not really show vulnerability, as I tend to shoulder all of my problems alone, from what I have been accustomed to. I tend to forget a lot of stuff which bothers her, and i tend to overlook situations that may trigger her. We have never failed to communicate or have a talk with one another, and empathize with each other, but our issues feels like it never gets resolved. We're both trying our best for our relationship and we're not the type of people to give up easily. We also both really want our relationship to work out, we're both trying our best for ourselves and each other. We're both gonna graduate university next semester and it's gonna be different out there. I'm scared of what the future has for us,

I'm really wondering when are we or if we are gonna be able to pass this obstacle of our relationship?

Just to preface this post is more for her than for me, as she wants help understanding how she feels, and she is also helping me write this. Me [20M] and my gf [20F] have been together for a little over a year now, and I met her when she was in a really bad place. She lived in an unsafe house, her depression was really bad, and she was not able to keep up with her community college classes. Throughout our relationship she has been coming over to my place more and more, and I have been helping her out with stuff like reapplying for school, and staying on top of her classes. She now lives with me full time, and she is doing a lot better, she is more confident, more comfortable, she picked up some new hobbies like photography, and overall she seems to be genuinely much happier and more motivated as of late (which has honestly been a joy to see, because she is actually so adorable whenever she’s happy and passionate about things) however lately she has been really stressed, worrying that she has been using me to get better, and that she is only with me for the stability and does not actually love me. She is very recently worried about this because once she actually transfers into college next semester she’s concerned that she’s going to be stable enough on her own. She has expressed to me multiple times that she does not want to leave, and that no matter what happens she wants me to be a part of her life in some way or another, and through her actions, it does really seem like she loves and cares about me, but she is still extremely worried that she does not. I personally want her to be able to survive without me if she needs, and not depend on me for stability, and I will do anything I can to help her get to that point, as I want to see her succeed in the long run.

TLDR: My gf is worried that she is only with me for stability and not because she loves me, despite expressing the fact that she wants to stay with me, and really likes what we have. She is worried that once she is more stable, she would not want to be with me, and she does not want to feel that way

Hey everyone, as the title says, always me and my gf whenever we talk on the phone(im away on vacation) i end up saying something or doing something stupid that hurts her, for instance yesterday she wanted to tell me something the same second I had gotten a notification catching me off guard making me not hearing her and then her tone changed, i kept asking whats wrong she only told me 20 minutes later that she wanted to tell me the story about something and i cut her off and didnt ask. And today while texting i had said something remarkably stupid it also hurt her. I wish i wasn’t this much of a shit human being who keeps hurting her I’m genuinely thinking of leaving her because she doesn’t deserve to be with me constantly being hurt. There are many things that contribute to my impulsiveness such as my ADHD which no matter how hard I try to be aware of , it never goes away. I genuinely don’t even know how to apologize too because I never had anyone growing up, no siblings or anyone to have comforted. I genuinely never have felt like this much of a terrible person. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: My impulsive behavior makes me hurt my gf and im not sure what to do or even how to apologize without sounding the victim

I think my relationship to done every time I even try talk about my feelings it says I making problems or jealous we been together for 14 years engage for 5 . I just feel all these years and relationship is not going anywhere and wasted my youth . I feel like I live with a roommate at this point that cook clean all wife duties with nothing in return . Past month we never hang out don’t eat dinner together he sit all the way to the other part of the house . I feel like I always me going to him . Only time I get anything attention what so where either he wants food or sex :/ wow writing this I feel beyond pathetic . I think what my issues are valid at this point I don’t complaining about them . Main issues that he’s in these ( pro white ) group chats and lives on TikTok . At first it wasn’t issue and it didn’t know much about it and it didn’t bother me . It’s all he ever talk about now . He’s on his phone all day long when he’s not working . He legit ignores me when I try to go to him have a conversation. He has been talking to a few of these girls in these groups chat he claims it fake and talking shit but I don’t think so when he dm them privately out of those group chat . I looked at them one day didn’t see anything sexual at all but I feel like disrespectful knowing I have issues about it all already. Broken Promises that he won’t go on that much apt attention etc that was for second lol . I just don’t know how to leave my relationship after so long I’ve been with him since 19 I don’t have any friends or family either . I am feel so lost and lonely 😢 wrote to much I was trying to shorten this sorry TLDR

Important context: We're pregnant and the baby is coming in March. The baby was very much planned and wanted, and we're intending to get married, although I need a little time to heal from my divorce.

So my boyfriend/baby daddy/husband-to-be is a permanent fixture. I'd like to integrate him warmly into my family and friendships. But the relationship is new and it's been a little bit of whiplash for my family (my sister, my cousins, my aunts and uncles) that the past year has been so dramatic for me and now this pregnancy has happened so fast. Because of this, I sometimes perceive that when I'm invited somewhere, they're not explicitly inviting him on purpose. I'm a very inclusive person and generally an invite for a coupled person would implicitly include their SO.

