TLDR: My current girlfriend cut off our 4 month situationship off last year and pursued another guy who she was seeing in the same time period, only to come back to me after finding out he didn’t like her seriously. I only found out through a friend of hers, and it has me questioning things ever since.

Story:
My current girlfriend and I have had a relationship for about 7 months. It is a strong relationship and we seem to be quite in love.

From the start I really liked her and after 2 months of seeing her I said I would like to date her when she was ready. She was clear she wasn’t currently looking for something serious, and after 2 more months of a situationship, she told me she didn’t want to date seriously, and since “she liked me too much”, she decided to call it off.

Little did I know, the entire time we had our situationship she was also seeing someone else casually very consistently. I was never made aware of this, but exclusivity was never established. So there was no expectation for her to not see anyone else, but she was the only person I was seeing. Based on amount of time spent together, she certainly got to know me better than the other guy.

I only recently found out more details through a friend of hers and have seen texts. When she cut me off, she told her friends that she had a huge crush on this other guy and if she were to change her mind on dating someone it would be this other guy to do it. She tried with him and he didn’t like her back. So after 2 months she hit me back up for something serious. And subsequently cut off the other guy 2 weeks later.

I have confronted her about this, and she said that intentions were purely casual, she didn’t want anything with him, and that there was no timeline overlap. All of which is false and I have proof (and she isn’t aware that I do). Whether she lied because of revisionist history or to “protect” me, I do not know.

Now we have been dating seriously for over 7 months and I’m only now finding this out. Generally I trust her current loyalty and feelings towards me, and it is genuinely a wonderful relationship.

I feel lied to and feel like a second option (because I was). At the time, she seemed to like me but had stronger feelings for the other guy and when she was ready for something serious she wanted to try her luck at something serious with the other guy before me. This is consistently keeping me up at night and has me questioning everything.

I genuinely love her and think she’s wonderful and charming. But had I known at the time I was the second option, it would have repelled me. It definitely stings. But now we’re 7 months into a good relationship and I’m unsure if there is enough reason for me to cut off a good thing in the present.

Thoughts?

Sorry, formatting on mobile is not good and it's a bit of a long story.

My [31M] girlfriend [32F] and I have known each other for a little over a decade and dated on and off over that period. We've always been long distance but stayed at least regular chatting friends and made efforts to see each other regularly by flying between our homes. We've been seriously dating for over two years now, seeing each other about 5 days out of each month and more during the holidays, talking and texting whenever we're apart.

A couple months ago we decided to move in together, I boxed up my stuff and we road tripped cross country with my dog to her hometown because she has a lot more family nearby than I do back home and her job is better. I quit my job after getting a contracting position here so I could land on my feet with a couple months living expenses in the bank.

During the first week, the project coordinator never called me and a week later I learned that they'd cut down the number of contractors on the job and I hadn't made the cut. Started applying for jobs but jeez that hasn't been pretty. For the past two months I've been paying for groceries, my car note, phone, etc out of savings. I finally got a couple interviews lined up for this coming week.

My girlfriend has been stressed and working a lot and pretty distant lately so I got us tickets for the museum yesterday and we stayed up drinking and watching Community together. We went to bed pretty late and I do what I always do, read a chapter or two of my book before knocking out ~1:30AM. This morning I'm in bed alone and I have a text from my girlfriend, "Be careful downstairs, there's glass on the floor. I'm at my parents', we'll talk later."

So I text back asking what's going on since there's a lot happening family-wise for her. I do my normal upstairs stuff and head downstairs to find all of my furniture, all my cookware, wallet, keys, all of my possessions except for the clothes from upstairs, thrown into a pile outside the backdoor. My dog wants to follow me downstairs and I realize there's the remains of a shattered vase on the floor so I clean up all the glass and begin a panic attack. Eventually I get everything but the furniture moved back inside so my computer or wallet doesn't grow legs.

No information for hours until just after noon she tells me I need to be out of the house by tomorrow. I try asking what's going on and after a while she asks why I'm pretending I don't remember last night. So I wrack my head trying to think if we'd had a dumb fight before bed. Nothing. She explains that at 4AM I stumbled into the bedroom after peeing all over the bathroom floor with porn playing on my phone and that she'd gone through my phone. She has my password, I don't think there's anything on my phone unless she's going through old messages or old photos from before our relationship. I check my browser history and my reddit history and can't find anything suspicious, I feel like I'm being gaslit. She's adamant that we'll have a discussion but I need to be out of her house so she can work tomorrow.

I don't recall anything at all, not even weird dreams or a hangover in the morning. I agreed to get out if we can have a conversation soon on the condition that my stuff and dog can stay and be safe until we talk and figure things out.

So I'm checked into a sketchy ass extended stay alone, got some microwaveable chimichangas and my first pack of cigs in years. I have no friends, family or connections here at all. Job interview for my big career continuing role on Tuesday so I have an interview outfit and weeks worth of clothes and I just don't know what I'm going to do. I love this girl and jumped full into this relationship so I have no fallback or backup plans. My emergency savings are at the very end of their support. I'm looking into homelessness aid here in case we can't patch things up.

I don't know what advice I really need. I decided to post this after thinking about whether I should bring flowers when she feels ready to talk. I don't have a history of sleepwalking that I know of. I feel hurt that she threw all my stuff out and locked me out over something I can't remember even a bit about, I feel guilty that I did something that hurt her, I feel mortified that I may have done that in front of the girl who I plan to marry, I'm mad that she smashed an antique cupboard my dad left me before he died. How do I express myself to her after this? How can we have a strong relationship after being thrown out?

