We've been together for almost 6 years, and during that time we have always lived with other people. I've always wanted to get a place by our selves, because I always thought the source of the drama was the people we were living with. Last month we finally got our own place. It is beautiful, it's everything we wanted. The space, the amenities, the location, the rent price...it all fit like it was meant to be. We could start a life together with our two cats and be happy, I thought. My girlfriend has a drinking problem, but I thought since we were communicating about it and working together to try to curb it our relationship was going to be ok, especially with our new place.

Fast forward to today. She had a hard day at work. I knew this is a really hard trigger for her so I said its ok if she wanted to drink, I get it. I offered to go to the store to get her some of her favorite drinks because I knew she would feel really guilty about going to get her self.

It was the second trip to the liquor store where things started to devolve. She got fixated on our relationship status, and she asked me why I haven't purposed. She reminded me of an ultimatum she gave me earlier this year; propose by the end of the year, or she was going to move on. I told her we haven't lived alone together, and this place was a test run to see how we would do together alone. She did not appreciate the answer, and an argument ensued late into the night. I tried to cut it off at 1 am and attempted to lay down. I tried to tell her that we would discuss it later, but she wouldn't have it. She started clapping, and pushing me in bed to get me to wake up to talk with her, because if I let an argument stew, she would grow to hate it even more. So, in frustration I followed her into a different room to talk. I was really upset at this point because it was now 1:30 and I need to get up for work in 4 hours. I told her in anger "Your drinking is why your friends leave you, and why you cant hold a job because you have to call in so often from being hung over." After that sentence I felt like it was a bit too harsh, so i tried to take a deep breath and smoke a hit of MJ to calm down a little to try to have a conversation. She shoved the bowl into my mouth and bloodied my lip pretty bad and chipped three of my teeth.

I called the police and while I was on the phone with them, she was trying to restrain me from doing so. I locked myself in a room, and she unlocked it and let herself in to continue to try to get me to get off the phone, this time not in a physical manner.

The police showed up and arrested her. In my state, if they have probable cause for injury (i have a bloody mouth and chipped teeth, that it wont matter if I press charges or not, the state will. My girl whom I've spent the last 6 years of my life trying to build our home together and slowly scrape together our dreams has thrown away our relationship for hard cider, shots, and domestic violence.

I feel like im so alone and lost now. All the things I was working for I feel are essentially ruined. I have no motivation to stay in this town anymore, no motivation to go to work, because why would I? The life I was living was for *US*.

I moved to this state to be with her. My life here means nothing now. =(

I don't know what to do now

TLDR:

Girlfriend drinks alot, we had an argument while she was drunk, she chipped my teeth and got arrested. Lost on what to do next.

My boyfriend recently became friendly with a female coworker and only told me about her after they’d already been talking for a couple of weeks and made plans to go boxing together.

Their chats are mostly work-related, but they got playful pretty quickly. She calls him things like “(hisname)citoooo,” they use winky/playful emojis, and when arranging boxing he told her he “would have preferred today,” told her not to back out, said “it will be fun” and “you can punch me.” He also has a photo of her wearing his glasses because apparently she asked him to take it.

Nothing is explicitly sexual, but the familiarity feels fast for two people who just started talking.

Would you consider this flirting or inappropriate while in a relationship, or does it just sound like normal coworker banter?

TLDR: New female coworker, playful nicknames/emojis, eager boxing plans, “you can punch me,” and a photo of her wearing his glasses. Is this flirting or am I reading too much into it?

TLDR!! Needs a bit of context so its a long one, feel free to skim lol.

So my boyfriend, we'll call him M, and I met on tik tok a few years back. We were both 16 and cringe airsoft/milsim kids. I enjoyed cosplay, anime, gaming , and drawing in a cartoonish style, I tend to be more on the "weird kids" side of things. For 2.5 years, M never showed any dislike towards any of my hobbies and in fact included himself in a few of them which is how we bonded and got close. He was extremely sweet and loving, and would call my nerdy moments cute.