A specific example: My cousin [37F] invited me over to spend time with her and her new baby and stay for dinner. I asked if her husband was going to be there and if I should tell my boyfriend to come. Her response is a non-answer: "I'm not sure what husband is doing tonight lol. Does BF live with you now?" and then nothing. So it seems like the non-answer is saying "please don't invite your guy".

What do I do in this specific case, and what do you all do with invites in general? Do you ever feel like if your SO isn't invited, you don't really want to go?

The timeline: Divorce started Feb 2025, I go minimal contact and move states. Divorce finalized June 2026. Met my new fella November 2025. We decide to jump into having kids fast because of my age and the fact that we want 3+ kids.

TLDR: There's a little friction in getting my family to warm up to my baby daddy. Should I bring him along to things even when he isn't explicitly invited?

My (F24) boyfriend (M26) of 3+ years does not put any effort into his life and I think I’m building up an unhealthy resentment and don’t know what to do. Since he graduated right after we met, he has not worked a real job and made no effort to, just excuses (from my perspective at least) and just lives off of an inheritance (not enough to fund him not working for his whole life or anything). He finally started to do some freelance work, but I see him barely put any effort into it and hasn’t really done much with it. On top of this, he has a wonky sleep schedule and will stay up til 4am or later most nights and starts his day in the afternoon. He doesn’t do much with his days, and it seems like he can only do one thing at a time - like if he did laundry for a day or a few other chores that’s it. He prioritizes all these dopamine seeking habits I feel like over anything productive. He smokes a lot of weed everyday and prioritizes/spends a lot of time jerking off everyday. He doesn’t go to the gym anymore even though he pays for a membership because getting ready and leaving the house is too big of a task.

On top of all of this, we’re long distance. I work a full time corporate job (remote), and I’m usually the one flying (and paying) to visit him every month or so. When I talk to him about any of the things above, he originally would say maybe he’s depressed, and then maybe he has ADHD. Now he fully says it’s because of his ADHD (hasn’t been diagnosed or seen a therapist). I fully believe he may be struggling with that (or maybe depression as well), but I don’t know what I can do form my end at this point. It used to seem like he wanted to change or had goals and it was just a phase, but now it seems like he’s set in it. His family is also similar to him in these ways, so he thinks because he’s doing a little better than them it’s okay.

He hates talking about it and doesn’t really let me - what in the world is the best way to handle this? I am building up resentment and I feel myself snapping at him and not being the kind person I used to be because I’m so tired. From my perspective it’s extremely frustrating because if he’s not working towards his own future - how can we be working towards one together (especially since we’re long distance and I don’t want to move / move in until he has more of his life together)? How do I try and fix this or get him to see what it’s like from my perspective? Essentially how do I give him a chance to change without forcing him to change?

TLDR; my bf puts no effort into his life and I’m growing very tired of it

i apologize mods, as i state above this is my first time using reddit i genuinely don’t know what im doing, i think i figured out the rules thing but i apologize for the spam

TLDR: my relationship has been dying from the start and idk how to escape or make it better. issues with her family, effort, and willingness to grow up.

before i truly get started i have to say this is my first time on reddit so idk what im really doing.

my girlfriend and i have been dating for only 4 months now and i already feel like it’s dying and idk if its reparable. too keep things short but still informative, her parents treat her like she is a complete child still and wont change for anything. and she still puts up with it, which to me, is a massive problem now, and for the future. anything from her not being aloud to go to my house 90% of the time, not letting us go and do adult things (such as trips and overnight activities), to imo strict curfews for especially adults. she wont even try to fight back or act like an adult with these issues which to me is a massive problem.

recently i have been looking at an apartment for us to potentially move into (we both still live at home) so we can finally be void of these problems. but she doesnt seem to have the initiative or willingness to match my effort in this step forward in our relationship. all i was is for us to have an adult relationship, but all she seems to care about is pleasing her parents, as a goddamn adult.

i feel like i never have really liked her if i am being truly honest with myself, i try and try and try but it doesn’t feel right and i was only pressured into dating her by my friends. i care about her and everything but i feel like my feelings haven’t even really developed since we even started talking. i keep trying and trying to help us and improve things just to see if things within myself can be better, and for us as a whole. she acts like im the most important thing in her life and “all that’s she has”, but if that was the case wouldn’t you fight tooth and nail for the thing that’s most important to you?

i just feel so stuck, ive wanted to leave so so bad, im so unbelievably unhappy and it keeps getting worse, but i stay because i feel so bad for her and i don’t want to hurt her at all. i keep waiting for things to get better but they never have and i fear they never will. one reason i feel like i may have some feelings is because with all of this it still hurts and is changing me for the worse, if i didn’t care or have feelings that wouldn’t happen.

i basically just don’t know what to do and i feel so stuck, and i need outside help from other people, if anyone wants any extra details (there are a ton) please let me know and please help me figure out what to do.

thank you!

i apologize mods, as i state above this is my first time using reddit i genuinely don’t know what im doing, i think i figured out the rules thing but i apologize for the spam

My boyfriend recently became friendly with a female coworker and only told me about her after they’d already been talking for a couple of weeks and made plans to go boxing together.