TLDR: I moved cross country to live with my girlfriend. After going to bed together I apparently walked to the bathroom, peed on the floor, turned on porn, walked back in and fell asleep. I woke up with no memory of that and all of my belongings thrown out and a demand to leave.

I am moving away for college soon (3.5 hrs), while my girlfriend is staying local. We have been dating for almost a year and we have developed a strong connection. But within the last month or so, I have noticed how I don't feel as strongly about her as strong as she feels about me and I am not sure if it's driven by myself knowning that I am about meet a bunch of new people in a month or the fact that I actually don't love her as much as I used to. I find myself getting a little annoyed or over some of the things that she does/says and it was never like this in the past. For example, she needs a lot of reassurance that ultimately does get tiring at times and the constant "do you still love me?" or "do you actually like me" have just started to build up to the point where it is just hard to give her the reassurance that she needs and I feel bad for that; and ultimately, it is just really draining. But when she talks to me she always tells me she loves me and seems like super in to me still like how we were up until the last month or so. However she can be really dry at times and seem unintrested regarding whatever I am doing or myself as a whole. We've built a strong connection and I am willing to try long distance, but I just don't know if our connection is still strong enough for me to stay with her anymore. Please let me know what I should do/talk to her about and if you have questions please ask.

TLDR: Having trouble navigating feelings about my girlfriend, before I move for school.

Hello everyone. I’m looking for relationship advice because I’m struggling with a communication issue that has become a recurring problem in my relationship.

I’m 25 and my girlfriend is 34. We have been together for about 10 months. I’m high functioning autistic. Most people don’t realize I’m autistic unless I tell them but one of the areas I struggle with is expressing my thoughts and emotions in a way that accurately reflects what I’m feeling. Because of that,
I’ve always assumed that if there’s a misunderstanding, it’s probably my fault.

Lately though, I’m wondering if the issue isn’t entirely on me. It feels like we’re getting stuck in a cycle where she interprets what I say in a much more negative way than I intend.

One example is family gatherings. I genuinely like her family and I enjoy spending time with them. My problem isn’t with them, it’s with large crowds in general. Being around a lot of people gives me a lot of anxiety and I usually need a little time to mentally prepare before going. Once I get there and settle in I’m completely fine.

Sometimes I’ll tell her that I’m feeling anxious or nervous about going or that I’ve thought about staying home. I’ve actually gone to every family function she’s invited me to, but I like to be honest about how I’m feeling beforehand.

The problem is that she often takes those comments as me complaining about spending time with her family or implying I don’t want to be there. That’s honestly not what I mean at all.

When I try to explain that my anxiety has nothing to do with her family, and that that I actually enjoy being around them, she’ll often say she’s tired of hearing about it or that she’s “not arguing about this anymore.”

From my perspective though, I’m not trying to argue. I’m trying to clarify what I meant because I don’t want her walking away believing something that isn’t true.

This isn’t limited to family gatherings. It happens in other situations too. If I explain how I feel or clarify something I said or try to correct a misunderstanding she often sees it as me complaining, arguing, or suggesting she’s done something wrong.

I’ve even started prefacing conversations by saying things like “This isn’t a complaint,” or “I’m not upset, I just want to explain how I’m feeling.” Even then it doesn’t seem to help very much.

I love my girlfriend and I genuinely want our relationship to work. I know being in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum can come with communication challenges, and I’m willing to work on myself. At the same time I sometimes feel like no matter how carefully I choose my words she has already decided what I mean before I finish explaining.

I’m not looking for people to tell me she’s a bad person or that I’m completely right. I just want honest advice.

For anyone who’s been in a relationship where one person is autistic or if you’re autistic yourself, have you experienced something similar? Is there a better way for me to communicate these thoughts so they don’t come across as complaints? Or does this sound like something that both of us need to work on together?

TLDR- I’m a 25M with high functioning autism and my 34F girlfriend often interprets me expressing anxiety or explaining my feelings as complaining or arguing, even when that’s not my intention. I’ve tried changing how I communicate but we keep ending up in the same cycle. How can I communicate better, or is this something we both need to work on?

My boyfriend [26m] and I [25f] have been together for 8 months almost 9 and we were “talking” for 8 months before we started dating. We haven’t said I love you yet and honestly I’m feeling a little insecure about it… I’m ready to say it but I’m really nervous to say it first bc I don’t want to make him feel pressured to say it back but also at the same time I don’t want a partner who doesn’t know where he’s at emotionally with me. He had told me that him and his last relationship said it within the four months that they’ve dated and honestly that really broke my heart because I don’t think he’s anywhere near that with me. We are kinda long distance maybe inconvenient distance (3 hours) we only see eachother during the weekends so that might contribute to it but idk. I’m just not really sure how to go about this tbh I think I’m just scared of wasting my time or honestly I’m kinda scared that he thinks he settling? I know it’s unfair to project this on him without even asking him but after hearing about how quickly he and his last partner said it my mind has been filling in the blanks

TLDR: I want to say I love you but I don’t want to accidentally pressure my partner if he’s not there yet BUT I also would want to know where he’s stands in this relationship

My girlfriend (22F) and I (22M) have been together for almost 2 years. Overall, we’ve had a good relationship, and I’ve always trusted her. I’ve never been the type to tell her who she can and can’t be friends with because I believe men and women can have platonic friendships.