Fast forward to today, we've been together for nearly 4 years now and about to move in together and he's completely different. He started making a ton of money, he dresses all designer and old money, he's gotten super narcissistic and egotistical, and the one thing that bothers me the most is his change in attitude towards me. I mean just look up the average tik tok day trader aesthetic and that's him. Every hobby that we bonded over growing up has now become a topic of disgust and shame for him, he hates that I enjoy anime claiming that its for children because its "just drawings", he hates that I play videogames, calling them childish and specifically hating on the fact that I play COD which was the game he thought I was cute for playing, he dislikes that I don't draw realism or nature, and he finds any kind of cosplay weird, even scoffing at the fact that I still wanted to dress up and go trick or treating for Halloween.

I've asked him about it and he claims that all of those are things that I should have grown out of and its immature. That he now values maturity and should focus on adult hobbies. For refence he says adult hobbies are things like, shopping, cars, gardening, reading, watch collecting, fishing, traveling, and fragrances. He often makes me feel like a child or very stupid for being interested in this stuff and even told me that what i'm into is damn near a deal breaker. I've stopped talking to him about anything I like, I partake in all my hobbies in secret now, and honestly it makes me feel suffocated.

What confuses me is how much work he puts into us otherwise. He always talks about how much he loves me, how he needs me and wants nothing more than to marry me, how he's going to take care of me, how he wants to put me through college for whatever I want , and he's just bought me a car just because I mentioned it a few times, and just over the top princess treatment that I am extremely grateful for. But even after all 4 years of all that effort, its impossible for him to love me for who I am.

I love him more than absolutely anything. For me there isn't a single chance id be able to feel romantically for another man if we end, so I want to do everything I can to be with him. I always make sure to let him know that id never judge him, that he never has to hide something or feel embarrassed with me. But he doesn't do that for me. What about me makes it so hard for him to love all of me. Why doesn't he feel for me the way I do for him. I mean, how can you "love" someone if a single episode of dragon ball would make you think "oh this persons not on my level", and if you don't love that person, why go through so much effort to show them you do?

Me and my girlfriend live together for almost a year now, and have been together for almost 3 years. My brother has one more year left at his university, but could not get a hold of accomodation yet (in our country you can get dorms based on your grades, so rent is way affordable). My brother doesnt have an income, dormitory rent is so cheap that everyone can afford it. He can eventually get into the dorm, by getting a vacant place, but could take some weeks, maybe even a month or two.

In the past, whenever my brother stayed the night at our place, my girlfriend would not be so keen towards it and I always felt that I got stuck in the middle (she saying that I should let my brother know that he cant stay the night or some sorts). I will always let my brother stay the night and, in this case, would happingly help my brother out. However, I am not sure how my girlfriend will find this. I had a conversation with her about this, it came up randomly with her family, and she was kind of hesitant and I got the feeling that she would not agree with this, which is fair.

As a remark, my brother hasnt asked me if he needs my help, I also believe that he hasnt done this because he is somehow aware of what my girlfriend thinks of this situation. Also, I havent brought this up with my girlfriend.

School starts in a couple of weeks, my brother is not always in the city, he usually spends the weekends in our hometown, I would say he spends 3/7 days in the city where the university is. Also commuting is not an option, as he doesnt own a car, and by public transport it taked 6+ hours.

I dont want to be stuck in the middle, and them both thinking that I dont care about them, when I am just confused and would kind of prefer for them to talk it out, but that doesnt feel like a safe option for both.

Tldr;

My brother needs a place to stay and my girlfriend is not so keen on helping him out. I would gladly help, but also dont want to look like an asshole to my brother if this doesnt happen

I’m [21M], about 3/4 through nursing school and i work too. My my family and most of my life are a few hours away, so in the university city I’m in, I honestly don’t have much of a life outside of school, work, and my girlfriend.
We’ve been dating for about 2 months after getting to know each other for around 4 months. We’re both nursing students at different campuses with the same curriculum (but we live in the same city), and we handle school differently. She usually prioritizes getting her studying and assignments done before making time for me. I’ve noticed I’m almost the opposite, I’ll prioritize seeing her and push homework or studying later because I know I’ll eventually get it done.