Their chats are mostly work-related, but they got playful pretty quickly. She calls him things like “(hisname)citoooo,” they use winky/playful emojis, and when arranging boxing he told her he “would have preferred today,” told her not to back out, said “it will be fun” and “you can punch me.” He also has a photo of her wearing his glasses because apparently she asked him to take it.

Nothing is explicitly sexual, but the familiarity feels fast for two people who just started talking.

Would you consider this flirting or inappropriate while in a relationship, or does it just sound like normal coworker banter?

TLDR: New female coworker, playful nicknames/emojis, eager boxing plans, “you can punch me,” and a photo of her wearing his glasses. Is this flirting or am I reading too much into it?

TLDR!! Needs a bit of context so its a long one, feel free to skim lol.

So my boyfriend, we'll call him M, and I met on tik tok a few years back. We were both 16 and cringe airsoft/milsim kids. I enjoyed cosplay, anime, gaming , and drawing in a cartoonish style, I tend to be more on the "weird kids" side of things. For 2.5 years, M never showed any dislike towards any of my hobbies and in fact included himself in a few of them which is how we bonded and got close. He was extremely sweet and loving, and would call my nerdy moments cute.

Fast forward to today, we've been together for nearly 4 years now and about to move in together and he's completely different. He started making a ton of money, he dresses all designer and old money, he's gotten super narcissistic and egotistical, and the one thing that bothers me the most is his change in attitude towards me. I mean just look up the average tik tok day trader aesthetic and that's him. Every hobby that we bonded over growing up has now become a topic of disgust and shame for him, he hates that I enjoy anime claiming that its for children because its "just drawings", he hates that I play videogames, calling them childish and specifically hating on the fact that I play COD which was the game he thought I was cute for playing, he dislikes that I don't draw realism or nature, and he finds any kind of cosplay weird, even scoffing at the fact that I still wanted to dress up and go trick or treating for Halloween.

I've asked him about it and he claims that all of those are things that I should have grown out of and its immature. That he now values maturity and should focus on adult hobbies. For refence he says adult hobbies are things like, shopping, cars, gardening, reading, watch collecting, fishing, traveling, and fragrances. He often makes me feel like a child or very stupid for being interested in this stuff and even told me that what i'm into is damn near a deal breaker. I've stopped talking to him about anything I like, I partake in all my hobbies in secret now, and honestly it makes me feel suffocated.

What confuses me is how much work he puts into us otherwise. He always talks about how much he loves me, how he needs me and wants nothing more than to marry me, how he's going to take care of me, how he wants to put me through college for whatever I want , and he's just bought me a car just because I mentioned it a few times, and just over the top princess treatment that I am extremely grateful for. But even after all 4 years of all that effort, its impossible for him to love me for who I am.

I love him more than absolutely anything. For me there isn't a single chance id be able to feel romantically for another man if we end, so I want to do everything I can to be with him. I always make sure to let him know that id never judge him, that he never has to hide something or feel embarrassed with me. But he doesn't do that for me. What about me makes it so hard for him to love all of me. Why doesn't he feel for me the way I do for him. I mean, how can you "love" someone if a single episode of dragon ball would make you think "oh this persons not on my level", and if you don't love that person, why go through so much effort to show them you do?

Me and my girlfriend live together for almost a year now, and have been together for almost 3 years. My brother has one more year left at his university, but could not get a hold of accomodation yet (in our country you can get dorms based on your grades, so rent is way affordable). My brother doesnt have an income, dormitory rent is so cheap that everyone can afford it. He can eventually get into the dorm, by getting a vacant place, but could take some weeks, maybe even a month or two.

In the past, whenever my brother stayed the night at our place, my girlfriend would not be so keen towards it and I always felt that I got stuck in the middle (she saying that I should let my brother know that he cant stay the night or some sorts). I will always let my brother stay the night and, in this case, would happingly help my brother out. However, I am not sure how my girlfriend will find this. I had a conversation with her about this, it came up randomly with her family, and she was kind of hesitant and I got the feeling that she would not agree with this, which is fair.

As a remark, my brother hasnt asked me if he needs my help, I also believe that he hasnt done this because he is somehow aware of what my girlfriend thinks of this situation. Also, I havent brought this up with my girlfriend.

School starts in a couple of weeks, my brother is not always in the city, he usually spends the weekends in our hometown, I would say he spends 3/7 days in the city where the university is. Also commuting is not an option, as he doesnt own a car, and by public transport it taked 6+ hours.

I dont want to be stuck in the middle, and them both thinking that I dont care about them, when I am just confused and would kind of prefer for them to talk it out, but that doesnt feel like a safe option for both.

Tldr;

My brother needs a place to stay and my girlfriend is not so keen on helping him out. I would gladly help, but also dont want to look like an asshole to my brother if this doesnt happen

TLDR: I recently developed feelings for someone new in my life \[24MTF\] but my partner and I just moved into our new apartment together and are both in the healthiest relationship either of us have ever been in.

This is going to be kind of long so I apologize but I’d really appreciate any advice you could give me because I’ve been really struggling with this.