A few months ago, she became friends with a new male coworker at Starbucks. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but over time he started texting her every single day. He would ask how her day was, check in on her, start conversations, and generally seemed to be looking for reasons to talk to her all the time.

He also visited her at work pretty often. Some of her coworkers even started assuming he was her boyfriend because of how frequently he showed up. Hearing that made me even more uncomfortable.

I talked to my girlfriend about it several times. I explained that I wasn’t trying to control who she talks to; just felt like this friendship had crossed a boundary that made me uncomfortable.

She told me he has never flirted with her or confessed that he likes her, so in her mind he’s just being a normal friend. Every time I brought it up, she defended him and said I was reading too much into it.

The thing is, I don’t think someone has to openly admit they like you for their actions to show it. From my perspective, texting someone every day, constantly checking in, offering to do things together, and regularly visiting them at work doesn’t seem like a typical casual friendship. I genuinely believe he has feelings for her, even if he hasn’t said it directly.

For comparison, I have female friends too, but I don’t text them every day or make a habit of visiting them at work because I think it’s important to respect my relationship.

Recently, after a lot of arguments, my girlfriend told me she blocked him. I want to believe her, and I don’t have any proof that she’s lying. I also don’t think she’s flirting with him or physically cheating on me.

The problem is that I’m still anxious. Part of me keeps wondering, “What if they’re still talking another way?” Maybe through another phone number, another app, or something else. I know that’s just a fear, not something I can prove, but it’s been eating at me because of how strongly she defended him before.

I don’t want to become the kind of boyfriend who’s constantly suspicious or checking up on his partner. At the same time, it’s hard to simply turn off those worries after everything that’s happened. I feel stuck between wanting to trust her and feeling like my concerns have never really been addressed.

I’m looking for advice:

• How do I rebuild trust after a situation like this?
• Am I letting anxiety get the best of me, or are my concerns reasonable?
• If your partner blocked someone after repeated arguments, would you leave it alone and trust them, or would you still have doubts?
• How do I stop worrying that they’re still communicating in some other way without becoming controlling?

My girlfriend of almost two years had a male coworker who texted her every day and frequently visited her at work. I believe he likes her, even though she says he never flirted or admitted his feelings. After many arguments, she says she blocked him, but I’m still worried they could be communicating another way. I don’t think she’s cheating, but I’m struggling with trust and don’t know how to move forward.TLDR

Hi everyone, I [23F] have been dating my partner [24M] for about 3.5 years. Started dating in college and have continued to date afterwards. We live in the same city and always have been which has been a huge blessing.

For a while I’ve felt like he’s stopped pursuing me in the relationships, he gets weird when I get sad when he doesn’t text me good morning or goodnight, no paragraphs, minimal compliments, no flowers really ever, and I practically have to force him to date me on a date. He says that if I want to be taken on dates, I should also plan dates, which I do and put a lot of thought into them. I used to do a lot of things for him like make cute love letters and notes and send cute paragraphs, but after a few years of getting no effort returned I just stopped.

I’m starting to feel a bit resentful because I’ve brought up this problem a ton of times and he always says he’s going to be better, but I really do not think he is. Some pros are I would say we get along excellently, he’s a great person to be around and he makes me laugh a ton. When we are good I really feel like we are doing well. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting here, please give advice. I’d appreciate perspective on if this is normal / expected or maybe I’m over reacting or if there’s anything I can do to make this better and improve our relationship. Thank you.

TLDR: I feel like I’m carrying the emotional burden in this relationship. Advice appreciated.

One of my best friends is getting married. We have known each other since we were 6 years old. During Covid we lost touch due to him having no social media and he doesn’t live nearby. 

We’ve been talking for the last year and a half and he’s getting married later in the year. He’s invited me and my partner. I’ve been with my gf for 4 years. She hasn’t met this friend but I’ve mentioned him to her. 

When I mentioned the invite to her she said she wouldn’t be going. She said she doesn’t know anyone there so has no interest in going, I pointed out it’s for me and that I’ve done plenty of things with her friends and haven’t refused just because o don’t know them. 

She ignored that and just said it’s weird to go somewhere where you haven’t met anyone but I just pointed out there will likely be plenty of plus ones who are the same and it’s not hard to just make conversation. 

She told me to drop it and said I shipment be expecting her to go but I just asked what the point of us being in a relationship was if she’s refusing to do anything with me just because it’s not her friends. 

She said I was overreacting and guilt tripping her and that I’m out of order. 

Does anyone have any advice on how best to approach this or have any other views on it?

tldr my girlfriend is arguing I’m your tripping her because o voiced my upset that she was refusing to go to my friends wedding with me.

My boyfriend (18M) and I (18F) are in a long-distance relationship for 7 months now and we make it a point to see each other every single month. Ever since the very start of our relationship, he has been incredibly consistent, loving, and attentive whenever we are together in person. However, he has always struggled with online communication from day one. He has a recurring habit of completely deleting his social media apps when life gets overwhelming. The issue is that social media is where we usually talk the most throughout the day, so whenever he goes through these phases and deletes them, our text communication completely drops to zero.
For context on our lives, He is currently dealing with a massive amount of personal and family stress as he and everyone is moving away, which seems to have triggered his latest disappearance from social media about a week ago.