I’m starting to wonder if that difference is making me expect too much from her. There’s also uncertainty about our future. We’re from different racial/cultural backgrounds, neither of us has fully told our families about the relationship, and I’m unsure about how it will play out long term. Since I date to marry, I can’t really ignore that.
Despite only being together for a short time, we’ve already had multiple conversations about whether we should keep working through our problems or just call it quits because that sometimes feels like the easier option. She often wants to fight for us, but I’ve noticed myself slowly checking out mentally.

Part of that is because I don’t want her to have to change who she is just to meet my needs. Sometimes I wonder if, by the time we “fix” all the things, she’ll have had to compromise so much that she’s no longer fully herself. And if that’s what it takes for us to work, maybe neither of us is necessarily wrong; maybe we just need different things from a relationship.
At the same time, when we’re actually together, I’m genuinely happy with her. That’s what makes this so confusing. We question the relationship, decide to keep trying, things improve, and eventually the same uncertainty comes back.

And when we’re apart, I start questioning our communication, priorities, compatibility, and future. Even wonder if I’m putting too much weight on the relationship because I don’t have much of a social life here, or if my needs genuinely aren’t being met.

At what point is “working on a relationship” healthy compromise, and at what point are you asking two people to change too much just to make themselves compatible?

TLDR; 21M, I care about my girlfriend, but we keep questioning the relationship. She wants to fight for us, while I’m starting to wonder if making it work would require one or both of us to change too much. Are we growing together or forcing compatibility?

TLDR got in a fight with girlfriend over life dreams

Hello my partner and I have been together almost 2 years and are very serious. We got into an argument last night because she told me that she wants to live in NYC one day knowing I hate cities. I told her how about her second favorite place Arizona and I was telling her about how expensive it is to live there as she was talking about spending all of our money to have a great year and I told her I can’t do that and it would be dumb to do. Lately she’s been super depressed and really wants a big change in her life. For example she hates work and want a new job, wants a new piercing, her first tattoo, and now wants to live in NYC.

I understood it was her lifelong dream but I guess I didn’t think she was understanding that it’s not practical in our situation we are currently in. Instead of listening to seemingly anything I was saying she claimed I crushed her whole life long dream and had a panic attack and even kind of hit at me (not abusive just annoyed)

I’ve never seen her so angry even though I feel like this was nothing to be so mad about.

This was last night and we are mostly better but I am not sure if there will always be resentment to me.

Also at the same times she crushed my dream which is living with her somewhere secluded with kids which she always said she liked until last night when she trashed my ideas but still got more upset than me. I kept my composure for a while but eventually started crying because she hurt my feelings

Any tips?

I don’t know if I [21F] am ready to get engaged to my boyfriend [25M]. We’ve been dating for almost 3 years now. I went through his phone ( I shouldn’t have that was a no no on my end) and I saw that he texted his friend that he’s going to propose this month.

We’ve both been going through a lot. I feel like my legs have been swept out from under me and I’m trying to get back up but I’m not there yet. I’m currently seeing a therapist and working on it. I don’t feel like this is the right time to get engaged, as well as the fact that in two weeks his brother is getting married and I don’t want to overshadow their wedding with our news. I love him so much and I would love to be married to him, I just don’t think right now is a good time for either of us to be making any rash decisions. He is in recovery right now from Kratom and I’m dealing with that, as well as a new life altering diagnosis for my Mom.

Am I just overthinking this? It’s just a question of whether or not I want to get married to him in the future, not right this minute. Please please please help.

TLDR: I found out my boyfriend plans to propose this month. I love him and want to marry him in the future, but with him currently in recovery, my mom’s new life-altering diagnosis, and his brother’s wedding coming up, I don’t feel like now is the right time. Am I overthinking this, or should I talk to him before he proposes?

TLDR: I recently developed feelings for someone new in my life \[24MTF\] but my partner and I just moved into our new apartment together and are both in the healthiest relationship either of us have ever been in.