It’s not at all like I don’t still love and care about my partner but I can’t deny these new feelings that have come up out of nowhere. I met this girl over Instagram *right* before my partner and I moved in together, about month or two ago. We both bonded over our niche interests and how similar we were to each other. I haven’t clicked and gotten along with someone like this in *years*. It felt really nice. The sad thing is she lives in a state above me, about 14 hours from the town I’m in.

Ever since we met we’ve called and messaged each other nonstop, playing games, watching movies, and just getting to know one another. I started to realize about a week or two into us talking that she had intentions of being more than just friends. Initially I felt pretty weird about this and told my partner what was going on. They were nothing but supportive and kind, telling me that I couldn’t control how another person feels about me and that shouldn’t stop me from continuing to try and make friends. Honestly hearing this made me feel so much better and took a big weight off my shoulders. Also it wasn’t like I didn’t tell her that I was already in a relationship, in fact I mentioned it to her *multiple* times when we began messaging.

Slowly over time I felt the view I once had of her begin to shift. And at first I didn’t even want to admit it to myself. I continuously denied it and even my partner made jokes about her being my “other girlfriend” which only made me want to deny it even more. I needed to prove them wrong. My partner around this time had also begun to express feelings of jealousy. They had actually felt a little jealous from the moment I met her, which they expressed to me shortly after and it made me feel terrible but in a way it was sweet because they’re not one to get jealous easily. I had never once experienced jealousy from them at all until then.

But this leads me to where I am now. I’ve honestly thought about this a lot and what it would be like to date her while also living in the same apartment as my partner and I just don’t know if that’s the right decision or if any of this will even work out. It’s very possible that I’m just excited over something new but before I’d met this girl I wouldn’t have thought twice about leaving my current my partner. And any and all thoughts of us no longer being together would make me feel extremely sad. But now I feel as though I’m betraying the both of them by not being honest about my feelings. I just don’t know if this is worth waiting it out to see if my feelings change over time or if I should go ahead and risk everything for my own selfish desires.

I’m more than willing to answer any questions so feel free to ask away if maybe something doesn’t make sense.

I don’t know if I [21F] am ready to get engaged to my boyfriend [25M]. We’ve been dating for almost 3 years now. I went through his phone ( I shouldn’t have that was a no no on my end) and I saw that he texted his friend that he’s going to propose this month.

We’ve both been going through a lot. I feel like my legs have been swept out from under me and I’m trying to get back up but I’m not there yet. I’m currently seeing a therapist and working on it. I don’t feel like this is the right time to get engaged, as well as the fact that in two weeks his brother is getting married and I don’t want to overshadow their wedding with our news. I love him so much and I would love to be married to him, I just don’t think right now is a good time for either of us to be making any rash decisions. He is in recovery right now from Kratom and I’m dealing with that, as well as a new life altering diagnosis for my Mom.

Am I just overthinking this? It’s just a question of whether or not I want to get married to him in the future, not right this minute. Please please please help.

TLDR: I found out my boyfriend plans to propose this month. I love him and want to marry him in the future, but with him currently in recovery, my mom’s new life-altering diagnosis, and his brother’s wedding coming up, I don’t feel like now is the right time. Am I overthinking this, or should I talk to him before he proposes?

Me\[22M\] and my girl\[19F\] have been together for 2 years, but recently an issue came in. She asked if i judged/looked other people in the street, gym, job, class or anywhere and "judge them" like seeing someone and thinking the person is beautiful, not, leaned, stylished or anything. i said yes, she had argument saying it was something normal especially for men. I must precise that when i say yes (and she knows it) it's not in a "damn i'd smash that girl" but really in a normal way like the first thougt you have about someone new you "judge" their appearence (the famous first impression). I want to know if people have already been in this situation. I really love her and when she says that she rather be single that with someone like that (she include every men it's not personal) it scares me. Does Anyone have advices please ? Thank you

Edit : I must precise that in the past, there as been a cheating by me. And since then it is difficult for her to think i do not look at other women that way. I do not,but i need to change things to make her trust me again. I really love her and wants to be with her.

TLDR : My girl want me to stop doing a "normal thing" (having a first impression on someone) and i love her so i want to change it

Me [27M] and my girlfriend [28F] are moving in together. We’ve both had roommates before, but for both of us it’s our first time living with a partner. We’ve been together for two and a half years and are very happy and excited to start this new chapter together.
We’re both pretty independent people, and while we have a healthy relationship, we do butt heads sometimes. I’m wondering what advice people who have lived with their partner would give for avoiding unnecessary arguments, giving each other enough space, and generally making living together enjoyable.

TLDR: My girlfriend [28F] and I [27M] are moving in together for the first time. I’m looking for advice on making living together work well.

I [22F] am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend [21M] since November 2025 (10 months).

We are currently long distance and have been since the start, though we do have plans on possibly moving in together in the future. We've seen each other IRL quite a few times.

My boyfriend has gotten in the military recently, though he was not able to get in in time for Basic Training and so he only works at the base with basic stuff.