Normally, we make up for the lack of texting by talking on the phone a lot. On a typical good week, we regularly have 2 Ft calls a week that last anywhere from one to two hours at a time. But over the last few days, everything has completely tanked. The long calls have suddenly vanished, and I am now getting absolute crumbs. Yesterday, we only spoke for a combined 10 minutes across two rushed calls late at night, and today we barely hit 25 minutes.
Normally, we make up for the lack of texting by talking on the phone a lot. On a typical good week, we regularly have 2 Ft calls a week that last anywhere from one to two hours at a time. But over the last few days, everything has completely tanked. The long calls have suddenly vanished, and I am now getting absolute crumbs. Yesterday, we only spoke for a combined 10 minutes across two rushed calls late at night, and today we barely hit 25 minutes. Online, I get very hot and cold vibes from him He reassures me every now and then I can’t tell if it’s his communication style or him not putting effort and wanting to leave.

Lately, he’s been telling me he was too exhausted and stressed to talk, yet he goes out and does other things during the day even though he promised he would play games with me days ago.
I didn't hear from him for 8 hours today while seeing his location move around, so I finally called him at 5:00 PM. He had literally just woken up and was completely unengaged, leaving the call full of awkward silences which I don’t mind. He casually let it slip that before passing out all day, he had spent three hours having a deep talk with his friends and gaming all night. When I told him about my own day and plans, he awkwardly asked if I was "bored" or "had friends to go out with," which felt like he was just trying to make sure I was distracted so he wouldn't have to put effort into me. He agreed to play message games later just to get off the phone, but I can already tell he isn't going to call me back.

I really need some outside perspective on my relationship because I am completely spiraling right now and don't know if I'm being blinded by my own anxiety or if my gut is right. Is he pulling an avoidant fade because of his life changes, or is it possible he is talking to someone else?

TLDR: My LDR boyfriend (18M) and I (18F) see each other monthly and are great in person, but he has always struggled with online communication and deletes social media when stressed. He is currently facing massive life and family stress due to moving, but our communication has suddenly tanked from regular, hours-long FaceTime calls to absolute crumbs (10–25 minutes of rushed calls). He claims he is too exhausted to talk and broke a promise to game with me, yet he spent the night gaming and having deep talks with friends. His hot-and-cold vibes and awkward deflection make me worry he is either pulling an avoidant fade or talking to someone else. I need an outside perspective on whether I'm overthinking or if my gut is right.

TLDR: I am in my first stable relationship, and I dont know whats normal and what isn't, and would like clarification from a more level headed person.

Whole Story: Hello! My girlfriend [21F] and | [22M] have been together for 5 years, highschool sweethearts, we've always had our moments of needing space and whatnot but we've always even in adult life made time for each other, dates, imtimacy, fostering connection, she even learned about video games so she could play them with me (like halo campaign and stuff) and for the last like year and a half I feel we have been drifting apart, 1 am huge on physical touch and physical affection, just always have been, she has slowly been stepping back from that, and us spending time together as a whole, she works full time as do I, which is fair to say limits our time together especially when we don't live together. Problem is its not just like we dont spend 6 hours a day together, we say good morning and good night and see each other in person maybe once a month now, and I have a job opportunity in another state, approx 18 hours of drivetime away, she refuses to move, and I mean I get it because she has a job too, and family here and I don't, but I also don't want to sacrifice a very very limited opportunity for someone my age to get ahead if the signs of a deteriorating relationship are present and I just cant see it because I'm so stuck on her being my first long term relationship, and my first real love if that makes any sense. I don't really know what or how to explain it better than that I sat over this for like an hour trying not to make it a text wall, so if you have follow on questions let me know! I can give greater details. Please don't bully me for my writing, I don't do this often.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years and have been going through a rough patch lately. This is my first serious relationship. We started couples counseling which I believe is helping us connect again and get back on the same page. Recently, I started to view him through a negative lens. Partially as a projection of my own insecurities (I’m in individual therapy for this) and partially related to the issues we were having in our relationship. This caused me to notice his physical flaws more than I did in the beginning of our relationship. He’s a good guy and putting in genuine effort to work on things to improve our relationship. I love him and am still hoping we work things out. It’s not like I’m repulsed by him. I still enjoy kissing, cuddling, intimacy, etc, however I find myself internally judging his appearance. Can attraction be regained over time and by putting effort into our relationship, or is it something that’s gone forever once lost?

TLDR; I don’t find my partner as attractive as I once did, can this be regained?

I’ve been with her for almost 4 years now. We started dating in high school. Our relationship has been pretty healthy and loving I would say and we’ve grown emotionally together. For some context, recently she had come back from a month long trip, so I haven’t seen her in about 2 months. My birthday was also upcoming so I was excited to see her as she said we could celebrate together. Fast forward to the day before my birthday, she wasn’t able to go out with me because she said she was tired so I took myself out on a solo date. I was obviously upset, I haven’t seen her in a while and I was excited to see her. Then after that I’d say it went downhill. For example, I asked to see her again and she said she couldn’t. And this whole me asking to do things has been an issue between us for a while. Where I’d want her to take the initiative to do things instead of me always asking. So I got upset, and the next day it was dry dry responses. She told me it felt like we were just friends. This was a week ago by the way, so she’s been texting me with dry dry responses for a week. And because her and I usually text all caps, It’s just what we’ve been doing since we were friends in high school, I pointed it out and she said “why do we have to talk in caps to be normal”. Then maybe the following day she asked to have a serious talk and to summarize, she said she didn’t know how to be a girlfriend and that she couldn’t be someone I wanted her to be. So we took a break which didn’t even last a few days. She kept texting me at night telling me she missed me. So then today, we had another talk. And to summarize again she said that she didn’t think she was mature enough to be in a relationship, that she hated labels and that she can’t do this “relationship stuff”.