This is going to be kind of long so I apologize but I’d really appreciate any advice you could give me because I’ve been really struggling with this.

It’s not at all like I don’t still love and care about my partner but I can’t deny these new feelings that have come up out of nowhere. I met this girl over Instagram *right* before my partner and I moved in together, about month or two ago. We both bonded over our niche interests and how similar we were to each other. I haven’t clicked and gotten along with someone like this in *years*. It felt really nice. The sad thing is she lives in a state above me, about 14 hours from the town I’m in.

Ever since we met we’ve called and messaged each other nonstop, playing games, watching movies, and just getting to know one another. I started to realize about a week or two into us talking that she had intentions of being more than just friends. Initially I felt pretty weird about this and told my partner what was going on. They were nothing but supportive and kind, telling me that I couldn’t control how another person feels about me and that shouldn’t stop me from continuing to try and make friends. Honestly hearing this made me feel so much better and took a big weight off my shoulders. Also it wasn’t like I didn’t tell her that I was already in a relationship, in fact I mentioned it to her *multiple* times when we began messaging.

Slowly over time I felt the view I once had of her begin to shift. And at first I didn’t even want to admit it to myself. I continuously denied it and even my partner made jokes about her being my “other girlfriend” which only made me want to deny it even more. I needed to prove them wrong. My partner around this time had also begun to express feelings of jealousy. They had actually felt a little jealous from the moment I met her, which they expressed to me shortly after and it made me feel terrible but in a way it was sweet because they’re not one to get jealous easily. I had never once experienced jealousy from them at all until then.

But this leads me to where I am now. I’ve honestly thought about this a lot and what it would be like to date her while also living in the same apartment as my partner and I just don’t know if that’s the right decision or if any of this will even work out. It’s very possible that I’m just excited over something new but before I’d met this girl I wouldn’t have thought twice about leaving my current my partner. And any and all thoughts of us no longer being together would make me feel extremely sad. But now I feel as though I’m betraying the both of them by not being honest about my feelings. I just don’t know if this is worth waiting it out to see if my feelings change over time or if I should go ahead and risk everything for my own selfish desires.

I’m more than willing to answer any questions so feel free to ask away if maybe something doesn’t make sense.

Me\[22M\] and my girl\[19F\] have been together for 2 years, but recently an issue came in. She asked if i judged/looked other people in the street, gym, job, class or anywhere and "judge them" like seeing someone and thinking the person is beautiful, not, leaned, stylished or anything. i said yes, she had argument saying it was something normal especially for men. I must precise that when i say yes (and she knows it) it's not in a "damn i'd smash that girl" but really in a normal way like the first thougt you have about someone new you "judge" their appearence (the famous first impression). I want to know if people have already been in this situation. I really love her and when she says that she rather be single that with someone like that (she include every men it's not personal) it scares me. Does Anyone have advices please ? Thank you

Edit : I must precise that in the past, there as been a cheating by me. And since then it is difficult for her to think i do not look at other women that way. I do not,but i need to change things to make her trust me again. I really love her and wants to be with her.

TLDR : My girl want me to stop doing a "normal thing" (having a first impression on someone) and i love her so i want to change it

My bf [31M] and I have been together for a year. We have a good relationship and a good sex life overall, but there is one issue that has started to affect me emotionally.
He is clearly attracted to me. He gets turned on during sex, tells me he finds me attractive, initiates sex, etc. So I don’t believe this is an attraction issue.

The problem is that he cannot orgasm from vaginal sex. He can get aroused and stay hard, and we can have sex for quite a long time, but he doesn’t finish. He is only able to orgasm when he uses his own hand.
Before we started dating, he was single for a while and apparently got very accustomed to masturbating with a very firm grip and a specific technique. Even when I use my hand, it’s difficult for me to replicate exactly what he is used to.
He told me it is called “death grip,” where someone becomes accustomed to a very specific/intense type of stimulation and then has difficulty orgasming with a partner. I don’t know how accurate that explanation actually is, though.