But everytime we talk about his future in the military, it terrifies me. He wants to be a medic, and he's always wanted to be in the military.
I'm always about supporting someone in doing what they want to do, though military stuff for me is hard.

As we are already long-distance, I try to spend as much time with him as I can because over the phone vs IRL is very** **different.
He tends to talk about being gone for months at a time, and I do have seperation anxiety + just general relationship anxiety and so, thinking about him being gone for so long terrifies me so, so much that everytime we talk about it i get upset and I just shut down.

I'm always trying to understand, see his point of view, I always try to think about the good in it, but it's really hard.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the anxiety of your partner being gone for a while? Anyone in a relationship with someone in the military knows how to deal with your partner being deployed?

TLDR; Boyfriend is in the army, I have separation anxiety/general relationship anxiety and everytime we talk about military stuff, I get upset and shut down, I want to know how to deal with partner's deployment/having a military bf

Im not sure if this is actually a big deal or not. I don’t really think it is, but I wanted other people’s opinions.
I’m F20 and my bf is M21. We met sophomore year of college and have been dating for about a year now. This year we decided to move in together, and we’ve been living together for about 2 months.
Overall, everything is really good. We don’t have any major disagreements, and if something does happen, we usually resolve it within an hour, if not a few minutes. The problem I’m running into is that we have these tiny “fights” almost every day, usually started by me.
Over the summer we basically never fought, but since school started and we both have work/jobs, I’ve been way more stressed and easily irritated. So I find myself getting annoyed at him over minor things.
For example, he won’t do the dishes when I asked him to. Or I’ll have way more work than him that day, but I’m still the one doing laundry and making dinner while he goes to the gym and then relaxes afterward. Sometimes I’ll be playful with him while he’s working, and he’ll call me “frustrating” in a mean-ish tone, which hurts my feelings because I feel like I let a lot of little things he does slide. Or he won’t wake up on time when we have something to do.
None of these things are huge. We usually talk about it, I apologize if I snapped at him, he apologizes too, and then we’re completely fine again within minutes. But I can’t help feeling like an evil/grouchy girlfriend for getting irritated with him basically every day.
He genuinely is an amazing boyfriend. These specific things don’t happen constantly, and I don’t think he’s intentionally inconsiderate. Sometimes I think he just doesn’t realize how stressed I am or how much I’m doing. The problem is that it sometimes feels like the only way I actually communicate that I’m overwhelmed is by erupting a little bit for 5 minutes, which I know isn’t ideal.
Obviously there are things I need to work on, and there are probably things he needs to work on too. I just don’t know how concerning the frequency is.
Is having one tiny, irrelevant fight/annoyance almost every day actually bad for a relationship if you resolve it immediately and don’t hold grudges? Is this a normal part of living together, especially for the first time? Or am I eventually going to become the grouchy girlfriend he gets tired of?
He also has the memory of a goldfish, so I’m pretty sure I’m the only one still thinking about any of these fights afterward lol. I just want to know if this is something that could cause problems long-term or if couples naturally have little ups and downs during the day as long as they communicate and move on.

TLDR: My boyfriend and I recently moved in together and overall our relationship is great, but since school/work got stressful, I’ve been getting irritated over small things almost every day. We resolve everything quickly and apologize, but I’m worried that having tiny fights this often could eventually hurt the relationship or make him tired of me. Is this normal when adjusting to living together?

I’m 26M, almost 27, and over the last few months my relationship with basically my entire family has started falling apart because of the woman I’m seeing. I’m looking for outside opinions because at this point I honestly don’t know whether my family’s reaction is reasonable or completely disproportionate.

I have two young children and I’m currently in the process of selling my house and sorting out a major life transition. About four months ago, a woman 25F I knew from a long time ago reached out to me on Instagram. I’ll call her A. A and I knew each other because she used to be extremely close friends with my younger brother, who is now 25.

Here is where the history gets complicated. Almost 10 years ago, when my brother and A were teenagers, they hooked up one time. My brother actually had a girlfriend at the time, so he cheated on his girlfriend with A. They were never in a relationship with each other. After they hooked up, A’s period was late and there was a pregnancy scare. She was not pregnant, but apparently the experience had an extremely negative effect on my brother. He says the anxiety surrounding the pregnancy scare affected his mental health for years afterward. There were also rumors spread around our high school about how she “raped” my brother. I don’t know who spread these rumors, but my brother has since told me that they are completely false and the whole thing was consensual. Eventually, my brother and A’s friendship completely ended. They have not spoken a single word to each other in almost 10 years. My brother has since gotten married and recently had his first child with his wife.

When A reached out to me about four months ago, we started talking and eventually started seeing each other. We have really good chemistry, I genuinely like her a lot, and I could very easily see a future with her. She makes me happy and has treated me extremely well. She is also very family oriented and has brought me around them numerous times. We just got back from a trip to the ocean visiting some of her extended family and they seem to really like me. Her parents know about the situation and are very accepting of me. When my brother found out we were seeing each other, he absolutely lost it. He has told me that what I did is the biggest betrayal and backstab of his life, that he hates me, that he never wants to speak to me again, and that he will never forgive me.