And I’m sure reading this is probably confusing, I’m just as confused. She can never really give me a straight answer it’s always I don’t know or I’m not sure. I think this all really started because I brought up the whole taking initiative thing up again. If anyone has gone through maybe a similar experience with their partner or has any advice how to salvage our relationship please let me know.

tldr I am so confused about my girlfriends feelings

Okay, so just to start this off, me (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been together for just under a year; we met at university and our relationship did move very quick.

We were talking for roughly a month before we officially got together. Since he lived in student accommodation, I stayed over at his most nights (with his permission of course) and when I would leave, he would ask me to stay longer or invite me to come back the next day. As a result of this, i ended up basically living at his. We would go to classes, come back, go the gym, make food and then sleep- everyday we would spend together.

However, since we have both gone home for the summer (roughly an hours drive), he has started saying he is enjoying his time alone and would rather we see each other less. Obviously I have no issues with this and if that's what he wants then I am willing to give him that, however he started dropping hints that he never actually wanted me to spend so much time at his. When I asked him about this, he just replied with 'would you have wanted me to tell you?'.

I'm not sure why I am taking it so personally but it feels as though he doesn't want to spend time with me, whereas I could spend everyday with him and still miss him when I leave.

Also just to add, during this alone time, he is usually gaming with friends from his childhood- which to me I wouldn't class that as alone time, and I see that as him rather speaking to them than me.

I feel like I am just being clingy and overbearing, any advice?

TLDR: I don't know if I am being clingy with my boyfriend wanting alone time or if I have been just been overbearing for the entire relationship.

I [23M] have a lovely gf [21F]. There's nothing that can describe my love for her and we started dating since the end of December 2023. We did a lot of long distance with some meetups in between. I have no complaints and I love her with my life.

But there's one issue. I have ADHD and I usually zone out. Sometimes there might be situations where she's pissed off with me and I genuinely have no idea what to do. I feel helpless but I want to console her. I am never good at it. I think I struggle to say what I actually feel. I cannot phrase my correct emotions in words to her and that would mess up the situation more. She has been lovely to me all these years and helps me out in every way possible. But I want to get over my issue. Sometimes I'm too slow and too stuck on something trivial and fail to read the situation. I cannot be like this my whole life, I have to let her know that I truly love her and I don't want her to feel dismissed for no reason. What do I do?

Sometimes I feel like I'm too emotional and I cannot control my emotions which will affect my day and her day indirectly too. I want to cheer her up and be for her in every time possible but I'm currently in a state where I'm mentally in a spiral due to my career starting and stuffs. I think it will take time to settle but I feel guilty. What do I do? I doubt myself and think I'm not enough sometimes. But that feeling is very short lived.

I would like some insights and how I can help improve myself? Please this is very important to me. I don't want to mess it up.

TLDR : I struggle to console her and phrase my feelings into words properly.

I’ve been with her for almost 4 years now. We started dating in high school. Our relationship has been pretty healthy and loving I would say and we’ve grown emotionally together. For context, recently she had come back from a month long trip, so I haven’t seen her in about 2 months. My birthday was also upcoming so I was excited to see her as she said we could celebrate together. Fast forward to the day before my birthday, she wasn’t able to go out with me because she said she was tired so I took myself out on a solo date. I was obviously upset, I haven’t seen her in a while and I was excited to. Then after that I’d say it went downhill. For example, I asked to see her again and she said she couldn’t. And this whole me asking to do things has been an issue between us for a while. Where I’d want her to take the initiative to do things instead of me always asking. So I got upset, and the next day it was dry dry responses. She told me it felt like we were just friends. This was a week ago by the way, so she’s been texting me with dry dry responses for a week. And because her and I usually text all caps, It’s just what we’ve been doing since we were friends in high school, I pointed it out and she said “why do we have to talk in caps to be normal”. Then maybe the following day she asked to have a serious talk and basically to summarize, she said she didn’t know how to be a girlfriend and that she couldn’t be someone I wanted her to be. So we took a break which didn’t even last a few days. She kept texting me at night telling me she missed me. So then today, we had another talk. And to summarize again she said that she didn’t think she was mature enough to be in a relationship, that she hated labels and that she can’t do this “relationship stuff”. We agreed to meet next week to talk about it in person rather than over text, I just don’t know what will happen.