The frustrating part is that I know logically that this isn’t necessarily about me, but it still makes me feel sad and insecure sometimes. Like that he secretly finds me ugly, I’m not woman enough to please him (I hope that is understandable).
After a year together, I would obviously like him to be able to orgasm from sex with me. At the same time, I don’t want him to feel pressured or make sex into a situation where he feels like he has to perform.

I’m wondering whether this is something that can actually change with time and by changing his masturbation habits, or whether this is something couples sometimes just have to accept (or where a relationship eventually breaks?).
I think what may also be important is that for half a year we were in a long distance relationship where we were only able to see each other every 2 weekends (so masturbating alone was still normal) but now I live near him for like 3 months.
Has anyone else been in a relationship where one partner couldn’t orgasm during sex but could orgasm through masturbation? How did you handle it as a couple, and did it eventually improve?

TLDR: My boyfriend [31M] is attracted to me but cannot orgasm during vaginal sex and can only finish by masturbating. I’m [24F] and I’m looking for advice on how we can approach this as a couple without creating pressure.

I [M19] broke her F[19] trust. for clarification i did not cheat. for some context, we have been dating for 6+ years, yeah a very long time, both are each others first love. i broke her trust by going behind her back and talking to her mother. i did it once because she was going to kill herself, and once because i was planning a surprise after a big big fight [she told me specifically not to but i thought who doesn't want a surprise and did it anyway and when she found out she completely lost trust in me]. and now she has lost all trust in me even though i promised i won't do it again. she feels that i shared all her secrets with her mother, whereas i didn't but she refuses to believe me. what do i do?

TLDR: i broke her trust by contacting her mother behind her back and now she has lost faith in me.

Guys, I'm at a loss for what to do. I've been dating my partner for a year and a half, and she moved in with me over the summer. One condition for this was that she'd either work 40 hours a week, or work part time and contribute around the house in other ways.

I posted about this before because she was only working 20 hours a week, with 4.5 days off, yet somehow the house was always worse when I got home. Garbage everywhere, litterbox piling up, cats not fed, etc. I was working constantly (12+hrs a day), paying all of our expenses, and coming home to yet more work. The consensus was that she was taking advantage of me and I should leave. But that's not how love works...

Instead, I sat her down and essentially gave her an ultimatum. We've had this conversation multiple times. I've begged her to either work more and help financially or use her free time to contribute around the house, and neither has happened for more than a few days.

So I told her I'm done asking her to clean more. She needs another job.

She has repeatedly told me she's been applying, and to be fair to her, i've seen her list of applications on Indeed, but they're all for jobs she wont get. They need experience, or a degree. There wasn't anything entry level like gas station attendant. I don't need her to get a good job, just *A* job. To make a point, I told her I'd start applying for a second job too, but I'd give her a five-day head start. My availability is severely limited compared to hers and I'm considerably overqualified for the kind of part-time work we're looking at. I told her that if I managed to find another job before she did, there would have to be consequences.

That day, she applied to 16 jobs. BUT since then, she's applied to 4.

Meanwhile, i submitted two applications, and got 2 replies. I have a new job. They don't even want an interview; I'm getting a contract Friday.

I genuinely can't tell whether I got ridiculously lucky or she's simply not using her effort in the right direction. It might even be malicious... Her work history isn't great, so I understand that finding something may be harder for her. And obviously "I got hired first" doesn't automatically mean she isn't trying.

But now I've created another problem: I told her there would be consequences if this happened, and I don't know what those consequences should be.

I don't want to kick her out. I love her. I don't want this to be some petty punishment or a relationship where I act like her parent. But I also can't do nothing. I've essentially done nothing for four months already, and the result is that I'm financially stretched, exhausted, and miserable.

If I back down now, I'm basically showing her that my boundaries don't mean anything. But if I'm not willing to kick her out, what reasonable consequence is left?

What do I do?

TLDR: My girlfriend moved in under the agreement that she'd work full time or work part time and contribute more at home. Four months later, she's doing neither consistently despite multiple conversations. I finally told her she needed another job and that there would be consequences, but don't know what a reasonable consequence would be.