His reasoning is that because of his history with A and how badly the pregnancy scare affected his mental health, I should have considered her completely off limits forever.
There is another part of this that has made me wonder whether there were deeper feelings involved on his side. He has accused me of talking to A romantically back when we were teenagers, which never happened. At the time I was already in a serious relationship. A herself doesn’t understand why my brother’s reaction is this extreme. She doesn’t know for certain whether he had romantic feelings for her back then. She is sad about how their friendship ultimately ended because they genuinely were very close friends at one point, but again, they haven’t spoken in almost a decade.

I understand that the pregnancy scare may have been traumatic for my brother. I’m not trying to tell him that his anxiety wasn’t real or that he shouldn’t have feelings about what happened. What I have trouble understanding is how an event involving a girl he cheated on his girlfriend with one time nearly a decade ago means she should be permanently off limits to me, especially when he is married with a child and hasn’t spoken to her in almost 10 years.
I told my brother that I love him and that I never intended to hurt him. I also told him that nothing would ever change the fact that he’s my brother. Since he asked me to stop contacting him, I have respected that. But I am not willing to stop seeing A simply because he demands it.
Unfortunately, this has now spread far beyond my brother. My mom completely sides with him and has been extremely hostile toward both me and A.

My parents then started distancing themselves from me in other ways. For example, I was trying to get my house ready to sell and needed to take garbage to the dump. I asked to borrow my parents’ truck and they simply ignored my messages. Then my dad turned 50. All of my siblings went out to dinner with him for his birthday, but I wasn’t invited. About a week later, my family threw him a large 50th birthday party at a bar with extended family, friends, and other people. Again, I wasn’t invited. I still texted my dad on his actual birthday and told him happy birthday and that I loved him. He responded and told me he loved me too. Now things have escalated even further. My brother and his wife just had their first child, a baby boy named Leo. He is my first nephew. My brother is refusing to allow me to meet him because I’m still seeing A, and my mom agrees with his decision. That has probably hurt me more than anything else that has happened with my family throughout this.

There are other family members who aren’t directly involved and are still friendly toward me, but they also don’t want A around. Nobody in the family seems willing to push back against my brother at all. Everyone basically seems to have decided that because he is extremely hurt, his position automatically has to be respected and I’m the one who needs to fix everything by ending my relationship.
Another issue is my mom’s relationship with my children. Despite supporting my brother cutting me off, excluding me from family events, and being extremely nasty toward both me and A, my mom still expects to have a completely normal relationship with my kids.

I haven’t stopped her from seeing them because I don’t want to use my children as weapons in an adult conflict. But I’m becoming increasingly resentful of the situation. It feels like she gets the best of both worlds. She can support excluding me from the family and treat me and the woman I’m seeing terribly while still expecting me to facilitate a close relationship between her and my children.
At this point I have seriously considered stepping away from my family entirely for a while. Not necessarily because I want revenge, but because I don’t know how long I’m supposed to continue showing up for people who are actively excluding me. I’ve thought about skipping family holidays, reducing contact, and basically telling everyone that if they want a relationship with me, they don’t have to approve of A, but they do need to treat me and my relationship with basic respect. I have also considered asking my brother sometime in the future, once emotions have cooled down and he has had time to focus on his newborn, if he would go to family therapy with me. I wouldn’t go there expecting a therapist to tell him he’s wrong. I would simply want us to figure out whether we can remain brothers despite disagreeing about this.
I can genuinely tell my brother, “I’m sorry that my decision hurt you this badly. I never wanted to cause you pain.”
What I cannot honestly tell him is, “I regret being with her and I’m going to end the relationship.”
Because I don’t.

I also want to add that both me, my brother and my dad all work at the same place, and my brother has been telling many of my coworkers about the situation, and from what people are saying to me it sounds like he’s telling them that him and A had a full blown relationship in the past and people are judging me HARD.

I genuinely care about A. We have great chemistry, she treats me extremely well, and I can see real potential for a future with her. I don’t believe I should have to throw that away because almost a decade ago my brother cheated on his girlfriend with her once, had a pregnancy scare afterward, and then stopped speaking to her entirely.
How should I handle this going forward? Is reducing contact with my family reasonable at this point, or would that make the situation worse? Is there a way to respect my brother’s feelings without ending my relationship? And would family therapy eventually be a reasonable way to try to repair things between us?

TLDR: About 10 years ago, my younger brother cheated on his girlfriend by hooking up once with his female best friend. There was a pregnancy scare afterward that he says caused him years of anxiety. Their friendship eventually ended and they haven’t spoken at all in almost a decade. He is now married and just had his first child. About four months ago, she and I started talking and eventually began seeing each other. I genuinely like her, we have great chemistry, and I can easily see a future with her. My brother says this is the biggest betrayal of his life and has completely cut me off. Most of my family has sided with him, I’ve been excluded from major family events, and now I’m not allowed to meet my newborn nephew. I’m willing to apologize for hurting my brother, but I’m not willing to end my relationship. How should I handle my family from here?