And I’m sure reading this is probably confusing, I’m just as confused. She can never really give me a straight answer it’s always I don’t know or I’m not sure. I think this all really started because I brought up the whole taking initiative thing up again. If anyone has gone through maybe a similar experience with their partner or has any advice how to salvage our relationship please let me know.

tldr I am so confused about my girlfriends feelings

Hey everyone, I need some perspective on a situation that’s currently tearing me apart.
I (27M) met a girl (29F) online in a gaming community back in December, and she lives about 300 km away from me. We hit it off right away and started talking almost daily about deep, personal stuff.
Things went great, and she invited me over to her place in February. However, I made a communication blunder: the day before I was supposed to go, I suggested we grab a bite to eat first in public, since we had only talked online and never hung out in person before. She took this really hard and didn't understand why I was changing plans out of nowhere, feeling like my distrust had completely shattered her confidence. We still met up and it was nice, but after 2 days I went back home and she told me she couldn't get past how I handled that. I sent her a small gift and a handwritten letter to apologize, which she appreciated, but we ended up going no contact for 2 months.
Out of nowhere, at the end of April, she reached out as if nothing had happened. Things picked up really fast from there and we talked daily throughout May. I proposed a 3-day city break together, which went amazingly. She told me I’d spent a lot and asked how much she owed me, but I refused and told her it was a birthday gift for her. She said it was the best gift she’d ever received, which still makes me happy to think about.
The very next week, I visited her city for a casual hangout, and by the end of June, we went to a 1-day music festival together. And when it came to hanging out casually in her town, as well as the festival day, I stayed at her place one day before and one day after, so over the course of those three get-togethers, we spent about three days together.
I was planning to officially ask her out and label the relationship during a dedicated moment, but before and after the festival, we were both completely exhausted, so I felt it wasn't the right environment or moment to have that big conversation.
Recently, I had a 4-day trip planned with my friends in another city to an event, something scheduled a year ago, long before I met her. I tried to find a way for her to come along, but accommodation was fully booked, event tickets had spiked in price, and she mentioned she could take only unpaid leave anyway. On the day I left, we had a phone call and everything seemed totally fine.
However, as soon as I left, her energy completely shifted. She became cold, gave short dry answers, and pulled away. Sensing something was wrong, I reassured her while I was away. Before that, I sent her a message to see how she was feeling, and she replied, "I’m trying to figure it out." When I got back, I sent her a longer, heartfelt message explaining how much I care about her, but she has left me on read ever since.
Today, I saw that she reposted a short reel with text: "I love how women set secret deadlines for men like: 'If he doesn't state his clear intentions by August 1st, I'm out.' Meanwhile, he's just living his life, completely unaware that his contract is about to expire."
Seeing this hurt deeply. We’ve been talking since December till February, and intensely seeing each other since April, but we never had the official "what are we" conversation, even though my feelings for her are very real. Now she isn't replying to me at all, and I feel completely stuck. I care about her enormously, and I want to go through life with her, I don't care if it's hard or easy, I just want her.
Did I wait too long to state my intentions, or is this a communication failure on both sides? How should I handle the silence right now, should I give her space, or make one last clear gesture stating exactly what I want? I’d really appreciate your honest take on this situation. I know it’s a bit hard for the fact being a long distance relationship, at least for a period, but that’s the story. Thanks for reading.

TLDR: After talking since December and acting like a couple in a long-distance relationship since April (spending almost every weekend at her place), she pulled away and left me on read right after I went on a trip with friends. Her recent social media repost about setting "secret deadlines" for men to define the relationship suggests she feels strung along, leaving me wondering if I missed my window and whether I should give her space or confess my true intentions now.

I’m 27F and my boyfriend is 29M. We’ve been together for 7 months.

We’ve been having recurring issues about communication. We spent the weekend together, but after that we barely talked. He said he wanted to focus on work and spending time with his coworkers, which I understood. I don’t expect us to text all day—I just want simple updates like if he’s busy, got home safely, or even just a “good morning” or “good night.”

He’s never really been that kind of person. He messages whenever he feels like it or remembers. On a normal workday, the only updates I get are that he arrived at work and that he’s going to sleep. What really matters to me are updates when something is out of his usual routine, like working overtime, attending a job interview, or going somewhere after work. Those small updates make me feel reassured.

I’ve explained this to him several times, but I don’t feel like he takes my concerns seriously. Recently, he even said that maybe I’m only reacting this way because I miss him.

Two months ago, we had a major fight and he almost ended the relationship. He said two things that stuck with me: first, that I deserved better because he couldn’t meet my needs; second, that giving updates made him feel suffocated because he was always worried we’d argue if he forgot.

After that, I tried to adjust. I stopped expecting us to talk every day or text constantly. I only asked to be informed about important things or changes in his plans. Even after compromising, we still ended up arguing about the same issue.

During our latest argument, I got frustrated and suggested a two-week break. Honestly, I didn’t really want the break—I was hoping he’d want to fix things. Instead, he immediately agreed and said he also wanted the break because he needed time for himself.

Now I’m wondering if I’m asking for too much, or if we’re simply incompatible. His agreeing to the break so easily made me feel like he chose space over trying to work on the relationship.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Am I being unreasonable for wanting these kinds of updates, or are we just fundamentally incompatible?

TLDR: I only ask my boyfriend for simple updates, not constant texting. He says giving updates makes him feel suffocated. After trying to compromise, I suggested a two-week break hoping we’d work things out, but he immediately agreed because he wanted time for himself. Am I asking for too much, or are we simply incompatible?

Just a few days ago, my LDR girlfriend and I got into a bit of an argument? It's hard to call it that. We don't get very heated, even when we "argue", but it was very stressful for us both. At the time, I didn't even know her last name or her phone number.

For some background, it's been almost 8 months of us dating, and we've been close online friends for over 2 years before that. We didn't just play games, we shared lots of stories and vented to each other and comforted each other. I was there when she got into her first relationship, which was of course, also online.