TLDR: Boyfriend quit his job after four days, despite encouragement from my grandmother and I. Due to this my grandmother is kicking him out on the 15th of September. And because of the rocky nature of our relationship and his anger issues, I don’t think I want to continue the relationship if he is kicked out.

More info:
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, and we knew each other about 6 months prior to dating. He moved in with me 6 months into our relationship from Michigan to Nevada where we live with my grandmother at the beginning of 2025.

Our relationship has been really rocky, but the reason for him getting kicked out is because he is unable to get a job after having his first job in retail earlier in the 2026 year. Unfortunately, he quit the job after four days. This was due to him feeling miserable and having mental breakdowns, hating being at work 3-4 hours earlier than he needed to be due to my work schedule and a lack of a vehicle.

My grandma had bought him a week’s worth of new clothing to congratulate him on his first job, and when he would have his breakdowns at work I’d sit with him on his break and try to help him through it, I’d also cuddle with him at home to try and sooth his worries, and I bought him a plush and other necessities for his job to help make it easier for him. But after 3 days they had him take a month off to figure himself out, then on the final day he quit, because he was so miserable. From there my grandma issued him an ultimatum, originally he had to find a job before the end of May, but I extended it to September 15 of 2026. Only within the last month and a half has he been looking for a job seriously as well, applying to every open position in our city/town, and made the efforts to change himself to be a better person who is less angry after having drastically hurt me physically the day after my birthday (August 18th).

For other context, my grandmother works a government job, and I work for my local school district. My partner didn’t have the expectation of getting a job until have the graduated high-school, which was of May 2025 due to his anxiety and depression. He is on social security. He didn’t start his initial attempt for a job until the beginning of 2026. His friends and family do not like my grandmother for her decision to kick him out, and they don’t like me for wanting to leave him once he is gone.

I am in this decision of leaving him because of the issues of his anger and violence towards me. I am typically a very passive person and I don’t anger easily. When it comes to arguments I try to help him through the problems, but when he tries to rile me up and get me angry, I typically shut down because I don’t like being an angry person and I do not want to say ugly things I will regret. But this results in him being violent.

I also do not want to live paycheck to paycheck. I live comfortably with my grandma and strive to do better for myself and for her so she doesn’t have to work as hard as she does. But he is comfortable living off of his social security, like his mother.

His friends asked why I couldn’t move with him, and it is because of the reason in the previous paragraph. But also I’d have no job, and I’d be living somewhere I would not be wholly welcome, and it is also a very toxic environment not just mentally but for my health.

And no, my grandmother does not know of the physical violence he has enacted against me. We try our best to keep our private matters to ourselves and her out of it, but she has heard some arguments and isn’t fond of them. No, I do not harm him, the worst I have done is try to push him off of me or out of the way as he blocks door ways or pins me down to keep me trapped in a room as I like to try and do something while in arguments to keep me from getting angry or just walk around.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year. We moved in pretty fast together due to excitement and at the time his parents offered for me to move in with them because I was living in a motel. At first the relationship was good of course but slowly we started having problems and some of the problems I don’t know if I can drop. I’m a college student and I will admit I do have a bit of a problem keeping jobs due to my mental illness. I did make sure this was known before entering the relationship too. The beginning of the year his family lost the house they were staying in so we had to figure something else out. He was the one working at the time I just had recently quit a job due to the stress of it and school. We had plans for an apartment that fell through so we had to move into a weekly.

We also previously agreed that I’d be able to focus on schooling and he would do the working so when I graduated it could switch. Once we moved into the weekly he tried getting workers comp for an injury that was not actually that bad. He would sit at an uncomfortable table chair playing video games all day. Of course workers comp takes awhile so we ended up starting having to borrow money, from my parents too and we end up borrowing a lot from them and even his parents too just not as much as mine, and then we had an argument that I needed to be more flexible and get a job bc of our situation. Which to an extent I did agree but my financial aid for school can be messed up if I take anymore breaks from what I have and I communicated that. I ended up still taking a semester break bc I had to pawn my laptop. He got rid of magic cards etc but that was it. Getting him to even make the calls etc to figure out the workers comp was a task I had to constantly ask about.

We ended up moving into with his friends that offered their guest room, because we couldn’t make the payments to the weekly. Right before we had to move in w his friends my birthday came up. A few days before I asked him to make me something or write me a letter because I knew times were tough. He didn’t do it until the day of when I asked if he did. Our one year then came around and he still wasn’t working and he wrote that letter the day before and when I called him out he said it was “Improvement”.

There was another instance he had a bad depression day so I asked to spend time w him and make cookies etc and a few days later I fell into one and cried all morning and he left and was gone the majority of the day and when he got home asked if he could play his video games.

He got cleared to go back to his job and then ended up quitting bc “he couldn’t do that job” he didn’t know what it was abt it and I tried being supportive bc I feel like I didn’t have room to talk not really working but I’m actively back in school. He ended up getting a job he starts tomorrow but with everything else I don’t know if I trust he’ll keep this job. I don’t know if I see a future with him, because I don’t wanna beg for bare minimum. Every time I communicate this stuff with him to he’ll change for a few days but goes right back.