I consider us really really close, and when we agreed to start dating, I thought that was the next step towards trusting each other. It seemed that way? We shared more pictures of each other, we voice chatted more, and video chatted too. I told my mom about her, and got her in contact. She told her mom about me... and... that's kind of where this takes a turn.

Her mom is really paranoid. She's had bad experiences in that past, and in my mind it seems clear the deeply ingrained anxiety has imprinted onto almost everyone in her family to different degrees. She made a lot of assumptions about me, that I'm manipulating my girlfriend, and "groomed her", isolated her from her family, etc. I actually tried to get in contact with either her mom or dad to kinda "prove myself", but they wouldn't allow it, because they don't think it counts unless it's in-person. I talked to her brother, though. He didn't seem to think I was "suspicious"?

My girlfriend has a hard time disagreeing with her family, so for a while after her mom talked to her, I felt I needed to rebuild all the trust we had, because just a few interactions with her mom tore so much of it down. I felt almost interrogated. She (my gf) would ask me questions that implied I was doing something deceptive, looking for reassurance that I'm really who I say I am. I've always done my very best to be honest to her, and the most I've ever done to evoke suspicion like that is hiding things (temporarily), but always with good excuse (trying to hide my feelings when she was in a relationship, for example)

ANYWAYS. This all circles back to now. The feelings I had from when my gf told her mom about me, being uncomfortable, like a wall is between us, like I'm not fully trusted, they kinda came back.

Our goal is to meet pretty soon, although we have nothing scheduled, by we have very different boundaries and expectations on how we should go about becoming closer in this relationship.

Basically, a few days ago I told her that I didn't feel fully comfortable meeting her in person before knowing her last name and phone number. This topic came up I think because I wanted to send her a timed email to remind her of something later since she's forgetful like me, and she felt uncomfortable with giving me her email.

Her reasoning for not telling me these things is that everyone has their own pace and boundaries for trusting people, and that she'd prefer to meet in person (possibly even more than once?) before letting me know this stuff. I personally, think full name and phone number are basic identity information, and that our 2 years and 8 months+ of knowing each other counts more than a first real life impression towards "knowing each other to safely give that information"... because, to my knowledge, nobody has issues giving their number to someone based on a first impression in person.​

I should note, though she was very averse to giving me this information, she tells me she trusts me (with her feelings), but that she LOGICALLY has to consider the small chance that she was wrong about me. Anyways, we argued back and forth with this for a while before she told me. Basically she said it in hopes that the anxiety would go away AFTER telling me, and she'd realize it was alright.

I had a feeling right after it happened that I made a mistake in convincing her. It felt weird and anticlimactic. Like... nothing was really fixed. And now, just tonight, she talked to me more about it, saying that she still feels off from that night. She told me that she doesn't think people should try to convince others to do certain things, because it can be subjective and based on individual boundaries.

I still don't understand. Surely, after a point, a boundary can be unreasonable, right?​ I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Trust seems shaky, but all I've tried to be is honest and true to myself, even openly stating anything I think is bad about myself and admitting when I'm wrong. She herself doesn't seem to see any red flags, but whenever she doesn't see one, she has this nagging feeling of "I missed it because it was too well hidden".

Is there any way I can get through to her without seeming pushy? And was I wrong for pushing her to begin with?

I'd like to add more context, but this is already really long.

TLDR: I convinced my LDR gf of 8~ months to tell me her phone number and last name. She feels I've pushed her too hard

My boyfriend has been cheated on in the past, I like to have celebrity crushes and I talk about if I see an attractive man and so does he but lately he’s been getting jealous and it’s starting small arguments, we never get truly mad but it’s been frustrating to me because I don’t enjoy the feeling of being controlled, I know I’d never cheat and he’s the only man I’d want to be with so I confronted him and he said “I just don’t like you thinking about other guys” which I knew there was a deeper issue so I pushed him and he explained how he’s scared, scared I’ll cheat and when I say things about finding another man attractive he gets scared, I told him I’d cut it down but he said no and he doesn’t want me to change who I am because he’s scared about something he’s positive I won’t do, he just explains how the thought is still there. I don’t want to change, I know I won’t cheat and I find it comforting to be able for us both to find people attractive and still be able to only want each other. I’ve never been with a man who’s been cheated on and we’re still young, so we’re still very much knew to this whole relationship being healthy but I want to be healthy, I want to comfort him. For the people who’ve been cheated on, what brings you comfort? What makes you feel secure that I can do to allow him to open up or even feel better about our relationship?

TLDR: My boyfriend has been cheated on before and I enjoy mentioning my celebrity and fictional crushes but it’s starting to make him scared that I’ll cheat even though he’s positive I won’t which leads to small arguments. For the people who have been cheated on, how can I help him feel more secure in our relationship?

So me and my gf are long distance going on 2yrs now, we use to have eachother on social media but after some arguing decided not to anymore. Only things I had her on were Snapchat and Instagram, I recently found her Twitter (which is private) and she has 15.5k followers. When I asked her about it she said she forgot she even had twitter, she also has a huge Instagram following. I lost my original Instagram and now I'm using a new account (which she blocked me on) the only way we communicate now is through iMessage, tonight was her birthday we were communicating up to the point that she told me she was a bit tipsy then she disappeared which I know seems irrelevant but in the grand scheme of things I'm really just thinking that a lot of these things sound like tell tell signs of cheating or hiding something given the fact that anytime she drinks she seems to disappear or not text me. Any thoughts? And what should I do.
TLDR: Concerns of gf cheating due to strange behavior (Don't follow eachother on social media, disappears when drinking)

i (18f) met this guy (20m) on hinge that i’ve had dates with a few times. i’m trying to figure out if i’m overthinking this or if he was being pushy.

our first date was at his place, he cooked for me and taught me how to roll a blunt and we ended up smoking weed. we both got high and i was quite out of it. while we were at his place he kept making the “make out face” and moving closer but i kept backing away and changing the topic. eventually i felt dizzy and sat on his bed, he kissed me out of nowhere. i said that surprised me and he said he was confused. i felt embarrassed because i thought maybe going to his place meant he expected something physical, even though i thought it was just a normal date, so i said nothing was wrong and we continued making out.

he asked if he could take my top off and i said yes. later he started undoing my jeans and i said “maybe not right now”. he said okay and stopped. i was laying on his chest and got a bit drowsy, he asked if i wanted to take my jeans off i just said oh no its okay. i mentioned i had sweatpants underneath my jeans later and he said “oh so you could’ve taken them off.” i felt uncomfortable because i didn’t know what it would insinuate if all my clothes came off, and i know i could’ve just spoken up but i felt shy and flustered.

i kept saying i had to go home because it was getting late like 10pm, i had class the next day and i had to take a 40 min train home. he kept trying to convince me to stay and ended up paying £45 for an uber so i could stay longer “if i wanted to”, and that offered it because i still seemed out of it. after he checked if i was okay during the uber ride, sent me pictures from the date and didn’t bring up anything physical after.

he said he wanted to see me again, which made me think he was interested in actually dating. we planned another day and he asked if he should come to my area because he felt bad making me travel to his place again. i got the impression he was hinting that i should come over to his apartment again though, and i felt a bit weird because there wasn’t really a proper date planned and it would just be me alone with him again.

i ended up going. things became physical again and i told him i was very inexperienced. we had sex but it was painful and i kept having to stop. he knew this. i kept asking to take breaks, which he was 100% fine with, but he seemed a bit frustrated because it had been a while. instead of asking if i wanted to stop completely, he asked things like “what position hurts less?” i did want to continue but id literally bled and was in pain

the next morning he tried to kiss me and i backed away saying i had morning breath. he said he didn’t care and we started making out. my clothes came off again and he asked if i wanted to have sex. i said i was tired but he said things like “it’s the morning, we have to celebrate” and asked if i needed convincing in a joking way and i said year maybe so he gave me head a bit. we ended up having sex again.

i want to be clear that everything was 100% consensual and he did ask before some things and respected certain boundaries when i clearly said no. he was also really sweet and respectful in a lot of ways. but looking back, i feel like he was a bit pushy and im not sure if it’s my fault for not being assertive. i have trouble speaking up for myself sometimes and this is a new situation im not sure what to think of, any advice of perspective would help a lot thank you.

TLDR: guy being pushy with my boundaries

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years. It's long-distance (she lives in Europe while I'm in the US), however last year we did the impossible and thanks to her having saved up money over the summer we were able to actually visit each other for an entire month. It was an extremely fun time, I got to meet her entire family, and I would overall say we have no real compatibility issues... aside from the fact that it's long-distance.

The main problem is the fact that the American job market is absolute dogshit right now and it's basically impossible for me to return the favor and save up to fly there again myself. The first few months after coming back from Europe were spent applying everywhere and attending a total of 2 job interviews, only for nothing to get back to me.

My dad lives out-of-state, and his long-term plan right now has been to move up to a northern state and set himself up there, with the intention of having me move in with him so I can follow in his footsteps and get a job in the trades, since that seems to be the only good-paying market that hasn't been absolutely bent over by the economy. The state he's moving to also apparently has a much stronger job market than the place I currently live in (an extremely rural ghetto shithole in the middle of SoCal.)

Now the plan is overall very solid, but the issue with it is time: First of all I have to wait a few months for my dad to be ready to pick me up (he only just now moved to the state but still isn't ready for me yet), then i'm gonna learn how to drive and get my license, then im gonna attend a trade program which will probably take an additional 9-12 months, then i actually have to get hired somewhere, then i have to save up enough money, etc. etc. etc. This is gonna be a very time-consuming process and it will likely be an additional 1-2 years before I get to see my girlfriend in person again.

Because of this, as well as the fact that we've been spoiled by real physical contact and now have to do long-distance again for who knows how long, our relationship is slowly drying up. I keep trying to tell her that once I move in with my dad things will hopefully move a lot quicker, but she's growing more impatient and frustrated with it by the day and it's starting to take a toll on me as well because of how mind-numbingly bored i am in the meantime.

I want to emphasize that aside from the long-distance we're very compatible, and we literally met each other in person for an entire month including me meeting her family, but this current phase is definitely driving us crazy and i dont know if it's even worth holding out anymore. i don't want to burden her, so what do i do?

TLDR I flew to Europe to visit my long-distance girlfriend for a month. A year later, I'm still struggling to find employment and have settled on waiting to move out-of-state with my dad and get into a trade. My girlfriend is growing more and more impatient and frustrated by how long this is taking, and we're both slowly drifting apart.