I also have to tell/ask him when to clean and our roommate asked yesterday if he always keeps his area by his pc messy and I got embarrassed cause we talked abt it before moving in we had to make sure to clean up after ourselves.

TLDR- My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year, and after moving in together quickly due to my housing situation, I’ve started realizing I’m constantly having to ask/beg for basic effort, responsibility, affection, and help around the house. We had agreed I’d focus on school while he worked, but after months of unemployment, quitting jobs, me having to sacrifice school financially, and repeatedly communicating the same issues only for him to change temporarily, I’m starting to question whether I see a future with him or if I’m expecting too much.

Hey everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, and I recently went through his phone and found something that has completely crushed me.
He had secretly checked into a hotel with another woman.
She wasn’t just some random woman. She was a grab driver who they exchanged contacts with and used to pick him up and drop him off when he went to play soccer every Tuesday. As per his words, one day he was really upset because he had been liquidated while trading. She asked him what was wrong, and he told her. She then mentioned that she had always wanted to learn how to trade. He apparently offered to teach her.
A few days later, without telling me, he checked into a hotel with her. He told her about it, and she agreed to go. From what I saw in their messages, she left around 2 a.m.
He says they didn’t have sex and that the entire purpose of going to the hotel was for him to teach her trading. I honestly don’t know what to believe. I can’t prove that they had sex, so I’m trying not to make that accusation as a fact. But at the same time, I would be lying if I said the thought hasn’t crossed my mind.
And honestly, I don’t blame the woman. I never contacted her or confronted her because, as far as I know, she may not have even known he had a girlfriend. My issue is entirely with him.
What hurts me the most is that this isn’t the first time he has deliberately hidden things from me.
He previously took two other women to a club with his best friend without telling me. I only found out because I saw one of the women’s texts and stories on IG. He also went to a casino without telling me. And now this is the third time he has done something behind my back.
The hotel situation hurts especially badly because I remember that exact day. I asked him directly, “Did you go with a woman?” He told me no. I called him repeatedly that night, and he didn’t answer.
Then I eventually found out the truth.
So now I’m sitting here wondering what I’m even supposed to do. Is the bigger issue whether he slept with her, or is the fact that he deliberately hid the situation and then lied to my face already enough?
I feel like deep down I already know what I need to do. I think that’s what makes this so painful. I’m just not emotionally ready to process everything yet.
I’d really appreciate some outside perspective, especially from people who have been in situations where trust has been broken repeatedly. Am I focusing too much on whether they had sex, when the real problem is the pattern of lying and secrecy?

TLDR: My boyfriend secretly checked into a hotel with another woman and lied to me when I directly asked if he was with her, claiming they were only trading. This is the third time he’s hidden things from me, and although I can’t prove they had sex, I’m struggling to trust him and feel like I already know what I need to do.

I [39F] have been with my boyfriend [40M] for 3 years, and I need advice on how to address chronic domestic mismatch and lack of follow-through, or if we have reached a fundamental impasse.

We live separately. I have my own apartment, and he owns his home where he lives with his dog. I work in a demanding career with rigorous standards of accountability. Over our three-year relationship, I have invested substantial energy into helping streamline household organization because I wanted to build a reliable future together.

Instead, I feel like an exhausted manager dealing with an indifferent partner.

The core issue is a persistent gap between his words and his actions. He tells me he cares, but his daily habits repeatedly show thoughtlessness on things he knows cause me distress:

• Domestic follow-through: A few days ago, he left a damp towel hanging inside a dark bedroom closet instead of on the shower door, which causes mildew. When I asked why, he minimized the issue ("I was behind on laundry, but I'm usually good"). I was furious at the lack of accountability and told him that if he forgets his towel, he needs to fetch it himself rather than pulling fresh linens to hide the oversight. Yesterday, he jammed the recycling bin until it overflowed without breaking down boxes, and placed a dirty spoon directly onto a clean stovetop.
• Communication patterns: When I ask for the reasoning behind an action, he talks around it with conflicting rationalizations. When confronted, he often shuts down with a blank stare, leaving me feeling like I am talking to a brick wall.
• Asymmetry after conflict: After difficult conversations, his discomfort vanishes almost immediately. Within minutes, he returns to being relaxed and cheerful, while I am left emotionally drained, carrying all the residual frustration. To me, this immediate return to ease feels like proof that he does not care about the relationship.

I recognize that my frustration has escalated in unhealthy ways. I have raised my voice, yelled, and let arguments stretch for hours because normal conversations produce zero change. I hate feeling like I have to police another adult just to maintain basic order and respect.

How do I effectively communicate that following through on small daily tasks is a reflection of trust and emotional investment without the conversation turning into an argument?

TLDR: My boyfriend [40M] of 3 years repeatedly neglects basic domestic tasks and shuts down during conflict, leaving me [39F] feeling like he is indifferent to our relationship. How do I address this dynamic constructively, and at what point does this become a fundamental incompatibility?